forpeaches69
Virgin
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- Jan 22, 2022
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[Please do not post story submissions to the forums. Submit them to the main site: https://www.literotica.com/my/#/activity/all Thank you! - admin]
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Requesting feedback for my first story, for my wife.
- Thread starter forpeaches69
- Start date
forpeaches69
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2022
- Posts
- 2
[Please do not post story submissions to the forums. Submit them to the main site: https://www.literotica.com/my/#/activity/all Thank you! - admin]
Last edited by a moderator:
AlinaX
Asymmetric Snowflake
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2014
- Posts
- 4,603
You're not supposed to post more than three paragraphs of your story to the forum, and also this area is for stories already published on Lit. You probably want to find yourself an editor for feedback and guidance, so ask there.
Anyway, break it up, check the grammar (capitals, punctuation, tense) and avoid excessive use of adverbs.
They drove up into crisp mountain air, making for a ski cabin in the Razor mountains. They were carpooling. Peaches was in the front, her husband Nate driving, and their friends AJ and Matt in the back. The air was on full blast, tossing her curls about insistently.
AJ’s phone rang. "Tamara," he said, and answered. After a few minutes of quiet conversation, he ended with, "Love you, be safe,” and explained, “She's snowed in in the pass, so she’ll try and make it the rest of the way tomorrow.”
“We should try to rescue her,” Matt said. Peaches rolled her eye at the stupidity of the suggestion.
“It’s already dark and there’s no way we'll make it if Tamara can’t,” Nate replied.
“It’ll be fine, let’s just get there,'' Peaches said, exhausted, not fond of the heat needed to keep the car de-iced.
Anyway, break it up, check the grammar (capitals, punctuation, tense) and avoid excessive use of adverbs.
They drove up into crisp mountain air, making for a ski cabin in the Razor mountains. They were carpooling. Peaches was in the front, her husband Nate driving, and their friends AJ and Matt in the back. The air was on full blast, tossing her curls about insistently.
AJ’s phone rang. "Tamara," he said, and answered. After a few minutes of quiet conversation, he ended with, "Love you, be safe,” and explained, “She's snowed in in the pass, so she’ll try and make it the rest of the way tomorrow.”
“We should try to rescue her,” Matt said. Peaches rolled her eye at the stupidity of the suggestion.
“It’s already dark and there’s no way we'll make it if Tamara can’t,” Nate replied.
“It’ll be fine, let’s just get there,'' Peaches said, exhausted, not fond of the heat needed to keep the car de-iced.
