repressed memories

[mrtnmoon]

I guess this is the right forum for this post... if not, I apologize.

this is something I've wondered about for a long time, but it's not exactly the sort of thing you can just bring up at the dinner table. I don't think I'd feel comfortable discussing it face to face with anyone, either, say in a therapy-type situation. true, my avatar shows my face, but I have them turned off so I can pretend it doesn't. lol.

anyway...

when I was younger.... not sure of the age but definitely before my teens... I'm going to guess I was about 8 or 9.... a guy down the street exposed himself to me. he was probably late teens/early 20's. I remember clearly that he pulled his pants down.... but I don't really remember anything after that.
every once in awhile I've wondered if he actually molested me and I don't remember it, or if the exposing was in fact all that happened.

does anyone have any experience with repressed/blocked memories?

 

[Mr. Mann]

I have some knowledge on the subject, but am certainly no psychologist.

There is a great deal of controversy in the pyschological community regarding repressed memories.

My *personal* opinion is that it is possible... but that it is *extremely* rare, and most often associated with cases that also involve serious disorders such as schizophrenia and true multiple personality disorder (which is incredibly rare). These usually involve histories of extremely severe and chronic child abuse/child sex abuse that happen over a long period of time during very early childhood.

The majority of "repressed memories" supposedly are "discovered" during "therapy"... with "therapists" who coincidentaly believe in repressed memories in general, and very often believe that specific patients have "repressed memories"... when they "go digging" ... sure enough they "find" some. Are they "recovering" or *creating* memories?

As you can tell from my "quotes"... I am *extremely* skeptical. It *is* possible, and I am very sure that our minds help protect us from trauma by cognitively processing traumatic events differently, and by storing them in our memory differently, as well as by retrieving those memories differently than non-traumatic events. However, I am very skeptical of much that is out there regarding "repressed memory syndrome", etc..

Given the circumstances that you describe, I'd say it is FAR more likely that you don't remember anything happening because nothing else happened.

Do yor own research. Come to yor own conclusions.

Just my two cents. I hope it helps.

 

[Bandit58]

I don't know if this qualifies as "repressed memory", but anyway......

When I was 18 and very shy and naive, my husband (now ex) raped me. He was drunk, and we were away on a rugby trip for the weekend. I didn't know how to handle it at the time, so I buried it.....all the shock, the pain, and the horrible way it made me feel.

Twenty five years later, when I'd left him and was living alone and dealing with the aftermath of years of emotional abuse, those feelings surfaced again. I began having nightmares. I remembered all of it, so clearly. I have not been to any counselling, but I have talked it out with a very good friend, and Gil knows everything that has happened to me. I finally allowed myself to cry, and to get all those bad feelings out. I still have the occasional nightmare, but I can deal with that.

 

[Cathleen]

I agree it is possible, there are factors that can and can't be overlooked, such as early childhood abuses, the 'planted memory' by someone, etc. Having said that, I have had a sort of 'sense' of an event.

The memory isn't clear but there have been moments I'll get a sense of an experience from my past. The experience, or what seems to be my experience, happened when I was seventeen and drunk/drugged, of my own making. A year or more ago I started having -- I don't know what to call it -- mind flashbacks, not visual but a sort of rememberance. I've known for years that the few times I blacked out there were things told to me I didn't remember -- typical drunk stuff. But there are other experiences that have sort of made themselves known, if you will, that not only put pieces of a puzzle together, they are a good fit. I'll never be sure of those events but have come to an understanding about them inside.

However, as a child I was abused and while working on the effects of those abuses my memory has sharpened you could say. I never forgot them but I guess it's that I see them differently now - there is a protection I have over them that I didn't have at the ages of six and up.

For me it has been very therapeutic and helpful to clean up my memory... kind of like defragging my computer!

 

[SweetErika]

My experience has been the same as the two lovely ladies above, Cate and Bandit. In fact, in counseling I discovered that I not only repressed/blocked the memory, I actually fabricated a very different version that fit what I felt, thought, and was somewhat less painful to deal with than what truly happened. I should probably note the fabrication was just my best guess, or what I tried to make fit; there were no real memories or visions there. Trauma fucks with our minds, plain and simple.

Anyway, when I confronted myself with the real story, everything kind of fell into place, and it just rang true both logically and very deep inside. Learning the truth was a double-edged sword though: on one hand, I needed to know it because it relieved many of the negative thoughts and it felt good to know there was a truth; on the other, it's been more painful to know what really happened, and has brought a fresh set of difficult questions and issues.

when I was younger.... not sure of the age but definitely before my teens... I'm going to guess I was about 8 or 9.... a guy down the street exposed himself to me. he was probably late teens/early 20's. I remember clearly that he pulled his pants down.... but I don't really remember anything after that.
every once in awhile I've wondered if he actually molested me and I don't remember it, or if the exposing was in fact all that happened.

does anyone have any experience with repressed/blocked memories?

I'm sorry for your experience, even if the exposure was the end of it.

I honestly don't know what to tell you apart from that, and I obviously think repression is possible, likely even, if it was difficult or traumatic for you.
Can I ask if it's the blank memory, or something else, that's made you wonder if you were molested? Is it difficult to deal with, and/or do you think it's causing problems for you?

 

[mrtnmoon]

thanks to everyone for the input so far. for what it's worth, I seem to also have a hazy memory that I was told to touch it... but I'm not sure if that part actually happened or not.

Can I ask if it's the blank memory, or something else, that's made you wonder if you were molested? Is it difficult to deal with, and/or do you think it's causing problems for you?

I'm not sure how to answer this... might reveal more than I want to. I'll have to think about it.

 

[Snowman5933]

I know that if you lie to yourself enough; sooner or later you will believe it. I'm a little skeptical of repressed memories, but I have never went through a tramatic experience either. If the feelings you are having are bothering you that much, I would suggest that you find a qualified professional to help you. I know the lit community will be super supportive.

Snowman

 

[silverwhisper]

victims of abuse often manifest unusual sexual behaviors or indeed, attitudes towards sex. if that's true of you, you might want to consider finding a friend you trust w/ whom you can explore these memories before consulting a therapist.

ed

 

[onlyerics]

Mrtnmoon,Bandit,Cathleen,Erika: Sorry for the terrible experiences. ((HUGS))
When I first began college, I almost had the same experience like mrtnmoon did, but it involved a family member, not a stranger. I don't remember everything but for years I've been having recurring nightmares where I'm being chased and almost raped. Whether or not the rape happened in reality, I don't know. I don't think it happened though.

if that's true of you, you might want to consider finding a friend you trust w/ whom you can explore these memories before consulting a therapist.

I agree with this. I have never been to counseling or therapy, but I told E my horrible experience. He's been very supportive and loving.

Whether you think counseling or confiding in a friend or posting it in the lit, I hope that you will find a way to talk about it in terms of what's right for you.

 

[didijune48]

It is always quite horrifying to remember or try to remember abusive experiences. As most of the people who answered here, I had quite a few.

Been raped at 10, I had to learn to live with it by myself as it was considor to be a bad girl in those years and have ran for it so, what happened to you, you just worthed it. I never talked about it except to my mother....

Then, one night coming back from work and had taken some sleeping pills, I woke up my ex-husband forcing me to have sex and saying "you just looked so cute while sleeping....."

While still married with him but in need to think about our relation, I had a vacation in Martinique by myself where I have been raped...again. This time dying of fear to get HIV I went for counselling. Luckly I had nothing but my spirit was killed, at least for a time. Then I went through divorce and fell into hard drugs. I can't recall all what happened in that time as someone said. It is in a blurr but when it comes, it is not nice. I don't thing it is repressed memories. It is just the fact that I was on drugs that makes things unclear.
I went out of it after a time and lots of support from people that beleived in me. I still have to deal with nightmares once in a while and I think they will be part of me for the rest of my life, but I don't digg into them letting what have to come reveals itself to me. But they also allow me to be aware, much more aware of people and myself.

I am not very sure about repressed memories, I think what have caused you a lot of pain resurface by itself when the time is right to deal with it. I don't really beleive in running after them before it is time unless you have other troubles that are interfere with your living ... when the time is ready for you to deal with stuff, it comes to you. Then you have the strenght and the ability to make it. But this is just my personnal opinion.

One way or another, I hope you will find what is the best for you!

 

[silverwhisper]

sidenote: i should know to expect this by now, but it never fails to anger me how many people, women and men, have been raped.

ed

 

[didijune48]

sidenote: i should know to expect this by now, but it never fails to anger me how many people, women and men, have been raped.

ed

Yes, it is incridible how many! Since I've started to talk about it I realised there were a lot! Makes me even more than angry!

 

[mrtnmoon]

Yes, it is incridible how many! Since I've started to talk about it I realised there were a lot! Makes me even more than angry!

it might sound silly, but one of the things that used to bother me when I hung around in chat rooms is the way the word "molest" is just casually tossed around, like it's a joke. for example:

someone's name here: enters the room.
someone already in the room: *runs over and molests someone's name here* hey! good to see you!
someone's name here: mmm... you too, baby. molest me again!

I know the names I used for the example were dumb, but I hope you get the point. one of the places I used to chat allowed users to have their own rooms and I'd boot people for using that word.

it's not real frequent, but I've also seen the word kind of casually used around here... that kind of surprised me. am I justified in being bothered by that, or am I just being overly sensitive?

 

[silverwhisper]

i'm trying not to sound like an asshole, but i think that yeah, maybe a bit, you're sensitive. by that, i mean that you already know that it's a word that crops up ridiculously often and it still bothers you.

as far as oversensitive, well, i don't know how to answer that question. after all, there is potentially an excellent reason to take issue w/ that word.

ed

 

[didijune48]

it might sound silly, but one of the things that used to bother me when I hung around in chat rooms is the way the word "molest" is just casually tossed around, like it's a joke. for example:

someone's name here: enters the room.
someone already in the room: *runs over and molests someone's name here* hey! good to see you!
someone's name here: mmm... you too, baby. molest me again!

I know the names I used for the example were dumb, but I hope you get the point. one of the places I used to chat allowed users to have their own rooms and I'd boot people for using that word.

it's not real frequent, but I've also seen the word kind of casually used around here... that kind of surprised me. am I justified in being bothered by that, or am I just being overly sensitive?

Sorry to have dissapear like that but my pc crashed on me....

I think words don't have the same meaning for every body. Their meanings are related to our experiences so, it might be normal for you to feel it that way. I would not like any body receiving me that way either.

 

[SweetErika]

it might sound silly, but one of the things that used to bother me when I hung around in chat rooms is the way the word "molest" is just casually tossed around, like it's a joke.
....
it's not real frequent, but I've also seen the word kind of casually used around here... that kind of surprised me. am I justified in being bothered by that, or am I just being overly sensitive?

I think it's pretty common to be bothered by casual use of words that we associate with something very serious and/or painful. I've thought about this a lot, and the reason it bothers me is I think it may take some of the shock and disgust factor away, subtly making it less serious to society.

'Molest' can mean bother/annoy or unwanted sexual activity to me, so it's not one of those words that really sets me off. I'd likely feel differently if I'd been molested, and certainly don't use it often myself out of respect for those who have.

The casual use of 'rape' OTOH, bothers me a lot. It's very upsetting to see people say things like, "I want to be raped" or "I fantasize about being raped" or "I'm gonna rape you! (jokingly)" because I think it perpetuates the myth that the victim really wants it, and softens our reaction to even the real thing to some extent. I can't use it casually because I KNOW what the word really means, and I'll generally call people on the casual use of it.

Maybe we're being oversensitive, but I think it's justified to a point.