Relationships

[Miss_Adagio]

Anyone have the experience of meeting someone openly kinky who as the relationship grows become less and less interested in that (or sex at all)? Still interest in porn etc, just not with me.

I've tried communication. Shut down every time.

Don't even know if I'm looking for an answer or venting :/

 

[RawHumor]

I'd say your dilemma is quite common. Unfortunately, I'm not sure of an answer.

 

[James1324]

Anyone have the experience of meeting someone openly kinky who as the relationship grows become less and less interested in that (or sex at all)? Still interest in porn etc, just not with me.

I've tried communication. Shut down every time.

Don't even know if I'm looking for an answer or venting :/

Could be related to the porn. Watching a lot of it is linked to decreased sex drive.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'd say it's a pretty common issue.

New Relationship Energy tends to feed sexual intimacy, but as relationships age, the fading NRE can make sex feel like the same old same old. Toss in a little porn to keep things interesting; everybody does it/don't be such a repressed cow/I'm not choosing porn over you! Whats the harm?

HOWEVER....

There is some science showing that access to internet porn does have an impact on men's brain chemistry & sexuality.

TED Talk: Internet Porn Addiction Rewiring the Brain

I know that may sound a little crazy, given that this is a Literotica forum (and BDSM, to boot), but the psychology and science behind the argument, do make sense (to me, at least).

The lovers who have watched less porn, and had more real life sex (even if they choose polyamory to do so) have always been far more engaged [physically, emotionally, mentally] than those who've invested energy in watching porn. I hadn't really made the connection until a lover mentioned that he gave up porn and masturbation years ago, and how dramatically his sex life improved once he stopped.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I think it depends on the individuals and their personal circumstances.

Some people want a relationship but are very busy and get tired in their limited spare time. Others get bored of their new partner and are looking for a reason to end the relationship.

Everyone is different and has different reasons for reduced sex drive. Open and honest communication is vital. If there is a problem here I would personally end the relationship

Sam xx

 

[Anonymaso]

Start with the obvious stuff you can easily point to. Does he have a lot of stress in his life right now or more than usual? Is he generally depressed or just less interested in you guys as a couple? What's the general quality of your non-sexual relationship right now? Does he have ongoing health issues?

It's a shame he's not communicating but het/cis men can be recalcitrant beasts at the best of times. Instead of initiating sex and being turned down (or whatever your current MO is) maybe change tack and try injecting a little light hearted romance that doesn't pressure him. Stuff that will help reconnect you (if you haven't already). Sometimes guys like to be romanced too. Or if there was a service aspect to your kink, maybe start with the service and try to get him back into his sexually dominant headspace. Perhaps you guys could get away for a weekend and have a break from routine?

 

[SlightlyGone]

I can't have relationships, more than once I've been told, 'You aren't here' ... I need moments, but not continuation of those moments ... Kinky? ... The kinkiest things I've heard are through phone sex, I don't think people disclose those things face to face.

 

[SpunThings]

I can't have relationships, more than once I've been told, 'You aren't here' ... I need moments, but not continuation of those moments ... Kinky? ... The kinkiest things I've heard are through phone sex, I don't think people disclose those things face to face.

Maybe not people you have experience with, but plenty of people are capable of discussing kinks in person, and even wxplore them.

 

[PDatura]

I'd say it's a pretty common issue.

New Relationship Energy tends to feed sexual intimacy, but as relationships age, the fading NRE can make sex feel like the same old same old. Toss in a little porn to keep things interesting; everybody does it/don't be such a repressed cow/I'm not choosing porn over you! Whats the harm?

HOWEVER....

There is some science showing that access to internet porn does have an impact on men's brain chemistry & sexuality.

TED Talk: Internet Porn Addiction Rewiring the Brain

I know that may sound a little crazy, given that this is a Literotica forum (and BDSM, to boot), but the psychology and science behind the argument, do make sense (to me, at least).

The lovers who have watched less porn, and had more real life sex (even if they choose polyamory to do so) have always been far more engaged [physically, emotionally, mentally] than those who've invested energy in watching porn. I hadn't really made the connection until a lover mentioned that he gave up porn and masturbation years ago, and how dramatically his sex life improved once he stopped.

Thank you so much for the link! I don't think it sounds crazy, it's accurate regardless of kink and relationship status.