Relationships that start vanilla and turn kinky...

[lydia_kitty]

Anyone in a long term relationship that started vanilla then you discovered together that you had BDSM fantasies or kinks you explored together?

 

[Monica_112]

My first relationship was like that

Treasure it

It is never quite the same after

 

[MeekMe]

We started our relationship over 10 years ago. I was interested in kinky stuff but wasn't good at communicating it. These days I would say that it's not really much different, but I can certainly voice my interests and we explore them together.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Hipshot1554]

Anyone in a long term relationship that started vanilla then you discovered together that you had BDSM fantasies or kinks you explored together?

Yes, but it ended before things progressed very far.

 

[switchersm]

yes, 15 years vanilla and since three years I wear a cock cage 24 /7 and get a rough spanking every sunday, that means today. my beloved wife told me I have to expect 168 on each buttock

 

[uncle easy]

bdsm relationship

We were married at a young age and discovered that she could get off from recieving pain. That has been a big part of our sex life ever since. Oh,,,, we have been married for 50 years and still are hot for each other.

 

[Samuelx]

The best kind of relationships all around !

 

[Ovalmike]

We are exploring kink together, at my request, after a marriage of, well,into double figures length. Its working but if it didn't the marriage would come first. He's the reason I think I feel relaxed enough to explore this; my trust in him is ultimate. I'm not naive enough to not think I couldn't have a relationship with someone else again, but he's the only one I have felt This way with.

Thanks for sharing. Your story sounds similar.
My wife and I have been married eight years and are now starting some light BDSM. She loves being tied and cropped and some light TT.
We've talked fantasies and she told me she has wanted to fuck a girl.
My question if this is pure fantasy or could it be a real one?
How do I explore that?

 

[MeekMe]

We've talked fantasies and she told me she has wanted to fuck a girl.
My question if this is pure fantasy or could it be a real one?
How do I explore that?

Talk to your wife and ask her. Not a single person here can read her mind and tell you if it's just a fantasy with no intent to try it. Also, don't try to persuade her to try this if she tells you she's not actually interested in making the fantasy a reality.

 

[DaddyFrank]

We've talked fantasies and she told me she has wanted to fuck a girl.
My question if this is pure fantasy or could it be a real one?
How do I explore that?

Communicate! Ask her. If you're going to trust each other enough to carry on this type of relationship, then you must trust her enough to ask these questions. I know it can be "embarrassing" at first to talk openly about sex with an established mate, you're both used to each other. But if you're going to grow as a couple then the lines of communication must be opened completely.

 

[Ovalmike]

Communicate! Ask her. If you're going to trust each other enough to carry on this type of relationship, then you must trust her enough to ask these questions. I know it can be "embarrassing" at first to talk openly about sex with an established mate, you're both used to each other. But if you're going to grow as a couple then the lines of communication must be opened completely.

Thanks for this advice. It is awkward to talk about it.
It seems like we're one way with the doors closed and the toys out and another when we're not. There's a lot of unspoken innuendo but because of our living arrangements its difficult to discuss such things.
There's other fantasies of mine I'd like to share too with her.
I don't want to overwhelm her with too much but so far she's been receptive to most everything.
Of course I'd love for her to explore what pleases her and I feel our commitment is strong enough to handle it.
Any advice about how to develop our interest is appreciated.

 

[DaddyFrank]

Thanks for this advice. It is awkward to talk about it.
It seems like we're one way with the doors closed and the toys out and another when we're not. There's a lot of unspoken innuendo but because of our living arrangements its difficult to discuss such things.
There's other fantasies of mine I'd like to share too with her.
I don't want to overwhelm her with too much but so far she's been receptive to most everything.
Of course I'd love for her to explore what pleases her and I feel our commitment is strong enough to handle it.
Any advice about how to develop our interest is appreciated.

Okay, a suggestion. Ask her to write down her desires or fantasies. You do the same. Give those to each other and learn about one another.
My sub and I regularly email fantasies to each other. I actually give her writing assignments to be "turned in" by a particular day and time. I still learn new things about her, and as time goes on it helps us to build the trust we need. For example, she has always told me that she would not want to have sex with another woman, but I recently learned that she would actually not mind another woman going down on her.

 

[Dreamer110]

Afraid mine started out kinky and just got more so.

 

[SpunThings]

Thanks for this advice. It is awkward to talk about it.
It seems like we're one way with the doors closed and the toys out and another when we're not. There's a lot of unspoken innuendo but because of our living arrangements its difficult to discuss such things.
There's other fantasies of mine I'd like to share too with her.
I don't want to overwhelm her with too much but so far she's been receptive to most everything.
Of course I'd love for her to explore what pleases her and I feel our commitment is strong enough to handle it.
Any advice about how to develop our interest is appreciated.

Also, get on the same page about what "fantasy" means. For some people it's just hot steamy stuff to think about. For others it's something they want to pursue.

 

[ukcouple4play]

We are still mostly vanilla but that is mainly down to confidence and communication issues. I have a very kinky side and my OH has always shown an open interest in it, I'm just not very good at communicating it, as others have said, it can be very awkward and embarrassing. Doesn't help that we're both naturally shy and a bit sub...

However, we are getting there, we have tried kinky things and we do talk, just probably not often enough (ie we have one amazing night of open talk about kinky fantasies and desires then neither of us say anything for several months). We both agree what the shared fantasies that turn us on most are, and we both agree which we could one day pursue further. So maybe the move into kink will happen.

 

[Ovalmike]

We are still mostly vanilla but that is mainly down to confidence and communication issues. I have a very kinky side and my OH has always shown an open interest in it, I'm just not very good at communicating it, as others have said, it can be very awkward and embarrassing. Doesn't help that we're both naturally shy and a bit sub...

However, we are getting there, we have tried kinky things and we do talk, just probably not often enough (ie we have one amazing night of open talk about kinky fantasies and desires then neither of us say anything for several months). We both agree what the shared fantasies that turn us on most are, and we both agree which we could one day pursue further. So maybe the move into kink will happen.

My situation with my wife is the same. We have an amazing night and then we don't mention it for awhile. I've been better at reading her and choosing when to discuss though. Last night we shared intimate fantasies while cropping and suctioning her breasts. This morning I checked her breasts and there were no marks so I'm proving to her that she'll be okay and to completely trust me. I'm steadfast on asking if we can take it a step further. If she says no it's okay our bedroom life is awesome.

 

[DarkBee]

My first relationship was like that

Treasure it

It is never quite the same after

Same here, for my last relationship.

"Oh, you like being tied up? I like tying you up!" and it went on from there (for as long as it lasted)

 

[DaddyFrank]

I've been in a vanilla relationship before, and it turned kinkier with time. But it was never truly what I wanted, to have to ask questions and worry about the answers. So when the time came to start dating again, I decided to just be honest and straight forward about everything. I brought it up before we even went out on a date. I told her about my dominant nature and what pleases me, what I was looking for, what I wanted her to be like.
It's very nice to be able to look at leather bondage pictures with her and be able to say "I really like that! Want one?" and to see the same light in her eyes as she nods and says that she would love it.

It's great to be able to sit down and talk without judgement about our desires. On our first date we talked about limits, but we have very few. I have more limits than she does. She's an amazing sub.

So I'm torn about the original query. Vanilla is nice, and learning to communicate is nice. But just throwing it out there is so much more freeing.

 

[Blacklace87]

I struggle with this. I've never had great experiences entering vanilla relationships and then opening up with what you'd both like.

It's nice to know from above comments it can work.

My fella is into kinky stuff and we have done stuff but because he's so soppy and lovely day to day, when he then tries to become dominant i can't take it seriously, i don't like that it's switched on at certain times. Makes me really cringe.

I wish i could get past that.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Aluris]

My fella is into kinky stuff and we have done stuff but because he's so soppy and lovely day to day, when he then tries to become dominant i can't take it seriously, i don't like that it's switched on at certain times. Makes me really cringe.

This can be something to get used to. You'll find it difficult, if not impossible, to find someone controlling/dominant all the time without it being it due to them being an asshole, or simply selfish. No offense to any naturally dominant men... I just haven't found you without that 'dominance' being forced/rude outside the bedroom

You might need to experiment more with how you build up to scenes, or perhaps he could establish himself more as a dom in the situations where he needs to? It sounds like you're both having the normal troubles relating to immersing yourselves in the moment. You won't be the first and last to have issues with this; be honest (but kind) with him about the problem, maybe he could try a different approach with you.


As for the thread title, I've definitely had this - in fact, with my husband! He's still new to the whole idea of openly exploring fetishes, but it's been really fun so far.

 

[Blacklace87]

This can be something to get used to. You'll find it difficult, if not impossible, to find someone controlling/dominant all the time without it being it due to them being an asshole, or simply selfish. No offense to any naturally dominant men... I just haven't found you without that 'dominance' being forced/rude outside the bedroom

You might need to experiment more with how you build up to scenes, or perhaps he could establish himself more as a dom in the situations where he needs to? It sounds like you're both having the normal troubles relating to immersing yourselves in the moment. You won't be the first and last to have issues with this; be honest (but kind) with him about the problem, maybe he could try a different approach with you.


As for the thread title, I've definitely had this - in fact, with my husband! He's still new to the whole idea of openly exploring fetishes, but it's been really fun so far.

Thank you lovely! That's good to know. I think we need to have a chat about it and go from there. I just don't like having those chats... My old master used to just know... But then it wasn't a full time thing. Think i need to stop comparing the two and work this out. Fingers crossed

 

[Aluris]

Thank you lovely! That's good to know. I think we need to have a chat about it and go from there. I just don't like having those chats... My old master used to just know... But then it wasn't a full time thing. Think i need to stop comparing the two and work this out. Fingers crossed

Did your old master have more experience? Some people are just better at reading their partners as well; it can be frustrating when you're used to that and then you're with someone without that skill, but I've found the opportunity to lay out what needs discussing when I'm ready and in my own words has also helped create a unique bond of communication that is just as engaging.

If you need any advice, feel free to PM me. D/s relationships take work and sometimes the reality can affect the play, but just keep the end goal in sight and know it's not impossible to reach it. It'll just be a different dynamic.

 

[Blacklace87]

Did your old master have more experience? Some people are just better at reading their partners as well; it can be frustrating when you're used to that and then you're with someone without that skill, but I've found the opportunity to lay out what needs discussing when I'm ready and in my own words has also helped create a unique bond of communication that is just as engaging.

If you need any advice, feel free to PM me. D/s relationships take work and sometimes the reality can affect the play, but just keep the end goal in sight and know it's not impossible to reach it. It'll just be a different dynamic.

Thank you, that's very kind of you to offer and i appreciate what you've said, that gives me hope I'll choose a moment I'm comfortable with soon and see what happens