Relationships.. and attraction.

[Elendariel]

So.. I've recently started seeing this guy. And he's pretty amazing. Most people would swoon for all the romantic things he's done for me. I"m trying to find perhaps another forum really focused on relationships to discus this more(recommendations wanted), but I thought I'd see what people here have to say.

I find my self frustrated.. here is this lovely guy.. and in moments when I stop and reflect on what he's done for me so far.. I fell all warm and fuzzy and really like him. However sometimes I just feel nothing at all. The other night we were out, and I was talking with another guy .. and I kinda felt sparks.. in a way I don't feel I've had with my new bf. I wish I could figure it out.. I'm a Sagittarius.. not sure if that means much.. but I feel I fit most descriptions.. including I guess recently acknowledging that aside from excitement and passion for adventure, I guess I don't feel much in the way of emotions..

I'm annoyed that I felt sparks with guy #2 that I'm fairly certain would be no where near as wonderful or compatible as my BF, yet I don't feel electric when I'm with him, despite all the fun we have together. This is rather deeply troubling me. All that said, you hear over and over about how sparks don't last anyways.

Sorry.. I'm really tired, I hope that made sense. Does anyone have any thoughts? If anyone knows of any great relationship focused forums besides this one, please comment. Thanks.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

So.. I've recently started seeing this guy. And he's pretty amazing. Most people would swoon for all the romantic things he's done for me. I"m trying to find perhaps another forum really focused on relationships to discus this more(recommendations wanted), but I thought I'd see what people here have to say.

I find my self frustrated.. here is this lovely guy.. and in moments when I stop and reflect on what he's done for me so far.. I fell all warm and fuzzy and really like him. However sometimes I just feel nothing at all. The other night we were out, and I was talking with another guy .. and I kinda felt sparks.. in a way I don't feel I've had with my new bf. I wish I could figure it out.. I'm a Sagittarius.. not sure if that means much.. but I feel I fit most descriptions.. including I guess recently acknowledging that aside from excitement and passion for adventure, I guess I don't feel much in the way of emotions..

I'm annoyed that I felt sparks with guy #2 that I'm fairly certain would be no where near as wonderful or compatible as my BF, yet I don't feel electric when I'm with him, despite all the fun we have together. This is rather deeply troubling me. All that said, you hear over and over about how sparks don't last anyways.

Sorry.. I'm really tired, I hope that made sense. Does anyone have any thoughts? If anyone knows of any great relationship focused forums besides this one, please comment. Thanks.

This is definitely the right place to discuss it.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

is this guy Emerging bro?

Stew

 

[bronzeage]

I once had a Sagittarius girlfriend. Things didn't work out and bad things happened.

 

[Aquagal]

So.. I've recently started seeing this guy. And he's pretty amazing. Most people would swoon for all the romantic things he's done for me. I"m trying to find perhaps another forum really focused on relationships to discus this more(recommendations wanted), but I thought I'd see what people here have to say.

I find my self frustrated.. here is this lovely guy.. and in moments when I stop and reflect on what he's done for me so far.. I fell all warm and fuzzy and really like him. However sometimes I just feel nothing at all. The other night we were out, and I was talking with another guy .. and I kinda felt sparks.. in a way I don't feel I've had with my new bf. I wish I could figure it out.. I'm a Sagittarius.. not sure if that means much.. but I feel I fit most descriptions.. including I guess recently acknowledging that aside from excitement and passion for adventure, I guess I don't feel much in the way of emotions..

I'm annoyed that I felt sparks with guy #2 that I'm fairly certain would be no where near as wonderful or compatible as my BF, yet I don't feel electric when I'm with him, despite all the fun we have together. This is rather deeply troubling me. All that said, you hear over and over about how sparks don't last anyways.

Sorry.. I'm really tired, I hope that made sense. Does anyone have any thoughts? If anyone knows of any great relationship focused forums besides this one, please comment. Thanks.

#1bf is getting friendzoned. #2 bf makes your twat drip, but you have nothing in common.

 

[parodyluvr75]

I once had a Sagittarius girlfriend. Things didn't work out and bad things happened.

They're crazy, at least the men are. They seem okay at first but then they start getting on my nerves in a big way. It winds up being like oil and water. It's the one sign I avoid, as far as relationships.

 

[Que]

#1bf is getting friendzoned. #2 bf makes your twat drip, but you have nothing in common.

...and #1 does not cause the effect found in #2 because he is too solicitous.

He would be better off being mysterious and mildly neglectful.

 

[cowslinger64]

...and #1 does not cause the effect found in #2 because he is too solicitous.

He would be better off being mysterious and mildly neglectful.

Uncle Fester giving dating advice.

http://talmud-torah-land.com/images-torah-talmud/ww1.gif

 

[Que]

Be sure and give your porn advice.

 

[cowslinger64]

Be sure and give your porn advice.

Whaddya wanna know?


Your advice was stupid, btw. You should actually be with more than one woman before dispensing advice, yanno? Or hell, just one this century would be good.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

This is definitely the right place to discuss it.

And by discuss, I mean we talk and you sit there with your thumb up your butt.

 

[pete]

So.. I've recently started seeing this guy. And he's pretty amazing. Most people would swoon for all the romantic things he's done for me. I"m trying to find perhaps another forum really focused on relationships to discus this more(recommendations wanted), but I thought I'd see what people here have to say.

I find my self frustrated.. here is this lovely guy.. and in moments when I stop and reflect on what he's done for me so far.. I fell all warm and fuzzy and really like him. However sometimes I just feel nothing at all. The other night we were out, and I was talking with another guy .. and I kinda felt sparks.. in a way I don't feel I've had with my new bf. I wish I could figure it out.. I'm a Sagittarius.. not sure if that means much.. but I feel I fit most descriptions.. including I guess recently acknowledging that aside from excitement and passion for adventure, I guess I don't feel much in the way of emotions..

I'm annoyed that I felt sparks with guy #2 that I'm fairly certain would be no where near as wonderful or compatible as my BF, yet I don't feel electric when I'm with him, despite all the fun we have together. This is rather deeply troubling me. All that said, you hear over and over about how sparks don't last anyways.

Sorry.. I'm really tired, I hope that made sense. Does anyone have any thoughts? If anyone knows of any great relationship focused forums besides this one, please comment. Thanks.

well first off, i'm a sagittarius and i'm a very emotional person so obvs we're not all the same.

second, your conflict is all based on outside influences... you're trying to please others and do what other people think you should be doing, instead of what feels right.
stop that.

you're an adult (i hope!) and two important keys to being a sucessful adult are:
1. take care of yourself, and 2. don't shit on others' lives.
you're kinda failing on both here... dating the romantic bf isn't making you happy buy you keep doing it anyway.
and you're wasting his time by prolonging it.

step back from the bf, take a break, and reassess as honestly as you can.

you'll probably find that you already know the answer

good luck

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Does anyone remember Sagittarius, the dog fucker? She was great, everyone hated her and would yell at her for being disgusting, then in response she'd double down with a link to her getting banged out by a German Shepherd. Was that a real handle or a troll? Never mind, don't tell me. I want to believe.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

well first off, i'm a sagittarius and i'm a very emotional person so obvs we're not all the same.

second, your conflict is all based on outside influences... you're trying to please others and do what other people think you should be doing, instead of what feels right.
stop that.

you're an adult (i hope!) and two important keys to being a sucessful adult are:
1. take care of yourself, and 2. don't shit on others' lives.
you're kinda failing on both here... dating the romantic bf isn't making you happy buy you keep doing it anyway.
and you're wasting his time by prolonging it.

step back from the bf, take a break, and reassess as honestly as you can.

you'll probably find that you already know the answer

good luck

Eh, simple answer, she is chasing sexual attraction (aka "chemistry") over doing what makes the most sense for her long term as a person, which is to date men based upon stability and character. This is the outcome to the new world in which casual sex has been normalized for women instead of shunned.

 

[bronzeage]

They're crazy, at least the men are. They seem okay at first but then they start getting on my nerves in a big way. It winds up being like oil and water. It's the one sign I avoid, as far as relationships.

If I was single and available and she was still alive, I'd take her back in a second.

 

[parodyluvr75]

If I was single and available and she was still alive, I'd take her back in a second.

 

[Que]

Eh, simple answer, she is chasing sexual attraction (aka "chemistry") over doing what makes the most sense for her long term as a person, which is to date men based upon stability and character. This is the outcome to the new world in which casual sex has been normalized for women instead of shunned.

Agree that is what she is doing. I think the social environment has made such choices more likely to be spoken about publicly like the OP has here, but hasn't it always been this dichotomy in attraction?

In the past with a shamed based society women had the same sexual attractions and likely acted on them perhaps at lower rate, but plenty did, just with more discretion and less openness about it?

 

[Setanta84]

...and #1 does not cause the effect found in #2 because he is too solicitous.

He would be better off being mysterious and mildly neglectful.

While everyone has his or her own quirks and what have you, in general terms, I think he's right.

In my experience, women like a challenge. Yeah, doing nice things can be beneficial--but only in moderation because:

1) Women are in higher demand than men. Men do nice things for them all the time, in the hope of getting advanced to the front of the line. So, the guy who doesn't give a shit but rings her bell stands out.

2) If you literally do nice things ALL the time, you remove her incentive to reward your advances with affection. You're going to do it anyway, so what is in it for her to do anything but go through the motions of friendly gratitude?

3) If you overdo the nice guy routine, women tend to lose respect for you, for a number of reasons--some banal, some ugly. They start to think you have no other options and the like. If that weren't true, you wouldn't be trying so hard.

It took me a while to learn this. I spent a good deal of my late teens and early 20s doing the things society trains you to do through popular culture and the like. And then one time, I just kind of gave up on this girl and stop calling her cold--and my phone was ringing off the hook two days later.

Long story short, for the OP, I think she's discovering that Guy #1 isn't revving her engine because he's become a doormat and Guy #2 makes her want to jump his bones because he's a challenge.

 

[snugglestruggle]

Just fuck a different guy each time it's much simpler unless you have a FWB deal.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Agree that is what she is doing. I think the social environment has made such choices more likely to be spoken about publicly like the OP has here, but hasn't it always been this dichotomy in attraction?

In the past with a shamed based society women had the same sexual attractions and likely acted on them perhaps at lower rate, but plenty did, just with more discretion and less openness about it?

I wouldn't know, but this would be my guess.

That said, back in the day if you got pregnant, the man married you. If he didn't, you were FUCKED. So a woman still had to exercise some judgement about who they quietly fucked. Birth control changed that.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

I met a man this past summer, we've kept in touch, and now I am making plans to go and visit him for a week in December. We're both single, no kids. We never did have the chance to kiss even, but we've both indicated interest in doing that, and a lot of other things besides (without being smutty or blantantly sexual in our talks).

My question is, for those of you that have done this before... Well. Do you have any tips? Ie... Things you wish you'd thought of before visiting? Things that made everything go smoothly? Ideas for how to keep yourselves entertained without breaking the bank ? Solutions for awkward moments? Any other thoughts? Thanks!

Watch Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

 

[Noor]

I say go for the ones who can make you laugh, that you could enjoy spending time with in a shack with no money or things, that makes you crazy when you are apart, that it is harder being without than with them, find solutions to issues with you and that you accept and that accept you unconditionally.

If they can clean, cook, organize, like the same music, have similar academic and/or occupational history, share views on politics, family and the future that is nice too but not essential.

 

[snugglestruggle]

I say go for the ones who can make you laugh, that you could enjoy spending time with in a shack with no money or things, that makes you crazy when you are apart, that it is harder being without than with them, find solutions to issues with you and that you accept and that accept you unconditionally.

If they can clean, cook, organize, like the same music, have similar academic and/or occupational history, share views on politics, family and the future that is nice too but not essential.

^^ Shopping list

 

[Noor]

While everyone has his or her own quirks and what have you, in general terms, I think he's right.

In my experience, women like a challenge. Yeah, doing nice things can be beneficial--but only in moderation because:

1) Women are in higher demand than men. Men do nice things for them all the time, in the hope of getting advanced to the front of the line. So, the guy who doesn't give a shit but rings her bell stands out.

2) If you literally do nice things ALL the time, you remove her incentive to reward your advances with affection. You're going to do it anyway, so what is in it for her to do anything but go through the motions of friendly gratitude?

3) If you overdo the nice guy routine, women tend to lose respect for you, for a number of reasons--some banal, some ugly. They start to think you have no other options and the like. If that weren't true, you wouldn't be trying so hard.

It took me a while to learn this. I spent a good deal of my late teens and early 20s doing the things society trains you to do through popular culture and the like. And then one time, I just kind of gave up on this girl and stop calling her cold--and my phone was ringing off the hook two days later.

Long story short, for the OP, I think she's discovering that Guy #1 isn't revving her engine because he's become a doormat and Guy #2 makes her want to jump his bones because he's a challenge.

I have never lost respect for someone being a nice guy. A guy going through the motions and treating me like a chess piece though is not what I want.
I think a nice balance between routine/ritual that is there for comfort and interesting challenge is good, but it needs to be real and natural.
I want a partner, they can do things for me, but I also do things for them. I want someone who makes me want to be more than I am and vice versa.
I like challenging the people I care about in interesting fun ways and being challenged, but this is something we do together in full knowledge , not some sort game of ignoring each other to force action.

I think she was mainly into Guy #1 because he was doing all the things she had been told guys should do if they like you. He never totally revved her engine, it's like being in love with being in love instead of a person. From her description, I get no real idea of Guy #1's personality. I'll bet he has one, and she has not really discovered it yet. He might actually be pretty hot if she knew him on a different level.
Guy #2 is a totally chemical, physical thing. She isn't looking at anything beyond that. Zipless fucks are nice, but they rarely bring flowers and all that sort of thing.