Relationship Request... kinda

[gymnopedie]

Okay....

I met this guy a few months ago, and the relationship is great. The sex is also great. We were talking the other evening, and he mentioned that he's into pain, sometimes. We communicate a lot, so it was fine. Conversation went well, and he asked that I try it out sometime.

My problem; it isn't that I'm uncomfortable with the idea, or anything like that, but I have no idea where to start. Rather than interrupt the 'moment' with "What should I try out" questions, I thought I'd ask here. I figure, if I get a couple of places to start from I'll figure out what he likes and doesn't like, and I can go from there.

So.... helpful hints?

 

[RJMasters]

Okay....

I met this guy a few months ago, and the relationship is great. The sex is also great. We were talking the other evening, and he mentioned that he's into pain, sometimes. We communicate a lot, so it was fine. Conversation went well, and he asked that I try it out sometime.

My problem; it isn't that I'm uncomfortable with the idea, or anything like that, but I have no idea where to start. Rather than interrupt the 'moment' with "What should I try out" questions, I thought I'd ask here. I figure, if I get a couple of places to start from I'll figure out what he likes and doesn't like, and I can go from there.

So.... helpful hints?

You can start by growing fingernails.....

See if he digs that

 

[gymnopedie]

fingernails...... check

 

[Still Falling]

i also concur on the fingernails - raking them across his skin sort of thing

Other starting out tips - biting his nipples or ear lobe.

Main suggestion. Don't over think it. If you get an image in your head or an urge in your body try it. Sample, by starting out lightly or gently, and then just go with both his and your own responses.

You don't have to be a sadist to enjoy inflicting pain. If it doesn't work for you like that perhapes the fact that you can control his reactions through pain may do it for you. But certainly don't over think it.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

simple advise ~ talk to him ~

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Bare hand, bare butt, bent over the knee....

a switch or a crop for variety.

Can you say "hairbrush"?

Clothes pins

Bath towel rolled up into a rat tail and popped on thighs, ass, back...

That should be enough ideas for cheap, fun ways to inflict a little pain.

 

[raven2]

simple advise ~ talk to him ~

That would be my thought too. The best way to find out is straight forward. That way there is less chance for misunderstanding and more chance to ensure a very good time.

BTW Evil Geoff , nice list, inexpensive and can do the job.

 

[gymnopedie]

Okay... so far so good. Thanks!

 

[Terri_Vixen_cd]

communication

although we think we communicate well, some intimate moments are harder to express, especially over coffee and doughnuts. Try having him pick out stories from here, or images from there, or videos to watch together. As things warm up, sensously tease and extract what he likes from the stories/ images. Play with them lightly, eventually, once he see's you don't think he is wierd, and you might be as exited as he is in the play, he will open more avenues of communication. (take it from someone who has explored some really diffrent aversions)
Terri

 

[raven2]

although we think we communicate well, some intimate moments are harder to express, especially over coffee and doughnuts. Try having him pick out stories from here, or images from there, or videos to watch together. As things warm up, sensously tease and extract what he likes from the stories/ images. Play with them lightly, eventually, once he see's you don't think he is wierd, and you might be as exited as he is in the play, he will open more avenues of communication. (take it from someone who has explored some really diffrent aversions)
Terri

oooh very nice. can I come over?

 

[bbinhou]

i would always tell whomever to say my name if things got to "uncomfortable" during sex...that was my key to slow or even stop whatever i was doing.....establish some stop sign....not very enjoyable if both are nt into something,,,,,,

 

[gymnopedie]

I think that most of my uncertain-ness (is that even a word?) Stems from my lack of experience, and more specifically, lack of experience with anything other than completely vanilla anything.

More to the point, while I don't have an urge to cause anything or anyone discomfort, I'm not against it if it is good for him. As a result, I think I'm less likely to try anything 'on my own' without somewhere to start from.

On the other hand, it isn't something I dislike, so where does that leave me?

 

[raven2]

I think that most of my uncertain-ness (is that even a word?) Stems from my lack of experience, and more specifically, lack of experience with anything other than completely vanilla anything.

More to the point, while I don't have an urge to cause anything or anyone discomfort, I'm not against it if it is good for him. As a result, I think I'm less likely to try anything 'on my own' without somewhere to start from.

On the other hand, it isn't something I dislike, so where does that leave me?

I would very much encourage you to talk it out with him. If it isn't something you dislike, then give something/anything a try. I speak from experience witha partner who over the years (and there has been a number of them) has always been unwilling to try things because she wasn't sure (frustrating).
If you communicate and at least try, you will start to learn what does and does not turn him on. But you surely will not turn him on if you don't try.

 

[Vixandra]

Not all pain is delivered via one's hand.

A brush of teeth across the back of another's neck, a claiming bite on thier choulder, those can also hold pain and pleasure in the proper circumstances.

Of course, I'm bitey (another non-word but it works here) by nature. I love the feel of another's flesh beneath my teeth. Its fun, erotic and a lovely way of asserting one's dominance sometimes.

You don't have to break the skin or even leave a lasting mark. Its the potential inherant in the act that gives it that lovely edge between sensuality and violence that can be so enchanting.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would suggest you both go through a checklist together, perhaps after your friend has filled out one. It sounds like they might have a bit more exxperience and knowledge, so the starting point could be in their indicating on a checklist what they have done, liked/not liked, would like to try and how much they think they might like those untried areas. That gives you a point to start an extensive and ongoing discussion whereby you can get ideas as well as a lot of explanation on what each thing is and how it works for the one you are with, what rings their bells and why....from there you are able to expand on your own if you can tap into the mind of your partner, gain experience, and if it works for you also.

Catalina