Relationship Question #3624

[Eilan]

Would you pursue a relationship with someone who was separated from his or her spouse?

If you've ever been separated from a spouse, did you pursue other relationships during the separation?

Explain.

 

[EJFan]

i pursued a relationship with someone who was engaged... we related for a year or so and then i realized she was too conservative/homely/whatever.

my rule has always been that if i'm interested in a relationship with someone, they have to have been out of one for at least six months... free of all emotional bonds to that former relationship (marriage or otherwise).

i've never had a relationship with a married, or formerly married, woman... and i seriously doubt i ever would.

 

[Eilan]

i've never had a relationship with a married, or formerly married, woman... and i seriously doubt i ever would.

SweetErika had a thread that was somewhat similar to this one.

Are/Would You Get Involved w/ Someone in a Relationship?

My focus is more on people who are married and aren't living together, though.

This thread is inspired by my neighbors and their ongoing marital issues. I have a feeling the shit might hit the fan in our neighborhood this weekend. Good thing we're going away for the day on Saturday.

We're friends with both of them. It sucks that they can't seem to work things out.

 

[silverwhisper]

to answer the question: were i single, i don't think i'd actively pursue one, mainly b/c there's always a chance of reconciliation. my romantic history being what it is, i'd always assume that there wouldn't be much chance of a future.

ed

 

[DLL]

Would you pursue a relationship with someone who was separated from his or her spouse?

If you've ever been separated from a spouse, did you pursue other relationships during the separation?

Explain.

yes i would..hell i would pursue a relationship with someone that wasn't separated from his spouse

 

[fgarvb1]

Would you pursue a relationship with someone who was separated from his or her spouse?

If you've ever been separated from a spouse, did you pursue other relationships during the separation?

Explain.

Yes I have.

Myself, when I'm, done with a relationship I'm done with it.

End of story.

As for other people well, Until a ring is on their finger and even you never know for sure what is going to happen.

Thankfully god gave me a large capacity for Love, healing and trust.

 

[phoenix1224]

Would you pursue a relationship with someone who was separated from his or her spouse?

I've been involved with 3 women that were seperated.

The way I see it is that, just like two people don't need a piece of paper to legitimize their relationship, two people don't need a piece of paper to legitimize the END of their relationship.

BTW... I'm still with the last woman that was seperated... Her divorce was finalized months ago. Things are going great. We are both very happy... In fact, it's the best relationship that I've ever been in... I can definitely see it leading to that relationship legitimizing piece of paper.

 

[Guest]

 

[jadefirefly]

I'm currently separated, not yet fully divorced. I just recently was in a relationship with a man in a similar situation as well -- basically both of us were in the process of divorcing.

Neither of us were the reason for the divorcing, either, before you ask.

 

[Eilan]

Some friends of ours have been separated for almost four years, after some ongoing problems. During that time, the husband took an out-of-state construction job, though he's home now. The wife moved into her own place, and she's enjoying it quite a bit, even though her husband has asked her to move back in with him.

A few months ago, the husband met a woman at his out-of-state job. She initially rejected him because he was married (he told her that he didn't blame her!), but when she heard that he'd been separated for over three years, she decided that he was worth a second look. Now our friend's wife has found out what's going on, and the other woman is supposed to visit this weekend. Things could be really askward or really ugly.

I'm not looking for advice, obviously; just venting, I guess. My husband and I like both of these people and we just want to continue to be friends with them, whether they reconcile or not.

 

[Eilan]

I'm currently separated, not yet fully divorced. I just recently was in a relationship with a man in a similar situation as well -- basically both of us were in the process of divorcing.

Neither of us were the reason for the divorcing, either, before you ask.

My husband and I started seeing each other when we were both in the process of getting divorced, so I'm certainly not in a position to judge.

 

[jadefirefly]

My husband and I started seeing each other when we were both in the process of getting divorced, so I'm certainly not in a position to judge.

I hope I didn't come across as defensive -- my mother likes to judge, and likes to drop little comments... one time recently, she did not know that my relationship was over, and she asked who I'd been speaking on the phone to. I told her, and she ever so politely reminded me of what happened the LAST time I was in a relationship and began having long phone chats with another guy.

The phone call was 15 minutes long.

I ever so politely reminded her right back that I can talk to whomever I please, and that if it would settle her mind knowing I'm not fucking anything up, she'd probably feel better knowing that there wasn't anyone left in my life to care who I talked to, so would she please mind her own business?

I don't share personal info with my family very well.

 

[EmpressFi]

I was separated from my first husband when I met my current husband. We've been together for 11 years, married for 7.. I found my soulmate..

Sounds like you're in a difficult situation... being friends with both sides. I'm currently in a similar situation in that a couple who are our best friends recently separated after 6 years of marriage.. I hope it ends well for you without you being pulled in further..

 

[Eilan]

Sounds like you're in a difficult situation... being friends with both sides. I'm currently in a similar situation in that a couple who are our best friends recently separated after 6 years of marriage.. I hope it ends well for you without you being pulled in further..

It's tough because I like both of these people very much. I think they both have legitimate gripes/issues. Unfortunately, they're both pretty damn stubborn.

 

[SweetErika]

To answer the original question, I generally wouldn't get involved with someone who's separated because I think it'd add to the risk of relationship failure and/or pain.

However, I can see myself proceeding with the right person and circumstances.

Some friends of ours have been separated for almost four years, after some ongoing problems. During that time, the husband took an out-of-state construction job, though he's home now. The wife moved into her own place, and she's enjoying it quite a bit, even though her husband has asked her to move back in with him.

FOUR YEARS???

In my mind, that long of a separation indicates the people aren't ready to move on to other relationships. Barring extenuating circumstances, I figure after a reasonable period of time, a couple either decides to reconcile or call it quits for good. Sure, that 'reasonable period' is going to be different for everyone, but four years makes me think they're still considering reconciliation. If one/both were considering starting a serious relationship with others, why wouldn't they get divorced?

I don't think it's fair to the new partner(s) or spouses to keep things in limbo like that because inevitably at least some of the energy that would otherwise be invested in making the new relationship work will be spent on putting out fires in the old one.

ETA: Why is this guy even considering a new relationship when he's asking his wife to move back in with him? Does the new woman know this?

 

[Eilan]

ETA: Why is this guy even considering a new relationship when he's asking his wife to move back in with him? Does the new woman know this?

He asked her to move back in way before he started seeing this other person. She refused. I think she likes living on her own.

He decided to get on with his life, I guess. Not the way I would have handled it, but. . .

 

[done_got_old]

I have several times. In all but one case the relationship ended in divorce.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

Is this one of those "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" type relationships

It would seem so.