My gf and i have been together for 5+ years, and most days i love her more than anything, but i really don't see myself spending the rest of my life with her. To make things worse, i have fallen for another woman, who is my best friends ex. She used to have feelings for me (about 6 months ago), but has since started seeing some new guy and even tho we flirt constantly, i have no idea how she really feels. If i ask her, i risk losing a friend. My life is starting to sound like a soap opera and its quite stressful. The new girl lives about 200 mi away, in my hometown, and my gf now lives about a block away (but is usually at my house). I know what i should do, and i know what i want to do. Any advice would be most appreciated. Thanks for the help
Relationship help
- Thread starter Silent0ne
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robs_sexy_bitch
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if you really don't see yourself with your gf then move on. even if you don't pursue anything with her friend at least respect her and your relationship enough to move on. why drag it on even further? 5 years is a long time.
robs_sexy_bitch said:
Thats what i should do, but it's not that easy. She's not in the best place right now emotionally, and i'm wondering if it would hurt her more for me to just suck it up and stick with it or to move on. Also, we've been together since we were 16, i dont even know where to begin with the whole dating thing
M's girl
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First of all welcome to Lit, both of you. I agree with RSB; if you know you don't want to spend the rest of your life with her You should quit now. Prolonging it will only make her hurt more once she finds out you have been with her while you were feeling this way. That is... if she is seeing your relationship as a long-time or even lifelong thing herself. I understand what you're saying about the emotional state she's in but really, it's not going to help her any further is you stay with her just because of that. I guess I would want to know...
You don't know how to start the whole dating-thing again? I would say that is least of your worries at this moment. Why do I get the feeling you won't leave your current GF unless you have some replacement at hand? So the other girl is a bad idea anyway. Be true to yourself and to your GF and focus first on what it is you want (or don't want) with her and then be a man and either go for it (her) or break it off and cut your losses.
You don't know how to start the whole dating-thing again? I would say that is least of your worries at this moment. Why do I get the feeling you won't leave your current GF unless you have some replacement at hand? So the other girl is a bad idea anyway. Be true to yourself and to your GF and focus first on what it is you want (or don't want) with her and then be a man and either go for it (her) or break it off and cut your losses.
skittles_lm
lost kitten~reward
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M's girl said:
Well said. Bravo.
Seriously, she will be hurt now if you break it off. She will be hurt and betrayed and bitter if you drag it out. Lesser of two evils: let it go.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
SweetErika
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So, what exactly are you looking for from us?Silent0ne said:
The way I see it, you know breaking up is the right choice, but you're making a bunch of excuses as to why you can't go that route. Do you want to be happy, or not? Does your gf deserve the chance to be with someone who wants nothing more than to be with her, or not?
My advice is to continue to offer support to your girlfriend, but in a friend capacity. If she takes it, great; if not, that's her choice. Then, do NOT seek out the best friend's ex, or any other person, for a sexual or romantic relationship. Instead, spend a good amount of time (after a 5 year relationship, 6-12 months is reasonable) getting to know yourself as a single person, and then start dating slowly. Your future relationships will be much better for doing so.
liberatedslave
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SweetErika said:
I agree with Erika. It seems to me that a significant amount of the conflict you have over this situation lies in the fact that you've never had to be on your own as a single adult. That is daunting and indeed a big step but you WILL adjust and become a stronger, more mature man for the experience.
Of course, your gf will be in an identical but entirely separate boat so if you do break things off be supportive but give both of you some space so you don't end up drifting back together solely through fear of the unknown.
I would definitely hold off on any new relationship for a few months. If this girl you like thinks anything of you she'll understand that you need some time out after such a long term relationship. There's nothing to say she won't still be on your horizon after 6months of soul searching and personal growth.
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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erika's right. as usual.
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robs_sexy_bitch
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i've been in my relationship for over 5 years and yeah if we were to break up i'd be hurt. who wouldn't? but i agree that if you keep prolonging it then it's just going to be worse. there never is going to be a great time to break up with her. shes going to be a mess but you just have to suck it up. if breaking up is what you really want then just do it.
also if you have been with her since you were 16 and you are 21 now you really need to take some time for yourself go out and have fun and just focus on yourself. you don't need to jump from one relationship to another. that is very unhealthy.
also if you have been with her since you were 16 and you are 21 now you really need to take some time for yourself go out and have fun and just focus on yourself. you don't need to jump from one relationship to another. that is very unhealthy.
