Relationship Advice...

[smuggy_x]

Why is it that every girl moves way too fast for me? I meet a girl that I like, got on a couple dates, then it seems like she’s always around. A 2-month-old relationship feels like I’ve been in a 10-year marriage and it’s boring and dull. They already start with the “where were you?” or the nagging…it’s not that I don’t want to put effort into a serious relationship, I just want to take things slow. I want to build structure, friendship, and trust. I want to KNOW the person before I call them my official girlfriend and consider an LTR. No girl seems to understand my need to go slow…and then when I tell them that I no longer wish to date them, they freak out on me. Also, why do they always say they love me right away…how can you possibly love anyone that you barely know? It grosses me out how easy they seem to be…

I am a 22 year old male, and I have dated girls anywhere from the age of 22 through 35…and it seems to be the same story no matter what the age of the woman.

Why does this happen?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Sounds like you're irresistible.

Are you sleeping with the girls? Because for some, that means something more than it may mean to you. Not all girls, but most. Just consider it.

 

[smuggy_x]

.....

 

[Lord Pmann]

Where are you meeting these girls?

 

[smuggy_x]

Where are you meeting these girls?

I do a lot of active work in my community, I volunteer frequently. I also start social groups for different interests, i.e. hiking groups, camping groups, etc...I meet them through all of this social interaction. Most commonly, I meet women at the public debate group meetings at one of the local coffee shops. Also, I meet them through mutual friends...a variety of places.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Hmmmm. If your answers were a little douchier this would be easier to diagnose.

Is there something in the water? Sorry I've got no help mate.

 

[smuggy_x]

it's just me I suppose

 

[SweetErika]

It sounds like this is a case of either being attracted to a certain type of "girl" (you might try going for women who have a certain amount of experience and maturity, instead) or your own issues and potentially fucked up perception coming into play.

I'd suggest a good amount of self-reflection, possibly with the help of an excellent therapist to get to the heart of whatever is going awry and make the changes necessary to meet and have solid relationships. Because, really, whether you're picking the wrong partners or you have other issues that are ruining your experiences, the problem lies with you. And, as you said, you have the means for therapy, so why not give it a go with someone who's really good at helping people figure stuff out and make changes?

 

[smuggy_x]

It sounds like this is a case of either being attracted to a certain type of "girl" (you might try going for women who have a certain amount of experience and maturity, instead) or your own issues and potentially fucked up perception coming into play.

I'd suggest a good amount of self-reflection, possibly with the help of an excellent therapist to get to the heart of whatever is going awry and make the changes necessary to meet and have solid relationships. Because, really, whether you're picking the wrong partners or you have other issues that are ruining your experiences, the problem lies with you. And, as you said, you have the means for therapy, so why not give it a go with someone who's really good at helping people figure stuff out and make changes?

Thank you! I know the problem lies with me. I can't figure out why I'm attracted to this type of person. It never fails me...I could go as far to say maybe I'm just afraid of commitment but don't want to admit it. I appreciate your advice.

 

[smuggy_x]

I don't need any further advice...thanks. I guess I'm wrong for wanting to take things slow. I don't think I'll be dating for a while now.

 

[subwannabe]

You're not wrong, you're just picking the wrong women, or, maybe you are letting them pick you instead of you picking them.

 

[amofiga]

Are the 35 year old's divorcee's? It sounds like you're either hitting the 22-25 year olds who are starting to think about "biological clock" and want to push relationships toward marriage as soon as possible, OR the 30-35 year olds are REALLY feeling the biological clock thing or are perhaps divorced and looking for a second husband quickly. If you're into all this hiking, social groups, debate group meeting stuff, you may seem like husband material rather than just dating material and they want to move it in that direction faster than you do. I look back at my youth many moons ago and wonder if that wasn't the thing that frustrated me between the ages of 20 and 26 or so. I wanted to date and get around but my job and my background probably portraied me as one of those "steady reliable" types rather than the "affair" types and it seemed that many of the women I dated wanted to push it toward the alter and I'd always hear this "where is this relationship really going" thing.

I'd say if you just wanted to date and take it slow without moving into the serious relationship thing too fast, tell them up front. They may not like it or may tell you they're not interested, but it may be better than the angst of the break-ups. As I look back, I think my problem was that I didn't have the guts back then to tell someone that I wanted to date with no strings to see what might happen and that I wasn't out searching for a wife at the time. Maybe they would have understood or maybe they would have walked away. I suppose I was too much of a wimp back then to really be open and it caused some hurt all around.