reigning it back in

[bunny bondage]

often after a very good scene i end up in tears. this in itself is fine and in fact appreciated by "the new guy". however, i just had an experience which i've had a few times before and i wanted to ask for some help. after everything was over and we were laying on the bed, i still felt like i was about to cry. it seemed like if i even started talking i would break into tears. it took me a long time to come down and stabelize.

does this happen to anyone else? is there some trick to putting a stop to the waterworks?

i considered the fact that things are very crazy right now. the professor is still in my life and being generally weird and scary. i've driven three cars this week and all are now un-drivable for various reasons, the worst of which being that i was in a serious wreck. so yes, life is hectic, and i considered that perhaps this was the reason i couldn't stop crying, but this isn't the first time i found it hard to pull myself together after a scene.

advice?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

often after a very good scene i end up in tears. this in itself is fine and in fact appreciated by "the new guy". however, i just had an experience which i've had a few times before and i wanted to ask for some help. after everything was over and we were laying on the bed, i still felt like i was about to cry. it seemed like if i even started talking i would break into tears. it took me a long time to come down and stabelize.

does this happen to anyone else? is there some trick to putting a stop to the waterworks?

i considered the fact that things are very crazy right now. the professor is still in my life and being generally weird and scary. i've driven three cars this week and all are now un-drivable for various reasons, the worst of which being that i was in a serious wreck. so yes, life is hectic, and i considered that perhaps this was the reason i couldn't stop crying, but this isn't the first time i found it hard to pull myself together after a scene.

advice?

i love the title. "Reigning" actually means ruling, and no i'm not trying to come across flippant. Just find the title ironic considering the vein of the board ... the best Freudian slip i've seen in quite a while. "Reining" on the other hand brings up images of pony games, also ironic in its own right. You asked for advice, here goes.

First thing, stay out of cars. i'd rather see you in public transportation until you regain focus on life around you. Again, not flippant, but a sincere wish to enable you to stay among the upright and breathing.

Second thought, give yourself more time to come out of the scene. For some, it takes minutes, maybe hours. Others, and i'm not just talking about individuals, but the scenes themselves; take days from which to surface. A little preplanning might help you in the future in case of a major drop.

Third thought, talk to your partner. The dominant in question should realize and care enough to help you over the rough spots. A little kindness, a little caring, a little compassion in just the right place might make the transition "afterwards" a not so traumatic experience.

i hope this didn't come across as a dismissal of what happened to you. i find it touching, and wish you all the best.

 

[NemoAlia]

Lately I've just been letting the tears happen... I just usually take 'em to the shower, where I'm in basic sensory deprivation (except for the feel and sound of the water) and crying starts to seem sorta useless. (Redundant, even, as far as the physical wetness of the tears goes.) True, these are not post-scene tears, but they are pretty substantial wedding-planning ones.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Lately I've just been letting the tears happen... I just usually take 'em to the shower, where I'm in basic sensory deprivation (except for the feel and sound of the water) and crying starts to seem sorta useless. (Redundant, even, as far as the physical wetness of the tears goes.) True, these are not post-scene tears, but they are pretty substantial wedding-planning ones.

Congrats on the nuptials, and just a sad smile concerning the shower and tears. i knew someone once that did the same. Quite a special lady.

 

[Etoile]

I think that's pretty common, actually - my girlfriend does the same thing.

bunny bondage, have you considered therapy? I know it's expensive (that's why I'm not in therapy anymore), but it can be a tremendous help through a rough patch.

 

[Daedalus77]

Bunny are the tears an emotionally release of the scene or do they reveal an unhappiness of something else? You seem to be pretty stressed right now but you said you usually cry.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now.

 

[D's mariposa]

(((Bunny))) Sounds like a stress reaction, hun. The human psyche goes through natural cycles of up and down, and it sounds like you're in a down right now. One of my shrink friends says its natural; unless it continues for several weeks or more you're probly ok. If it does continue on it could be a sign of depression, and you should seek counseling if that's a viable option for you. If you do a search on kink aware professionals, you should be able to find a counselor/psychologist who won't try to cure you of your "perversion" first.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Quick answer for now......Are you alright after the car accident. You are too bright a light on the board to go unmissed so I hope you are physically and psychologically dealing with it okay. I think you deserve a medal for persevering after the first two cars, but as I am a believer in everything happening for a reason, maybe they were trying to send you a warning in some way.

As to the tears question. I often have similar responses, and there does not seem any rhyme or reason as to the type of scene. What may produce no reaction one day, the next week can see me uncontrollably in tears. Sometimes it is a sense of being overwhelmed by the scene and the beauty of what we have, other times it can be reflective or an overflow from unrelated issues which the scene has helped me achieve release through. One thing I have noticed though is it is very hormonally based in that the timing is everything. There is a definite pattern which I am told is not that unusual for some of us. Perhaps an idea is to keep a diary over a couple of months and see if there is a pattern appearing.

Catalina

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Re: reigning it back in

First thing, stay out of cars. i'd rather see you in public transportation until you regain focus on life around you. Again, not flippant, but a sincere wish to enable you to stay among the upright and breathing.

and get this, i'm trying to learn how to drive a stick shift, too. it's very hard...

Third thought, talk to your partner. The dominant in question should realize and care enough to help you over the rough spots. A little kindness, a little caring, a little compassion in just the right place might make the transition "afterwards" a not so traumatic experience.

yeah, this was thing number one. he's very good about it, and is supportive. (and plus, if a guy doesn't hold me after a scene, it's the last scene we ever have!)

i hope this didn't come across as a dismissal of what happened to you. i find it touching, and wish you all the best.

 

[bunny bondage]

Lately I've just been letting the tears happen... I just usually take 'em to the shower, where I'm in basic sensory deprivation (except for the feel and sound of the water) and crying starts to seem sorta useless. (Redundant, even, as far as the physical wetness of the tears goes.) True, these are not post-scene tears, but they are pretty substantial wedding-planning ones.

aww, i'm sorry to hear it's so stressful!

 

[bunny bondage]

I think that's pretty common, actually - my girlfriend does the same thing.

bunny bondage, have you considered therapy? I know it's expensive (that's why I'm not in therapy anymore), but it can be a tremendous help through a rough patch.

eek, therapy. i've never been at all comfortable sharing myself with a stranger. during my wilder teenage yeras in which i showed every intention of being as self-destructive as humanly possible, my dad sent me to several therapists. it was a generally bad experience. and yeah, it's expensive too. poor college kids just have to life with our insanities!

thanks for your concern!

 

[bunny bondage]

Bunny are the tears an emotionally release of the scene or do they reveal an unhappiness of something else? You seem to be pretty stressed right now but you said you usually cry.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now.

thanks for the kind words. i've often wondered if i'm just caught up in the cathardic release of crying or if i really do have things in my life i need to cry about.

 

[bunny bondage]

(((Bunny))) Sounds like a stress reaction, hun. The human psyche goes through natural cycles of up and down, and it sounds like you're in a down right now. One of my shrink friends says its natural; unless it continues for several weeks or more you're probly ok. If it does continue on it could be a sign of depression, and you should seek counseling if that's a viable option for you. If you do a search on kink aware professionals, you should be able to find a counselor/psychologist who won't try to cure you of your "perversion" first.

i hadn't even thought about finding a bdsm-friendly shrink. i guess they would have to exist somewhere! thanks for the advice!

 

[bunny bondage]

Quick answer for now......Are you alright after the car accident. You are too bright a light on the board to go unmissed so I hope you are physically and psychologically dealing with it okay. I think you deserve a medal for persevering after the first two cars, but as I am a believer in everything happening for a reason, maybe they were trying to send you a warning in some way.

As to the tears question. I often have similar responses, and there does not seem any rhyme or reason as to the type of scene. What may produce no reaction one day, the next week can see me uncontrollably in tears. Sometimes it is a sense of being overwhelmed by the scene and the beauty of what we have, other times it can be reflective or an overflow from unrelated issues which the scene has helped me achieve release through. One thing I have noticed though is it is very hormonally based in that the timing is everything. There is a definite pattern which I am told is not that unusual for some of us. Perhaps an idea is to keep a diary over a couple of months and see if there is a pattern appearing.

Catalina

collecting evidence and implimenting the scientific method! i like it!

yeah, i'm ok after the accident. the car is totaled, and i have a wicked burn on my arms from the airbag, but other than that i'm ok. thanks for caring! ^_^

 

[catalina_francisco]

So glad to hear you are okay, though a little worse for wear. Yuk, pain without pleasure....you poor thing. LOL.

Catalina

 

[quietwillow]

bunny I cry almost 99% of the time at the end of a scene. It is an emotional release for me as it cleanses me and helps me calm myself down after we are done. It ususally lasts just a few minutes but can be a bit longer if the scene was intense.
Sometimes I have to use a lot of positive self talk to help calm myself afterwards.
The stress in your life has a lot to do with how you are feeling I would imagine. I am sorry you are having a rough time.

qw

 

[Caitlynne]

bunny I cry almost 99% of the time at the end of a scene. It is an emotional release for me as it cleanses me and helps me calm myself down after we are done. It ususally lasts just a few minutes but can be a bit longer if the scene was intense.
Sometimes I have to use a lot of positive self talk to help calm myself afterwards.
The stress in your life has a lot to do with how you are feeling I would imagine. I am sorry you are having a rough time.

qw

Me too! 99% of the time I cry after a scene, and it is an emotional release, not sad at all, but intense. I wish I could stop it, I want to stop it, but the emotion just overwhelms me. But it is not sad for me at all. It actually is cathartic.

I hope things begin to calm down for you Bunny, I really do!!!

~ Cait

 

[Croctden]

often after a very good scene i end up in tears. this in itself is fine and in fact appreciated by "the new guy". however, i just had an experience which i've had a few times before and i wanted to ask for some help. after everything was over and we were laying on the bed, i still felt like i was about to cry. it seemed like if i even started talking i would break into tears. it took me a long time to come down and stabelize.

does this happen to anyone else? is there some trick to putting a stop to the waterworks?

i considered the fact that things are very crazy right now. the professor is still in my life and being generally weird and scary. i've driven three cars this week and all are now un-drivable for various reasons, the worst of which being that i was in a serious wreck. so yes, life is hectic, and i considered that perhaps this was the reason i couldn't stop crying, but this isn't the first time i found it hard to pull myself together after a scene.

advice?

BB-

My first thought is that I glad you survived the wreck.

My second is that you should be careful of the professor. Sometimes Doms have trouble letting go. We're used to having our way.

Moving on to the tears. Are you crying more in general? If that's the case it may be very related to you outside life.

Do you have a history crying often? I remember your post about not crying with your last Dom. Crying may just be you relieving stress. It may be physical reaction: some people cry whenever they finish a strenous activity (running a marathon for example). Are you upset aftewards, or crying for reasons you do not understand?

 

[ammre]

Purging?
like... i don't think you're sinning or anything lame like that but as an example... A repentence for sins some people are scouraged and use that as their reconsiliation with themselves...

While you dont have to add the "sinning" and religious context to it... maybe that's jsut your final form of release after a scene... you've give over your physical side, now your emotional side needs to be purged as well?

i dunno... i'm all werid spiritual about pain stuff sometimes, just ignore me.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Stick Shift

and get this, i'm trying to learn how to drive a stick shift, too. it's very hard...

ok, i'll skip right over THAT straight line.

Learning a stick might seem difficult at first, but once you go, you'll never want to go back. You end up with more control of the vehicle.

Wait, control concept ... dominant ... whoops ... never mind.

 

[FungiUg]

i hadn't even thought about finding a bdsm-friendly shrink. i guess they would have to exist somewhere! thanks for the advice!

Actually, my lover and I found one when we went to relationship counselling. She was having problems dealing with my interest in BDSM, the "semi-open relationship" and so on. He was cool!

 

[bunny bondage]

quietwillow and Caitlynne, i'm glad to hear that this does happen to other people! thanks a lot for sharing your experiences.

crocden, i'm never upset afterward, just crying for no reason. it could just be a stress-release thing, you're right.

ammre, there's no denying that tears are good cleansing for the soul, and i definitely get a release from it. the problem lies in actually stopping this relelase! i totally agree with the whole spirtual side of the human being, and sometimes, we really do just have to cry.

AA, yeah, a stick really isn't for me! all that control, it's just not what i want!

thanks everyone for your very nice replies. you're such a sturdy mountian on which to lean!

 

[Croctden]

When I'm right...

...put it in big letters

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... AA, yeah, a stick really isn't for me!...

So not touching that straight line, AGAIN!

...all that control, it's just not what i want! ...

Good thing for you others exist that do ...