Regular Relationship with D/s question

Jancarius

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Jun 3, 2007
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Okay, so me and girlfriend for the most part have what would be called a normal relationship, but I've got a dominant streak (though nothing that major), and she enjoys being submissive so we've been playing around with master slave roles in bed. However, one of the things that's happened in the past with this kind of relationship where hte master-slave play only really occurs in the bed is that...Hmm, not sure how to say this right. But the relationship's realities can intrude on the fantasy. That is, she can say I can make her do anything I want, but I know she doesn't mean she'll clean the house or do something she's not thought of herself already. How can I minimize this/bring her around to trying new things through orders without breaking the mood?
 
Different people have different boundaries, but I've found I can bend them a little by playing with how far your bedroom wall extends if you know what I mean.

Keep it sexual - so if she cleans she might earn something sexual she loves. Or if you tease her all through dinner you might be able to introduce something conditional before you consummate when you get home.

I've actually been able to train a couple of people into non sexual service by *using* the sexual component as a motivator. And not everyone's cut out for that - she may REALLY only bend so far.
 
You could always try the good old-fashioned negotiation.

You say you have a "normal relationship" (whatever that is), so maybe she wants the D/s to stop at the bedroom door. But i would talk to her about it before attempting to "train" her in ways she may not want to go.

Not everyone's submission is all-pervasive in their lives. She may like the mix you have now. Again, negotiation.
 
museofdragon said:
You could always try the good old-fashioned negotiation.

You say you have a "normal relationship" (whatever that is), so maybe she wants the D/s to stop at the bedroom door. But i would talk to her about it before attempting to "train" her in ways she may not want to go.

Not everyone's submission is all-pervasive in their lives. She may like the mix you have now. Again, negotiation.

You mean he should COMMUNICATE? :eek: What a novel idea.
 
I applaud the concept of direct communication. However, I have found that in many many MANY a situation people will be into things that their human brain doesn't like, but their lizard brain really really REALLY likes - there are certainly things I like that I had no idea I'd like till confronted with them. If you asked me "hey would you like to kick someone in the nuts" at one point I'd think it was just stupid and say no.
 
Netzach said:
I applaud the concept of direct communication. However, I have found that in many many MANY a situation people will be into things that their human brain doesn't like, but their lizard brain really really REALLY likes - there are certainly things I like that I had no idea I'd like till confronted with them. If you asked me "hey would you like to kick someone in the nuts" at one point I'd think it was just stupid and say no.

Yup.

I mean you do need to respect the idea that *she* might have zero interest to expand outside the bedroom, but if she likes teh sexual rewards of being kinky, she might be willing to gradually and gently expand outside the bedroom if the sexual rewards continue outside the bedroom. It does take more subtelty that flat out communication, though...
 
Jancarius said:
Okay, so me and girlfriend for the most part have what would be called a normal relationship, but I've got a dominant streak (though nothing that major), and she enjoys being submissive so we've been playing around with master slave roles in bed. However, one of the things that's happened in the past with this kind of relationship where hte master-slave play only really occurs in the bed is that...Hmm, not sure how to say this right. But the relationship's realities can intrude on the fantasy. That is, she can say I can make her do anything I want, but I know she doesn't mean she'll clean the house or do something she's not thought of herself already. How can I minimize this/bring her around to trying new things through orders without breaking the mood?


You know...I would willingly do many many things sexual and non-sexual for my Dom but if he and I were married doing all the housework would be a hard limit. Cooking-yes, laundry-yes, anything sexual--YES, but to clean the house while he is sitting on his butt watching sports--sorry I can't do that.. :)
 
ecstaticsub said:
You know...I would willingly do many many things sexual and non-sexual for my Dom but if he and I were married doing all the housework would be a hard limit. Cooking-yes, laundry-yes, anything sexual--YES, but to clean the house while he is sitting on his butt watching sports--sorry I can't do that.. :)

Amen Sister!

Can I get a Hallelujah?

*snickers*

Seriously I wouldn't either. He's got to be holding up his end in things. Whatever that end is . . .

*mind starts wandering into ideas of spanking and such*

Fury :rose:
 
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