Regarding dialog - a question.

[Madd_Maxxine]

I need some guidance on proper dialog formatting for submissions. Is there something here for that?

 

[mildlyaroused]

Lit doesn't have a specific style guide, so what follows is just how dialogue is formatted in English regardless of this website.

Basics

Every time a new character speaks, it should go on a new line.

You can use single or double quotation marks, it doesn't really matter.

Dialogue can come before or after a dialogue tag (said, replied, etc), an action (nodded, smiled, etc), or it can be free-standing in your story as long as we know who is talking from the context.

Pedantic Stuff [pasted from another post I made ages ago]:

Verbs are not dialogue tags - which is to say that dialogue does not belong to most verbs.

Don't fall into that trap. Unless a verb specifically relates to the vibrating of vocal chords and thus the formation of speech, the dialogue does not belong to that verb. Put a period in or before the dialogue, not a comma.

"Okay." She smiled.
She smiled. "Okay."
"Okay," she smiled.
She smiled, "Okay."

If a dialogue tag does not immediately precede or follow a sentence of dialogue, use a period and not a comma.

She leant across the table. "Someone might be listening."
She leant across the table, "Someone might be listening."
"Lower your voice." She leant across the table. "Someone might be listening."
"Lower your voice," She leant across the table, "Someone might be listening."

On top of that, if a line of dialogue has prose in the middle you only use commas when it is one sentence split up by prose. If the first clause of dialogue concludes a sentence, use a period before starting the second.

"Lower your voice," she said. "Someone might be listening."
"Lower your voice," she said, "Someone might be listening."
"Did you ever hear," he said, "about the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
"Did you ever hear," he said. "About the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

This is super helpful. I think I was mostly doing it right, but I'll need to check. So I don't need to put line spacer between each change of speaker, just a new line like this:

Dr. James watched Cassidy tremble, as the blush traveled from her face, presumably to her covered neck and chest. She looked like she might cry. Several moments of silence passed before Dr. James asked, "So how does that make you feel, Cassie?"
"Scared," the girl responded as she seemed to try to sink into her sweatshirt.
Standing and turning her back to Cassidy, Dr. James asked, "And what exactly are you afraid of?"

 

[MelissaBaby]

Verbs are not dialogue tags - which is to say that dialogue does not belong to most verbs.

Don't fall into that trap. Unless a verb specifically relates to the vibrating of vocal chords and thus the formation of speech, the dialogue does not belong to that verb. Put a period in or before the dialogue, not a comma.

"Okay." She smiled.
She smiled. "Okay."
"Okay," she smiled.
She smiled, "Okay."

This is a rule I frequently, knowingly violate.

The key word there is "knowingly".

 

[AlinaX]

Every time a new character speaks, it should go on a new line.

While this is not an absolute rule, it's one that should be followed until you are more confident and experienced.

You can use single or double quotation marks, it doesn't really matter.

Well, that's complicated. Lit prefers double. One of my early stories here was rejected for using single instead of double, but I think I've published at least one story here where I've used single.

Grammar aside, always think about the rhythm of the narrative, not just the speech itself. The goal is to add clarity without being intrusive.

So I don't need to put line spacer between each change of speaker, just a new line like this:

You do need the empty lines / spacers because you are starting new paragraphs.

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

While this is not an absolute rule, it's one that should be followed until you are more confident and experienced.


Well, that's complicated. Lit prefers double. One of my early stories here was rejected for using single instead of double, but I think I've published at least one story here where I've used single.

Grammar aside, always think about the rhythm of the narrative, not just the speech itself. The goal is to add clarity without being intrusive.


You do need the empty lines / spacers because you are starting new paragraphs.

I had tried the spacers and it just seemed to screw up everything. I use the line spacers to show real breaks in the content. Once I started using them for every single speaker switch (I have tons of dialog in my story), it really seemed to mess up the sense of flow to me. Is this a hard rule?

 

[AlinaX]

Here's one I wrote earlier: Oral Intercourse
I don't know if I'm missing your point, but if it's just that the spaces sometimes seem excessive, then yes.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I had tried the spacers and it just seemed to screw up everything. I use the line spacers to show real breaks in the content. Once I started using them for every single speaker switch (I have tons of dialog in my story), it really seemed to mess up the sense of flow to me. Is this a hard rule?

It might be helpful to try thinking about your dialogue in terms of rhythm, rather than flow.

 

[Rustyoznail]

A new line for every speaker does pad out the story, but it's all about ease of reading for the reader. I've had long paragraphs where a character does something, says something, does another thing, then says a bit more... etc. When I read it back aloud, it's too much. I have to create a break somewhere that makes sense.

Probably an idea to post a couple of paragraphs here for people to look at and give you an opinion.

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

Here's one I wrote earlier: Oral Intercourse
I don't know if I'm missing your point, but if it's just that the spaces sometimes seem excessive, then yes.

Trying to explain. I currently use a space to separate paragraphs, but to consider one line of dialog a separate paragraph seems excessive. I guess I could use two lines of space for what I would consider a true paragraph break and single spaces between each line of dialog, but I hate how that looks as I'm reading it. Maybe it's just me.

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

A new line for every speaker does pad out the story, but it's all about ease of reading for the reader. I've had long paragraphs where a character does something, says something, does another thing, then says a bit more... etc. When I read it back aloud, it's too much. I have to create a break somewhere that makes sense.

Probably an idea to post a couple of paragraphs here for people to look at and give you an opinion.

She decided she would continue to try to walk around the apartment without any clothes on. She fixed herself some lunch. As she was eating, she looked around at the messy apartment and decided that she should do some cleaning after she finished lunch.


She put on some dance music (but no clothes) and got to work on the bathroom, then the kitchen, and finally the living room. She had picked up the living room and was now vacuuming. A favorite song came on, and she found herself dancing to it. She was swaying and bouncing, up on her toes and twirling, she was feeling completely carefree...
...and she did not hear the door open and shut behind her.
“Oh my God, Cassidy, what are you doing?!” yelled Laura.
Cassidy heard the shout over the music, twirled around on her toes, and let out a shriek. Her roommate had entered the apartment with her boyfriend and they were both looking at her. As soon as Cassidy turned around, Laura put a hand up over her boyfriend’s eyes. He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
“You go outside, NOW!” she ordered the boyfriend. The boyfriend took another glance over his shoulder before exiting the apartment.
Cassidy tried to cover herself with her hands, but then decided to bolt into the bedroom, saying, “Be right back!”

 

[mildlyaroused]

Trying to explain. I currently use a space to separate paragraphs, but to consider one line of dialog a separate paragraph seems excessive. I guess I could use two lines of space for what I would consider a true paragraph break and single spaces between each line of dialog, but I hate how that looks as I'm reading it. Maybe it's just me.

A new paragraph is a new line. What I mean is this:



Paragraphs in fiction don't have an entire line between them. So, the first sentence in the excerpt above - "I lean my forehead on the window and sigh. "Is it always this bloody congested?" - is its own paragraph.

The line below that is technically another paragraph, but there's no line break in between the two.

Lots of dialogue can indeed make the story look more sparse, because there's more white space on the page. But it is generally speaking (particularly when you start out) necessary to put each character on a new line. If different characters have their lines entwined with prose in one paragraph it becomes harder and harder for the reader to discern.

What you wrote here -

Dr. James watched Cassidy tremble, as the blush traveled from her face, presumably to her covered neck and chest. She looked like she might cry. Several moments of silence passed before Dr. James asked, "So how does that make you feel, Cassie?"
"Scared," the girl responded as she seemed to try to sink into her sweatshirt.
Standing and turning her back to Cassidy, Dr. James asked, "And what exactly are you afraid of?"

- is correct. Each character is on a separate line. Technically they are all separate paragraphs, but there's no line break in between them.

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

She decided she would continue to try to walk around the apartment without any clothes on. She fixed herself some lunch. As she was eating, she looked around at the messy apartment and decided that she should do some cleaning after she finished lunch.


She put on some dance music (but no clothes) and got to work on the bathroom, then the kitchen, and finally the living room. She had picked up the living room and was now vacuuming. A favorite song came on, and she found herself dancing to it. She was swaying and bouncing, up on her toes and twirling, she was feeling completely carefree...
...and she did not hear the door open and shut behind her.
“Oh my God, Cassidy, what are you doing?!” yelled Laura.
Cassidy heard the shout over the music, twirled around on her toes, and let out a shriek. Her roommate had entered the apartment with her boyfriend and they were both looking at her. As soon as Cassidy turned around, Laura put a hand up over her boyfriend’s eyes. He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
“You go outside, NOW!” she ordered the boyfriend. The boyfriend took another glance over his shoulder before exiting the apartment.
Cassidy tried to cover herself with her hands, but then decided to bolt into the bedroom, saying, “Be right back!”

Vs below: (This one doesn't seem too bad, but I have long segments of people talking and each sentence would be it's own paragraph with space between each one.)

She decided she would continue to try to walk around the apartment without any clothes on. She fixed herself some lunch. As she was eating, she looked around at the messy apartment and decided that she should do some cleaning after she finished lunch.

She put on some dance music (but no clothes) and got to work on the bathroom, then the kitchen, and finally the living room. She had picked up the living room and was now vacuuming. A favorite song came on, and she found herself dancing to it. She was swaying and bouncing, up on her toes and twirling, she was feeling completely carefree...
...and she did not hear the door open and shut behind her.

“Oh my God, Cassidy, what are you doing?!” yelled Laura.

Cassidy heard the shout over the music, twirled around on her toes, and let out a shriek. Her roommate had entered the apartment with her boyfriend and they were both looking at her. As soon as Cassidy turned around, Laura put a hand up over her boyfriend’s eyes. He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“You go outside, NOW!” she ordered the boyfriend. The boyfriend took another glance over his shoulder before exiting the apartment.

Cassidy tried to cover herself with her hands, but then decided to bolt into the bedroom, saying, “Be right back!”

 

[gunhilltrain]

I had tried the spacers and it just seemed to screw up everything. I use the line spacers to show real breaks in the content. Once I started using them for every single speaker switch (I have tons of dialog in my story), it really seemed to mess up the sense of flow to me. Is this a hard rule?

Well, I use double quotes because that allows me to use single quotes inside the dialogue. An example might be when the person is quoting someone else. Also, I believe song titles, for example, would be another case.

What are spacers? Asterisks and so forth I imagine. No, you don't need them between lines of dialogue, for sure. Here are examples of quotes within quotes from a story published this morning. This is from the Word file.

“So what do you think of Reno?”

“ ‘The Biggest Little City in The World?’ Just another place for me, I guess. Better than Los Angeles, at least.”

A bit later, this appears.

"Anyway, it’s called ‘White Freightliner Blues.’ ”

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

A new paragraph is a new line. What I mean is this:

View attachment 2331696

Paragraphs in fiction don't have an entire line between them. So, the first sentence in the excerpt above - "I lean my forehead on the window and sigh. "Is it always this bloody congested?" - is its own paragraph.

The line below that is technically another paragraph, but there's no line break in between the two.

Lots of dialogue can indeed make the story look more sparse, because there's more white space on the page. But it is generally speaking (particularly when you start out) necessary to put each character on a new line. If different characters have their lines entwined with prose in one paragraph it becomes harder and harder for the reader to discern.

What you wrote here -

- is correct. Each character is on a separate line. Technically they are all separate paragraphs, but there's no line break in between them.

So your work was wider spaced but there was no extra line between each paragraph. I noticed that you also indented each paragraph. I did that at one time, but had moved away from it. I can't even remember what the rule is anymore for that.

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

Well, I use double quotes because that allows me to use single quotes inside the dialogue. An example might be when the person is quoting someone else. Also, I believe song titles, for example, would be another case.

What are spacers? Asterisks and so forth I imagine. No, you don't need them between lines of dialogue, for sure. Here are examples of quotes within quotes from a story published this morning. This is from the Word file.

“So what do you think of Reno?”

“ ‘The Biggest Little City in The World?’ Just another place for me, I guess. Better than Los Angeles, at least.”

A bit later, this appears.

"Anyway, it’s called ‘White Freightliner Blues.’ ”

Sorry for the confusion. I meant a blank line between each line of dialog.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Sorry for the confusion. I meant a blank line between each line of dialog.

Okay, each line is its own paragraph then, which is what we are talking about here I think.

 

[SimonDoom]

This is super helpful. I think I was mostly doing it right, but I'll need to check. So I don't need to put line spacer between each change of speaker, just a new line like this:

Dr. James watched Cassidy tremble, as the blush traveled from her face, presumably to her covered neck and chest. She looked like she might cry. Several moments of silence passed before Dr. James asked, "So how does that make you feel, Cassie?"
"Scared," the girl responded as she seemed to try to sink into her sweatshirt.
Standing and turning her back to Cassidy, Dr. James asked, "And what exactly are you afraid of?"

This is fine in terms of how you've punctuated the dialogue. But I would do it this way:


Dr. James watched Cassidy tremble, as the blush swept over her face. She looked like she might cry. Several moments of silence passed.

"So how does that make you feel, Cassie?" Dr. James asked.

"Scared," the girl said, sinking into her sweatshirt.

Dr. James stood and turned her back to Cassidy.

"What exactly are you afraid of?" she asked.


These are judgment calls, but this is my thinking:

1. The passage appears to be telling what's happening from Dr. James's point of view. Dr. James has no way of knowing if the blush has spread to parts of Cassidy's body that are covered, so there's no point in narrating that.
2. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but I think that in dialogue, the dialogue should usually come first, rather than being buried after narrative. It reads better and is more engaging. Move your dialogue lines up. Make a new line for the dialogue.
3. I prefer "said" to "responded." I'm a staunch believer in the view that one should usually use "said" rather than substitutes. We already KNOW that she's responding from the nature of what she says. The word "responded" duplicates and tramples on the dialogue. It's you, the author, intruding unnecessarily upon what your character says. Just use "said." It's the least instrusive word an author can use in this case.
4. What does "she seemed to try to sink into her sweatshirt" mean? If this is from Dr. James's point of view, then narrate what Dr. James actually sees. "Seem" is a dodge word. "Try" suggests Dr. James knows what's in Cassidy's mind. Just narrate what Dr. James actually sees. I offered one suggestion but there are other ways to do it.
5. The last line is OK, but I think it's punchier and clearer to turn the "ing" words into active verbs, and to take the line of dialogue and put it in its own line. I especially think it reads better online when dialogue is handled that way. Also, by doing this you make the timing clearer concerning the "standing and turning" and the question being asked.

 

[alohadave]

Trying to explain. I currently use a space to separate paragraphs, but to consider one line of dialog a separate paragraph seems excessive. I guess I could use two lines of space for what I would consider a true paragraph break and single spaces between each line of dialog, but I hate how that looks as I'm reading it. Maybe it's just me.

You are over thinking this. Put a single space between all paragraphs, whether the paragraph is one line or several.

Readers will not get confused or lose the flow or rhythm or whatever else you are worried about.

 

[32aa]

I think if there's a dialog just between two characters, you don't have to identify who's speaking each time it changes. Just end the quotation marks on the first speaker. Go to the next line, a new set of quotation marks. And so on.
I find it irritating when...
"I'm cold," said Jane.
"Here's a blanket," said Dick.
"Thank you," said Jane.
"You're welcome," said Dick.

Just my opinion

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

This is fine in terms of how you've punctuated the dialogue. But I would do it this way:


Dr. James watched Cassidy tremble, as the blush swept over her face. She looked like she might cry. Several moments of silence passed.

"So how does that make you feel, Cassie?" Dr. James asked.

"Scared," the girl said, sinking into her sweatshirt.

Dr. James stood and turned her back to Cassidy.

"What exactly are you afraid of?" she asked.


These are judgment calls, but this is my thinking:

1. The passage appears to be telling what's happening from Dr. James's point of view. Dr. James has no way of knowing if the blush has spread to parts of Cassidy's body that are covered, so there's no point in narrating that.
2. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but I think that in dialogue, the dialogue should usually come first, rather than being buried after narrative. It reads better and is more engaging. Move your dialogue lines up. Make a new line for the dialogue.
3. I prefer "said" to "responded." I'm a staunch believer in the view that one should usually use "said" rather than substitutes. We already KNOW that she's responding from the nature of what she says. The word "responded" duplicates and tramples on the dialogue. It's you, the author, intruding unnecessarily upon what your character says. Just use "said." It's the least instrusive word an author can use in this case.
4. What does "she seemed to try to sink into her sweatshirt" mean? If this is from Dr. James's point of view, then narrate what Dr. James actually sees. "Seem" is a dodge word. "Try" suggests Dr. James knows what's in Cassidy's mind. Just narrate what Dr. James actually sees. I offered one suggestion but there are other ways to do it.
5. The last line is OK, but I think it's punchier and clearer to turn the "ing" words into active verbs, and to take the line of dialogue and put it in its own line. I especially think it reads better online when dialogue is handled that way. Also, by doing this you make the timing clearer concerning the "standing and turning" and the question being asked.

Thanks for the thoughts. Lots to digest here. Some of your suggestions make sense in this paragraph but not in the whole work. I'll need to think about how I would incorporate some of this. I will say that I got tired of the word "said," and have used other words like responded, replied, proclaimed, explained, instructed, etc. I just can't keep using the word "said" again and again. Just my preference.

 

[Madd_Maxxine]

I think if there's a dialog just between two characters, you don't have to identify who's speaking each time it changes. Just end the quotation marks on the first speaker. Go to the next line, a new set of quotation marks. And so on.
I find it irritating when...
"I'm cold," said Jane.
"Here's a blanket," said Dick.
"Thank you," said Jane.
"You're welcome," said Dick.

Just my opinion

I throw in an identifier periodically just to make sure people haven't gotten lost, but I agree, I wouldn't want to put the "said 'character name'" after each line.

 

[32aa]

I throw in an identifier periodically just to make sure people haven't gotten lost, but I agree, I wouldn't want to put the "said 'character name'" after each line.

If it's a long exchange, I can see that. I've read some long dialog exchanges and have to go back and figure out who's talking. Maybe,just add something like
Jane smiled, "Thank you."

 

[mildlyaroused]

If it's a long exchange, I can see that. I've read some long dialog exchanges and have to go back and figure out who's talking. Maybe,just add something like
Jane smiled, "Thank you."

.

 

[32aa]

.

Hey... I've had a couple of wines.