Chasingdreams
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2017
- Posts
- 1,443
Reflections on Gentleman Doms
- Thread starter Wild_Honey_66
- Start date
Chasingdreams
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2017
- Posts
- 1,443
On point for sure
Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Posts
- 50,279
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Posts
- 81,195
justasimplegirl
a vicious tease
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2017
- Posts
- 1,646
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
And the other way around, too.
Most definitely both ways
indeed yes. but by putting this particular quote on THIS thread, I was hoping to both bump the thread and entice some of the gentlemen to speak for themselves about how they see things from their side.
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Posts
- 81,195
indeed yes. but by putting this particular quote on THIS thread, I was hoping to both bump the thread and entice some of the gentlemen to speak for themselves about how they see things from their side.
That would be marvelous!
I hope to hear their thoughts on this.
Chasingdreams
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2017
- Posts
- 1,443
This is beautiful. It’s nice to see a glimpse of vulnerability from a Dom.
I need someone to need me like this.
Last edited:
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
elli1point1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2017
- Posts
- 1,346
yes!
except for the bullet part. sorry.
Nzerxx
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2017
- Posts
- 1,177
Last edited:
Mrtenant
Lord of Chaos
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2009
- Posts
- 29,480
From the wilds of the internet......
http://www.sirandbabydoll.com/dom-perfection-written-with-the-help-of-sir/
The road to becoming a Dom begins with character.
How to be a Dom. There are two Doms who usually ask this question of Sir. One is the new Dom who is looking at this whole new world with “baby eyes” and it is overwhelming. The other is the Dom who has charged, brave and passionate, head long into this new world. They now have done something they fear is wrong and want to correct it, never, ever to make a mistake again.
How do you learn Dominance? Is there a book? A course? Some sort of Dom school? A club deep in the bowels of some Gothic building with a hidden door you have to knock three times and know the password to gain access? I jest, of course. But how to be the this perfect Dom. This picture they have in their head of whatever that may be. I don’t know what that is, but boy it must be hard to attain. Because we get asked about it a lot. Well, I hate to burst your bubble. As much as I love and adore Sir, He is not perfect. Not the perfect Dom or husband or father. If you ask Him He would say far from it. Let the two of us shed some light on some of His imperfections. Or me at least, with his permission of course.
He is eloquent on our Facebook page. The secret? I am the writer in the family. He and I discuss what things we want to put up there and I write a majority of them. Don’t get me wrong. The words are His. I am just a bit more skilled at writing things as He would like to see them. He will tell you He is a small town county boy with redneck tendencies. So yes, you would get a lot of y’all’s and pert’ near’s and ain’t it’s. It’s not a bad thing. It is just not the way He and I would like to see the page.
He is a sensitive guy. He comes across that way on the page. But, if you met Him in person, you would not get a whole lot out of Him. He is very quiet. He likes to hang back and assess the situation, appearing standoffish. He talks to only a few people. And those people do not hear anything overly personal. He reserves His friendship for a select few, leaving most at arm’s length.
His redneck tendencies are enduring to me. His simplicity about love and life and how to live is heartwarming. But, to some, He comes across as crass, simple, not worldly. His idea of dressing up is jeans, not a tee-shirt and shoes that are not work boots.
This post is not meant to trash Sir. Quite the opposite. It is about people seeing Sir for who He is. Imperfect to most. But perfect for me. He is not the Dom you read about in books. He is not standing there in a three-piece suit, cleanly shaven, with a crop in hand, while I kneel politely at His feet awaiting His every whim. That would last all of 5 seconds in our house. I would either have a dog in my lap. Or I would be explaining to one of the teens who reside here what in the world is going on. He does not have unlimited resources, whisking my off to exotic places for sexy D/s trysts. Well, unless He is holding out on me. In which case, I have a few things I would like to request. He works. I work. We have two teen kids. We have two dogs. We have my ailing parents to care for. Often by the evening we are tried, exhausted, and have to work to stay awake for the evening news. While D/s is always in the under current of our relationship, in the way we interact with each other, we are sometimes too exhausted for anything other than life.
As a Dom, Sir has made mistakes. Some simple. Some bringing me to tears. Some ruining a session. Some causing outbursts. Some causing silence for days. So how do you get past it? How do you, as a Dom, get past hurting your sub in some way?
Ok, this is the part where Sir helps me out.
First, and foremost, let it go and quit beating yourself up for it. Doms are human. They make mistakes. Accept the truth that You are going to make mistakes. You will do things that are not going to work. Give Yourself a break . I understand that Your job is to protect us, grow us, lead us. But, it is our job to understand that You are human and not perfect. But I brought My sub to tears? Now what? What about the tension? Talk to your sub. See that word in there… YOUR sub. Take responsibility and talk about it. Tell Your sub how you feel. Apologize. Be open.
Learn from your mistakes. Look at what happened. What went wrong? Is there something you can change? Maybe you stepped out of Your comfort zone. You tried something you saw or read and it failed. Or you stepped out of Your sub’s comfort zone. There was something Your sub requested and it didn’t turn out as they hoped. Maybe it was unintentional. Maybe not. Maybe You decided to push soft limits and see where it would go. As long as You did not break any trust and ignore set hard limits and You respected Your sub and stopped when the safe word was called, just look at it and learn from it.
If you feel uncertain on a subject then communicate that to Your sub. Doms are not expected to be all-knowing. There are things that Your sub may ask for that You may not know about. You may not even feel comfortable with their request. Tell them. Be honest. This is when You should read, research, talk to other Doms who may be more experienced in an area. The internet is a plethora of information. Some of it quite helpful. Some of it down right scary. Find reliable sites and information to help You. Look for recommended books. Ask others who have played is ways You may be interested in for advice. If you are not shy and have access to one, visit a club with a dungeon. You can learn a lot from just watching a scene in person. ***As a side note, I am not talking about watching porn as a how to video. While porn can be “inspirational” and give you ideas, please note that some of the play they do can be very dangerous without proper training.
For instance, in the beginning, Sir and I had to figure out where our lines were when it came to pain. I am not into pain. Sir is not into inflicting pain. I like a small amount of pain. Enough to be exciting but not enough to be distracting. Sir had to find that line. He talked to me about it. He talked about not wanting to hurt me. He talked about how He did not enjoy inflicting a great deal of pain. He was afraid of ruining what we built with one smack too many. I, as a sub, needed to understand that. I needed to give Him the freedom to see how far He could push and where his comfort level was. I need to give Him the freedom to push me to find my line. I needed Him to know that if he pushed too far or went to fast that it was ok. We were learning. As long as He respected me I would honor Him. We made some mistakes. At times being too harsh or too soft. We learned though trial and error and communication where our sweet spot was. And what a sweet spot it is.
We work hard every day to make this work. Some days we ease right though. Others…. Not so much. But we are committed. And that makes it worth it. We simply love each other the best we can every day and let the other stuff work out. I learned early on in this, if we honor and respect one other there is nothing that we can’t work out. I do not expect perfection from Sir. I know mistakes will be made. It is how Sir handles them is what makes Him a great Dom. Not His ability to be perfect. If I wait for that, I will be waiting a long time. And think of all the fun play time I would miss if I did.
http://www.sirandbabydoll.com/dom-perfection-written-with-the-help-of-sir/
The road to becoming a Dom begins with character.
How to be a Dom. There are two Doms who usually ask this question of Sir. One is the new Dom who is looking at this whole new world with “baby eyes” and it is overwhelming. The other is the Dom who has charged, brave and passionate, head long into this new world. They now have done something they fear is wrong and want to correct it, never, ever to make a mistake again.
How do you learn Dominance? Is there a book? A course? Some sort of Dom school? A club deep in the bowels of some Gothic building with a hidden door you have to knock three times and know the password to gain access? I jest, of course. But how to be the this perfect Dom. This picture they have in their head of whatever that may be. I don’t know what that is, but boy it must be hard to attain. Because we get asked about it a lot. Well, I hate to burst your bubble. As much as I love and adore Sir, He is not perfect. Not the perfect Dom or husband or father. If you ask Him He would say far from it. Let the two of us shed some light on some of His imperfections. Or me at least, with his permission of course.
He is eloquent on our Facebook page. The secret? I am the writer in the family. He and I discuss what things we want to put up there and I write a majority of them. Don’t get me wrong. The words are His. I am just a bit more skilled at writing things as He would like to see them. He will tell you He is a small town county boy with redneck tendencies. So yes, you would get a lot of y’all’s and pert’ near’s and ain’t it’s. It’s not a bad thing. It is just not the way He and I would like to see the page.
He is a sensitive guy. He comes across that way on the page. But, if you met Him in person, you would not get a whole lot out of Him. He is very quiet. He likes to hang back and assess the situation, appearing standoffish. He talks to only a few people. And those people do not hear anything overly personal. He reserves His friendship for a select few, leaving most at arm’s length.
His redneck tendencies are enduring to me. His simplicity about love and life and how to live is heartwarming. But, to some, He comes across as crass, simple, not worldly. His idea of dressing up is jeans, not a tee-shirt and shoes that are not work boots.
This post is not meant to trash Sir. Quite the opposite. It is about people seeing Sir for who He is. Imperfect to most. But perfect for me. He is not the Dom you read about in books. He is not standing there in a three-piece suit, cleanly shaven, with a crop in hand, while I kneel politely at His feet awaiting His every whim. That would last all of 5 seconds in our house. I would either have a dog in my lap. Or I would be explaining to one of the teens who reside here what in the world is going on. He does not have unlimited resources, whisking my off to exotic places for sexy D/s trysts. Well, unless He is holding out on me. In which case, I have a few things I would like to request. He works. I work. We have two teen kids. We have two dogs. We have my ailing parents to care for. Often by the evening we are tried, exhausted, and have to work to stay awake for the evening news. While D/s is always in the under current of our relationship, in the way we interact with each other, we are sometimes too exhausted for anything other than life.
As a Dom, Sir has made mistakes. Some simple. Some bringing me to tears. Some ruining a session. Some causing outbursts. Some causing silence for days. So how do you get past it? How do you, as a Dom, get past hurting your sub in some way?
Ok, this is the part where Sir helps me out.
First, and foremost, let it go and quit beating yourself up for it. Doms are human. They make mistakes. Accept the truth that You are going to make mistakes. You will do things that are not going to work. Give Yourself a break . I understand that Your job is to protect us, grow us, lead us. But, it is our job to understand that You are human and not perfect. But I brought My sub to tears? Now what? What about the tension? Talk to your sub. See that word in there… YOUR sub. Take responsibility and talk about it. Tell Your sub how you feel. Apologize. Be open.
Learn from your mistakes. Look at what happened. What went wrong? Is there something you can change? Maybe you stepped out of Your comfort zone. You tried something you saw or read and it failed. Or you stepped out of Your sub’s comfort zone. There was something Your sub requested and it didn’t turn out as they hoped. Maybe it was unintentional. Maybe not. Maybe You decided to push soft limits and see where it would go. As long as You did not break any trust and ignore set hard limits and You respected Your sub and stopped when the safe word was called, just look at it and learn from it.
If you feel uncertain on a subject then communicate that to Your sub. Doms are not expected to be all-knowing. There are things that Your sub may ask for that You may not know about. You may not even feel comfortable with their request. Tell them. Be honest. This is when You should read, research, talk to other Doms who may be more experienced in an area. The internet is a plethora of information. Some of it quite helpful. Some of it down right scary. Find reliable sites and information to help You. Look for recommended books. Ask others who have played is ways You may be interested in for advice. If you are not shy and have access to one, visit a club with a dungeon. You can learn a lot from just watching a scene in person. ***As a side note, I am not talking about watching porn as a how to video. While porn can be “inspirational” and give you ideas, please note that some of the play they do can be very dangerous without proper training.
For instance, in the beginning, Sir and I had to figure out where our lines were when it came to pain. I am not into pain. Sir is not into inflicting pain. I like a small amount of pain. Enough to be exciting but not enough to be distracting. Sir had to find that line. He talked to me about it. He talked about not wanting to hurt me. He talked about how He did not enjoy inflicting a great deal of pain. He was afraid of ruining what we built with one smack too many. I, as a sub, needed to understand that. I needed to give Him the freedom to see how far He could push and where his comfort level was. I need to give Him the freedom to push me to find my line. I needed Him to know that if he pushed too far or went to fast that it was ok. We were learning. As long as He respected me I would honor Him. We made some mistakes. At times being too harsh or too soft. We learned though trial and error and communication where our sweet spot was. And what a sweet spot it is.
We work hard every day to make this work. Some days we ease right though. Others…. Not so much. But we are committed. And that makes it worth it. We simply love each other the best we can every day and let the other stuff work out. I learned early on in this, if we honor and respect one other there is nothing that we can’t work out. I do not expect perfection from Sir. I know mistakes will be made. It is how Sir handles them is what makes Him a great Dom. Not His ability to be perfect. If I wait for that, I will be waiting a long time. And think of all the fun play time I would miss if I did.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
^^^^^ this is a wonderful post Mr T. Thank you for finding it and posting it.
Lots of truth. Lots of food for thought. None of us are perfect and we must love each other through these things as we learn. ((((((Mr T.))))))
Lots of truth. Lots of food for thought. None of us are perfect and we must love each other through these things as we learn. ((((((Mr T.))))))
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
https://78.media.tumblr.com/f9d691c68ac5a533bf307c7f4d78678c/tumblr_p2egvhgEuN1urz824o1_400.jpg
This strikes me as another essential image of the gentleman dom
This strikes me as another essential image of the gentleman dom
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
When I call you sir…
When I call you sir, it’s how I convey my respect and admiration for you as a man. There is a sense of quiet awe and appreciation for the work and experiences that have molded you. It is recognition of your strengths and your struggles. Your failures were not the end of your journey, instead they were an obstacle that you either went around or a pit of muck that you fought to crawl out of through determination and pure unadulterated stubbornness.
You’re not perfect. Thank God you’re not perfect, because if you were, you wouldn’t keep putting in the effort to be better. Your imperfections are the parts of you that I want to kiss and caress the most, to let you see that they are just as beautiful in my eyes as those muscles, your sharp wit, your keen mind, or your ability to command attention with just a look. Your flaws are as important to me as anything else in your repertoire.
When I call you sir, instead of any mere pet name, please know that those three little letters are the only ones that could possibly convey the depth of my desire to serve you. Your voice, whether it is stern or soft, is what calms my spirit and puts me at ease. Your hands guide me to the places that only you and I share. So when I kneel before you, to do your bidding, to give you every talent, skill, and ability that I have to offer, and I look up at you with adoration in my eyes, then whisper “thank you sir, for letting me serve you”, understand that no other name will suffice. You are my leader, my partner, and my protector. You are my everything. You are my sir.
~ by southtxdiva
When I call you sir, it’s how I convey my respect and admiration for you as a man. There is a sense of quiet awe and appreciation for the work and experiences that have molded you. It is recognition of your strengths and your struggles. Your failures were not the end of your journey, instead they were an obstacle that you either went around or a pit of muck that you fought to crawl out of through determination and pure unadulterated stubbornness.
You’re not perfect. Thank God you’re not perfect, because if you were, you wouldn’t keep putting in the effort to be better. Your imperfections are the parts of you that I want to kiss and caress the most, to let you see that they are just as beautiful in my eyes as those muscles, your sharp wit, your keen mind, or your ability to command attention with just a look. Your flaws are as important to me as anything else in your repertoire.
When I call you sir, instead of any mere pet name, please know that those three little letters are the only ones that could possibly convey the depth of my desire to serve you. Your voice, whether it is stern or soft, is what calms my spirit and puts me at ease. Your hands guide me to the places that only you and I share. So when I kneel before you, to do your bidding, to give you every talent, skill, and ability that I have to offer, and I look up at you with adoration in my eyes, then whisper “thank you sir, for letting me serve you”, understand that no other name will suffice. You are my leader, my partner, and my protector. You are my everything. You are my sir.
~ by southtxdiva
Nzerxx
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2017
- Posts
- 1,177
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Posts
- 81,195
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
seems like maybe this belongs on this thread?
Seven Deadly Sins of a Dominant
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
1. Inconsistency - If a dominant is inconsistent in applying and checking up on his or her rules, it makes the submissive not know whether to bother following them or not, and if he or she is inconsistent in their expectations of the sub, the way they treat him or her, and how they apply their dominance, it is very unsettling for the sub, and he or she cannot possibly grow or flourish in such a relationship.
2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive.
3. Carelessness - This may seem similar to ‘apathy’, but in this case, I am referring to a dominant who does not think through his or her actions or take the required amount of care during scenes.
4. Dishonesty - Openness, good and effective communication are even more vital in a power-exchange relationship than in a vanilla one, because at times the sub will literally be putting his or her safety into the hands of their dominant, and he or she needs to know that they can trust him or her 100%, and that they have been honest with them about their intentions and feelings, and that he or she will respect their limits, if he or she is allowed them, and that they will answer her questions and concerns truthfully.
5. Violence - I am talking about the more abusive type of action where a dominant lashes out whenever he or she becomes angry, and takes his or her rage out on a sub in a physical manner, acting in an uncontrolled way during scenes, causes harm and lasting damage to the sub as a result, and uses their power to intimidate and beat down rather than to control in a consensual manner. It is a difficult line to describe, but i know it is there and i hope that others understand the point I am trying to make.
6. Uncertainty - If a sub gives over control to a dominant, he or she expects him or her to lead, guide, train, and give orders and rules and directions; if the dominant does not know what he or she wants from him or her, does not set any rules or guidelines, is continually changing their mind, leaving him or her to make their own decisions, or worse, still asks him or her what they want and/or think for every situation, it becomes pointless.
7. Arrogance - I think there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance, and too much arrogance can be dangerous in a power-exchange relationship, as it can make the dominant believe he or she is invincible, and that they can do anything they like, and that he or she is the only person that matters; that it should be all about him or her. Ultimately, it can make him or her blame the sub for their own mistakes, neglect their needs entirely, attempt things he or she really is not capable of or competent at, putting the sub at real risk, and turn into the type of person that nobody respects or likes or wants to be around, let alone have a relationship. I think a good dominant needs to keep a tight rein on his or her arrogance, and not let it become too much.
Seven Deadly Sins of a Dominant
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
1. Inconsistency - If a dominant is inconsistent in applying and checking up on his or her rules, it makes the submissive not know whether to bother following them or not, and if he or she is inconsistent in their expectations of the sub, the way they treat him or her, and how they apply their dominance, it is very unsettling for the sub, and he or she cannot possibly grow or flourish in such a relationship.
2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive.
3. Carelessness - This may seem similar to ‘apathy’, but in this case, I am referring to a dominant who does not think through his or her actions or take the required amount of care during scenes.
4. Dishonesty - Openness, good and effective communication are even more vital in a power-exchange relationship than in a vanilla one, because at times the sub will literally be putting his or her safety into the hands of their dominant, and he or she needs to know that they can trust him or her 100%, and that they have been honest with them about their intentions and feelings, and that he or she will respect their limits, if he or she is allowed them, and that they will answer her questions and concerns truthfully.
5. Violence - I am talking about the more abusive type of action where a dominant lashes out whenever he or she becomes angry, and takes his or her rage out on a sub in a physical manner, acting in an uncontrolled way during scenes, causes harm and lasting damage to the sub as a result, and uses their power to intimidate and beat down rather than to control in a consensual manner. It is a difficult line to describe, but i know it is there and i hope that others understand the point I am trying to make.
6. Uncertainty - If a sub gives over control to a dominant, he or she expects him or her to lead, guide, train, and give orders and rules and directions; if the dominant does not know what he or she wants from him or her, does not set any rules or guidelines, is continually changing their mind, leaving him or her to make their own decisions, or worse, still asks him or her what they want and/or think for every situation, it becomes pointless.
7. Arrogance - I think there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance, and too much arrogance can be dangerous in a power-exchange relationship, as it can make the dominant believe he or she is invincible, and that they can do anything they like, and that he or she is the only person that matters; that it should be all about him or her. Ultimately, it can make him or her blame the sub for their own mistakes, neglect their needs entirely, attempt things he or she really is not capable of or competent at, putting the sub at real risk, and turn into the type of person that nobody respects or likes or wants to be around, let alone have a relationship. I think a good dominant needs to keep a tight rein on his or her arrogance, and not let it become too much.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
https://78.media.tumblr.com/7278c7f42b625fd5132de85d0ef2f5e8/tumblr_pebik6BxnB1s59q0f_540.gif
Umbrella: $20
Laundry for the suit: $32
The look in her eyes: Priceless
It takes 2 seconds to make yourself unforgettable and gift her a memory that lasts until eternity.
Make a difference. Always be a gentleman. No matter what. Old school isn‘t old, it‘s timeless and never goes out of style.
Umbrella: $20
Laundry for the suit: $32
The look in her eyes: Priceless
It takes 2 seconds to make yourself unforgettable and gift her a memory that lasts until eternity.
Make a difference. Always be a gentleman. No matter what. Old school isn‘t old, it‘s timeless and never goes out of style.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Posts
- 50,279
Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Posts
- 50,279
Cas, this is my dear friend Josie.
Josie, this is my friend Cas. She's the caretaker around here.
Josie, this is my friend Cas.
She's the caretaker around here.
Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Posts
- 50,279
I could use this for an hour or two.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,907
Cas, this is my dear friend Josie.
Josie, this is my friend Cas.
Ho Josie!
Love seeing activity in this thread
So glad to meet you.
~cb
Similar threads
