Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[Mindfondler]

You did fine. I just got a hair across my ass at the wrong moment and seized on a minor inconsistency in your post. I have become quite touch of late regarding the "Me Tarzan, you Jane" nature of some discourse on relationships. You're a good guy and I sometimes play the curmudgeon card a tad forcefully.

Thanks for that. For a while there, I thought I was going crazy.
.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cascadiabound]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/9f/bb/26/9fbb2692918a53960abad1ccf578854c.jpg

I think the key to this quote is the part about your Dom being human...
that he may need a break

Dom and sub - this is a partnership.

 

[DaddyAsh]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/9f/bb/26/9fbb2692918a53960abad1ccf578854c.jpg

I think the key to this quote is the part about your Dom being human...
that he may need a break

Dom and sub - this is a partnership.

We are only human after all, as much as I try to be marble, and live from an Ivory Tower, the mud still stains.

Ash

 

[cascadiabound]

We are only human after all, as much as I try to be marble, and live from an Ivory Tower, the mud still stains.

Ash

Mud stains us all - Dom, Sub, Daddy, Little, PYL, pyl.
Indeed we are ALL human.
We need each other.
we are all vulnerable.
We each have the power to bring
intense joy, love, sadness, pain, grief, exhilaration, anticipation, pleasure,
and more to each other.
Nothing is simple.
There are no straight lines.

 

[DaddyAsh]

Mud stains us all - Dom, Sub, Daddy, Little, PYL, pyl.
Indeed we are ALL human.
We need each other.
we are all vulnerable.
We each have the power to bring
intense joy, love, sadness, pain, grief, exhilaration, anticipation, pleasure,
and more to each other.
Nothing is simple.
There are no straight lines.

Here is to being bent at the right angles.

 

[removed9556]

 

[Mindfondler]

In the spirit of the above, I'd be very grateful at the moment for some support on what it means to be a Dom.

I won't post the details here as I don't want to cause another ruckus, but for anyone on Fetlife, I posted a writing on my profile there yesterday evening.

Thanks for any constructive thoughts.
.

 

[cascadiabound]

Oh, but straight can be fun, too.

Des - lovely to see you here.

Say more... straight in what context?
straight cane?
straight up fucking?
straight laced corset?
straight to the bedroom?


*smirk*

 

[DarkSimian]

Des - lovely to see you here.

Say more... straight in what context?
straight cane?
straight up fucking?
straight laced corset?
straight to the bedroom?


*smirk*

straight man, as opposed to the comic relief?

well we all know which one I am

 

[cascadiabound]

found somewhere out on the interwebs....
another idealized list but it does charm my eyeballs.

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it’s in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful
5. Opening the door or giving up a seat for a lady isn’t up
for discussion.
6. Work hard, that is if you want to own anything worth having
7. Starting / instigating a fight is for school boys, but men obtain the power to end one.
8. Ignorance isn’t bliss, knowledge is power.
9. Suit up (make sure they’re tailored to fit)
10. Confidence is a gentleman’s trademark.
11. Comfort zones are for the weak, men aren’t weak.
12. Foul language is for the less educated.
13. Make eye contact and mean business.
14. Lower your standards for no one.
15. Being romantic doesn’t make you a woman.
16. Stay groomed.
17. Admit when you’re wrong
18. Always make the first move, you’re the MAN
19. Handwritten “Thank you” cards aren’t outdated. Use them.
20. Chivalry is not dead, there are just too many boys.
21. It is said you can tell a lot about a man through his handshake, so make it strong and firm.
22. Leave her breathless
23. Judge no one, just improve yourself.
24. Speak your mind, don’t hesitate.
25. Offer your arm to a lady while walking, they’ll feel secure.
26. You’re the man, you pay.
27. Women love compliments, gentlemen provide them.
28. Never wear your hat indoors, it’s disrespectful.
29. Make sure everyone has their plate before you start eating.
30. We don’t always have to be the center of attention, but we are always noticed. It is our signature as gentlemen to come, make a statement, leave, and be remembered.

 

[DaddyAsh]

found somewhere out on the interwebs....
another idealized list but it does charm my eyeballs.

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it’s in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful
5. Opening the door or giving up a seat for a lady isn’t up
for discussion.
6. Work hard, that is if you want to own anything worth having
7. Starting / instigating a fight is for school boys, but men obtain the power to end one.
8. Ignorance isn’t bliss, knowledge is power.
9. Suit up (make sure they’re tailored to fit)
10. Confidence is a gentleman’s trademark.
11. Comfort zones are for the weak, men aren’t weak.
12. Foul language is for the less educated.
13. Make eye contact and mean business.
14. Lower your standards for no one.
15. Being romantic doesn’t make you a woman.
16. Stay groomed.
17. Admit when you’re wrong
18. Always make the first move, you’re the MAN
19. Handwritten “Thank you” cards aren’t outdated. Use them.
20. Chivalry is not dead, there are just too many boys.
21. It is said you can tell a lot about a man through his handshake, so make it strong and firm.
22. Leave her breathless
23. Judge no one, just improve yourself.
24. Speak your mind, don’t hesitate.
25. Offer your arm to a lady while walking, they’ll feel secure.
26. You’re the man, you pay.
27. Women love compliments, gentlemen provide them.
28. Never wear your hat indoors, it’s disrespectful.
29. Make sure everyone has their plate before you start eating.
30. We don’t always have to be the center of attention, but we are always noticed. It is our signature as gentlemen to come, make a statement, leave, and be remembered.

Stolen

 

[AKentuckyLady]

http://img.ifcdn.com/images/9691de8b491eefa73a71c2c3c2fac75473c4ca984ea945bd3d2eb57704028b14_1.jpg

 

[cascadiabound]

http://40.media.tumblr.com/f4c2b3b6b37ddaf7b6f42fd596566711/tumblr_o2k0l2m7Kq1tj4qhxo1_500.jpg

truth.

 

[cascadiabound]

http://40.media.tumblr.com/aa3892b216bacacfd44266847b2b7506/tumblr_o2fr6h0hR31r4a7eeo1_500.jpg

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

found somewhere out on the interwebs....
another idealized list but it does charm my eyeballs.

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman...

Mine, too.

http://img.ifcdn.com/images/9691de8b491eefa73a71c2c3c2fac75473c4ca984ea945bd3d2eb57704028b14_1.jpg

Grateful for those who have chosen that path.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Bump. I really miss this thread.

 

[sunshine57]

they chase you, but not faster than you can reasonably run in your stripper heels.

they want to see you dressed to impress in black garters and no knickers, but you'd better be wearing pearls.

they bust down the door to get to where you're hiding, but they knock first.

they swear at you and call you Whore and Cumslut, but they start with "My Lady," and end with "if you please?"

they fuck you harder and longer than an Avenger train, but they bring you tea and crumpets in bed the next morning.






***NOTICE: the O.P. is entirely full of shit, and has absolutely no idea what she's talking about.
she just thought this would be a fun subject for a thread. ---The Mgmt.

Everything I love about a Daddy in one paragraph.

 

[Mrtenant]

they chase you, but not faster than you can reasonably run in your stripper heels.

they want to see you dressed to impress in black garters and no knickers, but you'd better be wearing pearls.

they bust down the door to get to where you're hiding, but they knock first.

they swear at you and call you Whore and Cumslut, but they start with "My Lady," and end with "if you please?"

they fuck you harder and longer than an Avenger train, but they bring you tea and crumpets in bed the next morning. ......

Because this thread has potential for good understanding, I'll bump it too...nice thread Honey.

...............(snip)


That he had this softness in his make up, allowed me not to build more callous, but rather to soften into him. In fact, I think for me to surrender emotionally as completely would have been impossible without this 'softness'.

There is also that I choose a real person, not a caricature, because I am a real person and not to Live as a caricature either.

I like this A LOT.

For me, I found this to be so true. I am a person. a human being. I need my people as much as they need me. Which means they have to know that I am available and I truly care about them and in order to open that relationship, they must be allowed to care for me. That softness would seem to make that easier. It engenders trust. It says we are all in this together all of which requires excellent communication.

I love my people. They get communication from me.

I'm not sure I have anything to add here, but I have given some thought to Dominant/submissive type relationships.......(snip)

.......I don't know much about D/s. But it seems to me it's a leadership role. And that means that good leader is not one who just bosses people around. The Dom is someone who sees a greater purpose to the exercise and wants to bring out the "best" in the subs that he or she works with.
.........

Having been in several leadership roles, as well as head of household, I know this. My family, including my spouse look to me to be head of household. The hard part is when you have others trying to subvert your efforts.

Key in this, to me.....is knowing who you are. It is your life. You get to decide. And if your proclivity is to take that role in your household, or in the bedroom or both. Then it is.

And as said in numerous previous posts, that's back to where trust and communication have been developed over time and continually worked on. It doesn't happen in one day. And best of luck to anyone if that trust is broken. It can be exponentially harder to reestablish, if at all.

Question for the consideration of the Doms in the room:

How did you come to understand yourself as a Dom? Was this a slow process or a thunderclap? Did you just realize or did you have a relationship with a submissive who helped you "discover" your nature?

I had no idea about it. I spoke about it here this year with one or two people and examined my behavior over the last 30, 40 years and it looks like I have been rather dommish throughout. Will you see me start trotting around with that label? Not hardly. I don't feel like I need such things.

To me you are who you are. The label doesn't make it so. Some people attach a lot of importance to such things as a means of simplifying their thoughts and distilling them down to a word.

Others can't see it any other way than to have a label.

I think also some like it maybe because it helps to center those mysterious feelings within of Dominance or Submission and helps them get off with it as a sexual aid. Kind of like dirty talking while fucking.

I grew up as the only male in a house with three females. I was the man of the house, even if I didn't always feel like it. When it became important, I was very protective of my girls. And they often looked to me for such protection, to defend them.

I found especially in college I had created a safe place for myself and my lovers. A place where they could let themselves be free. No one would judge them, or me. It was a good place. Here, I led the dance, always. And my lovers always returned for more.

As I got married, there were small things I found myself doing. Taking all her tshirts and throwing them out. Telling her no more tshirts. You are beautiful, and I prefer no tshirts. I also bought her sexier underwear and taught her many things about sex. Those were good heady times.

In truth, I wish I had known more at the time of these things about D/s. It did take someone with a submissive nature about them to point it out to me. I had always shied away from the subject.

Like, somehow, a part of me knew, just any number of excuses why I would not take the time or effort to learn more, time, energy, fear of being thought really strange, as if I wasn't already.

Sometimes submission
has nothing to do with collars and crops.
Sometimes there are no chains,
no ropes.
There are no leather straps involved.
Sometimes you are not on your knees
or spread wide across a bed.
Sometimes submission
is a gentle surrender
to a man who at times
needs love as much as you.

blackvelevet Source: theotherpoems
........

That bolded part...makes sense to me

found somewhere out on the interwebs....
another idealized list but it does charm my eyeballs.

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

1. Be gentle to the fairer sex, it’s in the name.
2. Dress well no matter the occasion.
3. Pride is dangerous, be careful.
4. Be humble, be grateful
5. Opening the door or giving up a seat for a lady isn’t up
for discussion.
6. Work hard, that is if you want to own anything worth having
7. Starting / instigating a fight is for school boys, but men obtain the power to end one.
8. Ignorance isn’t bliss, knowledge is power.
9. Suit up (make sure they’re tailored to fit)
10. Confidence is a gentleman’s trademark.
11. Comfort zones are for the weak, men aren’t weak.
12. Foul language is for the less educated.
13. Make eye contact and mean business.
14. Lower your standards for no one.
15. Being romantic doesn’t make you a woman.
16. Stay groomed.
17. Admit when you’re wrong
18. Always make the first move, you’re the MAN
19. Handwritten “Thank you” cards aren’t outdated. Use them.
20. Chivalry is not dead, there are just too many boys.
21. It is said you can tell a lot about a man through his handshake, so make it strong and firm.
22. Leave her breathless
23. Judge no one, just improve yourself.
24. Speak your mind, don’t hesitate.
25. Offer your arm to a lady while walking, they’ll feel secure.
26. You’re the man, you pay.
27. Women love compliments, gentlemen provide them.
28. Never wear your hat indoors, it’s disrespectful.
29. Make sure everyone has their plate before you start eating.
30. We don’t always have to be the center of attention, but we are always noticed. It is our signature as gentlemen to come, make a statement, leave, and be remembered.

CB, I love that list. It is very charming. I'll finish up with that.

Before I do, I do enjoy the posts of Callmetim and Des, and even All4love. I know some may not enjoy hers, but I see someone reaching, searching, stretching, standing up for herself. She's trying. Apparently all on her own. While I don't agree with everything, I am impressed by her tenacity.

Finally,

For me Gentleman Dom.

I grew up where it was impressed upon me to be a Gentleman, as often as possible. I have since passed that on to my son.

Your list CB, I can't imagine anyone doing everything on it, but there are many of us men that do quite a few of those things, often without thought, it's who we are, who we choose to be. It is first in that moniker, Gentleman Dom, and rightly so.

And I'm going to go out on a limb here. I can only be who I am, not someone else's version.

To also be a Dom, at least as described, is to also be that leadership type of person, to love and care for those who count on you most, to set that good example, to teach and guide, your people.

To explore your Dominance or live it with your submissive in good healthy, often sexy fun ways. Give your submissive room to succeed. Find out their capabilities, then challenge them. Help them to grow even as you yourself grow and in the doing of which, the relationship becomes all the stronger.

I have found that in that exploration, it feeds me as much as it feeds her. I grow extremely protective of her (even from myself if need be) and at the same time want to ravish her.

It also means that that you might screw up. And that involves risk, which can be so exciting. With the right person, love will carry the day.

All of which is to say and this is what I will live and die by,

Know who you are, know yourself, do not fear it, communicate well, do not fear good open communication. Listening is every bit of good as speaking. Have faith in your self and your submissive. Understand your emotions and temper them with wisdom and more communication.

Patience and self control, in all things, whether communicating or doing your Dommish stuff.

I'm sure to be missing some things. That's what I have so far. Best of luck all you Gentleman Doms and those who seek them

 

[Mrtenant]

And this little gem I found on another thread, led me to believe that this is something I really could explore...Knowing myself the way I do, it was a nice boost.

To echo some of the above, personally i think you would get more from an inexperienced dom who you have a connection with than from an experienced one you do not. Personally my check list would be, in this order

• Someone who listens to you and acts on what you tell them
• Someone you have a good personal connection with
• Someone with lots of experience
• Someone with lots of equipment

Watch out for red flags, watch out for a dom who is not willing to consider your needs as well as their own and watch out for someone who acts like you're not important to them.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Bump. I really miss this thread.

Everything I love about a Daddy in one paragraph.

I'm so glad people are still enjoying it. It holds lots of memories for me.

Mr. T

 

[cascadiabound]

Thank you Mr. T for your excellent and well considered post. So glad to see this thread resurrected once again.

Originally Posted by Gianbattista View Post
...............(snip)

[...Doms/ PYL's are ... ]real people, not a caricature, because I am a real person and not to Live as a caricature either.

I like this A LOT.

For me, I found this to be so true. I am a person. a human being. I need my people as much as they need me. Which means they have to know that I am available and I truly care about them and in order to open that relationship, they must be allowed to care for me. That softness would seem to make that easier. It engenders trust. It says we are all in this together all of which requires excellent communication.

I love my people. They get communication from me.

This to me is key in any relationship but especially one that has any element of control D/s. Above sentences bolded for emphasis

Originally Posted by lakesailer_mi View Post
(snip) it's a leadership role....The Dom is someone who sees a greater purpose to the exercise and wants to bring out the "best" in the subs that he or she works with.

<snip>Having been in several leadership roles, as well as head of household, I know this. My family, including my spouse look to me to be head of household. <snip> It is your life. You get to decide. And if your proclivity is to take that role in your household, or in the bedroom or both. Then it is.

I think you have identified something important here. That if you have a tendency or a proclivity to be the leader or be in control in your relationship either 24/7 or just in the bedroom - well then that is who you are.

Originally Posted by cascadiabound View Post
Question for the consideration of the Doms in the room:

How did you come to understand yourself as a Dom?​

​

thank you for taking this question seriously... really.

I had no idea about it. I spoke about it here this year with one or two people and examined my behavior over the last 30, 40 years and it looks like I have been rather dommish throughout. Will you see me start trotting around with that label? Not hardly. I don't feel like I need such things.

It seems to me that sometimes we get very hung up on labels and these "boxes" just box us in. The slicing and dicing of how we identify is only useful to the degree it helps give us language to articulate what we mean and to help define concepts that might be confusing otw. But... mostly I think it is the rare person who falls neatly into a box or a category. We are who we are. We fall somewhere along the continuum of sexual behavior and proclivities along any number of axis'

To me you are who you are. The label doesn't make it so. Some people attach a lot of importance to such things as a means of simplifying their thoughts and distilling them down to a word.

yes - exactly this.
Others can't see it any other way than to have a label.
I think also some like it maybe because it helps to center those mysterious feelings within of Dominance or Submission and helps them get off with it as a sexual aid. Kind of like dirty talking while fucking.

I grew up as the only male in a house with three females. I was the man of the house, even if I didn't always feel like it. When it became important, I was very protective of my girls.
snip...
... in college I had created a safe place for myself and my lovers.... Here, I led the dance, always. And my lovers always returned for more.

As I got married, there were small things I found myself doing. Taking all her tshirts and throwing them out. Telling her no more tshirts. You are beautiful, and I prefer no tshirts. I also bought her sexier underwear and taught her many things about sex. Those were good heady times.

In truth, I wish I had known more at the time of these things about D/s. It did take someone with a submissive nature about them to point it out to me. I had always shied away from the subject.

Never to late to learn new things honey.

CB, I love that list. It is very charming. I'll finish up with that.

For me Gentleman Dom.

I grew up where it was impressed upon me to be a Gentleman, as often as possible. I have since passed that on to my son.

Your list CB, I can't imagine anyone doing everything on it, but there are many of us men that do quite a few of those things, often without thought, it's who we are, who we choose to be. It is first in that moniker, Gentleman Dom, and rightly so.

And I'm going to go out on a limb here. I can only be who I am, not someone else's version.

To also be a Dom, at least as described, is to also be that leadership type of person, to love and care for those who count on you most, to set that good example, to teach and guide, your people.

To explore your Dominance or live it with your submissive in good healthy, often sexy fun ways. Give your submissive room to succeed. Find out their capabilities, then challenge them. Help them to grow even as you yourself grow and in the doing of which, the relationship becomes all the stronger.

I have found that in that exploration, it feeds me as much as it feeds her. I grow extremely protective of her (even from myself if need be) and at the same time want to ravish her.

It also means that that you might screw up. And that involves risk, which can be so exciting. With the right person, love will carry the day.

All of which is to say and this is what I will live and die by,

Know who you are, know yourself, do not fear it, communicate well, do not fear good open communication. Listening is every bit of good as speaking. Have faith in your self and your submissive. Understand your emotions and temper them with wisdom and more communication.

Patience and self control, in all things, whether communicating or doing your Dommish stuff.

I'm sure to be missing some things. That's what I have so far. Best of luck all you Gentleman Doms and those who seek them

*swoon*

Thank you again for your post.
Appreciate you sharing of yourself and your thinking about such things now.

Cascadia

 

[cascadiabound]

http://68.media.tumblr.com/e75e4a8571c3c12bb5fceca58f824322/tumblr_o0yu2jnOrP1uiz68go1_500.jpg

 

[Mrtenant]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/38/75/c8/3875c86f604da12e145d6f70e7ebd743.jpg