Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

just when I think I have even the faintest clue about how a D/S relationship is supposed to work.....I wander in here, and everything goes out the window

I think I'll stick with celibacy

when you come to visit, I'll put on a presentation for you.. Complete with a PowerPoint slideshow and a swag bag for attending..

 

[Scentofawoman]

just when I think I have even the faintest clue about how a D/S relationship is supposed to work.....I wander in here, and everything goes out the window

I think I'll stick with celibacy

Uhem.... The correct d/s translation for that is chastity.

 

[Scentofawoman]

*bites tongue *

Yes bite it really hard

 

[Scentofawoman]

Yeah, all those Dom guys know they can't handle you!

Possibly

 

[RoyceConnors]

Uhem.... The correct d/s translation for that is chastity.

...as in cock cage.

 

[Scentofawoman]

...as in cock cage.

A lady just smiles a knowing smile.

 

[cascadiabound]

Question for the consideration of the Doms in the room:

How did you come to understand yourself as a Dom? Was this a slow process or a thunderclap? Did you just realize or did you have a relationship with a submissive who helped you "discover" your nature?

 

[DarkSimian]

when you come to visit, I'll put on a presentation for you.. Complete with a PowerPoint slideshow and a swag bag for attending..

I'm just enough of a smartass to hold you to that

 

[DarkSimian]

Uhem.... The correct d/s translation for that is chastity.

my translation is reality

and now back to your regularly scheduled program

 

[AKentuckyLady]

CascadiaBound, thank you for finding this thread and resurrecting it.

I have spent hours tonight reading the entire thread. And now I'm a wreck.

Some of the posts resonated deep inside me; some made me nearly start crying. Some made me mad, and some made me want to scream in frustration.

If that's not a good thread, I don't know what is. I'm going to continue to lurk, I hope to see more posts by the men who have posted before. And I have so much thinking to do.

Thank you

 

[cascadiabound]

^^^ oh Kentucky Lady. Thank you so much for your words.

And Gentlemen...I point to her post that your contributions are valued and valuable.
cb

 

[All_4_Love]

I'd love to see your opinions and feelings on mathematics. lol


Get the feeling query is funnin with me here..


I'm out.

Okay, now I'm mad.

I'm gonna tell you something, Cowboy...

I stand about 5 feet tall. I weigh 110 pounds. I have long curly hair down to my waist. And although I can't say that I absolutely agree, I've been told that I'm quite beautiful from time to time. For a woman of my age, I think I'm doing pretty good. I've also been known to get wet just from a man raising his voice at me.

That sounds nothing like Query. And if you're suggesting that somehow he and I are in on something together, you're wrong about that, too. I've read his posts. He is the last person on this forum I would have a friendship with.

I'm going to say this one more time. You quoted another poster here earlier who believes the sub is always in control. You've also stated that your sub takes the lead. Apparently, you have those beliefs and still deem your relationship a Dom/sub relationship. I DO NOT share those beliefs. Period.

If you want this to be over...then end it. But for goodness' sake, quit with the insults and accusations.

 

[cowslinger64]

Okay, now I'm mad.

I'm gonna tell you something, Cowboy...

I stand about 5 feet tall. I weigh 110 pounds. I have long curly hair down to my waist. And although I can't say that I absolutely agree, I've been told that I'm quite beautiful from time to time. For a woman of my age, I think I'm doing pretty good. I've also been known to get wet just from a man raising his voice at me.

That sounds nothing like Query. And if you're suggesting that somehow he and I are in on something together, you're wrong about that, too. I've read his posts. He is the last person on this forum I would have a friendship with.

I'm going to say this one more time. You quoted another poster here earlier who believes the sub is always in control. You've also stated that your sub takes the lead. Apparently, you have those beliefs and still deem your relationship a Dom/sub relationship. I DO NOT share those beliefs. Period.

If you want this to be over...then end it. But for goodness' sake, quit with the insults and accusations.

LOL...

First of all, I really couldn't care any less what you look like.... and trust me, being hot will get you nowhere with me. Ask that airhead PTK what I think about her, I'm sure her and her "little butt" are floating around here somewhere under a different name.

Query has a hundred alts, all with differing personalities so it's not out of the realm of possibility you are one... but I was just busting on you about that. lol

I'm going to say this very slowly... since you do not seem to be reading it. Yes, I quoted another poster, and that was because he was wrong about what he said.

I am NOT in a master/slave relationship. Which is one where the sub fully relinquishes control to the master. That's their lifestyle 24/7.

I am in a dom/sub relationship. We do NOT play there all the time. We play there in the bedroom, and at fetish events. We are in an actual relationship, so there are times when I defer to her because I fully respect her and her opinion. That's not relinquishing my role as dom because at that moment, we are not playing the part. You know why? BECAUSE WE ARE NOT MASTER/SLAVE AND DO NOT PLAY IT 24/7.


There is a HUGE distinction there that you seem to wanna wish away with your feelings on the subject, which you have zero experience with. I'm not sure why you insist.. especially after you've said multiple times that you were done. Which I had said I was and here I am.

I hope this helps.

 

[Scentofawoman]

Slinger brings up a good point that people don't seem to understand, the difference between a 24 hour relationship and a "in the bedroom" relationship.

One thing I never did in a cyber relationship is negotiate. There was no hard limits. I wrote and talked about things like they were reality.

Then I went to my first BDSM party. And I had to start negotiating how hard someone could hit me, how hard could they touch me, where could they touch me, where could they leave marks?

These are real questions in a real relationship. If a man is not asking you those questions, he's not a real Dom.

 

[All_4_Love]

I hope this helps.

No, you haven't helped me in the slightest bit. And that was the point of my original post directed to you, was that the empathetic and compassionate qualities that are to define a gentleman Dom may be useful in helping the submissive women that you label as bobbleheads with low self esteem find their way.

And I am not so bold as to assume that you care what I look like. If that was the case, I'd have sent you a picture. And I've only done that one time in all of the years that I've been on this forum.

And the reason why I continued to insist is because you started making this personal and started being accusatory. This, of course, from the man that keeps saying I'm speaking on things that I know nothing about.

I agree with you that I have much to learn. I also agree that we have differing perspectives. What I don't agree with are the labels that are tossed about from the very people in this forum that keep insisting that people like myself need to stop labeling them and putting them into a box.

I believe there are true Doms and true submissives. I also believe the same as you that there is a lot of role playing, which to me, equals a lot of games. And I see a lot of that going on throughout this forum. Also, like you, I take this type of relationship quite seriously. And yes, I base much of that on my feelings. I am a submissive woman, after all.

Take care.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Slinger brings up a good point that people don't seem to understand, the difference between a 24 hour relationship and a "in the bedroom" relationship.

One thing I never did in a cyber relationship is negotiate. There was no hard limits. I wrote and talked about things like they were reality.

Then I went to my first BDSM party. And I had to start negotiating how hard someone could hit me, how hard could they touch me, where could they touch me, where could they leave marks?

These are real questions in a real relationship. If a man is not asking you those questions, he's not a real Dom.

agree^^ with Scent..

I understand A4L's point of view, but by her definition, if I understand it, then DD/BG relationships can't fall under BDSM. My personal experience tells me that this is not the case, but I can see why some people might draw a hard line. It simply means we are all different.

The best way to understand BDSM, in my opinion, is to view BDSM as a spectrum on which people may fall either to the left, the right, or somewhere in between.

 

[All_4_Love]

I'm not sure why you insist.. especially after you've said multiple times that you were done. Which I had said I was and here I am.

And, now I've done exactly what I said I wouldn't do by disrespecting my relationship and my significant other by discussing the sexual aspects of my sexuality.

So, here we both are.

Gee, the sexual aspects of my sexuality? That made a whole lot of sense.

Okay, now I'm a bobblehead. *smile*

 

[cascadiabound]

Clearly there is a long-standing difference of opinion about what it means to be Dom and sub between some of the posters here. Since that seems to be well explicated now, perhaps we could return to thoughts offered by those who identify as Gentlemen Doms.

Here's a starting point to respond to: (once again)

Question for the consideration of the Doms in the room:

How did you come to understand yourself as a Dom? Was this a slow process or a thunderclap? Did you just realize or did you have a relationship with a submissive who helped you "discover" your nature?

 

[cascadiabound]

The best way to understand BDSM, in my opinion, is to view BDSM as a spectrum on which people may fall either to the left, the right, or somewhere in between.

And this seems accurate to me as well.
Thanks RA.

 

[cowslinger64]

No, you haven't helped me in the slightest bit. And that was the point of my original post directed to you, was that the empathetic and compassionate qualities that are to define a gentleman Dom may be useful in helping the submissive women that you label as bobbleheads with low self esteem find their way.

And, now I've done exactly what I said I wouldn't do by disrespecting my relationship and my significant other by discussing the sexual aspects of my sexuality.

So, here we both are.

Gee, the sexual aspects of my sexuality? That made a whole lot of sense.

Okay, now I'm a bobblehead. *smile*

I said those women were not submissives. They claim to be tho. They are broken and as such should not be seeking out a dom... and that some of the so-called "doms" I've seen are nothing more than predatory women haters with control issues.


Those are the realities of the bdsm community.


There are lots of articles on the internet about this type of relationship. IMO, the only confusion in this thread is from a lack of knowledge. A complete lack.

Ah well..

 

[All_4_Love]

There are lots of articles on the internet about this type of relationship. IMO, the only confusion in this thread is from a lack of knowledge. A complete lack.

Ah well..

Okay. Then, if I am still one that you're referring to, I apologize for not having enough knowledge to share my thoughts, opinions, and feelings here.

 

[ponydriver]

Clearly there is a long-standing difference of opinion about what it means to be Dom and sub between some of the posters here. Since that seems to be well explicated now, perhaps we could return to thoughts offered by those who identify as Gentlemen Doms.

Here's a starting point to respond to: (once again)

Yes please!!!! Leave the poor dead horse alone. Let's get back to a useful discussion.

 

[Scout44]

CascadiaBound, thank you for finding this thread and resurrecting it.

I have spent hours tonight reading the entire thread. And now I'm a wreck.

Some of the posts resonated deep inside me; some made me nearly start crying. Some made me mad, and some made me want to scream in frustration.

If that's not a good thread, I don't know what is. I'm going to continue to lurk, I hope to see more posts by the men who have posted before. And I have so much thinking to do.

Thank you

I too have read this back from post 1. This is such a fascinating topic and one I know very little about but wanted to also add that I applaud the open and honest discussions that have taken place on what is an intensely personal subject. I have learned so much from both sides. I will continue to lurk and learn if that is ok.

Thank you.

 

[cowslinger64]

Yes please!!!! Leave the poor dead horse alone. Let's get back to a useful discussion.

What it boils down to me... is I am active in this lifestyle. I do not claim to know it all, but I do know a good bit and have had conversations with those that have been in it a very long time. I don't want to see misinformation about it spread here. I'm sure there are some that have interest in exploring it and that begins with honest, open and factual discussions..


There is already a complete misconception about bdsm in society....no need to make it worse here.

 

[Malich]

How did you come to understand yourself as a Dom? Was this a slow process or a thunderclap? Did you just realize or did you have a relationship with a submissive who helped you "discover" your nature?

Ok, I'll answer this since no-one else has yet.

For me, I knew I was different from the first time I started fantasising about the girls I knew. I always thought about tying them up, taking them against their will and I thought I was defective as I never saw it on the TV.

Then at the age of 20 I met someone who would eventually become my first sub and my now ex-wife, who had some D/s experience and who, during some very long conversations over a few years, gave me the basics of what D/s was

Since then it's been 18 years of constant learning and discovering new facets of myself and the things I enjoy.

So no real thunderbolt moment, it's part of who I have always been, sexually at least, and it just took someone with the right vocabulary to let me put it into words.