Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[Scentofawoman]

Quite simply, one reason is that he stated in one of his posts that at times his wife takes the lead.

Also, I don't believe Cowslinger to be a gentleman or a Dom for that matter, although I do understand that is quite a strong opinion and rude of me to speak.

Ok opinions of Slinger aside (I disagree on both accounts on).

You say that a true dominant should never let a submissive take lead?

In what sense and why?

 

[All_4_Love]

Ok opinions of Slinger aside (I disagree on both accounts on).

You say that a true dominant should never let a submissive take lead?

In what sense and why?

Oh geez, now I'm on trial here.

There is no sense and why. Look at your statement.

 

[cowslinger64]

Quite simply, one reason is that he stated in one of his posts that at times his wife takes the lead.

Also, I don't believe Cowslinger to be a gentleman or a Dom for that matter, although I do understand that is quite a strong opinion and rude of me to speak.

You know as much about me as everything I've posted on this subject.

I love it when people think they know me....and couldn't possibly be more wrong.


Not that it matters, but she's not my wife.. and as I have tried to point out, she is not my slave. NOT A SLAVE.

And in addition....you can find a bazillion different definitions for dom and sub..What you have with your dom falls under that umbrella....same as what I have with my woman.

 

[RoyceConnors]

In its basic form, a D/s relationship occurs whenever one partner gives up any or all of their control to the other, in ANY manner. Every relationship is different, as each is based on personal preferences.

As for a sub being in control, the sub is ALWAYS in control and allows a Dom to do what it is she or he desires to happen to them and the control to stop it immediately.

Hope that clears up any discrepancies.

 

[All_4_Love]

You know as much about me as everything I've posted on this subject.

I love it when people think they know me....and couldn't possibly be more wrong.


Not that it matters, but she's not my wife.. and as I have tried to point out, she is not my slave. NOT A SLAVE.

And in addition....you can find a bazillion different definitions for dom and sub..What you have with your dom falls under that umbrella....same as what I have with my woman.

And you know as much about submissive women as to reduce them to mindless women with no self esteem, willing, and I stress the word willing, although you probably won't understand why, to just submit to anyone, as opposed to understanding that many of these women are so submissive that they fall into the hands of the wrong men. They NEED to be controlled so much that they themselves are accepting of abusive situations in a desperate attempt to have their needs fulfilled.

And I do not have a Dom, Cowslinger. No experience whatsoever. I know what I feel. I know what I've lived.

And I am completely out of this conversation this time, and I mean it.

 

[cowslinger64]

In its basic form, a D/s relationship occurs whenever one partner gives up any or all of their control to the other, in ANY manner. Every relationship is different, as each is based on personal preferences.

As for a sub being in control, the sub is ALWAYS in control and allows a Dom to do what it is she or he desires to happen to them and the control to stop it immediately.

Hope that clears up any discrepancies.

That is in a master/slave relationship. NOT dom/sub.

Sorry partner..

The second part is off as well. A slave gives up that control one time and does as her master bids at all times. A contract can drawn up between them to discuss the finer points of their relationship tho, I know people who have done just that. As to whether a master ever defers to his slave, I suppose is up to the individual couple.

You can't equate a m/s relationship to a d/s...they are different.

 

[cowslinger64]

And you know as much about submissive women as to reduce them to mindless women with no self esteem, willing, and I stress the word willing, although you probably won't understand why, to just submit to anyone, as opposed to understanding that many of these women are so submissive that they fall into the hands of the wrong men. They NEED to be controlled so much that they themselves are accepting of abusive situations in a desperate attempt to have their needs fulfilled.

And I do not have a Dom, Cowslinger. No experience whatsoever. I know what I feel. I know what I've lived.

And I am completely out of this conversation this time, and I mean it.

Good...cause you really don't know what you're talking about. I've seen just such behavior PERSONALLY.


So gain some experience, then perhaps add some of your thoughts based on that.. and not watching 50 Shades of Grey.

 

[All_4_Love]

Good...cause you really don't know what you're talking about. I've seen just such behavior PERSONALLY.


So gain some experience, then perhaps add some of your thoughts based on that.. and not watching 50 Shades of Grey.

I've never seen 50 Shades of Grey.

 

[cowslinger64]

I've never seen 50 Shades of Grey.

And I do not have a Dom, Cowslinger. No experience whatsoever. I know what I feel. I know what I've lived.

No experience whatsoever in D/S but you can decide what d/s is based on it? Come on...


I don't wanna be a dick, but this is ridiculous.

 

[Scentofawoman]

Oh geez, now I'm on trial here.

There is no sense and why. Look at your statement.

I'm sorry I'm clarifying your statements.

I'm just surprised at how "people" tend to start thinking about D/s relationship as in a Male D and female S ways only.

I'll just leave it here that D/s is just a label of a lifestyle but happens in one's bedroom stays in the bedroom unless one was invited in.


Sorry OP I think I changed thread direction

 

[cascadiabound]

Oh geez, now I'm on trial here.

There is no sense and why. Look at your statement.

Ok opinions of Slinger aside (I disagree on both accounts on).

You say that a true dominant should never let a submissive take lead?

In what sense and why?

In its basic form, a D/s relationship occurs whenever one partner gives up any or all of their control to the other, in ANY manner. Every relationship is different, as each is based on personal preferences.

As for a sub being in control, the sub is ALWAYS in control and allows a Dom to do what it is she or he desires to happen to them and the control to stop it immediately.

Hope that clears up any discrepancies.

As always I would like to thank everyone for adding their voice to this conversation.
All_4_Love ~ I would like to point out that no one is putting you on trial here - from my perspective watching the dialogue unfold, an honest question was asked seeking clarification of your opinion and understanding.

I have long been fond of saying that the only two people who understand what is going on in a marriage (or any other dyad relationship/ D/s relationship) are the 2 people in it and sometimes even they don't. Relationships are evolving moving targets. D/s is a big fat wide continuum of a buffet of behaviours and activities and the ways in which control is exerted and power is exchanged.

I am interested in how other people came to their own understanding of themselves - as subs, as doms, as people in relationship to each other.

I would suggest that each of us are best able to speak to OUR OWN EXPERIENCE and what has been true for us.
To suggest that there is a true path, or one way to be correct in practicing submission or domination seems to me to be wrong-headed. It is exactly RIGHT if it works for YOU.
Just as there is lots of ways to have a marriage, lots of ways to have sex, lots of ways to feel good with another person... there is a wide range of what is Dom and sub. It is a big umbrella.

Thank you to all of you for the overall respectful tone that has been managed here with a difficult topic that folks have a lot of investment in and a lot of questions about and a lot of general cultural misunderstandings and misrepresentations of.

Speaking from our own experience... and being clear that it is our opinion and not some capital "T" truth is also helpful to further dialogue.
To be clear - I am not accusing anyone of anything... just making a gentle suggestion.

~~ ~~​

 

[All_4_Love]

And I do not have a Dom, Cowslinger. No experience whatsoever. I know what I feel. I know what I've lived.

No experience whatsoever in D/S but you can decide what d/s is based on it? Come on...


I don't wanna be a dick, but this is ridiculous.

Yes, sir, I can have knowledge of what it is based on and also an opinion. My lack of being involved in a healthy D/s relationship and my lack of attending your munches and living 'the lifestyle" does not disqualify what I feel in my heart to be true.

And you're not a dick. Just a man very strong in his convictions, however wrong I personally may believe them to be.

And you're right, this is ridiculous.

 

[cowslinger64]

Yes, sir, I can have knowledge of what it is based on and also an opinion. My lack of being involved in a healthy D/s relationship and my lack of attending your munches and living 'the lifestyle" does not disqualify what I feel in my heart to be true.

And you're not a dick. Just a man very strong in his convictions, however wrong I personally may believe them to be.

And you're right, this is ridiculous.

You said you had no experience in a d/s relationship. And based on your suggestions of what the lifestyle is, and the fact that somehow you've pointed out that my sub and I are not in the lifestyle, I'd say you have either no knowledge or erroneous.

Your feelings? This isn't love, like, lust, happy, sad, glad... this is a lifestyle.. and while there are broad parameters to it, there are still a loose set of rules and definitions regarding it.

I have seen women degrade themselves at the whim of misogynists.. those women are not submissive, they are broken.. the same way those men aren't "doms".

So you go right ahead and believe whatever you like. But IMO you have a lot to learn about a subject if you wish to be taken seriously.

 

[RoyceConnors]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvfofcIE1Q

Theme song for this thread.

 

[All_4_Love]

So you go right ahead and believe whatever you like. But IMO you have a lot to learn about a subject if you wish to be taken seriously.

I have no doubt that I have much to learn.

And I have no desire to be taken seriously or not. Either way does not matter to me. I have a desire to express my opinions and feelings, for which I have done throughout this thread.

And to clarify, I never said you and your sub were not in the lifestyle. I couldn't care less about the lifestyle. But do not think for one second that means that I don't know myself and who and what I am.

 

[cowslinger64]

I have no doubt that I have much to learn.

And I have no desire to be taken seriously or not. Either way does not matter to me. I have a desire to express my opinions and feelings, for which I have done throughout this thread.

And to clarify, I never said you and your sub were not in the lifestyle. I couldn't care less about the lifestyle. But do not think for one second that means that I don't know myself and who and what I am.

Snip:

I could not agree with you more. Beautiful beyond what words could even say. And with all due respect, I don't consider your relationship a Dom/sub relationship and that is where we will always disagree.


I'd love to see your opinions and feelings on mathematics. lol


Get the feeling query is funnin with me here..


I'm out.

 

[Scentofawoman]

Snip:

I could not agree with you more. Beautiful beyond what words could even say. And with all due respect, I don't consider your relationship a Dom/sub relationship and that is where we will always disagree.


I'd love to see your opinions and feelings on mathematics. lol

It's the fuzzy math... Remember?



Get the feeling query is funnin with me here..


I'm out.

Aww man don't run away! It was just getting interesting. I'm waiting for you to slip up. You still owe me for some comments you made about me and my legs not spreading in a long time

 

[Scentofawoman]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvfofcIE1Q

Theme song for this thread.

I depeche mode.

 

[Scentofawoman]

In its basic form, a D/s relationship occurs whenever one partner gives up any or all of their control to the other, in ANY manner. Every relationship is different, as each is based on personal preferences.

As for a sub being in control, the sub is ALWAYS in control and allows a Dom to do what it is she or he desires to happen to them and the control to stop it immediately.

Hope that clears up any discrepancies.

Sorry I find fallacies in your argument too. (Not that I'm agreeing with Slinger)

 

[RoyceConnors]

I depeche mode.

I got a soft spot for 80's music.

 

[Scentofawoman]

I got a soft spot for 80's music.

80's music.


I think I scared everyone away

 

[lakesailer_mi]

80's music.


I think I scared everyone away

Yeah, all those Dom guys know they can't handle you!

 

[cowslinger64]

Yeah, all those Dom guys know they can't handle you!

*bites tongue *

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

https://parisolympiapress.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/les-menages-modernes-1923-topfer_0001.jpg?w=194&h=300

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ26OhpbHl68gCHTrhcmAXrkrAHRG2KB6c-XZbT9C5MagLBruF-2A

 

[DarkSimian]

just when I think I have even the faintest clue about how a D/S relationship is supposed to work.....I wander in here, and everything goes out the window

I think I'll stick with celibacy