Really new writer, looking for feedback on how to improve!

[sound_afraid]

Hey everyone,

I've been working on trying to improve upon my writing, as I'm relatively new and having a hard time getting my stories above the 4.3 range or so. Would anyone here have any feedback on how to improve to get future stories higher?

https://literotica.com/s/the-making-of-a-new-piss-slut

https://literotica.com/s/the-piss-sluts-meet-each-other

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off

Thanks!

 

[StillStunned]

I read "The Panties She Can't Take Off", and I enjoyed it. You have an easy style where the writing doesn't intrude on the story.

A couple of pointers, though.

First, the easiest way to get your scores up is to write longer stories. About 1.5-2 Lit pages (5-7.5k words) seems to be the point where readers become most engaged. That gives you enough to present the opening, build up the tension and lead it to a big finale.

Next, your story reads a bit factual. "This happened, then that." A bit too much tell, not enough show. Try to slow the story down. Get into your character's head and describe her thoughts and feelings. Let her pause and question things. Let her wonder about what she's feeling and why. Don't feel any responsibility towards your reader to spell it out: if they infer it for themselves, it will make them feel more closely connected to your character.

In the meantime, welcome to Lit and have fun writing erotica!

 

[sound_afraid]

I read "The Panties She Can't Take Off", and I enjoyed it. You have an easy style where the writing doesn't intrude on the story.

A couple of pointers, though.

First, the easiest way to get your scores up is to write longer stories. About 1.5-2 Lit pages (5-7.5k words) seems to be the point where readers become most engaged. That gives you enough to present the opening, build up the tension and lead it to a big finale.

Next, your story reads a bit factual. "This happened, then that." A bit too much tell, not enough show. Try to slow the story down. Get into your character's head and describe her thoughts and feelings. Let her pause and question things. Let her wonder about what she's feeling and why. Don't feel any responsibility towards your reader to spell it out: if they infer it for themselves, it will make them feel more closely connected to your character.

In the meantime, welcome to Lit and have fun writing erotica!

Thank you! Yes I did notice I tend to rush my first couple of stories. I'm working on chapter 2 of The Panties She Can't Take Off and I've already focused a little more on slowing it down and getting into the character's head. Hoping that helps on both of the fronts (length and getting into the "show" realm)

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

First, the easiest way to get your scores up is to write longer stories. About 1.5-2 Lit pages (5-7.5k words) seems to be the point where readers become most engaged. That gives you enough to present the opening, build up the tension and lead it to a big finale.

I don't know if people really like those more, or if only those who like those stories bother to finish, and thus rate, them.

Anyway, would a thread like this work better in Story Discussion Circle?

Or does... nothing work better in Story Discussion Circle.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I don't know if people really like those more, or if only those who like those stories bother to finish, and thus rate, them.

Anyway, would a thread like this work better in Story Discussion Circle?

Or does... nothing work better in Story Discussion Circle.

Nothing goes on in Story Discussion. You'll get more of a response here - but even so, not much

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

Nothing goes on in Story Discussion. You'll get more of a response here - but even so, not much

I'm pretty sure I posted a thread in Story Discussion, and it was moved here. Weird.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm pretty sure I posted a thread in Story Discussion, and it was moved here. Weird.

You did, and it's still live.

The Feedback Forum does get a bit more traffic, so my suggestion would be to post in your other thread and link to this one, so you've got any discussion all in the one place (this thread).

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

You did, and it's still live.

The Feedback Forum does get a bit more traffic, so my suggestion would be to post in your other thread and link to this one, so you've got any discussion all in the one place (this thread).

Okay, cool.

Chapter 2 on that one is pending. I'll announce when it's published.

 

[sound_afraid]

I read "The Panties She Can't Take Off", and I enjoyed it. You have an easy style where the writing doesn't intrude on the story.

A couple of pointers, though.

First, the easiest way to get your scores up is to write longer stories. About 1.5-2 Lit pages (5-7.5k words) seems to be the point where readers become most engaged. That gives you enough to present the opening, build up the tension and lead it to a big finale.

Next, your story reads a bit factual. "This happened, then that." A bit too much tell, not enough show. Try to slow the story down. Get into your character's head and describe her thoughts and feelings. Let her pause and question things. Let her wonder about what she's feeling and why. Don't feel any responsibility towards your reader to spell it out: if they infer it for themselves, it will make them feel more closely connected to your character.

In the meantime, welcome to Lit and have fun writing erotica!

I took your advice (er, tried to) with the second part and so far I'm doing a lot better in the rating column! Not sure if I want to continue with this series since it sorta feels like a wrap unless I can get some ideas on where to go with this storyline from here, but your general writing advice definitely helped.

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off-ch-02

 

[StillStunned]

I took your advice (er, tried to) with the second part and so far I'm doing a lot better in the rating column! Not sure if I want to continue with this series since it sorta feels like a wrap unless I can get some ideas on where to go with this storyline from here, but your general writing advice definitely helped.

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off-ch-02

This was much better! And the next time will be even better. Soon you'll find yourself writing a thousand words just to describe someone running their finger over their partner's skin.

 

[NoviceAspen]

Hey everyone,

I've been working on trying to improve upon my writing, as I'm relatively new and having a hard time getting my stories above the 4.3 range or so. Would anyone here have any feedback on how to improve to get future stories higher?

https://literotica.com/s/the-making-of-a-new-piss-slut

https://literotica.com/s/the-piss-sluts-meet-each-other

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off

Thanks!

I read the first two. I can get on board with a little bit of a urine fetish - not drinking it but being forced to hold it or pee in public or get peed on, sure. But you’ve pushed that beyond what I imagine most people want to read - that’s not on you, everyone is allowed their kinks, but if you want more positive reviews you’re going to need to mix it up a little. Your sex scene could be 20% piss play and 80% everything else. You would still get your fetish in there and people who aren’t super into it might still be drawn in by the other material.

I agree with the other comments, these are much too short and rushed. The idea that someone’s bladder could fill up three times in 1800 words is not believable at all. Take 1800 words to describe him coaxing her to drink more and more as the pressure slowly builds. Also she’s going from not being interested in piss at all to being all in, pissing all over everything over and over in the course of what, an hour? Slow. It. Down. You mention edging but it seems like your characters are orgasming within seconds. Reading about edging should make your audience feel like they are edging themselves.

The second story - edging and piss play came up as casual conversation at the gym? Also it took me a couple reads of the first paragraphs to understand that he cheated on the one girl with the other. Most people who read the second story won’t have read the first.

 

[NoviceAspen]

I liked The Panties story more than the other two. It’s a little longer, with more details, more edging, plus it’s unique. If you keep going along those lines I think you’ll do really well.

 

[sound_afraid]

I liked The Panties story more than the other two. It’s a little longer, with more details, more edging, plus it’s unique. If you keep going along those lines I think you’ll do really well.

Thank you! And FWIW, I've moved to the Authors Hangout where there's been more discussion. I've also made chapter 2 which so far has performed by far the best but it's not in this thread and I'm getting close to finishing chapter 3.

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off-ch-02

 

[ElectricBlue]

Thank you! And FWIW, I've moved to the Authors Hangout where there's been more discussion. I've also made chapter 2 which so far has performed by far the best but it's not in this thread and I'm getting close to finishing chapter 3.

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off-ch-02

Your dialogue punctuation is really inconsistent. The commas go inside the quotation marks, not outside, and a ellipsis is three dots... not two.. At the same time, you get it mostly right for ? and ! (being inside the quotation marks).

This sounds like something trivial, but punctuation is so easy to get right. Punctuation shouldn't be noticed the way it is in this story, where it's half right, half wrong. The inconsistency drove me nuts and flipped me out of the story, which bugged me because it was a cute idea. If it was all consistently wrong I might have put up with it, but half right, half wrong - Grrr! It's fixable though, so learn the rules and no-one will notice because you're get it right in the next chapter .

 

[gunhilltrain]

Hey everyone,

I've been working on trying to improve upon my writing, as I'm relatively new and having a hard time getting my stories above the 4.3 range or so. Would anyone here have any feedback on how to improve to get future stories higher?

https://literotica.com/s/the-making-of-a-new-piss-slut

https://literotica.com/s/the-piss-sluts-meet-each-other

https://literotica.com/s/the-panties-she-cant-take-off

Thanks!

The scores on your first five stories are quite good. You've got one 4.73 in there. So take some of the suggestions here but don't worry too much.

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't know if people really like those more, or if only those who like those stories bother to finish, and thus rate, them.

Anyway, would a thread like this work better in Story Discussion Circle?

Or does... nothing work better in Story Discussion Circle.

Story Discussion has been a tomb for years because this forum and Story ideas seem to be where most of the conversation migrated. The site should remove the forum, or replace it with something, but are busy creating complicated things no one asked for and I am sure will create site wide glitches because....that's what they've always done.

As for lack of response here, most writers by nature are selfish and self-centered, they want to talk about their stories here all day, even when a thread is about another person's story, and they don't often focus on another's work. There's a few people who post regularly here, but not many. I feel like I should try to contribute more, but I have time constraints on my own writing, so reading others doesn't often happen.

 

[Devinter]

I can get on board with a little bit of a urine fetish - not drinking it but being forced to hold it or pee in public or get peed on, sure. But you’ve pushed that beyond what I imagine most people want to read - that’s not on you, everyone is allowed their kinks, but if you want more positive reviews you’re going to need to mix it up a little.

Whilst you are entitled to that opinion, I would argue that this is objectively untrue.

You will reach a far smaller audience by honing in on one specific and niche part of an already uncommon fetish, but for those people looking for that exact content, you've now struck gold. Pun somewhat intended. There's not a lot of stories on this website that focuses heavily on drinking pee, and therefore the ones that do manage to scratch an itch for some readers that they can rarely satisfy. The trick is to market your story correctly. Include tags, a disclaimer, or a description that makes it clear upfront what the story's fetish is all about so you attract the kind of readers looking for exactly that, and you'll do wonderfully.

Myself, @EmilyMiller and @EStaccato have all penned stories that revolve almost entirely around drinking pee and they've all managed to do well. Some of my highest rated work are about this particular fetish - even in stories where no sex whatsoever occurs otherwise. The first story I ever uploaded here, which is riddled with amateur writing mistakes if I'm perfectly honest, still managed to land a 4.73 rating - and if I had to guess, that's almost entirely because I catered it to the correct audience. (Pleasant Nightmares in case you are curious to take a look.)

My advice to @sound_afraid would be to follow your passions, and to use all ten tags to make it clear what your story is about, but also so that people with kinks that align with your own can easily find your work. This is even more important when writing a fetish story, in my opinion. You're writing something that maybe 5% of Literotica readers will enjoy, if even that, so make sure those 5% can find it easily - and that the other 95% knows that the story probably isn't going to be for them. Follow this recipe and listen to the brilliant @StillStunned 's advice, and you'll find great success, no matter what you write. I've applied the same formula to multiple other niche fetishes as well, so my sample size is quite large.

 

[lovecraft68]

Whilst you are entitled to that opinion, I would argue that this is objectively untrue.

You will reach a far smaller audience by honing in on one specific and niche part of an already uncommon fetish, but for those people looking for that exact content, you've now struck gold. Pun somewhat intended. There's not a lot of stories on this website that focuses heavily on drinking pee, and therefore the ones that do manage to scratch an itch for some readers that they can rarely satisfy. The trick is to market your story correctly. Include tags, a disclaimer, or a description that makes it clear upfront what the story's fetish is all about so you attract the kind of readers looking for exactly that, and you'll do wonderfully.

Myself, @EmilyMiller and @EStaccato have all penned stories that revolve almost entirely around drinking pee and they've all managed to do well. Some of my highest rated work are about this particular fetish - even in stories where no sex whatsoever occurs otherwise. The first story I ever uploaded here, which is riddled with amateur writing mistakes if I'm perfectly honest, still managed to land a 4.73 rating - and if I had to guess, that's almost entirely because I catered it to the correct audience. (Pleasant Nightmares in case you are curious to take a look.)

My advice to @sound_afraid would be to follow your passions, and to use all ten tags to make it clear what your story is about, but also so that people with kinks that align with your own can easily find your work. This is even more important when writing a fetish story, in my opinion. You're writing something that maybe 5% of Literotica readers will enjoy, if even that, so make sure those 5% can find it easily - and that the other 95% knows that the story probably isn't going to be for them. Follow this recipe and listen to the brilliant @StillStunned 's advice, and you'll find great success, no matter what you write. I've applied the same formula to multiple other niche fetishes as well, so my sample size is quite large.

There are categories here that focus on a specific kink; Incest, group, anal for examples, but Fetish is a wide open category featuring countless niche kinks and within every niche is another niche.

Because of that, you're dead on, the more specific you get, the lower number of people you will fully appeal to, but those people with reward you with good votes and comments because its not always easy for them to find their true undiluted fix.