Really bad chat up lines

[Quiet_Cool]

Sliced bread is sexy?

Sliced bread? Sexy?

Have you ever looked at sliced bread? Not checked it for mold and made sure the butter was well-applied, but actually looked at it, checked out the smooth outer border, run your fingers over the soft interior... Smelled it in anticipation of how that sandwich might taste? I mean, haven't you ever held up a jelly sandwich, divided the bread just a little and run your tongue along the line....

*ahem*

Excuse me, I have to go masturbate...



Q_C

P.s. When I first read that line, I was reminded of that Friends episode when Joey makes the comment that so-and-so thinks they're the best actor since.. sliced bread. Thought maybe it was a parody line. Maybe it's just me.

 

[Belegon]

The closest I think I have ever come to actually using a "line"...

I once slid my chair over to a girl in a new class in college and said, "Where do I know you from?"

That was in 1987.

We're both married to other people now, but she is the Godmother of my daughter and one of my all time dearest friends. We dated for a while, then became friends, then had a summer romance, then I broke her heart (which I still kick myself over) and then we became friends again...

Hmmmm, maybe I should try that again sometime...

 

[Andreina]

"I'm so bad in bed - you gotta see it to believe it."

we dated for a few months. i'm easy to please.

 

[arienette]

I was in a club the other night and this bloke strolled up to me and said

'You're the sexiest thing since sliced bread!'

I mean did he really expect that to work? lol...Sliced bread?

That's got to be the worst line I have ever heard!...

Ladies what's the worst chat up line you've received and men what chat up lines do you use and do they work?

I wasn't aware that sliced bread was sexy either.

 

[Kassiana]

For a good summary of bad pick-up lines, Wanna B Ur Lover by Weird Al Yankovic is one resource. It includes the classics, "I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?" "Girl, you must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy!" "Your eyes are even bluer than the water in my toilet." and "I bet your outfit would make a lot of noise in the dryer."

 

[English Lady]

The line I have always heard about sliced bread is

"he/she/it thinks so and so is the best thing since sliced bread"

Ready sliced bread was a clever inovation when "invented" and people still use it today so it's a damn clever and useful thing -so you see what the phrase means? they're besotted by the person, thinking their on par with a great invention...


So it sounds like he was a bit drunk and mixed up his chatline *LOL*

 

[Jennifer C]

A man walked up to my friend in a bar and said, "You look like you have a very clean vagina."

LMAO, Seriously? Oh god thats worse than the sliced bread line!...

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Accordi9ng to the July issue of Marie Claire, there's this guy named Mystery (I swear to God, I'm not kidding!) who has the reputation for being the world's greatest pick-up artist. He's giving workshops for men in how to pick up girls.
According to him, the worst move you can make is to walk up to a woman and straight out ask for her name. It's much better if you intrigue her by doing something unexpected - like pretending to not be interested (yeah, THAT will work..!) or even deliver a negative comment or an insult, such as "What have you got going for you besides your looks?" or "I don't think I like you."¨

According to Mystery, this will make women eager to show the rude man their good qualities and MAKE him like her.
According to me, this is a sure way to make me giggle like crazy and squeal out between laughters: "Oh, woe is me... how will I ever get over this?"

These are typical pick-up lines to look out for; they may be a sign that the guy in qustion has been to one of those workshops:

"Hey guys, I really need a woman's opinion: would you date someone who's still friends with his ex?"

"Hey guys, quick question: what do you think of tattoos on girls?"

"Hey guys, quick question: who lies more, men or women?"

"Hi. Could you do me a favour? Could you take a picture of my friend and me? You do know how to use a camera, don't you?"

For the latter, I suggest feigning a dumb blonde and send him off to someone more desperate...

 

[Saucyminx]

LMAO, Seriously? Oh god thats worse than the sliced bread line!...

Absolutely--the sick thing is, she ended up going out with and eventually marrying one of his friends. Needless to say, the guy with the line was not invited to the wedding.

 

[logophile]

OK, how often do you singles get chatted up when you go out.
I almost never do.

Or maybe I just don't notice.

 

[Jennifer C]

Absolutely--the sick thing is, she ended up going out with and eventually marrying one of his friends. Needless to say, the guy with the line was not invited to the wedding.

LMAO, well at least something good came from it!

Thanks for the laugh minx...

 

[Jennifer C]

OK, how often do you singles get chatted up when you go out.
I almost never do.

Or maybe I just don't notice.

I'm not single, i'm engaged!

I was in a club once and this bloke came up to me, admired my engagement ring and then reached into his pocked pulled out a twenty pence piece and said

"Go and phone your fiance and tell him your not comming home tonight"

I swear the nerve of some people!

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

. . . ever looked at sliced bread? . . . Smelled it in anticipation. . . divided the bread. . . run your tongue along the line . . . . *ahem* Excuse me, I have to go masturbate . . . .

Don't forget to sniff the pungent odour of the formaldehyde that they dump in every batch of flour so it will say soft longer.

Works kinda like an anti-Viagra.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm not single, i'm engaged!

I was in a club once and this bloke came up to me, admired my engagement ring and then reached into his pocked pulled out a twenty pence piece and said

"Go and phone your fiance and tell him your not comming home tonight"

I swear the nerve of some people!

That's nothing - my friend M's married and has 2 kids, she's still overweight from breast feeding her last one, and STILL men are crazy about her! Young men, mature men, geeks, freaks, ball players, hunks, you name it! I thought she'd hit rock bottom when a guy drooled after her when we were out walking with her baby in a stroller, but no... the other day, she told me she was asked out by a costumer at work (she works at a supermarket), and when she told him that she didn't want to go out with him, she was going home to her husband and children, the moron actually suggested she'd divorce her husband and go on a date with him!

 

[CharleyH]

For chatting up a guy: Let's fuck ALWAYS works!

Girls are more fickle. I find the best thing is to look for a while, gather what you are sure they would like ... edge in, don't talk, glance, exchange smiles and go in for the talk and then for the KILL!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

What's wrong with walking up to a girl, smiling in a non-predatory-way, and saying:

"Hi. I've been looking at you, because I think you're pretty, and I'd like to get to know you to see if you're as nice as you look. Can I buy you something to drink?"

That would make me interested, for sure.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

What's wrong with walking up to a girl, smiling in a non-predatory-way, and saying:

"Hi. I've been looking at you, because I think you're pretty, and I'd like to get to know you to see if you're as nice as you look. Can I buy you something to drink?"

That would make me interested, for sure.

You don't ever say all of that, simply because having a drink isn't about getting to know someone; that takes too much time. Having a drink is about bullshitting for a few minutes, then going your separate ways.

Simply put, saying all that about getting to know you is like a less extreme version of asking for a relationship on the first date.

But you've got the point down. "Hi, I'm Q_C, can I buy you a drink?"

Works well enough in my viewpoint.

Q_C

 

[CharleyH]

What's wrong with walking up to a girl, smiling in a non-predatory-way, and saying:

"Hi. I've been looking at you, because I think you're pretty, and I'd like to get to know you to see if you're as nice as you look. Can I buy you something to drink?"

That would make me interested, for sure.

Tried it with the word beautiful numerous times- it doesn't work for getting laid.