Oh, hey, I just thought... Good pick-up lines

[cw5523729]

Um… unless it was a different Emily Miller (common enough combo) I think I’d remember. Then maybe it wasn’t very memorable .

So hurtful....

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Expected reply: "Who...? Do you have ANY idea of how little that narrows it down"

 

[cw5523729]

The ‘pick up line’ that worked best for me was something like.

“It’s been really helpful to take advantage of your prior experience in this area.

I assume this was something work related but I'm going to tell myself it was a euphemism anyway

 

[EmilyMiller]

I assume this was something work related but I'm going to tell myself it was a euphemism anyway

We had been colleagues for about two years prior to dating. I like known quantities, much safer.

 

[Britva415]

Good evening my dear colleagues, I hope all is well with you?

As a lifelong, straight, Alpha male variety person I've had, throughout my life, occasion (obviously) to try "pick-up" lines, I won't lie, some worked while others just drew raucous laughter. There's just no way of knowing how any given individual is going to respond.

The worst I've ever heard was at a nightclub one night. There was a cute gal sitting next to where I was front up at the bar. I was waiting on a friend (Thanks Mick!) when this guy sidled up to the gal, asked if he could buy her a drink. She accepted and a moment after she got it he said, "So, y'wanna play hide the salami?"

She wound a roundhouse slap from her seat and followed it with the drink! I nearly choked to death on my drink, I had tears in my eyes and spluttered my drink all over the bar. Very undignified.

NOW... as writers we deal, all the time, with introductory situations in our stories so what are some of the best pick-up lines we can put into our stories to make them more palatable and believable?
Ladies, I would dearly love your input here as the most usual recipient of such lines.
Gentlemen, as the most usual purveyors of such I would very much like to have your thoughts, successes or failures (if you like) of things to say or NOT to say!

As always, many thanks and deepest respects,
D.

"Pick-up lines" aren't good.

Period.

That isn't to say that "pick-ups" aren't good. They're great. But stock "lines" isn't the way to do it.

 

[Off_base]

I've never tried to pick anyone up, but one that worked on me was a guy told me he'd been sent to keep an eye on me.
"By whom?" I asked
"My boss".
"And who's your boss"
"The guy who sent me, look, it's outta my hands. Orders are orders."

 

[Erozetta]

Great suggestion. I could make the "shake, shake" part of pick-up process!

You have to give it to them unshaken, then add "The more you shake it, the bigger it gets" then stare at her boobs like a proper pervert.

 

[cw5523729]

You have to give it to them unshaken, then add "The more you shake it, the bigger it gets" then stare at her boobs like a proper pervert.

 

[MillieDynamite]

In my youth, when guys slowed down and shot me that "hey, what's up" stare, I'd say, "Wanna date?" Always worked well. But then again, it was my job, so you know, I had the advantage.

In the normal world, one line doesn't get you anything.

 

[cw5523729]

In the normal world, one line doesn't get you anything.

Are we talking about cocaine again?

 

[Erozetta]

Some of my favorite pickup lines that have been said to me:

"You're very strange. I desperately want to figure you out."

"We're both a bit fucked up, we might as well entertain each other, right?"

"I really hate how much I like being around you."

"You're pretty when you cry. You should work on that because no one should feel pleasure from seeing you cry."

Two were said by friends, one by a stranger, and one by my husband.

 

[Baztrachian]

Best pick up line I ever heard:

Guy: "Hey, is your last name Jenkins?"

Girl: "No."

Guy: "Would you like it to be?"

 

[big_cane_sugar]

The ‘pick up line’ that worked best for me was something like.

“It’s been really helpful to take advantage of your prior experience in this area. You’re a lifesaver. But it’s getting late, maybe we could discuss the remaining items over a drink?”

He’s not managed to find a way to get rid of me yet .

Ah, gender-role reversal!

IMO some women do pick-up lines extremely well.

A co-worker once came into the room where I was working (alone), turned around a chair to straddle the back of it and told me something like, "You look like you have too much stress. You probably need sex." If we say that a bold guy has big balls, then I think we can say that lady had some massive ovaries.

Another co-worker once told me, at the end of a late shift, "We could be here all night and no one would know." She'd been saying ambiguous things all evening but I genuinely couldn't tell whether she was doing it on purpose or I just had a dirty mind. When she said that, I finally realized what the deal was. She was brilliant. She created a whole narrative, every sentence ambiguous, about a "meal" we could have. I was hesitating, so after the "all night" bit we she told me it would be okay if I couldn't finish the meal, and I don't know whether she meant to bring up the idea that I couldn't "finish a meal" but I was like no, if you give me a meal I'll finish it. Really fun flirtation.

It was a transformative experience for me because, young and stupid and sheltered and naive, I hadn't realized women would tease a guy like that. (Obviously the previous coworker mentioned hadn't bothered with ambiguity. Or if she had, she'd given up and resorted to direct means.) Now I wonder how much I must've missed in the earlier years of my life! Stupid young me!

Yet another co-worker simply asked, on her last day working with me, if I wanted to meet her later for a blow job. She knew I was married and I knew she had a boyfriend so meeting her in any context was out of the question, but again, massive ovaries.

Finally, a stranger recently seized me from behind when I was sitting at a bar and announced that I was their (I truly don't know the gender of this person) future husband. Still happily married, I had to disappoint them, and they probably wouldn't have wanted to wake up with both me and the hangover they were on their way to, but it didn't hurt my old ego.

The last two are interesting because the behaviors didn't bother me at all but could've been really hurtful if done to a woman. Perhaps the fact that most men (or at least men like me) are less physically vulnerable than most women gives women more freedom with pick-up lines.

Anyway, I'm really glad this topic came up. What a lovely stroll down memory lane. I should reflect on these experiences more often.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Finally, a stranger recently seized me from behind when I was sitting at a bar

Yeah - not welcome whatsoever from my POV. Women worry that men can (I stress can) be a danger. I don’t think men worry about that with women.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Yeah - not welcome whatsoever from my POV. Women worry that men can (I stress can) be a danger. I don’t think men worry about that with women.

Definitely not in a public situation like that. I have been in a situation where I realized that I did not want to be asleep in a certain woman's house. Obviously that's a crazy story and I left without getting hurt and never went back.

OTOH, I notice that women accidentally bump into me in public fairly often and I almost never accidentally bump into a woman because I see that coming and get out of the way. Women are dangerous to us in that way. It's not physical danger but it can be scary.

 

[cw5523729]

Yeah - not welcome whatsoever from my POV. Women worry that men can (I stress can) be a danger. I don’t think men worry about that with women.

While I'm sure that would be frowned on by women much harder than men, I'll say that even as a guy I'd be creeped out by that level of contact from a random strange woman sneaking up behind me in a bar. Maybe that's just me though.

 

[Baztrachian]

Yeah - not welcome whatsoever from my POV. Women worry that men can (I stress can) be a danger. I don’t think men worry about that with women.

Oh, it happens. I had a female weirdo-stalker back in the 1980's and by today's standards my 2nd Mrs. was dancing around stalker territory when she was crushing on me.

 

[MillieDynamite]

My father was working as a DJ and had an intern who was his girl Friday. Near the end of her summer stint, she said, "I heard that older men (he was like 24 at the time) make the best lovers. How about I find out with you?" He's never said he did, and he's never said he didn't, and I've never felt comfortable asking. But I'd sure like to know.

 

[EmilyMiller]

While I'm sure that would be frowned on by women much harder than men, I'll say that even as a guy I'd be creeped out by that level of contact from a random strange woman sneaking up behind me in a bar. Maybe that's just me though.

I just asked my SO (who is a hefty guy - we are both WFH today) and he agrees that he’d be kinda frazzled by it too.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

While I'm sure that would be frowned on by women much harder than men, I'll say that even as a guy I'd be creeped out by that level of contact from a random strange woman sneaking up behind me in a bar.

The story's actually even stranger than that. They -- again, I genuinely don't know their sex or gender -- grabbed me and announced that I was their future husband. I turned around showing my ring, saying no, I'm married, and they, not letting me go, told me they would share with my wife. I said my wife wouldn't share. They responded to that by trying to kiss me. I turned away so they almost got my ear, but then they tried to get around to my face. I don't like to put my hands on people because I'm big enough that it could be scary, but I felt things had gone far enough to legitimize me putting hands on their shoulders and gently pushing them back a bit. So then they gave up. However, on the way out, I told my friend it'd been a wild night "in" the bar, and they happened to be there (I hadn't seen them) and overheard me and said they wished I was in them.

The whole thing definitely would've been crossing some lines if they hadn't been so much smaller than me, but I was so indifferent to it that my indifference even surprised me. Really, the whole time, the only thing I was thinking was that I wanted to behave as if my wife were there to see it. My only worry was that I would do something that would displease her. Fortunately, she just thinks it was a strange, funny thing.

 

[cw5523729]

I just asked my SO (who is a hefty guy - we are both WFH today) and he agrees that he’d be kinda frazzled by it too.

Even ignoring the issue of size, being worried about being overpowered, yadda yadda yadda, it's still just a weird thing to do to a complete stranger. Doing it from behind seems like a great way to get elbowed in the face, male or female.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Even ignoring the issue of size, being worried about being overpowered, yadda yadda yadda, it's still just a weird thing to do to a complete stranger. Doing it from behind seems like a great way to get elbowed in the face, male or female.

Agreed

 

[MillieDynamite]

When I was at a bar one night, back when I was still living with my adoptive parents, a girl stood up and shouted, "I need a man for an hour or two." A dozen men rushed to her table, but she was talking to her boyfriend, who was talking to a friend at the bar. Boy, some of those guys weren't amused.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Another fun pick-up line. A homeless guy once asked me if he'd seen me at a party last week. I was like, no. He was like, you weren't at a party in the Village last weekend? I thought I saw you there. I was like, no, wasn't me. He went on: Are you gay? I said nope. He said, and I quote verbatim, "That's okay. Lots of straight guys turn gay tricks."

A for effort, bro. I hope he got what he needed but he wasn't getting it from me lol.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Silly man, Tricks are for johns.

Another fun pick-up line. A homeless guy once asked me if he'd seen me at a party last week. I was like, no. He was like, you weren't at a party in the Village last weekend? I thought I saw you there. I was like, no, wasn't me. He went on: Are you gay? I said nope. He said, and I quote verbatim, "That's okay. Lots of straight guys turn gay tricks."

A for effort, bro. I hope he got what he needed but he wasn't getting it from me lol.