Rare Bird Interview

[R. Richard]

From the UK Sun: (See following EXCLUSIVE interview.)
Thousands of excited bird watchers flocked to the north-east today to catch a glimpse of the Eastern Crowned Warbler.

The incredibly rare bird was spotted for the first time ever in the UK yesterday by bird enthusiast Dougie Holden.

Dad-of-two Dougie was stunned when he managed to grab a picture of the bird in Trow Quarry in South Shields, Newcastle.

The ecstatic 47-year-old — who had spent his 26th wedding anniversary looking out for rare flyers — said it was the bird watching "equivalent of winning the world cup".

And now twitchers from all over the continent are flooding to Newcastle to see the bird, normally found in China and Indonesia, before it flies away.


R.R. Well, you certainly seem to have captured the attention of birders in the UK.
ECW: Yes, we have been touring in China and Indonesia and we wanted the West to see our artistry.

R.R. Do you intend to present the same show as in China and Indonesia?
ECW: Heavens to Betsy no. We feel the need to update our act, to keep things new and exciting.

R.R. Perhaps new warbling then?
ECW: Well, we feel that we have taken the warbling thing about as far as it can go, at least for the present. We intend to explore a bit in the realm of terpsichore.

R.R. Terpsichore will be an entirely new facet of your presentation.
ECW: Well, we feel need to keep our act fresh and au courant.

R.R. You certainly have drawn the attention of birders from all over the UK.
ECW: Yes. However, as to the taking of pictures of our act, the birders first need to speak with our agent.

R.R. Isn't it a bit unusual for a bird to have an agent?
ECW: Perhaps, but you must realize that an Eastern Crowned Warbler is not just any bird.

R.R. True, your act is still knockin' 'em dead!
ECW: Right! And my next performance is looming. Gotta fly!

 

[TE999]

Teand Krumpet here. Reporting for BBC2

I'm speaking with Mr. R. Richard of the United States who has just conducted an exclusive interview with the rare Eastern Crowned Warbler.

Q. Mr Richard, could you tell our audience how you came about being fluent in warbler?
A. It was an accident to begin with. I awakened from a sound sleep one night and was ravenously hungry. Nothing appealed to me in the fridge or the pantry. Then I saw a sack of birdseed by the back door and on a whim, tried a handful. I ate the whole bag then went back to bed.

That morning, I went outside to find the morning paper and struck up a conversation with a flock of Robin's on my front lawn. They offered me some worms, and then I knew I could speak Bird. There must have been something in that birdseed.

Q. After your conversation with the Robins, did it strike you as odd that you could converse with them?
A. Not really, I'm a friendly person.

Q. How did others react to your newfound ability?
A. Some were intrigued, others were frightened and others doubted my sanity. In retrospect, I never should have talked with the Pigeons in the park that day.

Q. So the prospect of chatting with a rare bird brought you here to the UK?
A. Yes. That and the chance to speak with another rare bird seen here lately. The Lesser Coarse Ground Twit is quite elusive, but relatively easy to track with it's distinctive call.

Q. Could you demonstrate that call for us?
A. Of course, but the Twit has another fascinating trait that makes it easy to find. Since it eats only the juciest worms they tend to give the bird gas, and as a result it farts like a Gatling Gun. Fascinating.

Q. I really don't think we can say 'fart' on the air.
A. I just did. Do you want to hear the Twit's call?

Q. Erm...no, thank you. What are your future plans regarding your remakable ability?
A. I plan on visiting the Town Dump when I get back home and speaking with the buzzards...correction...vultures and find out why road kill holds such an appeal for them. I also intend to write a book about my experiences.

Q. Thank you for speaking with us today Mr. Richard.
A. My pleasure. Care for a worm?

Q. Goodness no. Do you really eat...?
A. They're Gummi Worms. Gotcha!

 

[Xelebes]

Arnold Stamkolopoulus from the CBC is interviewing an American reporting for BBC who interviewed an American reporting about the European Crowned Warbler.

AS: It's such a treat to interview you, Mr. Krumpet. First question first, what do you think of what you did with Mr. Richard?

TK: It was awesome, I've never had such an opportunity like that before.

AS: Of the questions, which did you think you got the most out of it?

TK: The one where he told me about the diet giving it gas, I believe it was.

AS: Was there anything that you would have like to ask before the interview concluded?

TK: Yes. I would have liked to ask if he was the pitcher or the catcher.

 

[R. Richard]

Obviously you correspondents never learned to speak bird. A real pity. You miss out on so many really good interviews because of that.

 

[glynndah]

I have a female pea hen who's looking for a male. The rooster doesn't appear to fit the bill. Perhaps one of you guys...

 

[Huckleman2000]

I have a female pea hen who's looking for a male. The rooster doesn't appear to fit the bill. Perhaps one of you guys...

*spew*

 

[JackLuis]

I have a female pea hen who's looking for a male. The rooster doesn't appear to fit the bill. Perhaps one of you guys...

They don't have Rent-A-Cock back there?