Raise a child?

[crazybbwgirl]

If everybody waited until they were 'ready' to have children we would be extinct by now. I personally feel kids grow up better with younger, poorer parents who care about them and have lots of time than older, richer, parents with 'important' careers.

My point - if you make the decision - then by gods stick to it. Hell - its only 18 years - less than a home mortgage - and worth ever single minute, penny, sleepless night and sacrifice.

 

[bobsgirl]

Congratulations on your upcoming parenthood! Hey - lots of us did it the exact same way you're going to. It ain't rocket science. My best advice is stay friendly with your parents - they'll probably be a big help. Read read read read - everything you can on pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, etc.

There's no possible way you can prepare for bringing a life into this world - so relax a little bit. Enjoy the wonder of pregnancy. Enjoy her body changing. Enjoy every little part of it - cuz you'll forget most of it soon enough anyway. And when you hold that little one in your arms the first time you'll know you made the right choice.

Love love love love love - babies need that more than ANY thing else. More than all the new toys or new baby foods or new fangled ways to raise them. Read them books and love them. Let everyone else love them.

Kids are hardy - they will thrive - all the rest is boring details. You made up your minds - now both of you put all your heart in to this baby. oh - and good luck!

Well said. Much better than I ever could.

Be thoroughly prepared to make that child the number one priority in your life for the next 18 years.

 

[Guest]

Congratulations!

Having four of my own, I can tell you that having children is a wonderful and rewarding experience, but it definitely isn't a bed of roses.

Reading pregnancy and child-rearing books is always a good idea. The best thing to know about that is to take what you need from them and left the rest alone, not all information is going to relate to your situation, nor will you always agree with all of it.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Catch up on all your Lit threads, and this one now. You won't have much time after the little one comes.

As an aside...

am I the only person here who thinks Parenting 101 as a "How-To" thread is just a bit surreal *smile*

~anelize

 

[lovechild27]

Hell - its only 18 years

Parenting doesnt magically stop when your child still turns 18. Ya they may not be minors anymore but you are still their parent. It does take on a different form as your kids get older. Face it...at 18 most kids are still just that...kids. Having a kid isnt an 18 year job..its as long as you both are alive.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Hell - its only 18 years

Parenting doesnt magically stop when your child still turns 18. Ya they may not be minors anymore but you are still their parent. It does take on a different form as your kids get older. Face it...at 18 most kids are still just that...kids. Having a kid isnt an 18 year job..its as long as you both are alive.

Well that's very true. Sometimes the hardest years can be AFTER they're 18!

 

[redelicious]

Raising a child is largely trial and error. You will make mistakes. That's part of life.

However, I think your first instincts are correct - by all means get that job. Babies are expensive. I agree with trying to maintain good relationships with your and her parents. They will be invaluable to you (even the kooky relatives).

Good prenatal care is a must. Someone suggested Lamaze. Another excellent choice would be Bradley classes. Educate yourself about birth options. Like anything else involving doctors and hospitals, it is important that you be able to make good, informed choices.

There are a multitude of parenting and pregnancy books out there. "What to expect while you're expecting" is very popular, but does have a lot of worse case scenerios which can be intimidating. I personally found "The Birth Book" and "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears to be invaluable resources, but then I tend to practice a form of attachment parenting. On the other end of the spectrum is "Babywise." Personally, I think that last book is crap, but other people really respond to it. Bottom line: you will find something that works for you, and it probably won't come directly from a book.

Good luck!

 

[Debbie]

Here in New Zealand we have ante natal classes and a Family Centre for young parents. This helps to get some basics, meet other parents to be - hopefully friendships will form and you can chat with each other, swap tips, and the babies grow up with children their own age.

I attended the classes - which were very helpful when I was 19 and pregnant. Right from changing nappies, bathing, what to expect at the birth, settling a fussy baby etc.

I hope both your parents will be helpful. This makes having a baby
a bit easier and great for baby to have Grandparents around.

Don't panic, it is scary having a baby. But it is also very rewarding.

If you have any other questions please PM me.

I'm not all knowing but I might be able to help.

Congratulations to you both.

My kids are 15 and 10 now.
Time goes fast.

 

[ta4744]

If everybody waited until they were 'ready' to have children we would be extinct by now. I personally feel kids grow up better with younger, poorer parents who care about them and have lots of time than older, richer, parents with 'important' careers.

Exactly!!!!!!!! I had my first baby this August and I'm 31 years old and I STILL wasn't "ready" and mommie and I have been together for 10 years!!! Trust me, You will never be ready so just relax and enjoy this time. She will become one of the most beautiful women in the world when she starts to show and you wil come to realize what you and her created. It's too late to think negitively about this so try to be postitive and supportive of her. Also trust me your and her parents will be a GREAT help.

Yes get used to not sleeping much ( I am up at 3:30 in the morning now due to a late night feeding as a matter of fact.) but it IS worth it. When the baby looks at you with those big eyes and makes noises and smiles you'll realize that everything will be ok in the end.

When I found out I was having a baby I was a little scared, then worried, then all of the doubt went away when he was born and I would have to say that I am happier now then I was before. A little more tired, but happy none the less. Good luck

 

[lovechild27]

Ya there may be no READY age...I agree with that.

But who really thinks a 17 year old is in any shape to take care of a child full time? You have to be more than responsible or mature. You must be willing to give things up that at 17...you may have never even experienced.

My mom had kids young...her sisters did...they will tell you how hard, how wrecked their lives were up until they got much older. They didnt have job skills, werent done growing, missed out on a lot...there may be no ready age but 31 and 17? A HUGE world of difference. Hell even 17 and 21....those are very formative years your missing out on...

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by lovechild27
Ya there may be no READY age...I agree with that.

But who really thinks a 17 year old is in any shape to take care of a child full time? You have to be more than responsible or mature. You must be willing to give things up that at 17...you may have never even experienced.

My mom had kids young...her sisters did...they will tell you how hard, how wrecked their lives were up until they got much older. They didnt have job skills, werent done growing, missed out on a lot...there may be no ready age but 31 and 17? A HUGE world of difference. Hell even 17 and 21....those are very formative years your missing out on...

I think this is a hypothetical or open to discussion question but not really relevant here. She IS 17 and they have decided to have this baby...so anything else is an intellectual discussion but I don't see it helping them.

Personally I would have hated to be pregnant at 17..but having said that my Mom was...had my brother at 18 (my Dad was 22) and had me when she was 22. They married and went on to do more than they could have dreamed of. My Dad went to university and became a well respected successful professional. My Mom was a stay at home Mom when we were very young but needed outside stimulation so became a secretary....eventually for president of a multinational company. They travelled the world...gave back to their community...were the cornerstone of their extended family and had many friends...were young enough to enjoy their grandchildren. So I don't think we need to write these two off just yet!

 

[sweet T]

Congratulations! Unfortunately there is no manual on how to be a good parent! On the subject of New Parenting there are a multitude of books. READ.

The best advice I can give a new family is ; everyone pulls their weight at home and on the job... just because you get off work doesnt mean you have no further responsibilities at home... She will be tired and dont expect the house to be clean with a new born in it unless you plan on helping with the house work...


ok I'll stop the lecture...

Love that baby, hold it and the rest will come naturally...OH.. and change that nasty diaper too....LOL.....

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Congratulations! Unfortunately there is no manual on how to be a good parent! On the subject of New Parenting there are a multitude of books. READ.
The best advice I can give a new family is ; everyone pulls their weight at home and on the job... just because you get off work doesnt mean you have no further responsibilities at home... She will be tired and dont expect the house to be clean with a new born in it unless you plan on helping with the house work...
ok I'll stop the lecture...
Love that baby, hold it and the rest will come naturally...OH.. and change that nasty diaper too....LOL.....

OMG - I LOVE your av........ Absolutely Fabulous

 

[Bobmi357]

I remember bring my ex home from the hospital with our first. I remember being told the boy had a DOUBLE Hernia and would require surgery within the year to fix the problem.

I remember hold the baby while my father got the car from the parking lot and thinking, "Holy shit!?!!, this kid doesn't come with an instruction manual!!!".

I also remember a commerical that came out on TV a few years later from one of those Mutual Fund companies. It showed a young couple holding a newborn in front of a hospital and the narrator saying to them "Congratulations on your $180,000 dollar investment!".

Even when you think your ready, YOUR not ready. I remember learning there is nothing worse than a newborn with a cold that stays up all night crying, he doesn't care if you have to go to work in the morning.

I congratulate the original poster, and I commiserate with him. Children, are the revenge our parents wish for on us. And they usually get their wish. May your children someday be the joy of your life. Because for the next 18 years, they are gonna give you hell.

 

[lovechild27]

Well your family is luck then wicked. I have yet to meet anyone who has been.

Your right her age now is irrelevant....what is done is done. I just think its sad...thats all.

 

[Weird Harold]

But who really thinks a 17 year old is in any shape to take care of a child full time?

About half the world.

In about a third of the world, a woman who has her first child at 17 is an old maid.

 

[JustLiz]

What the hell do I do now? What do I know about taking care of a pregnant woman, never mind a newly born child?

UKparents (http://www.ukparents.co.uk/) looks like a good site and they have forums over there. You may wanna check out Allkids Online Parenting Magazine (http://www.allkids.co.uk/), as they have forums as well. Oh, and Raising Kids (http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/) would be an excellent site as well! RK has a nice discussion area.

I have no clue why some guys don't want to wear condoms so this kind of thing [unplanned and unexpected pregnancy] doesn't happen.

 

[sweet T]

OMG - I LOVE your av........ Absolutely Fabulous

Thank you very much... she is one of my favorites!!

 

[Astro]

Thank you all for replying to this thread, your posts and messages have meant a lot to me.

As for the age of 17, it aint perfect we know that, we cant exactly shove it back in and ask for it in a few years.

Her folks know now and my own will when I go down to talk to them on Sunday, I thought it would be better face to face. My sister is also expecting and my mother loves kids.

I am 22, with a degree from a good University, I have traveled though alot of the world. I will do my best to ensure both my partner and my child got the same advantages I did.

As for reading to the child, my own library totals about 600 books now, guess its time to get more with big pictures and fewer words!

 

[JustLiz]

It seems like you're ready for the child, but what about her? She's just 17 years old? I couldn't imagine having a child at the age of 17.

You might want to pick up Pregnant Fathers: Becoming the Father You Want to Be from Amazon.com UK for yourself.

And for her, you might want to pick up What To Expect When You're Expecting and The What To Expect When You're Expecting Pregnancy Organizer from Amazon.com UK for her.

 

[Hotred911]

As far as the age thing goes, yeah she's 17, but she's showing some responsibility. Many girls/women that age would be having an abortion if they found out they were pregnant. I was about 3 weeks shy of 17 when I found out I was pregnant. Yeah, I had to give some things up, but I finished high school, which was a major goal for me. I'm now 21, and I have two children. I've had to give up a lot, but I still make time to go out with friends, and I'll graduate from massage therapy school next October. My husband and I see it like this....at least we'll be able to enjoy our children while they're growing up, we won't be too old to get out there and play ball with them.

Congrats to you and the mommy to be, I'm sure you'll both be wonderful, loving parents.

 

[Cycnus]

Hey, Astro -

Congratulations! And especially for being so responsible, so early on. My hubby and I practice family bed, on-demand and child-led nursing, as much attachment parenting as possible, and child-led discipline and learning. And our 3 yr old boy and almost 18 month old girl are excellent examples of why these tried-and-true practices are coming back here in the US. (Including their volcabulary and grammatically-correct sentence structure, independence and generally excellent behaviour.) If you'd like, I can send you a list of books on these parenting subjects, some now out of print, I'm sure. And if you or your SO have any questions, please feel free to pm me (or my hubby), any time. I have to get back to the kids; but please - remember to breathe, both of you.

You and she are embarking on a wonderful experience; but it will demand that you have the most self-discipline you have ever needed in your life. After disciplining yourself (tolerance, patience, temper, etc.), disciplining the child is easy, a very natural step. And remember: what a very young child wants and needs are the same, and this goes for up to several years of age. If needing to be held, for example, then just hold them - for as long as they need you to do so. No "clock-watching" allowed.

Again, congrats - now get back to resting and working!

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Hi Astro

First of congrats on the pregnancy and thanks for stepping up and being a man and taking responsibility (as a child of a man who didn't and whom I've never met).

As an elementary school teacher, these are the thoughts I have to share.

1. Read early and often to your child...I can tell VERY easily which children are read to and which ones are babysat by the tv. Reading to your child communicates that you believe reading and education to be important. It increases their reading level and acquisition of language. It also encourages their imagination.

2. I have read a recent study which says that children should not watch ANY tv before the age of two. I don't know if that's true (personally, I don't want my kids to watch tv before 4, and after 4 have VERY limited tv priveldges) but kids who watch a lot of tv tend to have shorter attention spans, and less imagination in my experience.

3. There are many philosophies of parenting, and many of them are valid. I would steer clear of any that are overly permissive. Children, from day one, need structure. When they run the show (and I'm not talking about the 3 am feedings, I'm talking about every time they cry picking them up, every time they want something you give it, they whine you give them what they want) it makes yours and your future teachers lives much more difficult than they need to be.

4. Take an active role. This doesn't just mean taking them to a zoo every once and awhile. Be aware of what they're doing, what they like (at the earliest ages, this can be what is their favorite toy or whatever is), and who they are as people is important.

Most of my advice has nothing to do with the first year or two (except reading and no tv) but it's stuff to keep in mind for the future.

Best of luck
DN

 

[Imi]

But who really thinks a 17 year old is in any shape to take care of a child full time? You have to be more than responsible or mature. You must be willing to give things up that at 17...you may have never even experienced.

I think it depends on the 17 year old.

Speaking as someone who wanted kids and has been unable to have them, do not berate someone for taking the gift when it's offered. Sometimes things don't work out the way you plan...but still sometimes they work out the way they are meant to be.

It sounds like this was a well thought out decision and the thread indicates that the parents know how much they don't know. They aren't just relying on books, but on advice of real people. I may not be a parent but it strikes me that this couple is approaching parenthood as logically as possible.

 

[MagicFingers]

Some good advice in here

I have been reading this thread. There has been some good advice. I have 2 boys and have learned many ways to raise them that work. They are turning out fine so far.

But, I've wanted to say from the first, to quote some old sage, possible W.C.Fields,
"Raising kids is easy...You just have to be careful not to plant them too deep!"

Cheers.