Quips and quotes

[mbb308]

Got any famous quotes which make you smile, or think, or bring back some memory, perhaps of when you heard it?

I've always loved the smart-assed remark, which also happened to be wickedly funny. I also appreciate the succinct statement which hits the nail on the head with a 12-pound hammer on a three foot stick.

Take a whack at it. If you don't remember it verbatim, do the best you can. Perhaps someone can fill in the blanks for you.

 

[mbb308]

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography"

George Bernard Shaw

I would submit "foreign language" also.

 

[mbb308]

On sex

"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable."

Lord Chesterfield

 

[redathena]

"Now is blessed, the rest remembered." Jim Morrison

 

[1sexylady]

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin.

 

[Kol]

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin.

"Ever notice that your stuff is stuff, but other people's stuff is shit? Hey, move your shit, I gotta put my stuff here!"
Same Guy

 

[cookiejar]

mbb...see I have time to come here!lol








"I'll moider da bum."
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare





cookie

 

[mbb308]

More on sex

"When I hear his steps outside my door, I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs, and think of England."

Lady Hillingdon

 

[alwaysawake]

One we used to use for irate customers while I worked with the phone company (never said to THEM!)...It's mind over matter--I don't mind and YOU don't matter! (Still love it!) AA

 

[1sexylady]

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
-- Groucho Marx

 

[tonitits]

One my mom always told me was when I get married to remember this:

What's HIS is MINE and what's MINE is MINE!!!

 

[Kol]

Hello, My name in Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
-- The Princess Bride

 

[mbb308]

"I was lucky in the order. But then, I've always been lucky when it comes to killin' people."

Clint Eastwood as William Munny in "Unforgiven"

 

[1sexylady]

"Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love."
-- Woody Allen

 

[MissTaken]

"I only have time for one problem a day. Try again tomorrow."


"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

 

[Kol]

I find your lack of faith....disturbing.
- Darth Vader, Star Wars, Episode 4 (the first movie)

 

[alwaysawake]

"Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love."
-- Woody Allen

(Obviously when Woody used the Orgasmatron!)

 

[alwaysawake]

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns.
(I love George's humor!)

 

[mbb308]

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns.
(I love George's humor!)

Me, too.

Good night, Gracie!

 

[cookiejar]

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
- Jimmy Durante



"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
- Groucho Marx

 

[alwaysawake]

Here's a few more...

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde


"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein


"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

 

[1sexylady]

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Dick Clark

 

[alwaysawake]

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

 

[Kol]

Hospitals are so hard to get into, humans have invented ways to get into them. One of them is called Skiing.
- Mork from Ork

 

[alwaysawake]

"Women should be obscene and not heard."
Groucho Marx. (Not sure if I agree with Groucho here!)