Quick! I need to compose a wedding speech, like NOW

[Dr_Strabismus]

My bro's wedding's on Saturday, I'm flying in a few hours, and I know I'll be hurled into the general pre-nuptial frenzy once I land so there won'e be any time then. I'm desperate. Cmon, writers, help me out.

 

[kendo1]

My wife and I... always gets a laugh. It may be useful to use it in your case.

Serious Ken

 

[The_Fool]

Allow us this moment
As two become one
And the rest of us are given
A chance to share in their vision
Of tomorrow
Living a life that requires each other.
Some look back at that snapshot moment
With nostalgia
Others look forward to it wistfully
A private moment shared
That none of us can feel
Except vicariously
A fleeting moment
Never forgotten
That serves as the beginning of times better
And serves as an anchor in times bitter.
But today offer up your tears of joy
Your smiles
As they offer up their hearts
Their love

 

[maggot420]

The speech i gave at my sisters wedding...

My wife told me that I better start writing my speech a couple weeks before the wedding and I said I would worry about that problem when I got to it.
Then a few days before she said that I better start writing my speech and I said I would worry about that problem when I got to it.
Then yesterday she said that I better start writing my speech and I said I would worry about that problem when I got to it.
So...welcome to my problem.

 

[kendo1]

There are three simple rules:

Stand up
Speak up
Shut up.

Jokes are good, but don't try to be a comedian.
Don't read the speech, say it from the heart.

Don't forget to praise the bridesmaids.
Read out a few cards from absent friends.

Introduce the next part- the cutting of the cake.

 

[jomar]

Hey Doc, it's been so long since I did mine I can't remember. One thing to think about is not to structure it too much. Maybe speaking from the heart would be a touching way to go. That's what I did when I was suddenly called on to speak at my sister's wedding (I wasn't on the program ). Talk about your brother, what he's meant to you, how you haven't kept in touch as much as you'd like, a funny but endearing dork story about him and how incredibly lucky he is to met such a smart, talented and oh yeah beautiful soulmate.

And if that doesn't do it here are a couple of sites that might help. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

http://www.weddingspeechbuilder.com/

http://quotations.about.com/cs/weddingtoasts/a/bls_wed_toasts.htm

 

[Liar]

Only wedding speech I've held so far, for a childhood friend of mine who got married three years ago:

There are many ways to make a speech like this.
You can keep it politically correct and lavish tastefully moderate praise on bride and groom.
You can get all sappy and emotional and lavish unmoderated and flowery praise on everything from the happy couple to their mothers, the flower arrangements, the weather and the sizzling hot catering attendant down there by the canapes. No, not you, the other hot one, to your left. Whatever. You know who you are, and you got my number. So please call.
You can tell an endearing and slightly embarrasing anecdote.
You can tell a disgusting and very embarrasing anecdote, thus ruining it totally for the next speaker.
You can recite a poem, sing a song, and if you're really going for social suicide, express your jubilation throuth the means of intepretive dance.

If what I'm about to do falls into any of those categories, it would be the anecdote. The endearing one. But I'd rather give my specal brand of it another label. I'd like to share with you, if you will, a secret. Something that few, if any, know about the radiant bride over there.

Sandra used to be my girlfriend. Yep. I kid you not. She and I were an official item once. We had a stormy relationshop, a long time ago, that lasted for about thirty seconds.

See, this was way back in the days, and when I say, I REALLY mean back. In the days. I was five years old, she was six, and she was the prettiest girl in the sandbox. She was also the only girl in the sandbox, but that's beside the point. She was a Girl, and I had just learned that there was a word called Girlfriend. "Girlfriend" was something that was somebody's. That much I understood. And it was apparently a Good Thing to have one.

So I went up to her and asked her "Hi! Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" She looked up from her sand and mud rendition of ... uh ... could have been the battle of Versailles, I didn't ask, she didn't tell. Anyway, she looked up and gave me a three second curious glare, before answering "yeah".

And that. Was that. A little befuddled I stood there, unsure of what to do next. I was kind of pleased of having established having-a-girlfriend status, since that made me Cool. But what do you do with a girlfriend? Do you have to ... feed it?

Well, she answered that. With a miscevious grin, she took hold of the hem of my pants, pulled them straight out, and poured a bucket of wet sand down my netherworld.

That's when I realised that our relationship would never be anything but platonic.

So I want to thank the groom for taking the crazy lady off my hands in an as permanent fashion as legally possible. She's a riot at parties, a scorching beauty and a solid friend. And if you play your cards right, she'll no doubt keep you happy for the rest of your life. But if she ever wants to build a sand castle with you ... be afraid, be very, very afraid.

90% adlib after tapping the glass.

 

[3113]

90% adlib after tapping the glass.

Do you do Bar Mitzvahs?

 

[cumallday]

There's an old proverb about friendship I really enjoy. It goes:

Shared joy is double joy.
Shared sorrow is half sorrow.

It complements a loving relationship pretty well. It might work somehow, somewhere.

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

wow, I'm so impressed with the stuff so far -- and it really is helping me.

I've made a stab at one which my wife looked over and was underwhelmed by, so I'll probably do it on the plane or tonight (while suffering from jet-lag)

I have to say, the "heart-felt" is the problem: I dearly love my brother, and have a ton of touching and funny anectodes about him, but -- I can't say I really feel much emotion about this wedding, (to put it nicely).

He last wedding (he's widowed) was different. I really felt a lot of affection towards his bride, and real joy at the wedding, and as best man I have to say in all modesty I wrote and delivered a cracking speech, with people raoring with laughter "not a dry eye in the house" at the end. But I couldn't repeat that kind of speech this time: I basically have to be a bit of phony this time, which I'm fucking terrible at being.

 

[S-Des]

Just be careful as to how much you lock yourself into a speech. I've done more weddings than I care to remember and the one constant is that you can't predict what's going to go wrong during the toasts. The mic could be too loud, too quiet, you could get nervous and hold it in a place that makes it impossible for everyone to hear you, you could start drinking too early , you might get unexpectedly emotional...hell, the lighting could be so bad you can't read cue cards. You have to give yourself wiggle room, so whatever you decide to say that if anything goes wrong, you won't crash and burn.

Most of the really good toasts I've seen had some lighthearted stories of the groom in his younger days (if it's family, it's usually when he was a kid). Trying to be too funny is a mistake, trying to be too serious is as well. Striking a balance is the key.

 

[oggbashan]

PM sent.

Og

 

[Guest]

Things not to do:

Drink a lot before making the speech.

Mention the bride is a babe.

Point out her Mom is still hot.

Allude to having had sex with one or both of them.

Mention divorces are now at 50%. Take out a coin, flip it, then smile grimly and put the coin away without comment.

Ask if they any of the bridesmaids are legal.

 

[shereads]

Be sure to mention that this is your brother's first marriage. That makes it special.

 

[rgraham666]

No matter how I try to come up with something the only thing that comes to mind is, "Dude, you're fucked."