Questions

[tanyajean]

ok, i'm new to this whole scene... and i really don't want to make any dangerous mistakes... any advice...?

 

[jadefirefly]

Advice on... what, exactly? That's an incredibly vague question.


Advice: We have a library. Visit it.

 

[CutieMouse]

The question is too broad. Suggestions on how to be safe whilst doing knifeplay, won't be the same as suggestions on how to safely do bondage, won't be the same as suggestions on how to safely discuss the BDSM thang with a new Lover, won't be the same as suggestions on how to execute a deliciously wicked mind-fuck.

(It also helps to know if you are approaching the issue from the dominant or submissive side of the equation, if you are in a relationship or looking for one, and if you are looking at BDSM as a flesh to flesh thing or online...)

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is a great thread to read for education and laughs...and you will find lots of information in the library at the top of the forum. As said though, if you can be more specific people can help answer your question better.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

I do love that thread...

 

[catalina_francisco]

(It also helps to know if you are approaching the issue from the dominant or submissive side of the equation, if you are in a relationship or looking for one, and if you are looking at BDSM as a flesh to flesh thing or online...)

Oh true, I just assumed submissive.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

Oh true, I just assumed submissive.

Catalina

I'm currently distracting my weary soul with meticulousness. (I just made up that word if it isn't a word.)

 

[tanyajean]

Ok heres another try...

Ok, i'm looking at this from a submissive pov and i want an in the flesh exp. ... i'm currently looking for a relationship... ooh and i'm seriously not intrested in knife play... now... how should one go about looking for someone to share in a relationship?... safely?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Ok, i'm looking at this from a submissive pov and i want an in the flesh exp. ... i'm currently looking for a relationship... ooh and i'm seriously not intrested in knife play... now... how should one go about looking for someone to share in a relationship?... safely?

Read the thread I linked you to, possibly put up a personals ad in the personals section, but first it is wise to know yourself well, what you want, what you are prepared to offer, what your limits are, and a lot about safe meetings.

Catalina

 

[jadefirefly]

Do some googlin' for some groups in your area - most areas have at least one - and find out when their munches are. Munches are when groups of like-minded kinky folk get together for a meal, usually lunch, and just chit chat and get to know each other better. It's out in public so new folk can feel safe and usually just looks like any other group of people out having a get-together. Once you get to know the people in your area you'll be better equipped to find someone who'll share your interests.


Usually someone comes along at this point and tosses out some linkies to good websites, I don't have any, but be patient and I'm sure someone will.

 

[malinborn]

There are several great posts on here that you might find very helpful. Jade also made a good point that you might find local groups through google searches, etc. Most states and larger cities (Not sure where in Ky you are, Bowling Green, Lexington, Ashland, etc) but look to find groups that have play parties, munches, and just discussion groups

Here we have two prominant groups... Norther Deleware DS, And Atlantic City DS, both have 3 meetings a month, Discussion, Munch (lunch/dinner. meet and greet, discuss), and Play. These are truly great chances to get to know others with similar interests in a safe environment

Ok, i'm looking at this from a submissive pov and i want an in the flesh exp. ... i'm currently looking for a relationship... ooh and i'm seriously not intrested in knife play... now... how should one go about looking for someone to share in a relationship?... safely?

 

[WriterDom]

Read the thread I linked you to, possibly put up a personals ad in the personals section, but first it is wise to know yourself well, what you want, what you are prepared to offer, what your limits are, and a lot about safe meetings.

Catalina

I think she needs a lot more homework before considering a personal ad.

My ex was a KY girl. In more ways than one.

 

[Pure]

there were some suggestions somewhere around here about online dating, and what to do that's safe.

tanya should follow the general rules aside from the SM aspect!

tied up, naked, and blindfolded in the stranger's apt *may* not be a fulfilling experience.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think she needs a lot more homework before considering a personal ad.

My ex was a KY girl. In more ways than one.

Uh huh, that is why I listed things she needs to know first.

Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

Uh huh, that is why I listed things she needs to know first.

Catalina

I know, just driving that point home. If she did go there now she'd get 10 collar offers the first day.

There is a huge attraction to first editions. A bit overblown in my opinion. I see experience as a plus.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I know, just driving that point home. If she did go there now she'd get 10 collar offers the first day.

There is a huge attraction to first editions. A bit overblown in my opinion. I see experience as a plus.

LOL, and before you know it she will need a chest of drawers just for collars alone!! As to the attraction, I think it like the attraction to virgins thing. I have a female friend who finds the thought of a virgin male irresistable; for me I just think it must mean they are not that into their libido (of course assuming they are adults), and so not worth my effort, or they have issues I just don't need to have to deal with. Think I am over the lost puppy stage and now have no interest in rescuing or saving the strays from themselves.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

ok, i'm new to this whole scene... and i really don't want to make any dangerous mistakes... any advice...?

• do your best to be open minded
• be patient
• don't rush into things
• explore options thoroughly before you decide whether they are for you (reading, talking, experimental/exploratory play are all good)
• be safe -- really. be safe. it's too late to go back if you don't
• find the right person/people. don't settle for "almost" or "nearly" or "vaguely similar". find the *right* ones
• love your cats

 

[SubKekiLee]

Ok, i'm looking at this from a submissive pov and i want an in the flesh exp. ... i'm currently looking for a relationship... ooh and i'm seriously not intrested in knife play... now... how should one go about looking for someone to share in a relationship?... safely?

1) Take your time do NOT settle for the first one to come along and TRY to convince you he is the DOM for you...

2) trust your instincts, your gut feeling if he doesnt feel right or seems to forceful CUT bait and get away

3) Communicate and READ about it.. Castlerealm.com is a good site to go read up on it will give you submissive POV and DOM POV it is a great site to learn on.

4) Read up here there are lots of GREAT people here who will give you advice that is irreplaceable ...

5) Be honest about your interests, likes and dislikes and limits a good dom will not push too fast to expand those limits.

 

[Softouch911]

If safety is your primary goal, you should probably not try out your fantasies at all. Stay home. Masturbate.

BDSM is, partly, about risk ... with someone you trust. If you want to go there, follow the excellent advice in the previous posts.

But you sound very young. Perhaps you're from the school that likes to just jump in and let experience teach you. If so, then feel free to come back here and post about it when something really bad happens. We can also say "I told you so."

I'm serious.
ST