Questions that I can't ask a gf or hubby...

[chu1616]

First off, thanks to all who responded to my first questions regarding losing interest after 40 and not being able to orgasm from oral/hand jobs. Glad to hear that this stuff ain't only happening in my bed.

Anyway, I would like to know a couple more things...

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys? Does it really feel that much different? My first husband and I tried it once when we were drunk, but I don't really remember it. My current husband and I have a thing about that spot being, "exit only," but if it really is that great, I would be willing to try it.

2. A question for you married guys... (I'm surprised to see so many of you on this site are married--I think that's great). I understand that guys like to look at naked girls, (ok-hetero guys--not to imply there is anything wrong with non-hetero guys), but do you still tell your wife that she is the most beautfiful woman in the world? Even if she is um, a little older and a little overweight? If you do tell her this do you mean it? Do you think of the women in the porno pix and movies as not being real and just more of an "eye candy" sort of thing?

Obviously, I'm asking this for a friend of mine--because I have no problems. When I buy something at the sex store it isn't for me, either.

 

[mblanton]

I will take a shot at question number 2. Yes, I look at lots of nude pictures and my wife knows about it. I share lots of them with her. I'll give you an example: My wife decided to do a little bikini shaving a couple weeks ago, so we looked at tons of pictures together to find just the right look that she wanted. The haircut turned out perfect by the way. She makes me play fair though...if its ok for me to show her pictures of naked women than I don't run out of the room if she trys to show me a picture of a naked man.

I compliment my wife every chance I get. I tell her how beautiful she looks and things that make her special, and I mean everyone of them. Yes, I like looking at pictures and fantasies can be fun, but nothing can replace the emotional bond that my wife and I share together. I have been married for 11 years and I'm more turned on by her now than the first day I met her. She is an incredible woman.

Snowman

 

[TBKahuna123]

First off, thanks to all who responded to my first questions regarding losing interest after 40 and not being able to orgasm from oral/hand jobs. Glad to hear that this stuff ain't only happening in my bed.

Anyway, I would like to know a couple more things...

All perfectly normal and nothing wrong with you personally. Also all most likely things that can be worked out through communication and at worst, a trip to the doctor.

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys? Does it really feel that much different? My first husband and I tried it once when we were drunk, but I don't really remember it. My current husband and I have a thing about that spot being, "exit only," but if it really is that great, I would be willing to try it.

Because we're told we can't have it?

I'm only partially kidding I do think that is part of the appeal for guys, it's forbidden. We always want what we can't have. That aside, I think it's still mental. It's the idea I guess. I mean it may be a little physically tighter, though that's not a guarantee, but really doesn't feel all that different for the guy, at least not to me.

Anal sex don right can be extremely intimate, and extremely pleasurable for both partners. Take it slow, communicate and lots of lubrication.

2. A question for you married guys... (I'm surprised to see so many of you on this site are married--I think that's great). I understand that guys like to look at naked girls, (ok-hetero guys--not to imply there is anything wrong with non-hetero guys), but do you still tell your wife that she is the most beautfiful woman in the world? Even if she is um, a little older and a little overweight? If you do tell her this do you mean it? Do you think of the women in the porno pix and movies as not being real and just more of an "eye candy" sort of thing?

Obviously, I'm asking this for a friend of mine--because I have no problems. When I buy something at the sex store it isn't for me, either.

OK, are you sure you're not my wife? These questions sound awfully familiar!!!

The cool thing is I have the answer all thought out. Yes, I do like to look at naked women, because hey, their beautiful. On the other hand I do tell my wife she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I mean it with all my heart. First off beauty can only be measured by the standards of the person doing the observing. Second, beauty IS more than skin deep. Third, the beauty I see in my wife is a combination of inside and out, and it is completely impossible for me to seperate the two.

So why do men still look at porn if they feel this way? Boredom, more than anything else and instinct. Not boredom with my wife, just boredom in general. I don't know if I'd call the women in porn not real, but I would call them safe. It's a chance for a man to fulfill his instinctual desire to wander(which is there) without any risk of hurting anyone or breaking any vows or anything like that. Men are visually stimulated, so of course looking at naked women is stimulating for us.

I'll admit though, the older I get the less appeal this has for me. Maybe I'm just getting bored with porn. What am I gonna do now when moredom sets in, read the NY Times?

 

[Norajane]

I'm not a guy, but I'll take a shot.

On question 1 - all guys aren't obsessed with anal sex. My SO says he's tried it a couple of times, but it wasn't that big a deal, and he doesn't really care to do it again. Which is good, because I like a little anal play (licking, tickling), but not penetration. One of my guy friends said anal sex for guys isn't about the sensation, it's about the, "hey, I've got my dick up her ass!" mental eroticism - more of a dominance, power, complete penetration of every part of her.


On question 2 - I assume my SO looks at pictures, and we've sort-of watched a porn video or two together. He tells me I'm beautiful (and I know I don't look like those girls - I didn't when I was 21 and I don't now that I'm 38!) and I believe him. Beauty isn't about being airbrushed and cellulite free.

Now he's got a laptop full of naked pictures of me, and of us together, and little video clips of us together, so I'm happy he's looking at OUR porn. He seems to prefer it over the airbrushed porn, imagine that.

 

[phoenix1224]

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys? Does it really feel that much different? My first husband and I tried it once when we were drunk, but I don't really remember it. My current husband and I have a thing about that spot being, "exit only," but if it really is that great, I would be willing to try it.

Firstly, it's tighter than your average vagina... Which is a plus.

Secondly, it's still (for the most part) taboo... There's just something naughty and a bit "dirty" about it... Which can also be a plus.

 

[silverwhisper]

chu:

1. i like anal. i like it a lot. there's a couple reasons for that: it's naughty (and don't underestimate the power that can have); it's almost always going to be tigher than a woman's vagina; and because i don't know about anybody else, but i prefer using a variation on doggy for it and that's a position that most men really, really dig. for the recipient's side of things: some women can reach orgasm through anal sex--i recommend using a toy while masturbating to find out if that's at all true of you, along w/ loads and loads of lube*.

2. i always tell my wife that she's beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, etc. she's secure enough in our relationship that she doesn't need me to tell her that she's the most beautiful woman in the world. she is to me, but then again, i prefer women who are more rubens-esque. :> when i see an attractive woman who isn't my wife**, since she's bi, she usually notices her, too. that said, our tastes are different.

i don't know how much that helps your friend but for whatever that helps, there you go. :>

ed

*lube is critical if you want to try anal w/ a toy, moreso if your husband's well-endowed. or even if he isn't.
**yes, yes, yes...i know, the appropriate husbandly response is, "there aren't any attractive women who aren't my wife!"

 

[webbo1]

As for question 1

Well a lot of guys like the feeling that they are doing stuff that porno's are made of - my wife and I have tried it and found it uncomfortable for us both....I am in agreement that it is an "Exit" only.

As for number 2

Like lots of guys I too look at naked women and my wife knows it, but she also knows that no matter what her body type I will love her forever.

I hope that helps a bit

 

[Programmer Cat]

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys?

Forbidden fruit, I guess. I wouldn't say no if my wife told me to fuck her up the arse, but she hasn't offered yet. I've let her do me with a strap-on, but she got more out of it than I did.

I understand that guys like to look at naked girls, (ok-hetero guys--not to imply there is anything wrong with non-hetero guys), but do you still tell your wife that she is the most beautfiful woman in the world? Even if she is um, a little older and a little overweight?

Yes, I do. Looking at cheesecake might arouse my libido, but my wife is the one who builds up my morale and makes me feel warm and safe.

If you do tell her this do you mean it?

I'm not in the habit of saying shit I don't mean.

 

[kiwichyck]

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys? Does it really feel that much different? My first husband and I tried it once when we were drunk, but I don't really remember it. My current husband and I have a thing about that spot being, "exit only," but if it really is that great, I would be willing to try it.

Well, I can't really answer that from a guys perpective seeing as how I'm a girl. Anyway, given the right workup and right mood from my perspective, anal can be mindblowing. I'm always an active and enthusiastic participant during sex, but because anal requires so much active relaxation for me to enjoy it, the sensations build slower and sneak up on me with often surprising results! DH enjoys it, but doesn't generally make a big deal of it. He says it's just an exciting change of pace.

2. A question for you married guys... (I'm surprised to see so many of you on this site are married--I think that's great). I understand that guys like to look at naked girls, (ok-hetero guys--not to imply there is anything wrong with non-hetero guys), but do you still tell your wife that she is the most beautfiful woman in the world? Even if she is um, a little older and a little overweight? If you do tell her this do you mean it? Do you think of the women in the porno pix and movies as not being real and just more of an "eye candy" sort of thing?

We've been looking at a bit of porn together lately. We also enjoy visiting those 'rate my' sites. DH always tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I admit I'm still quite young and I have good genetics, but after 4 kids, I'm certainly no supermodel. After some discussion recently we concluded that neither of us particularly enjoy looking at naked other people because they can never measure up to the perfection we enjoy with each other. Generally speaking, the images that turn us on the most are usually the ones that we can relate to the other person. Like - that chick is attractive because her pussy looks similar to yours - kinda thing.

 

[Mr. Mann]

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys? Does it really feel that much different? My first husband and I tried it once when we were drunk, but I don't really remember it. My current husband and I have a thing about that spot being, "exit only," but if it really is that great, I would be willing to try it.

For me, the biggest turn on has always been that it feels so incredible. The asshole is just so much tighter. It actually sort-of squeezes down and contracts and does it from the entire circumference (???). It is an "all around" type thing, as opposed to a vagina which isn't as tight, doesn't "squeeze" in quite the same way, and it isn't shaped the same.

Anal sex, in my experience, just feels so incredible that I frequently have to consciously try not to cum almost as soon as I get it in there. With regular sex, holding off is pretty routine.. but during anal... I have to really try to wait until she cums.

Yes, part of it is that it is an extremely intimate and erotic thing for a woman to let you penetrate her anally... that is a very enjoyable aspect... but for me, the biggest attraction is that it feels so much better... at least to me.

2. A question for you married guys... (I'm surprised to see so many of you on this site are married--I think that's great). I understand that guys like to look at naked girls, (ok-hetero guys--not to imply there is anything wrong with non-hetero guys), but do you still tell your wife that she is the most beautfiful woman in the world? Even if she is um, a little older and a little overweight? If you do tell her this do you mean it? Do you think of the women in the porno pix and movies as not being real and just more of an "eye candy" sort of thing?

I'm glad to address this from my point of view.

I love to look at nekkid women and porn. My tastes vary widely. I prefer small chested women, but not skinny women. I like them with a little meat on their bones, not looking like they need a sammich. OTOH, I also really apprecaite petite women, and women with larger breasts. I like them curvy, and not-so-curvy. Blondes, brunettes, black hair, redheads, I like them all. I also prefer the more natural "amateur" type porn instead of the toned, airbrushed, centerfold hottie types. I like them withouth make up or high heels and a little pooch in the belly. It just seems more "real"... either way... I love the visual pleasures of seing naked women. -- Why?

Well, men are primarily visual.. and men, I beleive, are genetically programmed to be both more easily aroused and to be attracted to anything that triggers some sort of procreation instinct. Attractive + healthy = BOING!

With porn, it isn'tjust that a woman may be hot... a large part of porn, to me, is that they are getting it on and they look happy about it! They are smiling and confident. That enjoyment adn excitement and sexual confidence is a HUGE, HUGE turn on. It isn't just that they are naked and crawling over the bed. It is that they are naked, crawling over the bed, and they look like they WANT SOME!

My wife knows and appreciates that I like the porn. She also apprecaites some good porn, but prefers stories and stuff that is more "mental" than visual.

My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to me.. even though she has gained some weight and had some kids, etc. SHE is much more concerned and aware about her appearance than I am. This is a real shame because this makes her want to turn the lights off... but I LOVE to see her naked!!!

I think women tend to be much more critical of their apearance than men. Because they know men are visual and like to look at hotties, they think that we are super noticing and critical. I know that I, for one, am not.

I don't even notice near as many "imperfections" as my wife seems to be so super aware of. I just don't even hardly see them. She looks at herself naked in a mirror and sees all these "imperfections"... and I am sitting there gettig a hard on thinking about how hot she is. She is still my wonderful beautiful sexy wife whom I adore and cherish and hunger for and long for.

I wish she found it easier to be less self-conscious because there are few things sexier to me than a woman who is comfortable with the way they look and who is sexually confident. Instead of being all demure and shy and tenative sometimes... the "leaving the lights on and letting the robe drop" and being comfortable with nudity and expressing her sexal desire with confidence... THAT is such a HUGE turn on.

I've had several relationships with girls who would be considered quite "plump".. but they were very comfortable with who they were and were very confident and expressive sexually. I found them incredibly attractive physically because of who they were on the inside.

A woman comfortable with who she is and confident enough with her sexuality to be able to be assertive and sexually expressive... THAT is the biggest turn on there is.

My two cents... hope it helps.

 

[deliverer]

Alright, here's my perspective on the anal sex situation.
Guys like to put their dicks in things. Especially things that are soft and wet.
Don't think that your asshole is any different than any part of your body that is considered private and intimate. It still is a sexual and sensitive part of your body, and some/most men are interested in it.
In a way it is the final frontier...I mean if I fucked your pussy twice a day for ages, and am horny as hell anyway, don't you think it is a normal progression...the next place to go?
Now, I can understand why you might not want a cock up there, and I can respect that. That's why it's not that big of a deal to me.......but I must taste it. This need not be painful, and much of the female apprehension of this is really just a matter of perspective.
I mean, I'd be happy to eat your pussy within 5 minutes of meeting you, but I wouldn't want to go further down until I knew you well.
But it would be on my mind.....

 

[Halo_n_horns]

1. Why is anal sex such a turn on for guys? Does it really feel that much different? My first husband and I tried it once when we were drunk, but I don't really remember it. My current husband and I have a thing about that spot being, "exit only," but if it really is that great, I would be willing to try it.

I love anal because of the overall sensations. Because of the tightness that she can exert around my penis during each stroke as well as when I cum in her back there. Because of the tightness during orgasm I can honestly say that I've only experienced one orgasm in a vagina and two from fellatio that have felt as incredible as every one of them during anal.

My wife loves anal because all the nerves and muscles back there have really awoken for her, and she's capable of some pretty intense orgasms during anal as well. Its becaome a win/win kind of thing.

2. A question for you married guys... (I'm surprised to see so many of you on this site are married--I think that's great). I understand that guys like to look at naked girls, (ok-hetero guys--not to imply there is anything wrong with non-hetero guys), but do you still tell your wife that she is the most beautfiful woman in the world? Even if she is um, a little older and a little overweight? If you do tell her this do you mean it? Do you think of the women in the porno pix and movies as not being real and just more of an "eye candy" sort of thing?

Your second question is pretty interesting. My wife and I are pretty blunt with one another. Being PC with each other simply does not happen, and we're adult enough with one another to not allow that bluntness to become something hurtful between us. Having said that; my wife and I enjoy porn together. We go to the strip clubs several times a year and spend a pretty healthy amount of money buying lap dances for each other. She used to buy Penthouse magazines for the two of us to enjoy, but since they got all PC and right-wing-friendly in their pictorials we got bored with them. She knows that I have always had, and always will have, an ongoing love affair with the physical beauty of women. Some of this is because I'm male. Most of it is because I'm an artist. So, she has joined me in my love of womens' beauty.

Having said all of that; yes, we do tell one another when there's something about the other that we're not finding as attractive as we once use to. She doesn't ask me if a pair of pants are making her look fat because she knows I'll tell her that the pants are fine, her butt has gotten fat. I won't ask similar questions, but that's mostly because I'm male and guys just don't ask that kind of shit.