Questions about munches...

[aerofreak]

We'd like to know how other people's munches are run. We are currently in one that is run by a subby who is treating the group like her own personal singles club/play party. Because we aren't comforable playing with people that we barely know (the last meeting turned into a play part after we left, and there were people there who hadn't been to a single meeting prior to this one, and haven't posted or chatted), we are alienated and made to feel unwelcome. One person has suggested that this is because we are relative 'newbies' and so we don't fit in with the more experienced Dom/mes of the group (of which there are only like 5), but that is totally not how we see it. We know of another munch that is/was similar but is now being run by someone new who is trying to change it, and there is one where we are going to school that is run by our sub that isn't like this ... we're just wondering what experiences others have had, and wondering if it's ok for us to be offended that we are outcasts for not wanting to play with the leader of the one munch.

 

[James G 5]

We'd like to know how other people's munches are run. We are currently in one that is run by a subby who is treating the group like her own personal singles club/play party. Because we aren't comforable playing with people that we barely know (the last meeting turned into a play part after we left, and there were people there who hadn't been to a single meeting prior to this one, and haven't posted or chatted), we are alienated and made to feel unwelcome. One person has suggested that this is because we are relative 'newbies' and so we don't fit in with the more experienced Dom/mes of the group (of which there are only like 5), but that is totally not how we see it. We know of another munch that is/was similar but is now being run by someone new who is trying to change it, and there is one where we are going to school that is run by our sub that isn't like this ... we're just wondering what experiences others have had, and wondering if it's ok for us to be offended that we are outcasts for not wanting to play with the leader of the one munch.

If the Munch turned in to a play party after you left, I am assuming it was at a private home or club? Or did folks all go somewhere after?

 

[His_sugar]

Our group holds two munches a month. One on a Sunday, noon time at a local eatery. It never leads to a play party afterwards.

The second is held on a Saturday night at another eatery, at which we have a private room blocked from everyone else. We hold discussion groups and sometimes ( I hesitate to say "Show and tell" ) but that is almost what it is. Not really a demo, but perhaps a 'how to' about making floggers, pin gloves.. etc. After that munch, we have a "host" who welcomes people back to his or her home for a party. We never invite people who are attending the munch for the first time. There are also strict rules that apply and a form that must be signed before you are allowed to participate. I know that sounds very strange, but it has worked for us for 8 years and we see no sense in changing things now.

We also all belong to a larger "Local" BDSM group which holds open meetings on the first Saturday of the month at a local hotel which allows us to use one of their ballrooms. We have demos, 'clothed' play and discussion groups. Afterwards, the group usually breaks into its cliques and we head off to seperate parties.

Hope this helps

 

[Daedalus77]

I try to take munches at face value and take from them what I can. Some have good demos, some have good debates, some are strict gor and some are friendly people but never have play parties. For some reason BDSMer's seem to have control issues. I have no idea why. Oh wait maybe I do, the D/S thing. I have seen groups splinter and stay mad at one another to the loss of the community as a whole. My advice is don't worry about a munch you don't like and find one that suits you.

 

[aerofreak]

Thanks for the input - the party this weekend was at the home of the leader of the group. The whole problem with it was that we weren't comfortable playing with people that we didn't know, so we had asked that it not be a play party, or that another meeting be planned for us to attend - the leader said "ok, if you aren't comfortable with it, then we won't do it" and then when it actually came to the meeting, there were people there who we had never met before ... we were made to feel incredibly uncomfortable ... we weren't talked to ... we basically felt as though we had driven up there to be ignored ... and as soon as we left, it turned into a play party - which since it was a 2 hour drive for us each way, really really sucks. We were friends with these people at first, but now they are really unfriendly.

 

[James G 5]

Thanks for the input - the party this weekend was at the home of the leader of the group. The whole problem with it was that we weren't comfortable playing with people that we didn't know, so we had asked that it not be a play party, or that another meeting be planned for us to attend - the leader said "ok, if you aren't comfortable with it, then we won't do it" and then when it actually came to the meeting, there were people there who we had never met before ... we were made to feel incredibly uncomfortable ... we weren't talked to ... we basically felt as though we had driven up there to be ignored - which since it was a 2 hour drive for us each way, really really sucks. We were friends with these people at first, but now they are really unfriendly.

Ok...that's REALLY rare for a Munch
Munches are almost ALWAYS in a large restaurant that allows the use of a banquet room, or a mall food court, or some such public place where more people feel free coming & going & there's no pressure for things like play
Are there any other groups near you?

 

[aerofreak]

Another thing - the houses on either side of her house were almost on top of her house - very very little privacy ... and the people on one side kept coming out and looking at us, so they were aware of people being there doing things ...

 

[aerofreak]

Are there any other groups near you?

Yeah, there are, and we will be attending those as well (at least for now it's 'as well' - it may turn into 'instead'). Our boy actually runs the one that is here where we go to school, so we'll be going with him from now on. We think we'll be much happier with that.

Mostly we are upset that we were ignored and lied to ... and just disrespected in general (that's what our boy is currently complaining about - his Mistresses shouldn't be disrespected ... ).

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

I've just recently attended my first munch. It was held in a public resturant, they had a private room. Very casual, no pressure. They also have strict rules in place when it comes to playing. Of course if concenting adults want to get together and play they can't stop that. But the 'newbie's' are not only discouraged from playing I can't really see anyone inviting them to play in the first place. All play parties are by invite only. If they don't know you, you don't get invited. To me, a munch is supposed to be a gathering of like minded people. To talk, share idea's...etc...

I give you credit for trying with that group more then once. I would not have been back if there was pressure to play with people I just met. It's supposed to be a munch, not a swingers club.

 

[FungiUg]

Okay.

Firstly, I agree with you on the public play thing. No matter how experienced I get to be, I doubt I will ever be comfortable with that. Many people would be the same.

Secondly, being into BDSM does not automatically make you a "swinger". For some reason, many people seem to think that's the case. There are many of us who are NOT keen on bonking anybody and everybody. So don't back down from your feelings on this matter -- you're certainly not alone.

Thirdly, the munches here in Auckland are run strictly, but casually. We have a group around 50 strong, although only 20-30 turn up to a munch normally. It's a bit of a meet and great session. It's NOT a play session. People are required to attend two munches before they attend a play session, and the play sessions are organised at different times.

Now I'm still not a fan of the munches here, but for entirely different reasons to your own. I have issues with crowds (claustrophobia) and crowded cafes with slow service full of people smoking are not my thing. So I tend not to go to them. But they are certainly NOT run along the lines of what you are describing.

 

[Justina123]

I can only say what others have said, I don't think your experience was a typical munch, sounds like you need to find another one.

In my rather rural area, there are two active groups. One has monthly munches in a local restaurant/pub, "vanilla" dress only, interesting conversation and a chance to meet people, but no play at all. Now, sometimes the folks within the munch may head off to someone's house afterwards for some play, but that of course is their business. I met my Dominant of over a year at this munch, though we didn't play until after we'd met at several of the monthly munches.

There is also a group that holds monthly munches at rotating member's' homes. They have strict "no play" at the get together rules, but you can dress as wild and fetish as you want and they have interesting demos, etc. Once again, of course it's quite possible to meet someone there that you may get interested in, or someone you meet there may invite you to a play party, but the events themselves are strictly socializing only.

So, all that to say, I'd keep looking don't give up, 'cause to me finding a good munch where you meet like minded folks and can have open interesting coversations about D/s issues is worth the search!

- justina

 

[aerofreak]

Thanks guys (and girls) ... knowing that other people agree will make talking with the chick a little easier. I wish I could just quit, but unfortunately, I offered to help her out when she was asking for help (and now the twit thinks that Holly and I are trying to take over), so I should really talk to her before we bail.

 

[D's mariposa]

Actually, I'd never heard of a munch munching in a private home.. Down here we have found a restaraunt with a private room, and we munch once a month. It's way casual and there's no playing, fetish dress or show and tells. We're lucky enough to have our own building down here so "show and tells" and how tos and stuff like that take place at other times.

 

[tr65]

How does one go about finding munches in one's area?

 

[His_sugar]

If you are located in the USA, this is a handy little link that has listings of groups by state..

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

 

[aerofreak]

If you are located in the USA, this is a handy little link that has listings of groups by state..

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

i think we used that one to find the local munch ... i'm sure that we'll be much happier with this one (at the very least, we're happier knowing the members of the munch that we have already met).

 

[His_sugar]

Just as an after thought..

When I was looking for munches/groups I searched out their websites, and to my surprise.. most had an email group that I could join. It gave me the opportunity to speak with, discuss and debate issues that I found of interest, before I met people face to face.

You might try this..

 

[aerofreak]

Just as an after thought..

When I was looking for munches/groups I searched out their websites, and to my surprise.. most had an email group that I could join. It gave me the opportunity to speak with, discuss and debate issues that I found of interest, before I met people face to face.

You might try this..

oh yeah, that's what we are on ... that's how we know when the munches are & everything ...

 

[His_sugar]

So this group doesn't have a set day and time each month that they meet?

Can I ask, what state are you located in?

 

[Never]

Munches - What you get after smoking pot.

 

[MLadyPain]

::lurk mode off::
As someone who is on the board of my local munch, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. The other folks are right, in general, munches are held in a public place. The general idea is to provide a non-threatening venue to meet like-minded folks. At our munch we have a meet&greet for a certain period of time, folks order food, etc. Once the restaurant closes, we have a discussion, demo, workshop, etc. We stress no toys, no fetishwear, no collars, etc... but you always have a few idgits who don't understand that this isn't a playparty LOL Now I used to be involved with a munch group in another state that did have play parties afterwards... but the rule was, you had to come to the public munch first before you got invited back. And no hard feelings if you weren't comfortable.

Laura
::resume lurk mode::

 

[James G 5]

::lurk mode off::
As someone who is on the board of my local munch, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. The other folks are right, in general, munches are held in a public place. The general idea is to provide a non-threatening venue to meet like-minded folks. At our munch we have a meet&greet for a certain period of time, folks order food, etc. Once the restaurant closes, we have a discussion, demo, workshop, etc. We stress no toys, no fetishwear, no collars, etc... but you always have a few idgits who don't understand that this isn't a playparty LOL Now I used to be involved with a munch group in another state that did have play parties afterwards... but the rule was, you had to come to the public munch first before you got invited back. And no hard feelings if you weren't comfortable.

Laura
::resume lurk mode::

Oh SURE, de-lurk here while you've got insomnia but don't post on a single ONE of MY threads
I know where you LIVE little girl, and I will be there in a week

 

[MLadyPain]

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

er... um... wait... that should read: oh no!

hehehe

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

Munches - What you get after smoking pot.

I thought that was Munchies.

 

[Never]

Getting high and creative spelling sort of go hand in hand.