Question

[learningdom]

Help me please.

I realized my girl has a fetish for being called names. And lots of different ones, no matter how mean.

Help me come up with some good ones, will you all?

 

[ammre]

Help me please.

I realized my girl has a fetish for being called names. And lots of different ones, no matter how mean.

Help me come up with some good ones, will you all?

Have you looked into why?

if she just like equating herself with dirty perverse acts the you can move forward with names and ideas in that direction.. (example: "cheap ass loving whore")

if it's a humiliation thing, she enjoys the shame and mental play that's going, there's a lot you can do with humiliation play. (this is more along the lines of "dirty cow, show me how pathetic you are, couldn't even remember to get more milk this morning, worthless...")

the former is fairly common... "whore" "slut" "fuckhole" sexual terms... the later is a little harder becasue it can definitely be edge play and it take good communication and often a bit of aftercare.

 

[Vixandra]

Cum guzzling gutter whore is a nice one.

As are:

Mewling pathetic scrap of flesh
An embarrassment to one's gender
A ridiculous attempt by a humorous god to produce something fuckable

Creativity, that's the ticket.

 

[twysted73]

The best ones she will respond to are those that tap into what she truly is embarrassed by.

Some women respond very well to the old standbys. Slut, whore, bitch, harlott(a little vintage there..enjoy). Cock-sucking, ass rimming, wittless, sniveling-pig cum dumpster.

To other women, this doesn't phase them in the slightest.

What embarrasses her...is what will work best on her. Was she "raised proper"? Perhaps she's been on her own for a while and feels strong and independant. Perhaps her pride point is her intelligence or beauty.

Be careful however. Tread carefully. You don't wish to create a very real and unecessary insecurity.
Enjoy.

~ Slainte

 

[SimonBrooke]

Have you looked into why?

if she just like equating herself with dirty perverse acts the you can move forward with names and ideas in that direction.. (example: "cheap ass loving whore")

if it's a humiliation thing, she enjoys the shame and mental play that's going, there's a lot you can do with humiliation play. (this is more along the lines of "dirty cow, show me how pathetic you are, couldn't even remember to get more milk this morning, worthless...")

the former is fairly common... "whore" "slut" "fuckhole" sexual terms... the later is a little harder becasue it can definitely be edge play and it take good communication and often a bit of aftercare.

OK, one needs to be careful about this, I believe. There's always a fine line between D/s and frankly abusive behaviour. If you call your partner dirty names in the context of a scene, and you and she mutually understand that it's part of the scene, then that can be great. If you call your partner those same things all the time, that's going to cause real damage to her self esteem.

This is analogous to 'rape in marriage'. In many places it was at one time deemed to be the case that a husband could not rape his wife, since she had, in marrying him, given him perpetual consent to sex. Fortunately in the jurisdictions in which most of us live this legal theory is no longer given credence. In the course of any D/s praxis, those of us on the 'Dom' side of the equation do things which in any normal circumstance would be considered abusive and inexcusable. In fact, depending on where we live, they may well be illegal, but that's kind of not the point. The point is that, for those of us with the kink, we consider it moral, or acceptable, to use abusive behaviour as a part of sexual expression towards others who explicitly welcome that behaviour as part of sexual expression.

However, there are a lot of areas around that that make me really uncomfortable.

I once had a relationship with a woman in which we had an established dominance/submission praxis we both enjoyed. As that relationship went sour and unravelled, I found myself doing things which a year earlier had been a normal part of our practice, but their meaning had changed. Instead of doing these things because we both got a sexual charge out of it, I was doing exactly the same things - not significantly more violent or abusive things - because I was angry and hurt and wanted to hurt her. And that, to me, felt completely unacceptable and caused me a great crisis of conscience.

Similarly, there are genuinely damaged souls who wander into the D/s space who because of past abuse are habituated to being abused. These are not people who are playing, they are people who are hurt and in need of care; they may invite abuse but it feels to me strongly that it is wrong to accept this as consent.

This isn't about what's legal. Some of the sexual practices I have enjoyed, and hope to enjoy in the future, are certainly illegal where I live. It's about what's moral, about living with your own conscience. One needs - I need - to be sure not merely that one's partner freely engages in whatever practice you're playing with, but is in a state of psychological health to offer that free consent.

 

[ZRT]

This isn't about what's legal. Some of the sexual practices I have enjoyed, and hope to enjoy in the future, are certainly illegal where I live. It's about what's moral, about living with your own conscience. One needs - I need - to be sure not merely that one's partner freely engages in whatever practice you're playing with, but is in a state of psychological health to offer that free consent.

Excellent post.

I'll add that I once had a partner who initially proclaimed that she desired to be demeaned as a worthless whore and similar type verbal abuse. Well, I enjoy that, so no problem there.

Except... problem. It did bother her, and while she got something from it, she finally admitted that it was also getting to her in the esteem department. She kept wobbling back and forth on the 'want/don't want' until I just pulled the plug.

She was a bundle of issues in general, much as Simon referenced about being habituated to abuse, and it was damaging to her precisely because her notions of sexual relations were warped into a belief that abuse was love.

(Which ultimately killed the relationship- when I stopped doing what I considered to be damagingly abusive in her frame of mind, she bailed.)

 

[rosco rathbone]

The best ones she will respond to are those that tap into what she truly is embarrassed by.

Good advice. You've got to suss out the things that make her blush with shame.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

See, im new to the name thing. My lover/Dom now has started doing it and its been difficult.

Be sure to know what would possibly trigger a mental or emotional issue with her. I know in the past I have had alot of issues with believing i am worthless to those around me, so the first time he said I was nothing but a worthless little whore he was going to cum on and in then kick out the door, I cried and not in the good way. Somewhat hysterically.

Also assure her, if she does have any issues that it IS play, and you dont ACTUALLY think shes these things. Sometimes if you get really into it, you sound more serious than what you think and it could end badly.

Like Simon said, play like this does work on self esteem. Im a woman, in a submissive roll with my boyfriend and yes, it does play on my self esteem. Finding those things that really WOULD work her psyche is essentially what you're going for but you have to find the line and push gradually. At least for me thats how it is. The first time going at things saying very harsh things literally broke me and I sobbed for at least half an hour after because the past issues I had. Now ive worked past it, know he's only playing and its a game, but some days I just cant handle it.

Also be sure that you do reassure her after, make sure she knows its a sexual game to get you both off and that you dont really believe these things. Hold her, kiss her, reassure her because that seems to be something that goes hand in hand on the self esteem. You need the reassurance that its okay to like things like that, but its a bedroom game and you wont treat her like that 24/7.

I have been abused in my past, but that doesnt really effect the play now. I dont see, anymore at least, that abuse is equated to love. Thank Goddess that was a rough little go about after the douche left me. However I do like pain, the kind that with someone I trust with all I got to give. The trust thing goes very far with me, and I do believe that it should be very very open and your relationship has great communication before you try anything like this. Like Simon said, not trying to turn the tides on him say he was wrong or anything, but im sure you wouldnt want to turn your girlfriend into your whipping post because you want her to hurt. Doubt thats what you're going for.

Do start slow, find what words sexually she has a distaste for maybe. I didnt like the word cunt, still dont really, so he'd use it when he spoke to me. I hated the word whore because it had been used against me numerous times, so he'd use it on me. I think Worthless Little Nympho Cum Guzzling Whore was one of the creative ones we got out. That one was interesting.

Again just tread carefully.

 

[DemonLove]

Help me please.

I realized my girl has a fetish for being called names. And lots of different ones, no matter how mean.

Help me come up with some good ones, will you all?

Nigga,please.
This dude is looking for jack-off material,and you guys are taking it seriously.
Tell you what.
Tell me more about how you "realized" that your girl has this fetish so that I can lend some credance to your sincerity.
If you really want to talk about juicing her up with her own fetish,then I would love to help.
Again-tell me how you "realized" that she has it.

 

[SimonBrooke]

This dude is looking for jack-off material,and you guys are taking it seriously.

It kind of doesn't matter whether the original poster was serious or not. This is an open forum and it's probable that lurkers outnumber posters significantly. D/s is not 'safe' behaviour. We deliberately put ourselves into emotionally and physically exposed positions with regard to one another, and it's possible through carelessness to do life-altering damage to one's partner. And, in my opinion, it is probably easier to do serious damage with words than with a whip. This isn't a reason for not playing dominance games, in my opinion; but it is a reason for being thoughtful and careful about how one plays them.

I make no apology for what I've posted here. If I've made some wannabe dom out there say to himself, 'hey, maybe I need to think about what I said last night, maybe I need to make sure she's OK', then what I've posted was worth while. If I've made some poor beat up subbie sit up and think 'hey, it was not OK for him to treat me like that' then what I've posted is more than worth while.

Just for clarity I'll say it again. I'm not saying 'don't play'. I'm not saying there are any limits on what you should do when you play. I'm saying that - whatever you do - the onus is on you as PYL to be sure that your pyl offers free, uncoerced, willing consent to whatever it is; and I'd also suggest that it's a really good thing if you have some clear signal of when play starts and when play stops, and you both acknowledge that many of the things which are appropriate and acceptable during playtime are inappropriate and unacceptable outside playtime.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

This dude is looking for jack-off material,and you guys are taking it seriously.
.

I dont see how we're providing "jack-off material" at all since not all of us have even said specific incidents. It was more a general overview of a few different scenarios. Its not like we're writing a pornographic, explict recount of what happened....

 

[SlaveNienna]

Help me please.

I realized my girl has a fetish for being called names. And lots of different ones, no matter how mean.

Help me come up with some good ones, will you all?

Well, first get her aroused. Play with her a little bit, tease her. Make it feel good, make her want more. Then pull your hand away and when she arches herself in need say "You horny little slut" with a small amount of laughter in your tone. If she wants more, make her beg for it. Make her shout "I'm your horny little slut!" That should do the trick . As far as the name calling and self esteem issue goes, a gentle cuddle after a scene, perhaps carressing her hair and telling her how beautiful she is, how much she means to you should erase any subconscious feelings of rejection or worthlessness.

 

[DemonLove]

It kind of doesn't matter whether the original poster was serious or not.

I make no apology for what I've posted here.

The fact that it doesn't matter is a very valid point that is well taken.

I was not berating anyone for replying to the OP.
This subject actually interests me,otherwise I would've moved on without replying at all.

And to Nymphomaniacal; No,I was not saying that you were giving the poster what I claimed he was possibly here for. If a bunch of people "talking dirty" is what he was here for, then he has not been getting it.

The "challenge" was actually thrown at the OP himself. I would actually like to think that he IS sincere. If his real goal is in pleasing himself and his partner than I would honestly like to help.
My manner may,at times,be a bit confrontational. One reason is because I enjoy it. The other is because it helps me find out who I'm speaking to.

One or two people on this thread "know" me a little. It should be realized that I'm an old softy.

 

[Primalex]

Help me please.

I realized my girl has a fetish for being called names. And lots of different ones, no matter how mean.

Help me come up with some good ones, will you all?

Bush Supporter
Libertarian
Cum Disgorger
Interstate 55mph Driver
Comb Bound Book Lover
...

 

[Adakgirl]

Great posts Simon! Wonderfully put.

 

[N_B]

Help me please.

I realized my girl has a fetish for being called names. And lots of different ones, no matter how mean.

Help me come up with some good ones, will you all?

Wearer of silly hats
Poor sport
Goofy singer

Seriously though, if you heed what was already said, you should not need up to hand feed you things to say to your girl. You've already been given the tools and knowledge to do that. Now make sure you use the knowledge, most importantly.

 

[Cattypuss]

Well, first get her aroused. Play with her a little bit, tease her. Make it feel good, make her want more. Then pull your hand away and when she arches herself in need say "You horny little slut" with a small amount of laughter in your tone. If she wants more, make her beg for it. Make her shout "I'm your horny little slut!" That should do the trick . As far as the name calling and self esteem issue goes, a gentle cuddle after a scene, perhaps carressing her hair and telling her how beautiful she is, how much she means to you should erase any subconscious feelings of rejection or worthlessness.

Brilliant post, imo. Fantastic way to test the waters with low risk.

 

[mrtbear1956]

Hi all

I have read all the posts here some are good some are shitt. it up to them as it some thing to be careful doing , the mind is a diff thing to people, you can make her feel good or shitty if you call her names too much.

And then you lose her and her happines , i had a wife that loved to play diff thing and we enjoyed it, killed in 01 the sec. was diff she love to be spanked and tied up and used and we split later , i remarried now ,but not happy now,

I AM SAYING BE CAREFUL , and play a little and not all the time .later karl

 

[ammre]

OK, one needs to be careful about this, I believe. There's always a fine line between D/s and frankly abusive behaviour. If you call your partner dirty names in the context of a scene, and you and she mutually understand that it's part of the scene, then that can be great. If you call your partner those same things all the time, that's going to cause real damage to her self esteem.

I jsut want to highlight the last line of my initial response:
"it can definitely be edge play and it take good communication and often a bit of aftercare."

Thank you for elaborating where I was lazy. i probably should have gone into that a bit further. I'm just quite fond of figuring out the "why" behind various kinks and using that in the details of the experience or scene to make it better.

Nigga,please.
This dude is looking for jack-off material,and you guys are taking it seriously.
Tell you what.
Tell me more about how you "realized" that your girl has this fetish so that I can lend some credance to your sincerity.
If you really want to talk about juicing her up with her own fetish,then I would love to help.
Again-tell me how you "realized" that she has it.

And that's exactly why I chose to answer the way I did. I'm not interested in posting on bulletin boards to get people's rocks off. if i wanted to, I'm sure I could go to some story thread or the playground, but I don't.

 

[learningdom]

Sorry for not responding earlier... was in the process of moving.

Thank you for your input, all of you. I've learned what goes too far, what she doesn't like, and what she does.

We know it's just a game, and we do it rarely, only when she's in the mood. She doesn't like severe names,such as those making fun of her background, or such like that, now that I learned that, so the others will do, the standbys. I talked to her about it, and she likes equating herself, as put.

I was asking because maybe someone here would have a good one that would really make her happy, Thanks for the help.

And as questioned, I realized because we sat down and talked about kinks in the bedroom, and she said that name-calling was something that turned her on. I wasn't looking for jack-off material, I was looking for help. Thank you for all that you have giving me. I'll make sure to travel on the safe side. Thanks!