Question On Odd "sub Space" Experience

[lil_slave_rose]

ok this is going to be hard to explain and i hope i can make my question clear enough that ya'll will understand. Tonight Master and i did a 'phone' rape scene. i know some people will think we are fake and this is a silly question, but reguardless of your feelings on online/phone D/s this IS a real experience, we've had 'real life' experience (together) as well. anyway, we did a rape scene, and we've done these before as well and everything went fine, but tonight, about half way into it i hit a 'space' i've never been to. Normally i hit the 'regular' sub space in that i am 'floating', feeling really good, ect...but this time it's almost like i blacked out. i hate to put it that way but i have no other words. i do not remember parts of the scene nor do i remember much of it afterwards. the next thing i remember was Him asking me what was wrong, because i guess i made some noise that made Him think something wasn't right. i was shaky and cold (which i'm normally always cold after coming 'down' but tonight was different) i am still kind of shaky now. i wasn't emotional or anything like a 'drop'. what i'm wondering is if anyone else has experienced this or might know a name for it, or what could have caused it. Master had no idea during the scene that it was happening as i had no way to tell Him. i'm not even sure i realized it 'during' the scene. anyway..any advise or anyone else's experience would be greatly appreciated...thanks in advance

~rose~

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I have replayed it a zillion times in My head, but I still can't see anything I should have caught to see something was not right....

Yes, it was a phone thing but I was playing at psychological edges with this one as I often do.

 

[SweetErika]

I have an honest question: How do you do a "phone rape scene"? Is it like, "I'm tearing your clothes off. You're terrified and struggling. Now I'm forcing myself into you, torturing you, making you feel as if your entire being is being ripped to shreds. The pain is unbearable and you're panicking, begging me to stop... etc. etc."

Second, is there something in your past like abuse or assault that this might have triggered?

 

[kat_or_kitten]

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm afraid I have no definitive advice. But I'll give it a shot, anyway!

It sounds like you guys did something you've done many times before, and yet you had a totally different reaction. Maybe this drastic response to the scene was because of your environment, lil_slave_rose? Perhaps you were in a different head-space before you started playing, perhaps not feeling especially secure for some reason -- such a thing might have left you more vulnerable.

I'm not sure, but I hope eveything 'shakes out' okay in the end. I'm sure it will, being that you have such a supportive relationship with your Master. That certainly makes all the difference in dealing with scary moments.

Be well.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I have an honest question: How do you do a "phone rape scene"? Is it like, "I'm tearing your clothes off. You're terrified and struggling. Now I'm forcing myself into you, torturing you, making you feel as if your entire being is being ripped to shreds. The pain is unbearable and you're panicking, begging me to stop... etc. etc."

Second, is there something in your past like abuse or assault that this might have triggered?

*sighs* i cannot explain the 'scene' it's a scene like any other except it's all psychological, no it's not "i'm tearing your clothes off, you're terrified blah blah blah" basically He sets the 'scene' He takes me there (in my mind of course) but the feelings, emotions, ect.. are all mine..He doesn't tell me what i'm feeling. i guess if you've never experienced you will have no idea how it could be. but trust me, it's as real as if He were right here with me. the mind is a powerful thing and that's all i'm gonna say on this as i don't really know how to explain it to someone who's never 'been there'. as for your question to me, yes, i was raped by a 'friend' when i was 13 and i was molested as a child also..BUT..we have done these scenes before and everything was fine....so i'm not sure exactly what would have triggered it. He says He pushed harder this time than 'normal'

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm afraid I have no definitive advice. But I'll give it a shot, anyway!

It sounds like you guys did something you've done many times before, and yet you had a totally different reaction. Maybe this drastic response to the scene was because of your environment, lil_slave_rose? Perhaps you were in a different head-space before you started playing, perhaps not feeling especially secure for some reason -- such a thing might have left you more vulnerable.

I'm not sure, but I hope eveything 'shakes out' okay in the end. I'm sure it will, being that you have such a supportive relationship with your Master. That certainly makes all the difference in dealing with scary moments.

Be well.

you brought up ALOT of good points, thank you. yesterday we did have an 'issue' that we haven't really worked through but i didn't feel like i was still holding onto that tonight, i've been in a good mood all day. He also brought up the fact that He 'put something over my head' this time in the 'scene' (yes i realize it's over the phone, but if you could only know how REAL it is to me) and He has never done that before..AND i'm claustrophobic maybe it was all of it combined i don't know...i just know it was scary to come out of it and not remember alot of what happend. again thank you for you input..you did make me ask myself some questions and Him and i continue to discuss this to see if we can figure out exactly what went wrong so it doesn't happen again. i've just never heard of anyone completely not remembering parts of scene andwanted some other's advise ..i hope i'm making sense

 

[MasterPhoenix]

In our time together we have developed a special bond of trust and communication, despite the fact that we are currently stuck 2253 miles away from one another. I have a certain tone and modulation of My voice that I use to describe concrete events, and she fills in the feelings.... It is hard to explain to someone who has not walked the proverbial mile in our moccissins. When we are at distance as we are now it is a mind over matter thing.

When we are together, its a flogger thing.

 

[SweetErika]

*sighs* i cannot explain the 'scene' it's a scene like any other except it's all psychological, no it's not "i'm tearing your clothes off, you're terrified blah blah blah" basically He sets the 'scene' He takes me there (in my mind of course) but the feelings, emotions, ect.. are all mine..He doesn't tell me what i'm feeling. i guess if you've never experienced you will have no idea how it could be. but trust me, it's as real as if He were right here with me. the mind is a powerful thing and that's all i'm gonna say on this as i don't really know how to explain it to someone who's never 'been there'.

Well, thank you for trying.

I have a hard time imagining it because I only associate one thing with the word "rape" and that's what it's like to be there in real life. I do understand Forced Seduction-type scenes, but am even having a hard time wrapping my head around how those are done on the phone.

as for your question to me, yes, i was raped by a 'friend' when i was 13 and i was molested as a child also..BUT..we have done these scenes before and everything was fine....so i'm not sure exactly what would have triggered it. He says He pushed harder this time than 'normal'

Sometimes even when we've done things a million times, a little something is different enough to trigger some sort of feeling or memory. In my case, it's usually a certain sound men can make when they come, or, like the other night, it was the feeling of a complete loss of control brought on by a medication I take daily (I just took it a little closer to bedtime and BOOM! it triggered a horrific nightmare/flashback). As unappealing as it sounds, if you can/do get back there again, you might be able to narrow down what it was and either cope with or avoid it in the future.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Well, thank you for trying.

I have a hard time imagining it because I only associate one thing with the word "rape" and that's what it's like to be there in real life. I do understand Forced Seduction-type scenes, but am even having a hard time wrapping my head around how those are done on the phone.


Sometimes even when we've done things a million times, a little something is different enough to trigger some sort of feeling or memory. In my case, it's usually a certain sound men can make when they come, or, like the other night, it was the feeling of a complete loss of control brought on by a medication I take daily (I just took it a little closer to bedtime and BOOM! it triggered a horrific nightmare/flashback). As unappealing as it sounds, if you can/do get back there again, you might be able to narrow down what it was and either cope with or avoid it in the future.

i do know how hard it must be for you to understand that type of 'phone scene' i don't expect anyone to understand it really but again i will say it doesn't feel like it's on the phone, to me, it's like it's REALLY happening, i see it, i feel it, i smell the smells...it's all real, i don't know maybe my mind creates the sensations more than anyone else's can. *shrugs* i dunno and thank you for your advise and you're right He did remember something He did different than He normally does, and that very well could be the issue. as far as going back there, i'm not sure i want to do that, it was an aweful feeling, and i'm not sure i could handle going back to it, ya know?

 

[Betticus]

Sounds like there is a need for bdsm specific psychologists roaming around who can shed more light on this kind of thing.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Was it a bad thing when it was happening or only scary when he brought you back by asking if you were ok?

 

[s_red830]

Sounds like there is a need for bdsm specific psychologists roaming around who can shed more light on this kind of thing.

Unfortunately, I'm am not a bdsm-specific psychologist, but I've spent almost all of my adolescence in psychotherapy and I can relate to what you're saying.

If you were indeed "triggered," then what you describe sounds like dissociation, when your mind kind of detaches from your body. I had this when I had PTSD, and still do if I get anxious enough. Some serious therapy helped with that a little, but I don't know if you want to go that far, or if I'm even on the right path.

If you want to know more, let me know.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have had one experience this year where I could not recall what happened between point A and point B. I have not dwelt on it a lot in a negative sense as it felt strange but OK, and was brought about by physical means, not psychological, and was not subspace. I have had a desire to be taken there again, but also am a little cautious as this one experience left me with side effects for many days which being me, I question in terms of being long term healthy.

Catalina

 

[Bredon]

Hey,

generally speaking, it is not uncommon that you get triggered by something that you didn't get triggered by before-- often it's just a very small element that causes the trigger. If oyu are a survivor, then I'd say it might have been dissociation (though I'm not a therapist of course!).
Often, all this becomes clearer with time. Just wanting to let you knowthat others have this experiences too, and while it's a creepy feeling, it can be explained. I'd be a bit more careful and more observant when you play in the future, and maybe make some plan what you will do when it happens again.

And tell your dom to not beat himself up about it. I have once triggered a partner, and came out of the situation feeling like a rapist or something, that wasn't too nice. It sucks to be in that place, but it's obvious that it wasn't his fault.

Bredon

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Was it a bad thing when it was happening or only scary when he brought you back by asking if you were ok?

as i dn't remember alot of the scene i'm not sure if it was bad while it was happening..but it was definantly scary when He brought me back....the parts i remember were just fine and i don't recall having any 'scared' feelings during

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Unfortunately, I'm am not a bdsm-specific psychologist, but I've spent almost all of my adolescence in psychotherapy and I can relate to what you're saying.

If you were indeed "triggered," then what you describe sounds like dissociation, when your mind kind of detaches from your body. I had this when I had PTSD, and still do if I get anxious enough. Some serious therapy helped with that a little, but I don't know if you want to go that far, or if I'm even on the right path.

If you want to know more, let me know.

this is making sense and i've been to a counselor and as i didn't trust her, it didn't work. anyway, we will definantly be more careful in the future and now i'm seeing why He did not want to start these 'rape' scenes over the phone because our scenes are so psychological He was scared to tread there ...if that makes sense, and like i said we've done this more than once but He did take it to a different place this time and He says it was more intense so i'm assuming maybe that 's what triggered it..anyway thanks for your input

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I have had one experience this year where I could not recall what happened between point A and point B. I have not dwelt on it a lot in a negative sense as it felt strange but OK, and was brought about by physical means, not psychological, and was not subspace. I have had a desire to be taken there again, but also am a little cautious as this one experience left me with side effects for many days which being me, I question in terms of being long term healthy.

Catalina

i have no desire to be taken back there, it was scary and didn't feel 'ok'. reading these posts it's making alot of since to me. i guess i just thought i had dealt with the ACTUAL rape that had happend to me when i was 13 enough that it didn't affect my adult life ya know? but i guess it can come back at any time

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Hey,

generally speaking, it is not uncommon that you get triggered by something that you didn't get triggered by before-- often it's just a very small element that causes the trigger. If oyu are a survivor, then I'd say it might have been dissociation (though I'm not a therapist of course!).
Often, all this becomes clearer with time. Just wanting to let you knowthat others have this experiences too, and while it's a creepy feeling, it can be explained. I'd be a bit more careful and more observant when you play in the future, and maybe make some plan what you will do when it happens again.

And tell your dom to not beat himself up about it. I have once triggered a partner, and came out of the situation feeling like a rapist or something, that wasn't too nice. It sucks to be in that place, but it's obvious that it wasn't his fault.

Bredon

He felt terrible i could hear it in His voice as He tried to figure out what exactly happend. He said 'I couldn't have known' and i asked Him then not to beat Himself up over it, that He didn't do anything wrong, it was a scene i wanted as well and He was right there was no way He could have known as i wasn't able to tell Him anything was wrong. the only thing different about me in the scene is usually when He says something like " you want this, don't you" i say MmmHmm or yes..this time He says that i said 'nuh uh' but He said He thought i was just 'playing' it up, ya know? that wasn't enough for Him to know anything was wrong in my head and at that point i'm not sure *i* knew anything was wrong, that's part of it that i don't remember. He did nothing wrong and i knwo if had been able to safe word, He would have stopped then and there, but like i said i'm not sure i even knew anything was wrong until after the scene when i couldn't remember parts and when i was feeling the way i was feeling. i never got emotional (crying) or anything i just felt shaky and i was freezing. anyway..thank you (all) for your input and suggestions, you've helped alot!

 

[sexychik69]

i do know how hard it must be for you to understand that type of 'phone scene' i don't expect anyone to understand it really but again i will say it doesn't feel like it's on the phone, to me, it's like it's REALLY happening, i see it, i feel it, i smell the smells...it's all real, i don't know maybe my mind creates the sensations more than anyone else's can. *shrugs* i dunno

I think maybe SweetErika was more or less just asking how it started, what kinda words were used to trigger the scene more than attempting to have you explain it... I'm a phone type person as well so I know how hard it can be to explain such things.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I think maybe SweetErika was more or less just asking how it started, what kinda words were used to trigger the scene more than attempting to have you explain it... I'm a phone type person as well so I know how hard it can be to explain such things.

i really don't think it can be explained as i tried to last night and didn't do a very good job at all lol...i am glad there's someone else who knows what i'm talking about though and i've gotten alot of good advice and suggestions so i'm glad i started the thread because when i started it i was confused and kinda still scared .....anyway..thanks again

 

[raven_wish]

i have not experienced this reaction during phone scences but have during r/t.
i know first hand how scary and disorienting it can be, and even frustrating not to be able to remember.
in my own personal experience it has happened to me with scenes that involved hard pain as well as force/rape issues.
the hardest part for me was not remembering anything about certain areas and the odd feeling that brought about for me...so very different from any other post scene headspace i feel.
although i do have a safe word on hand for force scenes to facillitate me being able to fully resist physically and verbally to no end, the actual ability to speak that word obviously eluded me during the 'spaceouts' as i like to call them

as others have already mentioned these ideas; i know i am just repeating here but i only know for me a intensive look at the situation, open discussion with Him and a deep look at any surrounding issues or feelings were really definite actions i was able to take and sometimes all I needed was some learning knowledge and some control to get a handle on my feelings about the scene.
also Id like to say this doesnt happen often to me at all, only a few times ever in a long time of scening

raven

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i have not experienced this reaction during phone scences but have during r/t.
i know first hand how scary and disorienting it can be, and even frustrating not to be able to remember.
in my own personal experience it has happened to me with scenes that involved hard pain as well as force/rape issues.
the hardest part for me was not remembering anything about certain areas and the odd feeling that brought about for me...so very different from any other post scene headspace i feel.
although i do have a safe word on hand for force scenes to facillitate me being able to fully resist physically and verbally to no end, the actual ability to speak that word obviously eluded me during the 'spaceouts' as i like to call them

as others have already mentioned these ideas; i know i am just repeating here but i only know for me a intensive look at the situation, open discussion with Him and a deep look at any surrounding issues or feelings were really definite actions i was able to take and sometimes all I needed was some learning knowledge and some control to get a handle on my feelings about the scene.
also Id like to say this doesnt happen often to me at all, only a few times ever in a long time of scening

raven

thank you for telling your experience and yes the hardest part about it is the not knowing what happened. there is a lot of the scene that i just do not remember, and that is frustrating as heck to me. now that it's been a day i am able to come to terms a little better with what happened and all the posts on here have helped as well, i guess we just need to be careful and make a plan in case it happens again, only thing is is that i didn't know it was going wrong so it would be hard to tell Him..ya know?

 

[raven_wish]

yes you are absolutely right
making a prevention plan very difficult
and taking action difficult too
i am glad you were able to find help here
having read you and His postings alot
i get a feel that your relationship is rock solid
i know you two will get through this and be even stronger

 

[lil_slave_rose]

yes you are absolutely right
making a prevention plan very difficult
and taking action difficult too
i am glad you were able to find help here
having read you and His postings alot
i get a feel that your relationship is rock solid
i know you two will get through this and be even stronger

thank you for the kind words about our relationship and yes we are defiantly rock solid and i know that we will get through it and be the better for it, if that makes sense. He says He does not blame Himself for it which is a good thing, i was scared at first that He was blaming Himself for not seeing 'signs' but i'm pretty sure there were no signs that He COULD have seen ya know? ah well...it's over and we now know we need to be a bit more careful and maybe not push the 'rape' scenes so far on the phone. when i started this thread i was hoping there would be people who understood that even though we are not 'together' that our experiences are as REAL as they would be if we were actually 'together' and i found that there defiantly were, i'm glad i posted it because i almost didn't due to fear of being 'mocked' or made fun of for being Online/LDR...ya know? and i'm rambling now so i'm gonna stop right here and say thanks..one more time

 

[Kajira Callista]

as i dn't remember alot of the scene i'm not sure if it was bad while it was happening..but it was definantly scary when He brought me back....the parts i remember were just fine and i don't recall having any 'scared' feelings during

flying.
it is sort of disassociation. It has happened to me from intense mental play and certain types of physical play. I don't see it as a bad thing if your dom is walking you through it and can bring you back content and not afraid....which means he really needs to know what he is doing.