question from a newbie

[Stormie64]

If I should not be asking this here, I am sorry.

I have met a Dom online. He thinks I would make a good sub. I answered some questions he had. Now we wants a pic of me topless. THAT is not a problem. He wants my face in it too.

I worry about that getting out on the net. What should I do? Is this the way it works? I love the thought of being someone's sub but I have literally NEVER done anything in real life. On cam I did some things a few years ago. With a Dom that wanted to collar me. In the end, I could not commit to what he wanted.

Maybe my reluctance shows I am not ready. I don't know. I don't like making people mad. I am a people pleaser. The way I think about it is that I am submissive but not A submissive..yet

I have rambled on enough. I would appreciate any advice.

One more thing, I am plus sized. He know this but he has not seen me nude. I hate my body.

Thank you for your time.

 

[FurryFury]

Never do anything you feel is unwise for your safety and career. Trust your instincts.

Just say now.

 

[wicked woman]

No this isn't the way it's done except by horny wanna be doms.

It's not a sign that you're not ready, but that you've got good instincts and are aware of red flags. Listen to your gut and tell him no...to the nude pic period. Forget a face shot.

 

[Stormie64]

Thank you all. Very good advise. I will trust my gut on this one and just say no.

I hope someday to meet a good Dom that will let me at least experience the real thing to see if it is something I would enjoy.

I have been spanked and tied up in the past and I must say...........it certainly got my juices flowing.

 

[LF09]

.....

.....

 

[Ready4change]

If I should not be asking this here, I am sorry.

I have met a Dom online. He thinks I would make a good sub. I answered some questions he had. Now we wants a pic of me topless. THAT is not a problem. He wants my face in it too.

I worry about that getting out on the net. What should I do? Is this the way it works? I love the thought of being someone's sub but I have literally NEVER done anything in real life. On cam I did some things a few years ago. With a Dom that wanted to collar me. In the end, I could not commit to what he wanted.

Maybe my reluctance shows I am not ready. I don't know. I don't like making people mad. I am a people pleaser. The way I think about it is that I am submissive but not A submissive..yet

I have rambled on enough. I would appreciate any advice.

One more thing, I am plus sized. He know this but he has not seen me nude. I hate my body.

Thank you for your time.

I appreciate you asking the question, I learned something new today from your inquiry

 

[ambiguityperson]

I can't believe that no one has called this out before, but, you hate your body because you're plus sized? Stop that. Right now.

I agree that you should say no to the pic if you're not comfortable with the situation. I would say it's no harm in asking, but if he's requiring this to continue your correspondence, then dump his wannabe ass.

But I'm more concerned with your self-image. There exists a whole class of sane, discriminating men (myself included) who worship plus-sized women. I'm married to one, and it causes me no end of annoyance when she occasionally succumbs to the pressure of societal bullshit and begins to find herself unattractive. I just want to let you know that you shouldn't judge your body based on the latest Victoria's Secret models. I haven't seen your body, but I would be willing to bet that I, and a few hundreds of thousands of other guys, would love it.

Just sayin'. Good luck!

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

A good Dom will respect your limits and encourage you rather than belittle you
Is he worthy of being your Dom rather than vice versa!
What is he offering you?
Why do you want to submit to this man?

It sounds as though you have a desire to submit, but have found someone who isn't worthy of your submission. Keep looking! It took me years to find the right one.

 

[IrisAlthea]

There is no one way that "this" works.

The only info I found in your post is that he is asking for pictures and you are reluctant to send them.
In my opinion that doesn't mean that any or both of you are doing "it" wrong. It does make you two people with conflicting limits/interest.
If you can't find some middle ground, you'll both have to look for a better match.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

If I should not be asking this here, I am sorry.

I have met a Dom online. He thinks I would make a good sub. I answered some questions he had. Now we wants a pic of me topless. THAT is not a problem. He wants my face in it too.

I worry about that getting out on the net. What should I do? Is this the way it works? I love the thought of being someone's sub but I have literally NEVER done anything in real life. On cam I did some things a few years ago. With a Dom that wanted to collar me. In the end, I could not commit to what he wanted.

Maybe my reluctance shows I am not ready. I don't know. I don't like making people mad. I am a people pleaser. The way I think about it is that I am submissive but not A submissive..yet

I have rambled on enough. I would appreciate any advice.

One more thing, I am plus sized. He know this but he has not seen me nude. I hate my body.

Thank you for your time.

Welcome, Stormie.

To start, this is *exactly* the place to ask this set of questions! This forum (Talk) is intended for discussions of your questions, concerns and issues related to getting involved in or living in the BDSM culture. You will find that many of the posters here have been involved in BDSM for years and even decades, and most of them are more than happy to share their experiences and knowledge.

Personally, I have some concerns about the alleged Dom's request. In today's world, everything you do online is, essentially, there forever. There are tons of stories out there about exes publishing what were intended to be private "love offerings" (nude/embarrassing pics) when a relationship ended up going south, and creating both personal and professional problems for the person who posed. I would strongly recommend against any "body" picture that included your face or other identifying/unique information (tats, birthmarks, etc.). The risk factor is simply too high.

As for your reluctance showing you're "not ready," I would say it shows you have some legitimate red-flag concerns and are responding to them appropriately. As someone else mentioned above, listen to your gut when it rumbles!

Re hating your body, because you're plus-sized, please: stop. If you're concerned about being plus-sized for health reasons or because you simply want to be smaller, look into counseling to help with the emotional component (hating your body), and into weight loss/fitness programs to work on the physical component. From what you wrote in your original post, you appear to be intelligent and decently educated, so the options you have in front of you are nearly endless. Reach out and grasp the options that fit your wants and needs... and as you travel your new road, the odds are well in you favor that you'll find the right person for you, whether that person is Dom or vanilla.

Good luck to you!