Question for sub-ladies

[Stiffy Says...]

Is it common for you to shun being intimate with a guy if he admits to being somewhat sub or at least neutral? Even if he is willing to learn to be sub, and offers to trade roles?

 

[dolf]

i think lots of people are naturally slightly sob/Dom and don't know it. if he was fairly dominant then i'd give things a try but if he was a sub it would be pretty pointless. i'm so indecisive...even though sexually i CAN switch i'd rather not.

xx

 

[Stiffy Says...]

i think lots of people are naturally slightly sob/Dom and don't know it. if he was fairly dominant then i'd give things a try but if he was a sub it would be pretty pointless. i'm so indecisive...even though sexually i CAN switch i'd rather not.

xx

So no matter how special he may be to you, forget it, huh?

Interesting...

 

[graceanne]

Ok, this is all theoretical with me, of course, but theoretically no, I wouldn't. Even before I met K I knew - from experience - that I have no patience with submissive guys, and that I would only date men who had at least as strong a will as me.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Ok, this is all theoretical with me, of course, but theoretically no, I wouldn't. Even before I met K I knew - from experience - that I have no patience with submissive guys, and that I would only date men who had at least as strong a will as me.

So subs cannot have a strong will?

Thanks, yall are teaching me things here...

 

[dolf]

So subs cannot have a strong will?

Thanks, yall are teaching me things here...

urm...actually, around people who aren't domly enough i get all pushy and domme myself! but i much prefer to be subbing. i wouldn't want to be with someone i really liked only to end up resenting them it's kinder to both to be smart and just stay buddies!
xx

 

[graceanne]

So subs cannot have a strong will?

Thanks, yall are teaching me things here...

Um, didn't say that. What I said is he has to be at least as strong willed as me. Cause I'm very strong willed, and if he's weaker willed than me, I'm a bully. Plus I get bored, so then I start resenting him. In the end, I turn into a bitch, and that's not fair to him. Plus I odn't like me when I'm like that.

 

[graceanne]

urm...actually, around people who aren't domly enough i get all pushy and domme myself! but i much prefer to be subbing. i wouldn't want to be with someone i really liked only to end up resenting them it's kinder to both to be smart and just stay buddies!
xx

ditto what she said, excpet i'm not a domme, I jsut turn into a bitch.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

ditto what she said, excpet i'm not a domme, I jsut turn into a bitch.

Interesting...this could explain alot about a past, failed relationship....thanks again for the insight.

 

[Netzach]

I'm a Domme, so I'm not going to speak to the femsub poll, but...almost all the sub men I've met have tired of this situation wherever they have found it. If you are submissive at a really fundamental level, the idea that someone is dominating you for now, ho hum, can't wait till it's my turn....is worse than nothing at all.

my fiance's ex, (who I totally think is great) is a lesbian bottom.

She realized she liked girls and broke up with him, and eventually he got over that and they are friends. While they *were* together they took turns tying one another, and it was fun and OK, but being with a kinked Top woman is like having steak as opposed to oatmeal, in M's estimation.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

This sucks then...

I am kind of sub, not always, I love to please my partner, not just let her do everything...

If I am too much a sub though, and need a dom lady, I am so screwed (not) - I mean, seems they are rare here....*sigh*

No wonder I am so single, so often...

 

[esclave_PP]

This was an interesting poll. For me, I cannot be a Domme to a man. Woman yes but not a man. It is just the way I am wired. For me it just feels too funny. Actually I had a friend who was a bit submissive and we played but I giggled the whole time -- I just couldn't keep a straight face giving commands. He understood though.

There are a lot of resources to find a good Domme -- I am sure any of the Domme ladies here can help!

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't dom anyone... men or women. That does not mean that I don't have my own opinions and that I won't defend them. (Jesus, there's a triple negative... if I've ever written one.) I have my own mind and I use it.

But I cannot dominate nor do I have any desire to do so.

 

[bridgeburner]

"Being intimate" does not mean "having a long term relationship". You can "be intimate" physically with someone you've known 20 minutes and then never see him again so I'm not sure what exactly you're trying to figure out.

Can a sub guy get laid even if he can't find a female Top? Sure. In this wild wonderful world anyone can get laid, but I don't think that's really what you're asking.

You seem to really want to know if a sub male can find a successful long term relationship with another bottom --- since it seems that most women of your aquaintence are such.

I think you need to figure out what is your primary goal - being Dominated or being in a relationship. If your goal is just to get laid then that's another thing entirely. Once you figure out what it is you most want then you can make a plan to go after that.

-B

 

[h_i_s]

Been there. Tried that. i have two 'less than dominant' exs as a result. i'm quite naturally submissive. Relationships with men who are submissive, or not dominant just do not 'do it' for me. my Master is quite dominant, and compliments my NEEDS as a sub quite thoroughly.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent1°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Etoile]

I said "absolutely not" just to protest the whole hetero bias of the poll...

 

[silver_inari]

Is it common for you to shun being intimate with a guy if he admits to being somewhat sub or at least neutral? Even if he is willing to learn to be sub, and offers to trade roles?

I've dated guys that were submissive in the past and generally it didn't work terribly well. The difficult I ran into was that some of them were too afraid to exercise any power in the relationship.

 

[esclave_PP]

Re: Re: Question for sub-ladies

Originally posted by silver_inari
I've dated guys that were submissive in the past and generally it didn't work terribly well. The difficult I ran into was that some of them were too afraid to exercise any power in the relationship.

Exactly Inari! For whatever reason, it is just a big turnoff for me. I need complete control, power and all that goes with it.

 

[silver_inari]

Re: Re: Re: Question for sub-ladies

Exactly Inari! For whatever reason, it is just a big turnoff for me. I need complete control, power and all that goes with it.

That was my problem for the longest time, recognizing that I needed someone who would not be afraid to exercise power. It need not be complete control, but it is to some degree required. I need someone who is not afraid to grasp me by the hair and take what they desire, rather then plead for it.

 

[Netzach]

What about a sub guy who would never sub to YOU, only to someone else? For the poly inclined people...or a sub guy you could sub with to someone else?

(since we're fixating on girl/guy, I share Etoile's beef, but that's the disco here)

Those are both kind of meaty, sexy little scenarios for me.

 

[silver_inari]

What about a sub guy who would never sub to YOU, only to someone else? For the poly inclined people...or a sub guy you could sub with to someone else?

(since we're fixating on girl/guy, I share Etoile's beef, but that's the disco here)

Those are both kind of meaty, sexy little scenarios for me.

As long as the other person (male or female) is dominant to me, I'm not so sure it matters if they submit to someone else. Hmm. Good question.

 

[sunfox]

I'm with graceanne... I steamroller anyone who isn't equal to or more dominant than me. And while that is fun for a little bit for me, it bores me quickly.

So I said absolutely not.

 

[esclave_PP]

Originally posted by Netzach
What about a sub guy who would never sub to YOU, only to someone else? For the poly inclined people...or a sub guy you could sub with to someone else?

(since we're fixating on girl/guy, I share Etoile's beef, but that's the disco here)

Those are both kind of meaty, sexy little scenarios for me.

That might be enjoyable to watch Netzach -- as long as they weren't sub to me -- that way the subbie part of themselves could come out and they could fulfill that. Nice idea!