Question for ladies

[Lovernotkiller]

Hello, just wondering if girls like it when a guy is somewhat mean to them but nice in some ways or a complete gentleman . Just wondering because a pretty lady must get all kinds of kindness from other guys and might look for someone that stands out?
Does anyone have some thoughts on this or has noticed something like this?

Thanks for any thoughts on this,
-Joe

 

[Eilan]

Define "mean."

 

[SweetErika]

What Eilan said, and can you give us some examples?

Assholes and guys with poor behavior or outbursts certainly stand out, but not in a good way.

The men who attract my positive attention are consistently kind, polite, generous, compassionate, communicative, responsible, etc., around me and others. That doesn't mean they're perfect or never have a bad day, it means they put their best effort into treating others the way they want to be treated and take pride in their nice guy status.

 

[Norajane]

Mean? I'm not likely to be attracted to someone who is mean to or inconsiderate of me or other people. In fact, I pay attention to how a man treats others, like wait staff or cab drivers, his friends and family, etc. I don't want to end up with a guy comes home and kicks the dog (or me) if he's had a bad day.

 

[Straight-8]

Ever heard: "nice guys finish last"? Seems to me to be too true. Many women seem to go out of their way to avoid nice guys and end up with assholes. They then bitch and moan about how terrible their husband/boyfriend is. Nice guys get the old 'let's just be friends' line a lot.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

Just another thought--perhaps you should try dating women instead of girls.

Interesting recent discussion here:

Ladies, do nice guys truly finish last?

Nice doesn't equal spineless.

 

[Straight-8]

Just another thought--perhaps you should try dating women instead of girls.

If you read my post you will note that I do not use the term 'girls' I use the term 'women' so I don't know what your point is.

I base this not on my own dating experience, which is 'dated', but on what I see and hear. There may be slightly greater tendancy to this pattern with younger people but it still seems to exist all levels. I agree that niceness doesn't equal wimpyiness, but it doesn't seem to be as thrilling as 'badness' to a large number of women. Just look at popular culture...rock stars don't have gathering of groupies because they are 'nice'.

 

[Recidiva]

I don't like mean, but I do like "honest" and "backbone."

I don't like someone clearly intimidated or kissing my ass.

I do like someone willing to have different opinions and not change them to please me.

But that has to be tempered with a willingness to be completely honest about how they feel, without shying away from passion or emotion.

 

[Guest]

 

[Norajane]

I suspect she was refering to the thread starter's initial post.

Yes, the guy who's primarily concerned about how the 'pretty' ladies might be used to kindness. I guess it doesn't matter what the ugly ladies are used to.

 

[Eilan]

If you read my post you will note that I do not use the term 'girls' I use the term 'women' so I don't know what your point is.

If you read the thread starter's post, you'll see that he used the word "girls."

That's my point. I was addressing him, not you.

 

[Lovernotkiller]

hmmm

what i mean is :

Freindly mean vs gentleman

friendly mean: spraying with a hose while cleaning a car, untying an appron while your walking by with a single swipe and not looking back, "well thats because your blonde" . That kind of mean, the sarcastic rudeness so to say

gentleman: just about everything you say to a girl is nice or considerate.

thats kind of what i meant

-Joe

 

[Raidho]

So you're saying gentlemen can't be teasing or have a sense of humor?

Interesting concept.

 

[Eilan]

What you'd call "friendly mean," I'd call playful. To an extent, anyway.

I think it depends on the nature of your relationship. My hubby could get away with behaviors/comments that I wouldn't put up with from people that I don't know as well. And even then, I have my limits.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

What you'd call "friendly mean," I'd call playful. To an extent, anyway.

I think it depends on the nature of your relationship. My hubby could get away with behaviors/comments that I wouldn't put up with from people that I don't know as well. And even then, I have my limits.

See this is a problem I have at times. My family is a very teasing family, we're constantly picking on each other, but it's all done good naturedly. I'm from a very close family and it's one way we show affection. The problem is, my wife's family is not like this at all. Not only do they not tease each other, they don't show a whole lot of "affection" to each other at least not outwardly. Though she's gotten used to it over the years, there are many times when I'll tease her and she'll take it seriously. I have to be a little careful not to pick on her too much, or when she's a little down, or she takes things personally, which isn't at all how it's supposed to go. So yeah, there are always limits, even to good natured ribbing.


Now to the original poster, someone said there's a difference between nice and spineless. Women like confidence, but but you can be a gentleman and be confident without being an asshole. Pretty girls might seem to like a guy who's a little "mean" to them, but that's usually because they are tired of guys fawning over their every want and need. What they want is a guy who isn't needy and takes charge, it's just that most guys are one extreme or the other.

 

[Straight-8]

I was addressing him, not you.

Apology accepted . I remember you recently had a post about being overly sensitve. I think I must have had my sensitivity dial on "MAX" when I sent that.

 

[Lovernotkiller]

So you're saying gentlemen can't be teasing or have a sense of humor?

Interesting concept.

Hmmm, i probably worded that wrong, maybe what i'm wanting to say is "annoying or bothersome" or something like this :

A girl just made a cake(yea sorry if im being sexist), you eat some, and then she says "sorry if it came out bad" and then you could either say :

"yea i know it was horrible(in a sarcastic voice with a grin)"
or
" it's the best cake i've had in a long time, thank you"

I was wondering what would be the better response or one girls would prefer more kind of thing you know? Maybe a funny sarcasm teaser vs. a charming gentleman ?

 

[siren319]

Hmmm, i probably worded that wrong, maybe what i'm wanting to say is "annoying or bothersome" or something like this :

A girl just made a cake(yea sorry if im being sexist), you eat some, and then she says "sorry if it came out bad" and then you could either say :

"yea i know it was horrible(in a sarcastic voice with a grin)"
or
" it's the best cake i've had in a long time, thank you"

I was wondering what would be the better response or one girls would prefer more kind of thing you know? Maybe a funny sarcasm teaser vs. a charming gentleman ?

Niether... the safe bet is to eat a little and say something like, "it's not that bad" or if you are naturally sarcastic... "Its good if you scrape of the black part" or "hey, you know what makes it good... I didn't have to cook it" the first is polite... the other to will likely bring a smile to her face. The more she smiles with you the better your chances are...

 

[lettinggo]

I agree with Siren (and probably many others, but I don't have time to read them all).

Regarding nice guys finishing last, it isn't true. Nice guys with no backbones finish last. You don't need to be 'mean' to stand out to a girl. You need to be confident. Good sarcasm is usually a sign of confidence, such as the "it's great if I scrape the black stuff off" in the cake scenerio. Bad sarcasm is usually a sign of an asshole, such as "Did you make this with a blow torch???"

Being confident, civalrous, and attentive without being a lap dog or a prick will work for many women.

 

[eudaemonia]

friendly mean: spraying with a hose while cleaning a car, untying an appron while your walking by with a single swipe and not looking back, "well thats because your blonde" . That kind of mean, the sarcastic rudeness so to say

My opinion: This would piss me off.