Question about rape

[collegeteenm19]

ok, my question is this: most of the time when I cyber with a girl and ask her what her ultimate fantasy is, its that she wants to be raped by a guy or a group of guys, is this something most women fantasize about? and if so, why? It just seems quite strange to me

 

[Eilan]

I tend to think that these types of "fantasies" are incorrectly named.

While some women might fantasize about being "taken" roughly by one man--or even a group of men--those same women probably wouldn't want to be accosted on a street at night or be attacked by someone who was breaking into their house/apartment. Unless it was all staged/planned beforehand.

It's all about consent. Rape, by definition, can't be consented to.

 

[collegeteenm19]

I have to agree with you, I just dont understand why it seems like, to me, that a lot of women want to be "taken"

 

[M's girl]

I have to agree with you, I just dont understand why it seems like, to me, that a lot of women want to be "taken"

You like to be (or would like to be) 'taken' by a woman, don't you? Not really (!) by force and with violence, but wouldn't you like for her to just 'use'you for sex for her own satisfaction? Surrendering your will and power to someone else...

But then, when you think about it, it's always by someone you would want to, and not the 'ugly' girl at the grocery store. It's always in a setting that pleases you and not some dark, cold and wet street where she leaves you beaten and shivering, no? (although for some that aspect even sounds good to make the fantasy complete and real). Because that's what it is: a fantasy and fantasies ALWAYS go exactly the way YOU want them to...

It works the same for women. It's letting someone else take control and handle over responsabilities. It's feeling helpless with the reward of a fine orgasm that you don't need to work for that hard (since the man 'takes' you and you can pretend not to want it so you don't have to do the work).

 

[LadyJeanne]

For an interesting read on the psychology behind women's fantasies, Nancy Friday's "Women on Top" is an excellent book. Not only are the fantasies in the book real, as in sent in to her and printed exactly as written by the women you use them as fantasies during masturbation or sex, but Ms. Friday gives an excellent perspective on the different categories of fantasies and how they have changed over time. In the 60's (which is when she wrote her first book, "My Secret Garden"), non-consent fantasies were very, very prevalent. Less so in the late 80's and early 90's when "Women on Top" came out.

The non-consent fantasy (which can also include bondage fantasies), IIRC, tends to be a ceding of control fantasy. Because women are often taught that sex is 'dirty' and 'good girls don't', many women feel guilty for enjoying sex and wanting it. Fantasies where they are not in control of what is happening allow them to enjoy the sex without the guilt.

Of course, as Eilan and M's Girl pointed out, it's a fantasy, so the woman has complete control over what happens in the fantasy, so it isn't to be taken as she'd truly wish to have no control in real life.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I have to agree with you, I just dont understand why it seems like, to me, that a lot of women want to be "taken"

Personally I think this stems from a desire to let loose. Many times women want to let their animal side loose, but they are scared to, worried the what the guy may think. And aggressive type encounter lets the woman let loose HER animal side to combat his aggressive advances.

It's all very primal, but you can't really call it rape. I like ot call it Jungle Fucking!

 

[silverwhisper]

what kahuna said. i think that in a lot of such cases, you're talking about a woman who's not comfortable w/ her sexual appetites.

ed

 

[Softouch911]

From frequency alone, it seems the male equivalent might be "watching" the lil missus get it from one or more strangers (See the "loving wives" fiction category).

Letting go of all the restrictions and necessities of being a "good" wife/hubby.

Permission to enjoy it because, after all, when it comes to rape or "forced" anything (in my generation) it's "lay back and enjoy it."

The gang bang may just be a way of enjoying the variety men pursue through extramarital affairs, perhaps.

It would be quite different if a girl was fantasizing herself as rapist. Y'know?

It's frequent because the desire is nearly universal for variety and for being able to enjoy the forbidden. And since it's "just a fantasy" it can be talked about.

It would be quite different if a woman was talking about what she "really" wanted. Y'know?

ST

 

[SweetErika]

In addition to the above, I think non-consent/reluctance fantasies are appealing due to sheer desire. We all want to be wanted, so attractive and desireable that someone almost can't control themselves when they're near us, right? The idea that someone just has to have, and would savor every moment of being with us is magnetic, and it's one of the hallmarks of being taken forcefully.

 

[bobsgirl]

In addition to the above, I think non-consent/reluctance fantasies are appealing due to sheer desire. We all want to be wanted, so attractive and desireable that someone almost can't control themselves when they're near us, right? The idea that someone just has to have, and would savor every moment of being with us is magnetic, and it's one of the hallmarks of being taken forcefully.

You're right, Erika. Being overwhelmed by a man's desire is a very very hot fantasy.

 

[SweetErika]

You're right, Erika. Being overwhelmed by a man's desire is a very very hot fantasy.

And a woman's, for that matter.

 

[bobsgirl]

And a woman's, for that matter.

Touche, my sweet.

 

[TBKahuna123]

In addition to the above, I think non-consent/reluctance fantasies are appealing due to sheer desire. We all want to be wanted, so attractive and desireable that someone almost can't control themselves when they're near us, right? The idea that someone just has to have, and would savor every moment of being with us is magnetic, and it's one of the hallmarks of being taken forcefully.

But Rape isn't about love or sexual desire in most cases. So to call it a rape fantasy just doesn't fit.

I don't know, maybe I'm oversensitive to this issue due to past experience. Believe it or not it's traumatic for a 19 year old guy to have a girl ask him to "rape her", in so many words.

 

[silverwhisper]

it's even upsetting if you're older.

ed

 

[collegeteenm19]

so would women agree on this that women fantasize about "being taken" as oppose to being brutally raped? I mean there is a difference, when a woman is "taken" like in the movies they always resist at the end but end up enjoying it, and rape-like I have to tell you- the woman resists as much as possible the entire time.

 

[M's girl]

so would women agree on this that women fantasize about "being taken" as oppose to being brutally raped? I mean there is a difference, when a woman is "taken" like in the movies they always resist at the end but end up enjoying it, and rape-like I have to tell you- the woman resists as much as possible the entire time.

I would say so, yes. On average. I'm sure there are women who want the extreme examples with everything, even the violence, present, but overall I would think that most of "us" just want to be taken, desired to the point where men don't have control over their feelings anymore.

I know there is nothing hotter than when M wants me so bad he just can't wait anymore. I only choose for him to show it to me in another way than play rape.

 

[Nightbird]

Some questions for you. When you say most of the time when I cyber with a girl..Do you mean one person (one girl) in particular or any girl who will cyber with you? Meaning more than one person.

ok, my question is this: most of the time when I cyber with a girl and ask her what her ultimate fantasy is, its that she wants to be raped by a guy or a group of guys, is this something most women fantasize about? and if so, why? It just seems quite strange to me

 

[collegeteenm19]

oh, more than one woman, like almost every lol

 

[Nightbird]

Hmm now that is interesting.

Ok so, is this more of a wanting to be raped or is it they want to be taken roughly and in an animalistic way?

I understand a woman saying "Take me, make me yours" and wanting to be a little out of control but the wanting to be raped is different.

 

[Sarojaede]

ok, my question is this: most of the time when I cyber with a girl and ask her what her ultimate fantasy is, its that she wants to be raped by a guy or a group of guys, is this something most women fantasize about? and if so, why? It just seems quite strange to me

I would almost bet you that the girls who tell you that their ultimate fantasy is to be raped by a guy or group of guys have never actually been raped or they would choose other language to identify to explain that fantasy. There is a huge difference between rape and agressive or rough sex.

 

[Wyldfire]

I would almost bet you that the girls who tell you that their ultimate fantasy is to be raped by a guy or group of guys have never actually been raped or they would choose other language to identify to explain that fantasy. There is a huge difference between rape and agressive or rough sex.

I tend to prefer the term Non consentual sex in the bedroom.

 

[SweetErika]

But Rape isn't about love or sexual desire in most cases. So to call it a rape fantasy just doesn't fit.

I don't know, maybe I'm oversensitive to this issue due to past experience. Believe it or not it's traumatic for a 19 year old guy to have a girl ask him to "rape her", in so many words.

You're right, rape isn't about love, though I think there IS an element of desire on the part of the rapist in many cases. For me, desire plays a big role in the appeal of all of my fantasies, including NC/reluctance. Desire and NC fantasies are a very logical, appealing pairing in my mind. It doesn't matter if desire is there in real life because I don't expect my fantasies to reflect reality. If they did, they'd be nightmares instead of fantasies.

As Eilan said, "rape fantasies" is a misnomer because we don't fantasize about things that we really don't want (though a very small percentage of people actually do fantasize about rape). I'm guessing your gf, and most women who say they have "rape fantasies," just don't know what else to call them, nor have they considered the true meaning of what they're saying.

 

[Sarojaede]

I tend to prefer the term Non consentual sex in the bedroom.

Non-consensual still has the undertones of rape to me, as rape is non-consensual. So I wouldn't be comfortable with such a term. But that discomfort comes from my experience.

 

[Sarojaede]

You're right, rape isn't about love, though I think there IS an element of desire on the part of the rapist in many cases.

Actually, rape is not so much about desire as it is about anger, rage. It's also about dehumanizing the victim.

 

[Wyldfire]

Non-consensual still has the undertones of rape to me, as rape is non-consensual. So I wouldn't be comfortable with such a term. But that discomfort comes from my experience.

That all depends on the fantasy scenario you're staging in my opinion and believe me I think I understand your discomfort. At least twice over.