I am 21 years old and I have a 20 year old girlfriend. We have been dating for a while and when we are together she likes me to touch her, (we are both virgins) but she seems to be afraid to touch me. She said something the other night about not knowing what to do when she touches me. I was wondering how to approach this with out making her feel like i am forcing her to touch me. It isn't like our relationship is on the line with this situation, but i would like to know if anyone has any ideas.
Question about my girlfriend.....
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greeneyed_Lady
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Afraid or unwilling?? Not knowing what to do with a penis is not uncommon... You are going to have to guide her along on this one. Do you ever get naked together?? Lay side by side with her and just let her explore you.. or if you catch her looking at your penis, verbally coax her into touching a little... or you can take her hand in yours and guide it. You are going to have to show her how you like to be touched, how hard, what rhythm, etc.
Since she brought it up.. strip down naked for her and let her just explore at her own pace. Put your hands under your head and close your eyes (she'll get self-concious otherwise if she thinks you are watching) and spread your legs slightly. Talk her thru it.. or keep quiet, which ever you think she will respond to more. When she does something you enjoy, let her know. If she is touching you and don't like it, don't say you don't like it, just say that you like *X* better or "I really liked it when you did *X*.. can you do that again?" With your hands behind your head, you can't force her.. you are at her complete mercy.
Since she brought it up.. strip down naked for her and let her just explore at her own pace. Put your hands under your head and close your eyes (she'll get self-concious otherwise if she thinks you are watching) and spread your legs slightly. Talk her thru it.. or keep quiet, which ever you think she will respond to more. When she does something you enjoy, let her know. If she is touching you and don't like it, don't say you don't like it, just say that you like *X* better or "I really liked it when you did *X*.. can you do that again?" With your hands behind your head, you can't force her.. you are at her complete mercy.
CWatson
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In addition to what GEL said (all of which is very smart): don't give her orders, give her suggestions. When you guys are exploring (or rather, when she is exploring you), say, "Why don't you try...?", or, "Have you ever thought of...?".
And see what you can do to reduce her feelings of awkwardness. You should tell her, and make her feel, that she is totally normal in her lack of sexual skill. It's not like people come out of the womb just naturally knowing what to do with a body in a sexual situation; everyone has to learn, and she shouldn't feel ashamed about the fact that she's only human. Sure, there's Internet research, but that's all theory--and theory only takes you so far once you get into real life. Not to mention that every person is different. Even if she wasn't a virgin, the knowledge she'd gained from her previous partner might not be applicable to you.
Long story short, make her feel comfortable. Tell her the truth--that there's no way she could get this wrong--and then build up her confidence even more by telling her what she's doing right. And reward her by letting her see what happens to you when she's doing it right. With any luck, she'll start to like it.
And see what you can do to reduce her feelings of awkwardness. You should tell her, and make her feel, that she is totally normal in her lack of sexual skill. It's not like people come out of the womb just naturally knowing what to do with a body in a sexual situation; everyone has to learn, and she shouldn't feel ashamed about the fact that she's only human. Sure, there's Internet research, but that's all theory--and theory only takes you so far once you get into real life. Not to mention that every person is different. Even if she wasn't a virgin, the knowledge she'd gained from her previous partner might not be applicable to you.
Long story short, make her feel comfortable. Tell her the truth--that there's no way she could get this wrong--and then build up her confidence even more by telling her what she's doing right. And reward her by letting her see what happens to you when she's doing it right. With any luck, she'll start to like it.
subwannabe
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Maybe she needs to read some very hot romantic books which are very descriptive. Most women like Romance Novels.
chelleb
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Perhaps she's curious and wants to touch you, but because of her lack of experience with it, she's not sure where it might lead, or what she'll be comfortable doing. In other words, she may be afraid to start something she won't (or isn't sure) she'll want to finish, if that makes sense.
Assure her that she's welcome to explore, and deal with only what she's comfortable with. It may leave you feeling a but....frustrated.....if she bails out on ya, but it won't be everytime.
From a woman's perspective, it's the next step closer to having sex, and if she's not ready for that, she may be apprehensive about where it will lead if she touches you.
Assure her that she's welcome to explore, and deal with only what she's comfortable with. It may leave you feeling a but....frustrated.....if she bails out on ya, but it won't be everytime.
From a woman's perspective, it's the next step closer to having sex, and if she's not ready for that, she may be apprehensive about where it will lead if she touches you.
sugarisnice
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Maybe she just needs to hear you say how it makes you feel when she touches you. You could let her know you will be gentle and just want her to say what she feels when you touch her arm, shoulder, neck, etc. The goal is not to have sex right away but to get her into a comfort zone so you can go back again and again and do more.
Also, she may have had an "incident" that happened in her past where she felt uncomfortable about being touched.
Take small steps and they may lead to great adventures.
Also, she may have had an "incident" that happened in her past where she felt uncomfortable about being touched.
Take small steps and they may lead to great adventures.
southernsky
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It sounds like it would be really fun for her if you did what someone suggested and put your arms behind your head. Then, tell her it's kind of like a game, that everyone has different feelings from being touched by different people, and you want you and her to figure each other out. Then, let her play with you in a fairly non-sexual manner. Get her to touch a spot on your leg, and playfully tell her what it feels like. Get her to touch the same spot in a different way, then tell her what that feels like. Let her explore your body, maybe even with you blindfolded, then she won't feel like she's on stage, so to speak.
