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Puns

Are you lion to me?

The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away ...

I called the zoo to speak to the king of beasts, but the lion was busy.

What browser do lions use?
Safari.

The flamboyant lion was wearing a bright yellow shirt.
He was a real dandy lion.

The zoo just celebrated getting a new male lion.
It was the mane event.

I went to dinner with all the zoo animals, but one of the animals forgot his wallet.
I had to pay the lion's share.

What do you call a colony of homosexual lions?
A gay pride.

Hey, Mr. Lion, what are you doing in my wardrobe?
It's Narnia business!

I was in the bookshop, and they had a sale ... 1/3 off all titles.
So I bought "The Lion, The Witch ..."

Hey, I think I've spotted a lion!
No, if it's spotted, it's a leopard.

They all cheered at my lion imitation.
It was a roaring success.

The lion lost at last night's poker game.
That's because he was playing with a cheetah.

What do all the lions say before going on a hunt?
Let us prey.

Which jungle cat discovered the spiral structure of proteins?
Lionus Pauling.

Which female jungle cat sings "Dark Horse" and "Never Really Over" ?
Kitty Perry

Which jungle cat is famous for songs such as "All Night Long" and "Dancing On The Ceiling" ?
Lionel Ritchie

Which lion used to host a famous TV talk show?
Larry, King of the Jungle

What street does a lion live on?
Mane Street.

In which state will you find the most lions?
Maine.

A lion would never cheat on his wife.
But a Tiger Wood.

If you want a duplicate of that, you need to talk to the lion running the Xerox machine.
He is the copy cat.

I know another jungle cat who runs the printing press.
He operates the lionotype machine.

I autographed the picture of the jungle cat who had chicken pox.
I just signed on the dotted lion.

I know a jungle cat who is a very famous lawyer.
He has a long list of cliontele.

There is a device that jungle cats use to control the lights in their caves.
Its called Lion, Lioff.

There is a jungle cat who uses the internet to seek out innocent women.
He is an onlion predator.

There is a group of jungle cats who meet every week to perform public service
I'm sure you've heard of it ... it's called the Lions Club.

What is Johnny Cash's famous song tribute to jungle cats?
Because you're mine .... I walk the lion ....

Why does a jungle cat make a good accountant?
Because he really understands the bottom lion.

A lion ate two authors for lunch, but that night he was sick to his stomach.
He had writers' cramp.

Bus rider, why are you clapping your hands like that?
To keep the lions away.
But there are no lions within 100 miles of here!
I know, pretty effective, huh :)
 
I went to get my hair cut today but there were many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.

It was the Best Barber Queue ever!
 
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma.”


And then it hit me.
 
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