Puns

[done_got_old]

https://oi468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/67100169_10156496553777005_762580776368734208_n_zpslzexls7e.jpg

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67690953_2332222946859213_5684010825342255104_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_oc=AQkhKcJ0Dw1brsi9ZbqHA-btAaizblWI1uD1KT2lzr8vCER4b8SgKFJhOeWHUBfuLeMk4QJpVgOHb79mdg42rH_u&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=b53fd2c03a0b4518b875e86b1e4e5210&oe=5DB37834

 

[done_got_old]

I was at the Primate House at the National Zoo during feeding time. Gorilla Cheese sandwiches were on the menu.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you hired a prostitute for a dollar, you would get a bang for your buck.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/66690234_2263731177081235_8227017324436127744_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_eui2=AeG6u8mJHdNBA8Ngth2eZ-GlWZPy2FM39l8HMBPbNZCQtvGrTRsXypIi5DEdqi1z1HiW5RmzcDVSPzSLF-iKQ2bOpyGY9oVBetURmAr4T_WaBA&_nc_oc=AQkrdzvTWc1bNlonnCB6xCh4HjmETYrwg9UTQHf1mDYkvTLP5wkZR8Umt6CdGlDs8pAd585NDiwsHN_E8jHpyoN3&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=95bbd0c45a6fa2ba1e1d26573324c968&oe=5DC03EFB

 

[cyberking001]

not really a pun, but .....

What is the difference between being involved and being committed?
It's like ham and eggs. The chicken was involved. The pig was committed.

 

[done_got_old]

Bank robbery is a safe job.

 

[Ask For More]

Rick Astley: What do you want for your birthday?
Wife: Up on DVD
Rick Astley: No

 

[done_got_old]

A photographer tragically died this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him...

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

 

[cyberking001]

A photographer tragically died this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him...
Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

Sorry to be so dumb, I don't get it ... please explain??? Thx

 

[done_got_old]

A photographer tragically died this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him...
Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

Sorry to be so dumb, I don't get it ... please explain??? Thx

This is your one and only explanation ever! Enjoy.

Photographers often tell the people being photographed to say, "cheese". This time when they said cheese, they were trying to warn him of the impending disaster.

 

[Emhdtats]

Beautiful art form

Puns are an under-appreciated art form. Their true beauty rests in the “oy” of the beholder.

 

[done_got_old]

One night Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”

His wife asked, “How do you know?”

"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

 

[done_got_old]

Is that faux fur or is that fur real?

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67170760_2280644105389942_8836451842046033920_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_oc=AQnZpolSDWRZ68c-o5MtGUlKh8VZcW-DhWYpcL9wIyxh99R-D5dxc-USSVO-4bQsebK5HXOMjOv2d2U1jEe7grBD&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=445a9a653834923c5bf945650ba4f606&oe=5DE22B7D

 

[done_got_old]

At the old sailor's garage sale, I bought a basketball hoop. It was the rim of the ancient mariner.

 

[Ask For More]

Women have ovaries. That's why they ovary act.

 

[done_got_old]

DID AL KALINE INVENT
THE ALKALINE
BATTERY?​

 

[Eisranac]

DID AL KALINE INVENT
THE ALKALINE
BATTERY?​

The pitcher and the catcher combination in baseball is known as a battery. Al Kaline was a right fielder.

If he were a pitcher or a catcher, there probably really would have been something called an Al Kaline Battery in baseball.

 

[cyberking001]

sports

I really didn't get the point of archery.
Until one day .....

I tried the sport of sun tanning.
But the best I could do was a bronze.

Gymnasts are great people to have as friends.
They will bend over backwards to help you.

My girl friend is a soccer goalie.
She's a real keeper.

Gay guys love watching football players.
Especially the tight ends.

Wow, that basketball play was incredible!
Drummer, give me a rim shot.

I think my girl friend used to be a hockey goalie.
All I know is, she's had a lot of rubber inside her crease.

I think male tennis players are different from the rest of us.
They all seem to have fuzzy green balls.

And I think that male golfers are different from the rest of us.
They have little dimpled white balls.

What happens to baseball players who go blind?
They become umpires.

When it came to girls when I was young, I was like a bad baseball player.
I could never even get to first base.

Who is that girl in the middle of the tennis court?
Annette.

They time most runners with a stopwatch.
For me, you can use a calendar.

You're not fat because it runs in the family.
You're fat because nobody runs in your family.

I tried water polo, but it didn't work out.
The horse drowned.

How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fore!

Bowling is a great sport.
Where else can you eat, drink, and smoke while you actually do the sport?

Bridge (the card game) is a lot like sex.
You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

You know why they call it fantasy football?
Because 10 guys all believe that their wives will let them out to play.

I spend an hour a day on the treadmill.
One of these days I might actually turn it on.

What is big, green, and fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls on you?
A pool table.

It's my parent's fault that I don't like hockey.
If I hadn't been born in Toronto, I could have cheered for a better team.

Why do women not play football?
Eleven women would never be caught dead all wearing the same outfit.

How can you make chess more interesting?
Stop playing.

It would be difficult to watch a football game between Notre Dame and Michigan State.
I wouldn't know whether to cheer for church or state.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67435835_10157585426432376_6521598949223038976_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_eui2=AeGMYk1cl7aBkcvWKBOOFkrLPyf9U3dwrOed2mRxYVytYaPVz2mJwlQgLDd02gIE8c7jZ3ZdqySQySF3FaO7LTn8AJJDiDI5JOmfZ2Fl1sLrPg&_nc_oc=AQk_kxrpAdWLpdFy6uWhzYQPVxwmYEZ6AbYhU917ShmH7bRFqeKq0EEuZAF1AoVHN5I5f5VIarsrXhRmQCZg8tmX&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=129c1776a7f676ccd5ced64cb792a274&oe=5DE71DDD

 

[done_got_old]

Becoming thirsty at exercise class, Reverend Spooner drank chai tea during tai chi.

 

[done_got_old]

Charles, the future king of England, has released a book of images of cetaceans. It is called 'The Prints of Whales'.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67653130_2666655206680694_2377473838121222144_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&_nc_oc=AQmPDni-ioo-CO5Yj-0rb7_v6HZTcECpABrP8ootqCo7vmSEO_zpAA3mL5m_3P0JDwY5AhjVfBV24Ld4WqSskHRA&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=f1f1972418294106de33d3260f90bc3a&oe=5DA8FFD3

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67322372_2658634510837687_716161792035782656_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_eui2=AeHWbqYlajLcN7s667QK2fV8g4GiKxifP6c2Egg86me--RTVf6pZZ4GyTNYhpDE7YEoVea5b6y5q4wSyF21ko6vIUjP5tDAMj4aauDGzSfNRSg&_nc_oc=AQlRpaNRY9jdsYFe9X5KaoOJ6Ne3oiSBdJdbKcDc1PXPRfqsYqD11SRAfn9xj-iaTKd2zypwWyb4A0MJUBXGosdd&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=3633ced650fe55543920b647199176dc&oe=5DD75765