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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Puns

Many people described Joe as being full of wisdom. But that word is a dichotomy. So is Joe really a whiz or is he really dumb?
 
I was in the cemetery & saw a man crouched behind a headstone. I said ‘morning’ to him. His response, "nope, just taking a shit".
 
The company's performance was so abysmal that it quickly became the joke of Wall Street: a laughing-stock.
 
music puns

I won't let my kids go to symphony concerts.
Too much sax and violins.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I asked, "Is that a fret?"

My friend was banging the side of his head against his piano keys.
He told me that he was playing by ear.

They arrested the guitar teacher.
He was accused of fingering a minor.

I saw a concert by a band called "Duvet."
They were a cover band.

What is the Jehovah Witnesses' favourite band?
The Doors.

My friend told me his tuba was broken and asked if I could help fix it.
I handed him a tuba glue.

I found something soft and brown on my piano bench yesterday.
I think it was Beethoven's last movement.

I went to a concert last night that only cost me 45 cents.
It was 50 Cent and Nickelback.

The Beethoven-loving farmer got rid of all his chickens.
He got tired of hearing them say "Bach, Bach, Bach."

There is a famous rock band devoted to gingerbread men with missing legs.
Limp Bizkit.

All my neighbours listen to country music.
Whether they want to or not :)

I have a laptop computer that can sing.
A Dell.

What did Jay-Z call his wife before he married her?
Feyonce.

There is a genre of music which consists of playing New Age music backwards.
It's called New Age music.

I have a bunch of jokes about classical music.
Let me show you the Liszt.

I won't listen to music in 3/4 time any more.
Every time I do, people just waltz into my room.

The female stripper had trouble playing her guitar.
The G-string was too tight.

I'm not gonna do any more music puns.
They fall flat and they really aren't my forte.

My friend told me that I was just an old string instrument.
I really resent him calling me a lyre.

Who is listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony right now?
Me me me meeee.

Remember when # was a symbol for music and not for Twitter?

I'm a musical computer programmer.
I write all my software in C.

There's a real crazy longhair who plays bluegrass music.
His name is Jon Banjovi

There is a new rock band in Paris that plays songs like
"Sweet Child of Mine," and "I Wanna rock and Roll All Night."
They call themselves French Kiss.

There is a new terrorist group that also plays rock music.
The Taliband.

There is a Stairway To Heaven and a Highway To Hell.
I guess I know where most people end up.

Lead. Mercury. Zinc.
God, I love Heavy Metal.

There was a baby sheep that composed music.
Wolfgang Lambadeus Mozart.

At school, a piano fell onto a kindergarten kid.
A Flat Minor.

What is the difference between a terrorist and an accordion player?
Terrorists have sympathizers.

What is the difference between an accordion and an onion?
No one will cry if you chop the accordion into a million pieces.

Why is a bagpipe a holy instrument?
God only knows what comes out of it.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

I just threw my neighbour's bagpipes into the garbage bin.
Wow, perfect pitch.

The guy who plays at my church has 12 kids.
Guess there's no stops on his organ.

I found a way to make my cello sound really beautiful.
I sold it and bought a violin.

Some bass musicians played a trick on an orchestra conductor
who was about to conduct Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
They sealed the last three pages together with string.
Then they went out to a bar to celebrate and got drunk.
Sure enough ....
It was the bottom of the Ninth.
The score was tied.
And the bassists were loaded.
 
I wanted to watch the World Origami Competition before it folded, but it was only available on Paper view.
 
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