Puns

[Eisranac]

The barista earned latte good tips.

I hope that is not at the same place where the muggings occur:

Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.

I can't help it if that story was beneath you.

Just ask and I'll put a sock in it.

I would never ask you to put a sock in it.

I would rather you run with it by stocking this thread with more puns.

Must have pretty long legs to wear those boots.

Leather or not that is the case, you are probably correct, and I would not per-suede you otherwise.

Lifelong counterfeiters never make any real money.

Working in kitchens all day fitting counters indeed does not pay well and is counter to my idea of having fun, so I will shelve that thought.

Money for nothing, you know:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRDgihVDEko

Not a pun, just reminded me of this joke: "Crime doesn't pay. Directly. It goes through escrow."

Hmm...I always thought that crime was for the birds as a result of people robin other people.

I took my pineapple upside-down cake to Australia and it became a cake.

I am not sure that talking about being down under is a good idea on Literotica, but I must admit that that takes the cake.

Okay....some days I'm too literal.

...and on other days, are you too conservative?

Let’s just say that with regard to politics, I feel the same way about conservatives as I feel about literals.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

I would never ask you to put a sock in it.

I would rather you run with it by stocking this thread with more puns.

Surely it's time for me to lace it up.

 

[done_got_old]

What is the most romantic fruit? Dates.

 

[ashik09]

What is the most romantic fruit? Dates.

I'll raisin you a passionfruit.

 

[done_got_old]

I'll raisin you a passionfruit.

On TV it's a maze of channels, luckily he had a guide

 

[Eisranac]

Surely it's time for me to lace it up.

...so are we now tied?

What is the most romantic fruit? Dates.

I'll raisin you a passionfruit.

I would argue tomatoes.

Some of the best tomatoes I have ever had was in Romania.

Isn't that romantic?

On TV it's a maze of channels, luckily he had a guide

A-maze-ing.

 

[done_got_old]

In order to become a teacher, Anna would have to chalk up the skills first.

 

[Eisranac]

In order to become a teacher, Anna would have to chalk up the skills first.

Does an ophthalmologist have to check on her pupils first, and eye would think that her name would be Iris instead of Anna?

 

[ashik09]

The victim was covered in pro-biotic yoghurt. We believe this to be a Yakult killing.

 

[Eisranac]

Disconnecticut: a small state in the United States where wireless technology seemingly renders having a discussion on a cell phone impossible.

The victim was covered in pro-biotic yoghurt. We believe this to be a Yakult killing.

Thank you for adding some culture to this thread.

 

[done_got_old]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/45667892_1883543798433310_689172406526279680_n_zpsygkqx7fn.jpg

 

[Eisranac]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/45667892_1883543798433310_689172406526279680_n_zpsygkqx7fn.jpg

Orange you glad I did not pop in and respond to this?

 

[done_got_old]

I went to the dentist without lunch, and he gave me a plate.

 

[Eisranac]

I went to the dentist without lunch, and he gave me a plate.

You know the drill.

By the way, I went to the dentist without paint, but he would not work on my palate.

That bites.

 

[done_got_old]

Exterminators never die

 

[BuckyDuckman]

...so are we now tied?

Hold your tongue. Eyelet you win!

 

[done_got_old]

I never liked befriending assassins. They're all backstabbers.

 

[Eisranac]

Exterminators never die

Correction:

Exterminators never dice. An exterminator never dies.

I just hope that that correction did not bug you.

Hold your tongue. Eyelet you win!

Aglet you win as well.

I never liked befriending assassins. They're all backstabbers.

...but you have to admit that they do give it their best shot.

 

[ashik09]

The executioner was explaining why the hanging had gone wrong. He said, "I've got some very bad noose ..."

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Aglet you win as well....but you have to admit that they do give it their best shot.

(Darn good one, BTW! Aglet! Epic!)

Ha! I have you fooled! A) I'm going to stick around. B) I don't wear shoes, I wear boots and these boots are made for stalking, and that's just what they'll do!

 

[Ask For More]

I recently hired a landscape gardener, but he said he couldn't help because my garden was portrait.

 

[Ask For More]

I saw a woman dump her boyfriend in the gym.

He didn't work out.

 

[done_got_old]

An angry skunk will reek its vengeance.

 

[done_got_old]

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert? Cobbler.

 

[ashik09]

In the egg-and-spoon race, I was always cracking up.