Puns

[mnbreastluver]

When you drink a whole bottle of vodka, both you and the bottle are drunk.

 

[done_got_old]

My mom ran out of poultry seasoning so she winged it.

 

[done_got_old]

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 

[done_got_old]

The Black Death! Avoid it like the plague!

 

[done_got_old]

I thought I saw a leopard but it was just a dotted line.

 

[Pantyboy74]

The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe.

Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk to a woman?

 

[done_got_old]

My best friend and I attended culinary school together and then opened our own restaurant. I guess we are taste buds.

 

[done_got_old]

Dr. Frankenstein's lab was a recreation room.

 

[done_got_old]

Overcome with the beauty of Earth seen from space, the astronaut removed his helmet. The view was breath taking.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are cleaning a counter, you are actually being counter productive.

 

[done_got_old]

What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you can’t tie a knot, you cannot. If you can, you can knot.

 

[done_got_old]

It was cold in the bedroom so I lay down next to the wood-stove and slept like a log.

 

[done_got_old]

A hangman works under deadline!

 

[mnbreastluver]

At an exorcism, you literally annoy the hell out of a person.

 

[done_got_old]

Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

"Come find your diamond in the ruff" would be a really good slogan for an animal shelter.

 

[done_got_old]

Only small babies are delivered by storks – larger ones need a crane!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Nurses are often in the nursery, but infants are never in the infantry.

 

[done_got_old]

The British cannibal enjoyed snacking on fish and chaps.

 

[done_got_old]

Can new shock absorbers make a car easier to control? Of course - it goes without swaying!

 

[done_got_old]

If paper could sing, would it sing in a quire?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Pro tip: To distinguish an alligator from a crocodile, take note of whether they see you later or in a while.

 

[done_got_old]

After he ate the duck, the alligator got a little down in the mouth.

 

[done_got_old]

In the deli, I learnt the finer aspics of making jello salad.