Puns

[done_got_old]

Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment.

 

[done_got_old]

A man brought some prescription tablets and started cutting off the edges. Do you know why? He wanted to avoid the side effects.

 

[Ask For More]

A man brought some prescription tablets and started cutting off the edges. Do you know why? He wanted to avoid the side effects.

I wonder if it took the edge off them.

 

[done_got_old]

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

 

[Devlishone4fun]

How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.

 

[Devlishone4fun]

If we Cantaloupe, then Lettuce be married. you're such a Peach and we'd make such a fine Pear.

 

[Devlishone4fun]

What kind of dog doesn't bark?

Hush Puppy

 

[done_got_old]

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

 

[Sloane32]

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

[done_got_old]

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

 

[done_got_old]

With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural.

 

[londoner2]

When I arrived for my appointment I overheard my therapist say she had some Country Living past issues in Reception, but I can’t find them.

 

[done_got_old]

A chiropractor is a lumbar jack.

 

[done_got_old]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/culinary%20classics_zps3noblgpf.jpg

 

[done_got_old]

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

 

[bone251]

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She was like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Hush, I saw this on the internet, it's called Buffering:"

 

[done_got_old]

This past weekend, I was doing some baking for the holidays. It was getting late and I was tired, so, I decided to leave the cleanup mess until the next morning.

The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop.

Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.

They confirmed that I did, in fact, have AntTracks. Yikes!

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you drink a bottle of liquor, both you and the bottle are getting drunk

 

[Ask For More]

How do you measure the quality a of pun? With a sighsmograph.

 

[Ask For More]

People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. But it's what's inside that count.

 

[done_got_old]

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When a wasp started to come after me, I made a beeline for the exit.

 

[done_got_old]

They arrested a man for passing himself off as the comedian named Seinfeld....the charge was playjerism.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Some of us are still It from childhood games of tag

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons?

“He wanted to be a hentertainer.”