Puns

William Tell was not only a great patriot and a great archer, he was also a great cook.

One day, after he had prepared a new dish for his friends, he said, "I think there is one or more spices missing. What do you think?"

Their answer was, "Only thyme, Will Tell!"
 
There's no fuel like an old fuel - - David and Richard Koch
 
Whenever I get a new pair of shoes, I beat the bottoms with a hammer because I heard that compression is good for the sole. ..
 
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
 
They came and took down a tree in front of our apartment. Now I'm stumped....
 
A quarter-acre of undeveloped land may not seem like much to some people, but to me it's a lot.
 
I'd like to thank the woman who ran the the last few miles of yesturday's marathon with no sports bra on. The lack of support got me through.
 
Having a tree fall on you when you're chopping it down makes you an axey moron...
 
Ninety eight percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
 
If a blind woman tells you your penis is huge she is most likely just pulling your leg.
 
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