Public Speaking

[Kajira Callista]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

 

[brioche]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

Kind of sounds like social phobia to me. Maybe just mention that you're a little nervous but happy at the great turnout? i will say that the more you do it the easier it gets.

 

[graceanne]

booze.

Actually a glass of wine (and only ONE glass of wine) should help you relax a bit. Don't dring anymore, or you'll wish you'd stayed sober and blushed through the meeting. I hate talking in large groups, too, and that'll generally help.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmmm, could this have been an unconscious move to overcome a problem you perceive yourself as having? Ccan totally identify....I had the same problem (and am probably slipping back after so long in virtual isolation) when I went back to high school and onto Uni. I remember one of my first presentations I had to do in Amcient History where I began to feel faint from it all....lucky I had a great teacher who may have had a thing for me, and knew before hand my fears, so he had a chair waiting which he quietly slipped behind me when I started going pale.

As to how to overcome it, I know it sounds simplistic saying just face the challenge and force yourself through it as that is sometimes just not possible on its own. Perhaps if you role play it as if it is an order a Dominant has given you, and as the submissive you do not want to let them or yourself down, it will help erase some of the tension through shifting the focus inside you from speaking in public to doing something to please the Dominant. I wish you well, and congratulate you on the success you have already achieved in putting this group together.

Catalina

 

[moirai]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

I have a fairly large amount of public speaking experience. Here are a few tips that may or may not be helpful (but can't hurt):
1. Practice is key. I know you can't really practice the "running the meeting" part, but you could practice your opening remarks, etc. Knowing what you're going to say can help reduce anxiety. A preplanned meeting agenda can also help in this area.
2. Do you have prior access to the space where you're having the meeting? If you do, you could practice projecting your voice and have a friend at the back of the room tell you if they can hear you (that should help a little with the "quiet voice" problem).
3. Graceanne's glass of wine advice is excellent.
4. Don't picture the audience naked/in their underwear. It will just make you laugh.
5. Remember that you are the reason the meeting is taking place! These people are coming because they are interested in what you have to say. They want to hear from you. Nobody is rooting for you to fail.
6. You are probably a much better speaker than you give yourself credit for. Most people are.
7. If you do end up speaking really badly (although I'm sure you'll do just fine), everyone will still be nice to you anyway.

 

[redelicious]

1. Practice is key. I know you can't really practice the "running the meeting" part, but you could practice your opening remarks, etc. Knowing what you're going to say can help reduce anxiety. A preplanned meeting agenda can also help in this area.

This is similar to what I was going to say. Also, anticipate possible questions so you can have prepared answers. Make a list of notes and refer to them often. If you do get caught off guard by a comment a simple "I'll get back to you on that" can save you from having to search for words.

Take a moment before the meeting to breathe deep, or whatever you do to relax. You can do this.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

Remember, everyone is there for the same reason, so the crowd isn't "hostile".

Rehearsing as Moirai has pointed out is excellent advice, and doing it 5 minutes before you go up before the group will psyche you up, and help you overcome any phobias you may have.

As for the voice projection, a wireless microphone and boombox could help you here very inexpensively.

Good luck, and knock em dead.

 

[Killishandra]

www.toastmasters.com says to use positive self-talk before a speech.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Wow...thanks guys...just looking at it as someplace ppl actually are wanting to be to listen to what i have to say has made me feel brave which could be a good thing or a bad thing lol i actually have an agenda and a mission statement sorta thing so i know what i have to say...saying it without choking is the biggest problem

 

[Evil_Geoff]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

Hi there KC,

Been there, done that, got the group! *chuckles* I started this BDSM group in Columbia in August of 1999. It was never my intention to "run the show" but to get folks together and then sit back and let someone else get elected leader and then reap the rewards of the wisdom of others.

Did that happen? Oh HELL no! *LMAO*

Fortunately I wrote the bylaws for two terms and OUT for the president so no one gets saddled with it for tooooo long. But anyway....

I got jitters, weak-kneed, dry mouth, soft-speach... all the classic public speaking anxiety symptoms. This in a guy who was cop for many, many years. I'm not sure how I managed to get through those first meetings because I just _KNEW_ that the experienced people in the group would heckle me for not knowing everything, for being a "wet-behind-the-ears" newbie.

It never happened. I got a lot of support, a little teasing, not for my inexperience but for being "dumb enough" to start the group in the first place and subjecting myself to all the woes that group leadership brings on. I kept looking for topics, educating myself with the best information I could find, so that the information I shared would at least not get someone hurt.

We celebrated our 5th Anniversary this past August, and while I'm no longer president of the group, I'm still active on the Board. And in the intervening time I've also started presenting to other groups in the area. And you know what? I _STILL_ get pre-speaking jitters, weak-kneed, etc.

I've learned to project my voice a little better, but I still speak softly to large groups. I research my topics and practice and that helps some. And while I am an exhibitionist, I still get nervous _speaking_ to an audience. Go figure. Put a flogger or cane in my hand and I'm a tiger, but ask me to speak and I want to find something, ANYTHING else to do. Go figure! I'm not so afraid of making mistakes anymore though. I've learned that I'll be treated kindly by the audience. They want to learn something from _ME_! I'm not sure why but I hold on to that feeling of pride and honor and that motivates me to do my best for them.

That anxiety doesn't carry over to the written forum though. *grins* In case anyone thought that I was not shy and retiring in person... *LOL*

You will do fine, KC, I'm sure of it.

 

[ellediablo]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

If Terry Bradshaw (vet QB for Pittsburgh Steelers) and myself, as well - can overcome the fear of public speaking well - anybody can. I am a blusher, too, and well...I may be gregarious and confident and bold and direct...I had a hard time in public and public speaking - of which I overcame in high school. I still, when walking alone - blaze or carve my way through a room or the MALL -with my head down just to get it over with - I don't like to walk alone...I need to be on somebody's (a man's) arm...well, you get my drift, doncha?...I don't do well walking alone. So, anyways-

Clear your mind before going in front of your audience - then picture them sittng there looking at you - in their underwear or nekkid. You will smile and laugh to yourself and look confident. Then - try and make eye contact and sweep the room with your eyes as you are talking - your words will eventually flow and your fear will leave your mind.

I learned this from a wonderful woman in high school who was an English major and a Guidance Counselor.

It is a rough phobia and a scary one but - with a little practice - in front of the mirror - you should be able to master it. I cannot remember the great orator (*edit...yes, i can - Demothenes) - who stuttered but - by putting marbles in his mouth and talking to himself in the mirror - he faced his demons and won!!!!...so can you, Callista - or, what do you prefer being called?

 

[DVS]

I always thought speaking in public would be TERRIBLE. But, actually, as long as you are talking about something you believe in and something you want to share, it's not bad at all.

You'll have a supportive audience, because they came to hear what you have to say. And, I think you'll find they will all be very quiet, to hear your voice, just for that reason. And, if you are speaking in a rented room, like a hotel meeting room or something, there should be a P.A. system there for you to use.

If you are going to be talking for an extenced time, and you are not use to that, your voice could get hourse and even raspy. Don't put yourself in a position where you are talking louder than you nromally do for any length of time. Talk in a normal voice, as much as you can.

And, keep some fresh water close by, so you can get yourself a drink, when your thoat gets dry. It can also come in handy, if you need a little break, while you are thinking of something to say. Maybe you've been asked a qustion and you want to answer it just right...clear your throat (simulating you need a drink), get yourself a little drink of water, then when you're ready, answer the question. It's just a little side step that can be used, when you need it. Of course, you don't want to do it a lot, but it does come in handy, if you need a minute or two to think.

This sounds like it will be a very nice crowd of people. So, you shouldn't have any problem at all, if you ask me. But, if you do feel anxious when you get up to speak, just remember...that's the the point when you will feel the worst.

Once you start talking, you will imediately start to feel more at ease, and the more you talk, the more at ease you will feel. It's that initial stage fright that gets you. The waiting, the unknown, the first time jitters...all very common in first time speakers, and even those who have done it many times.

What to say as your first sentence is sometimes difficult. How do you begin? Obviously, you should welcome them all, and thank them for coming. You might say you are impressed with the large turn out. You might mention the nice weather, or make a joke about how nice it was they all showed up on such a nasty night, if the weather isn't nice.

Don't write out exactly what you intend to say. Notes are good, and do what you have to to make sure you can find what you are looking for on your notes, when speaking. You will be looking down at your notes, and then up to the people, then down at your notes, again. If you are like me, that can make you lose your place. You might number your notes, or something like that, so you can tell where you are. If you use little postcard size notes, you can keep your finger on the topic, so you always know where you are. Write large enough that you can see your words without a problem.

Don't worry about a little silence, here and there. To you, it will seem like ages, but it won't seem like that to your audience. If you get the chance, walk around, while you talk. That can be another way to think, if you need to. If you've lost your place, walk from one spot to another until you know what you're going to say, then stop and continue speaking. It works well for you and it also looks professional to the group you are speaking to.

All in all, don't worry about anything going wrong. You'd be suprised how many things only go wrong because someone dwelled on it so much. This isn't a hostile group you're speaking to. You're not on trial, and they aren't going to judge you. They won't expect you to be a flawless speaker. You might even tell them up front that you are a bit nervous. That's no big deal.

The thing to remember is, you are there to tell them something they want to hear. You should feel good that so many want to hear what you have to say. That should say something about you, and about your topic.

All of us here at Lit know this about you, already, but you have an outgoing personality. I know it will come out just fine, when you speak to this group. You'll soon have them all eating out of your hands.

Oh, maybe you should wash your hands before you speak, then?

 

[Kajira Callista]

LOL you have no idea how many notes im taking here. You all are so smart and so wonderful. Thank you

 

[cati]

The advice given here has been right on the nose. I agree with someone suggesting socio-phobia. That is true in my case. The fear of public speaking has kept me back from doing alot of things in my life, I've had it since I was in grade school. It has lessened somewhat over the years, but the fear of everyone's attention being soley on me, being watched, listened to, judged or ridiculed by others present has often over ridden all else. But I don't think you are socio-phobic. What I do think is that you are going to do an absolutely fantastic job kiddo!
So yes... practice, practice, practice, know your material inside and out and above all try to relax. The more you do it the easier it will become for you.

And since we all like to share our experiences *s... I once had to lead a discussion in University, my first. Half way through it my mind suddenly went blank, nothing came out, couldn't think...nothing. I was absolutley petrified! I stood there mute, then apologized and sat down. I found out later that many people were rooting for me, silently urging me to go on and finish. This obviously made me feel a whole lot better and less embarrassed about the whole thing.
Needless to say I had to lead many more seminars...had to, had no choice but to do it and it did get easier, trust me. As they say you have to face your fears/phobia *s

Whispers...the feeling you get of having made a great speech or having led a great discussion is fantastic! It's one of lifes great accomplishments.
Good luck and remember we are rooting for you....

 

[Shadowsdream]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

I will be watching you...you will have enough to be nervous about and the speech will flow without thought!

you are a brave girl...you riled the crowd once you can lead them forever!

Good luck little one

 

[Kajira Callista]

Good luck and remember we are rooting for you....

that means more to me then any of you know

 

[Kajira Callista]

I will be watching you...you will have enough to be nervous about and the speech will flow without thought!

you are a brave girl...you riled the crowd once you can lead them forever!

Good luck little one

my Guardian Domme... always there for this pussycat when she needs her most. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[h_i_s]

OK i started this group for parents in my community and it has grown from a handful of friends to 50-60 ppl. Our first meeting is on Thursday and since i riled everyone i get to run the meeting. Here is the problem: i am terrified of talking in front of large groups and i don't have a loud voice. also when i have to...i blush from head to toe and my hands get all shaky and so does my voice at times. anyone have any ideas on how to get over the phobia?

i've had to speak (and sing sometimes) and as many times as i have, i still get nervous and my hands and knees shake. If i make eye contact with anyone ... it's even worse. The only way i know of that has ever worked forme in making it easier is to be prepared. If it's a song, i make sure i know the words etc ect. If it's a speech ... i make certain that i understand the material/subject and have a plan of presentation in my head. Other than that, a glass of wine helps a little bit too ...

 

[Kajira Callista]

i've had to speak (and sing sometimes) and as many times as i have, i still get nervous and my hands and knees shake. If i make eye contact with anyone ... it's even worse. The only way i know of that has ever worked forme in making it easier is to be prepared. If it's a song, i make sure i know the words etc ect. If it's a speech ... i make certain that i understand the material/subject and have a plan of presentation in my head. Other than that, a glass of wine helps a little bit too ...

lol the glass of wine is sounding better and better as the time grows closer to doomsday...unfortunately i get drunk very easily and drunk and making a speech at 2 in the aft in front of other parents prolly wouldnt be the best impression i could make.
im sticking lil post its on each paper(my copy) i am giving the people at the meeting (membership form, agenda and stuff like that) with key points i want to make on each subject. i cant seem to talk to myself in the mirror without giggling and if i look anyone in the eye i will prolly faint....but i am stil determined to do this and to do it well. i will keep you all posted.

 

[DVS]

...im sticking lil post its on each paper(my copy) i am giving the people at the meeting (membership form, agenda and stuff like that) with key points i want to make on each subject.

Sounds like a plan, handing out reading material and everything. Cool.

And as for looking people in the eye...if you don't want to look into their eyes, look at their foreheads or noses, or something like that. If you aren't real close to them, at a distance the focal point will seem like you are looking into their eyes.

And, if it really bugs you, looking into anyone's eyes is not that necessary. Looking at their necks, shoulders, mouths or whatever...will still look like you are looking into somebody's eyes.

Just remember not to stare at your notes the whole time. You will have to look at the people...well, at least look in their general direction.

 

[Kajira Callista]

The morning of the "big speech":
everything is packed (even the big coffee urn)
papers are all ready...sticky notes attached to my copies and....printed in huge letters (so i dont have to do the on and off with the glasses thing) 4 pages of notes in order so hopefully the meeting will go as i planned.
I bought an outfit...very mommy chic and now i dunwanna wear that because it might make me fidget more then i already do or i might not feel comfortable in it...my palms are clammy and when i think about heading out something is making me wanna crawl under the bed...my tummy hurts and i drank too much coffee.
So i guess that means im good ta go eh? lol

 

[DVS]

The morning of the "big speech":
everything is packed (even the big coffee urn)
papers are all ready...sticky notes attached to my copies and....printed in huge letters (so i dont have to do the on and off with the glasses thing) 4 pages of notes in order so hopefully the meeting will go as i planned.
I bought an outfit...very mommy chic and now i dunwanna wear that because it might make me fidget more then i already do or i might not feel comfortable in it...my palms are clammy and when i think about heading out something is making me wanna crawl under the bed...my tummy hurts and i drank too much coffee.
So i guess that means im good ta go eh? lol

Sounds good to me. Clammy palms will go away, you know. Remember, all of these feelings are very normal. Shit, I've been worse than this before a job interview, where only one jackass is going to be in the room with me. He was going to look for my faults. Your audience won't be like that.

And, I've done a similar thing as you, with the new outfit. I once bought a new pair of shoes before I had to speak. I had a nice suit, but my shoes lacked the shine I thought I needed. But, I didn't think about breaking them in, so my feet hurt the whole time. But, damn, I looked GOOD!

Sounds like you're doing just fine, planning everything and being prepared early. Dale Carnage would be proud.

 

[Red Sonja]

The morning of the "big speech":
everything is packed (even the big coffee urn)
papers are all ready...sticky notes attached to my copies and....printed in huge letters (so i dont have to do the on and off with the glasses thing) 4 pages of notes in order so hopefully the meeting will go as i planned.
I bought an outfit...very mommy chic and now i dunwanna wear that because it might make me fidget more then i already do or i might not feel comfortable in it...my palms are clammy and when i think about heading out something is making me wanna crawl under the bed...my tummy hurts and i drank too much coffee.
So i guess that means im good ta go eh? lol

So how'd it go? Inquiring minds want to know!!

 

[Kajira Callista]

So how'd it go? Inquiring minds want to know!!

i didnt do as great as i wanted to but no one seemed to care and.... THEY LOVED ME AND ALL I HAD TO SAY...and how organized it was an how i said an hour and it was 59 mins and and....well it went well lol

 

[Kajira Callista]

Oh and i made the bestest coffee too.