Psyche of the wise, though troubled, adviser

[M's girl]

I often wonder on this board... there seem to be a lot of unhappy people. Yet, they give great advice to others. They seem to know how life works but they can't, for some reason, get it right themselves.

Is that just a case of 'it's always clearer view from a distance' or something else? I'm asking this because although my life seems pretty perfect there are things that bother me too, yet if someone else asks (me) what to do I know very well what the answer is.... for them.....

 

[TBKahuna123]

I often wonder on this board... there seem to be a lot of unhappy people. Yet, they give great advice to others. They seem to know how life works but they can't, for some reason, get it right themselves.

Is that just a case of 'it's always clearer view from a distance' or something else? I'm asking this because although my life seems pretty perfect there are things that bother me too, yet if someone else asks (me) what to do I know very well what the answer is.... for them.....

We ALL have trouble of some sort in our lives, some kind of baggage that we carry or something that we are confused about.

Here's a perfect example, though it's with a very mundane and unimportant situation. I play hockey as a goalie and I coach young goaltenders. I'm constantly harping on them, do the the same thing the same way each time and keep your freaking stick on the ice. Still when I play there are always those times when I give up a goal because I didn't keep my stick on the ice. I harp about positioning, yet there are times my positioning is off. I watch goalies in practice and I tell them to wait until the shooter makes the first move, but I still bite too early and get beat on a deke to one side. Why is that?

It's the same reason that psychiatrists don't treat themselves. When you are looking at a problem or situation from the outside you can clearly see everything that is going on. When coaching I can see the goalie, the attackers, the position of everything on the ice. When I'm playing though, I can't see myself to know if I'm carrying my glove too low, or there is no one to help with the back side, all I can see is what's in front of my face. Sure with practice I can learn to "feel" for what's going on around me and get the whole picture, but that takes a lot of work and years of practice. It takes a coach just a few seconds looking at the same situation to point out why I let that goal in and what I need to do to fix it, and usually being a coach myself my reply is DUH! The same thing applies to giving advice here; its always easier to see from the other outside.

I can't believe I just compared troubled relationships with playing hockey.

 

[bobsgirl]

I've noticed this too. I know I'm not very good at being an objective observer of my life. It might require me to take a hard look at some things I'd rather not see. But with another, and especially online, it's easy to offer your opinion--because all you have is the very limited information the poster chooses to reveal.

I feel like I have a good handle on human behavior (at least until recently), but I know that if any of you were to get a good close look at my life, and my behavior, you go away thinking I was a lost cause. It's a hell of a lot easier to offer advice to a virtual stranger that it is to do the hard work of changing your own life.

My two cents.

 

[EJFan]

i TOTALLY agree with you M's. i haven't really thought about it in the context of this community, but the theory in general is exactly my philosophy about all of life's decisions... never decide something you're involved in... let someone who's out of the loop do it.

i feel that, unless you [people] can totally detach yourself and be objective/unprejudiced, you're at a disadvantage in making decisions. the better course is to take the opinions of others and combine them (perhaps with your own as well) to reach a conclusion.

in fact, there was just a segment on charles osgood's show "sunday morning" about a book on this topic. i can't remember the book or the author, but the guy basically said that the wisdom of the masses is far greater than that of any one individual... even of any one individual within the group. there's also a website that tracks public opinion on news stories (i think it's newsfutures.com or something like that) and how they'll develop in the future... far more often than not, public opinion can predict the future of a given story.

 

[silverwhisper]

m's girl: yep, i've noticed it as well. i've always been good at giving others good advice. but let's remember that giving good advice is also often a lot easier than following good advice. i've got copious examples from my own life of just that principle. :>

ed

 

[M's girl]

I can't believe I just compared troubled relationships with playing hockey.

Well, it was a good explanation...
And I think you are right.

 

[EJFan]

m's girl: yep, i've noticed it as well. i've always been good at giving others good advice. but let's remember that giving good advice is also often a lot easier than following good advice. i've got copious examples from my own life of just that principle. :>

ed

do as i say, not as i do sorta thing.

 

[M's girl]

do as i say, not as i do sorta thing.

Probably yeah....

 

[silverwhisper]

well, i meant things more like say, "don't smoke cigarettes."

it's good advice. smoking cigarettes increases your likelihood of developing cancer, damages your lungs and even beyond the health aspect, it smells bad and is expensive.

i don't follow it, b/c quitting smoking is very, very hard. i've tried, but it ain't easy.

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[bisexplicit]

Things are a lot less complicated when you're looking at someone else's life. It's quite simple to categorize and analyze someone else's feelings.

Such as, the ever popular, "go see a counselor" advice.

While great advice, sometimes it's not as easy as it seems. What if the person does not have health insurance, or if therapy isn't covered under it? What if the person has been told their whole life that therapy is for the weak minded?

In the world of the outsider, emotions and limitations are ignored. Logic prevails.

 

[EJFan]

In the world of the outsider, emotions and limitations are ignored. Logic prevails.

to a degree, yes... but it's also true that the INSIDER has a clouded view of things by virtue of the emotions and limitations.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Things are a lot less complicated when you're looking at someone else's life. It's quite simple to categorize and analyze someone else's feelings.

Such as, the ever popular, "go see a counselor" advice.

While great advice, sometimes it's not as easy as it seems. What if the person does not have health insurance, or if therapy isn't covered under it? What if the person has been told their whole life that therapy is for the weak minded?

In the world of the outsider, emotions and limitations are ignored. Logic prevails.

That's a very good point BI, and something that I've only recently started to realize. The health insurance thing isn't quite as big a deal because there are plenty of groups that offer free counselling. Being told therapy is for the weak though is a very real problem, and one usually imposed by someone who actually needs counseling themselves.It's like L Ron Hubbard and his scientology creed about how evil psychiatry is. Anyone find it odd that a schizophrenic would come up with the idea that psychiatrists are evil? Not me.

Still I think it's important to say go seek therapy, even if it's been said int he thread. Maybe hearing it a dozen times from a dozen people will get through that imposed belief that it makes you weak.

I suppose life would be easier if we were all Vulcans and only logic mattered, but we're not. We have emotions and this clouds our judgements, especially when looking at ourselves.

 

[Quoll]

*waves* I have no idea what you are talking about.


See quote in sig.

I'll be back for this one.

 

[Quoll]

Ok I'm back sooner than I thought. (I'm also going to be late for work because of it.)

A quick off the cuff answer.

We are people pleasers, it makes us feel good to help others and so we also in some small way help ourselves.

Really going this time.

 

[bisexplicit]

Ok I'm back sooner than I thought. (I'm also going to be late for work because of it.)

A quick off the cuff answer.

We are people pleasers, it makes us feel good to help others and so we also in some small way help ourselves.

Really going this time.

*stamps foot* I am NOT a people pleaser. I am mean. Grrrr.

 

[silverwhisper]

[pokes bi in the tummy]



[scampers off, stage right]

 

[Cockyfox]

maybe we don't like to admit that we are flawed

 

[bisexplicit]

[pokes bi in the tummy]



[scampers off, stage right]

*squeeks*

*scampers off, stage /left/ (you know, that mysterious other side of the stage that never gets scampered to)*

 

[silverwhisper]

CF: o, i have absolutely no problems admitting just how flawed i am. i have many. i just don't publicize 'em so trolls can use 'em for ammo. :>

[tickles bi and blames it on CF]



ed

 

[Cockyfox]

{steals ed's trout and roasts it with lemon and thyme}

I feel better.

 

[silverwhisper]

[brings in new flying trout to swarm around CF]

[nelson muntz]ha ha![/nelson muntz]

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

{steals ed's trout and roasts it with lemon and thyme}

I feel better.

Meat is murder.

 

[silverwhisper]

actually, wouldn't a more accurate (if less catchy) pro-vegan catch phrase be "meat is genocide"?

ed, carnivore

 

[bisexplicit]

It's not really genocide though, considering there are still plenty of cows around.

The full slogan is actually Meat is murder, Milk is rape.

But, I drink milk, so...