problem??? help please

[rachel_dawn]

I have a problem. My boyfriend's penis is pretty much average (about 5 inches). Nevertheless, his penis hurts me whenever we have sex. We have tried using lubrication and I have gone to the doctor and there is nothing wrong with me. So I don't understand. He also hurts me if he puts more than one finger inside me. Does anyone have any suggestions, advice, experiences to help us make sex a less hurtful experience?

 

[doctor_insanus]

Well, I have a couple of questions.

First off, when he inserts a finger/penis into you, are you... uh, prepared... for it? In the mood? From experience, I've learned that moving too fast can be quite uncomfortable for the lady.

Also, just how forceful is he being? Is he just ramming it in there? That can also be painful!

Sorry. No medical expert here. Just some observations.

 

[Weird Harold]

We have tried using lubrication and I have gone to the doctor and there is nothing wrong with me. So I don't understand. He also hurts me if he puts more than one finger inside me.

If the problem isn't physical, and it's not a lack of lubrication, then about the only thing left is psychological.

I suspect that it hurts now, because it hurt in the past, and that is what you expect. You tense up and fight the penetration which only reinforces your expectation that it will hurt.

Have you tried using toys on yourself, or does it hurt when you use more than one finger to masturbate?

Somehow, you need to convice your subconscious that there won't be any pain. I have no idea what would work best for you.

You could try getting too drunk to worry about pain, but then you might not remember that it didn't hurt.

You could try hypnosis if you can find someone reputable to do the hypnotizing.

You may need to consult a therapist and find out why you expect it to hurt. You may be blocking some early traumatic experience that causes you to expect sex to be painful.

You could try anal intercourse and convince yourslef that if that doesn't hurt, vaginal intercourse shouldn't either. The problem there, is that anal intercourse often does hurt -- at least the first time.

I think the best place to start is with masturbation and a small toy to convince yourself that you can be penetrated without pain. Since you can control the amount, rate and timing of penetration, you can figure out what it takes to relax you enough to teach your BF what to do.

Finally, if this is a psychological problem, it is not very likely that the problem will go away quickly. Don't expect miracle cures because they likely don't exist for this. Only time, patience, and trust in your BF will resolve the problem.

 

[Wizard]

If he spends some time ..like 15 to 30 minutes "touching you" playing and lightly feeling you....touching your neck breasts, ect. this will Warm your body up and get you nice and hotand your jucies flowing....You should be nice and ready and not be able to wait for him then......Give it a try.
Girls are not like a light switch you can't flip something and be truned on it takes time.........And rewards will be great.

 

[djacq]

5 INCHES!!! "laughing out loud"

I'm sorry Rachel. I know that some of you ladies out there still have this belief, "that it's not the size, it's what he can do with it." I always believe that 6 inches is the average. Anyway, I agree with Weired Harold. It just might be psychological and that masturbation with a suitable toy could be a first step.

Good Luck!

 

[lazarus UK]

I'd largely agree with Weird Harold, but just one other thought ...

Are you nervous about getting caught in the act?

Changing the setting might help too.

 

[cymbidia]

Hi babes. Weird Harold's advice is, as always, very good. In addition, i'll give you a couple sites that have information about this subject. I suggest you arm yourself with some knowledge on this and then (a) talk with your boyfriend about the whole thing, and (b) talk with your doctor or a therapist to determine if there might be medical causes for this problem. (Did you know, btw, that antidepressants can cause sexual dysfunction of the kind you're undergoing? Don't know if you're on them but SO many people are that i thought i might mention it.)

Sexual Pain Disorders fall into two categories:
1. Dyspareunia is genital pain experienced during sexual intercourse. Pain may be so severe that intercourse may be impossible.

2. Vaginismus is the recurrent or persistent involuntary spasm or contraction of the perineal muscles that surround the outer third of the vagina when the insertion of any object is attempted - a penis, finger or even a tampon.
The above is taken directly from: http://www.emedicalbooksonline.com/sexdisorders/femaledysfunction.htm

http://www.hisandherhealth.com/arti...Definitions_Causes_Potential_Treatments.shtml

Especially good info --> http://www.ehow.com/eHow/eHow/0,1053,11264,00.html

(FYI, using "sexual dysfunction women" as a search parameters at http://www.google.com, i got 94,000 listing in 0.48 seconds. There's lots of info out there for you. The net is a wildly rich resource for anyone wanting to know anything. Just yesterday i used it to translate the Dante portion, in its original Italian, of T.S.Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock". It would have taken me, well, forever to do that without the net.)