Privacy

[serijules]

I've been thinking about privacy lately. D and I are very different in who and how we share information. I'm a story-writer and a journaler...I like to share my thoughts and events in my life and how they impact me. D is more private.

Often times, when answering posts or otherwise participating online, I'll give examples of past and present relationships and scenes to illustrate my point or experience. I never mention names or other identifying information unless I specifically have permission to do so; usually I just refer to people by some random letter for the sake of clarity. Many of my references to past relationships are not exactly positive.

Every time I do this, even though I am very conscious about respecting privacy, I feel a little guilty as if including someone else in my thoughts and words without their direct involvment is somehow disrespectful or an invasion of privacy. Even when I talk about things involving my current relationship, I often wonder if those were details my partner would care if I shared or not. For example, saying above that my partner is a private person made me feel a little twinge of "would she care if I said that"? Then I thought that seems a bit overkill, to worry about a simple comment like that being an invasion of privacy.

On the flip side, I've heard and seen people tell others things I shared with them that I thought were obviously private thoughts. I feel like any time I talk about something I want to remain private, I need to specifically ask that it not be repeated, which is annoying. I don't want to be someone others feel they have to do that with as well.

It's gotten to a point where I feel like I'm making an issue out of nothing, so I thought I would get some input.

Be it talking about a punishment I recieved or a rule she gave me or something sweet she said to me or whatever; everyone is so different about what they view as private information and it's hard to be sure what is or is not ok to share. Asking permission every time I want to mention something that involves someone else would be overkill as the people in my life have an ongoing impact on me. Not talking about such things would seriously inhibit anything interesting I have to say.

This is obviously something to discuss with one's partner to establish guidelines on and I plan to do that more, but I'm curious what everyone's thoughts on privacy are. Maybe I'll see things in a new light that will help me feel more comfortable about my open-ness and be more aware of what I share.

Are you a private person that only likes to share details with those close to you, or are you more of an "open book, heart on the sleeve" kind?

What kind of lines do you draw (online or off) about what is acceptable and what isn't in regards to sharing information?

 

[babiesmiles]

I am rather a private person but I dont mind to share some significant episode of my life on a board where I feel ease. I have done it .
About mentioning other people , if I have to do it cause the tell requires it , I always do it in an indefinite way so nobody can complain about some lack of discretion . The wellbeing of the people close to my heart is my priority and the last thing I would like is to betray their trust .
However I must say I feel good writing on here and if I dont post more is just cause language issues or because I feel I have not too relevant things to say on a definite topic .

 

[Andante]

(....)
However I must say I feel good writing on here and if I dont post more is just cause language issues or because I feel I have not too relevant things to say on a definite topic .

I can very much relate to that, especially the language issue. I do find it more laborious to write in a foreign language.

 

[serijules]

I can very much relate to that, especially the language issue. I do find it more laborious to write in a foreign language.

Even though English is technically my first language, due to my deafness I make a lot of mistakes with words, grammar, etc because I tend to type how I hear, which is not very well at all. Sometimes I miss every other word when in a conversation and have to piece it together myself, which makes for some interesting translations. Sometimes I have a hard time articulating what is in my head into something the rest of the world can understand.

 

[babiesmiles]

It is really difficult to express oneself properly in a foreign language.
I dont know why but my thoughts flow less articulate when I formulate them in english

 

[jadefirefly]

Seri,

I know how you feel. But then, I've acknowledged that I'm damn-near paranoid, and will always assume that someone is thinking the worst of me that I can possibly imagine them thinking.

Except for my PYL, I have a very difficult time imagining that someone isn't either going to breach my privacy, or that someone isn't going to get offended at my mention of them, no matter how discreet and vague I try to make it.

Sometimes I just have to say "Screw it" and post whatever it is anyway; I can't spend my life paranoid about people I don't even know.

 

[His_pita]

I'm an "open book, heart on the sleeve" kind of girl. But, I'm not a blabber mouth! I know how much to say and to whom I can say it too. My Dom is much more private and knows I will never say anything (intentionally) that he wouldn't want known.

 

[shy slave]

This is something I thought about recently.

I often use examples of past experience to illustrate a point. It comes from using analogies both in the work place and at home to help people understand my sometimes odd logic.

I have always used Lit as a place to be open about who I am sexually although this has changed since my first post and now; my post reflect those changes.

I talk alot but many parts of me are intensly private and some things that happen I choose not to share with people. I find it easier to talk about sex than i do any thing else that would appear less personal.

I have always been honest with Andante about my past experiences and the overall person I think I am.

However no-one remembers everything.

I don't use a journal to identify at where I have come from or been; so my main reference point for all things sexual is here.


Recently Catalina has bumped a number of old threads, threads I posted when I was with my ex.
Re-reading old posts was interesting, but somethings made me wonder if I had told Andante certain things had occured or what would he think when he read such things.

My ex rarely visited here, so I could post without censorship from him.

He was ok about my posting things relating to us so I never worried about his privacy.

Its a strange line to walk between not feeling inhibitated and being able to be open, particularly if it is about punishment or 'nice' things, which have additional emotions/reasons attached.

Andante and I discussed this when he first joined Lit and we do tell each other where or what we have posted if its part of a conversation. We read back on each others posts (he sometimes has more to read than I do, did I mention I talk alot ).

I try not to post things he may consider private or too personal, but I don't doubt at some point that will happen to one of us.

With regard to other people, I don't use names and therefore as they don't know my name here and I don't use their name its fairly anonymous. Two men I know, know who I am on here; I speak to one but not the other. He doesn't read the boards but has no issue with my telling people he found the site for me.

 

[chris9]

Andante and I discussed this when he first joined Lit and we do tell each other where or what we have posted if its part of a conversation. We read back on each others posts (he sometimes has more to read than I do, did I mention I talk alot ).

Now we know why Andante doesn't post so very much It's not because of any language problems as he tries to make us believe, but because he spends the huge majority of his time online checking what you said

 

[shy slave]

Now we know why Andante doesn't post so very much It's not because of any language problems as he tries to make us believe, but because he spends the huge majority of his time online checking what you said

LOL

Maybe I should talk less and he would then have more time to post

Anyone got a spare gag handy??

 

[ShyGuy68]

Anyone got a spare gag handy??

If not, I'm sure there are other ways to make you keep quiet

 

[Neco]

I'm generally a pretty open person, I tell a lot of people a lot of random, unimportant information about myself. This may actually be a fairly annoying habit. And my inner monologue is something like "shut up, they don't care" See... like right now.

ANYWAY I'm telling this story mostly for humor value and because it relates to a breech of my privacy, which will result in me never sharing anything interesting with my friends again.

A couple of years ago a couple who are friends of mine were trying to get anal sex to work. And as I had more experience in this area than they had I was giving them some pointers about what worked for me and my ex. (namely the use of increasing numbers of fingers as a warm up, this was pre my "awakening" about BDSM)

I thought nothing of this for some time. Until this summer when I moved in with my new roommate, who used to live with the aforementioned couple. We were going to visit them at their new house in the suburbs, and he made some crack about anal fisting and gave me this funny glance. ANd I was like... What is funny about that? Owwwwww.

And the utter shock that was expressed by the two people riding in my car lead me to eventually understand that for a significant amount of time I was "Anal Fisting Girl" among people who knew this couple and not me. Upon recieving the information that I had never in fact had an entire fist in my ass my roommate said "I'm going to have to re think my whole career path now... the world no longer makes sense."

Apparently my couple friends though taht taking my helpful experience, exagerrating it and telling EVERYONE ON THE PLANET was not at all a breach of privacy. Whereas to me it was horrible.

So yeah, I guess what' i'm trying to illustrate with my anecdote is that what is private to one person is public to others. And some people just have no concept of what should and should not be shared.

 

[serijules]

Seri,

I know how you feel. But then, I've acknowledged that I'm damn-near paranoid, and will always assume that someone is thinking the worst of me that I can possibly imagine them thinking.

Except for my PYL, I have a very difficult time imagining that someone isn't either going to breach my privacy, or that someone isn't going to get offended at my mention of them, no matter how discreet and vague I try to make it.

Sometimes I just have to say "Screw it" and post whatever it is anyway; I can't spend my life paranoid about people I don't even know.

I'm paranoid too, I overthink *everything*