Premature Ejaculation

[Ramone45]

My wife has suffered from it for year, LOL. I tried to spin it that it was due to her hotness(which is no lie), but she doesn't buy it. It caused her to seek satisfaction with other men. I understand, but I don't have to "like" it. She says she appreciates my efforts (oral mostly). However she strongly prefers P-in-V sex to orgasm. Anyone else in a relationship affected by premature ejaculation and how do you deal with it?

 

[Nezhul]

have you tried to do something about it? See a doctor? Do PC exercise? Work on your stamina / weight / blood pressure?

 

[triciakintoronto]

funny
I always take a guy prematurely ejaculating as a compliment!!!

 

[Nezhul]

funny
I always take a guy prematurely ejaculating as a compliment!!!

I wonder if you'd think the same way if living with such a guy prevented you from EVER fully enjoying sex with him?

I mean, yeah, you can make your SO orgasm in many great ways. But I would not want to live a life where I can't enjoy vaginal penetration with my SO ever, just because it ends so quickly.

That would be incredibly frustrating.

 

[zotique]

That's been a problem for me my whole active sex life from the very first time I attempted to have intercourse with a girl and ejaculated as soon as my cock tip touched the open folds of her vagina.

Second time I had sex was with a woman who was three years older than me at the time and I shoved in when she wanted me to and came at first thrust into that wet hot welcoming vagina. I don't know what to say. I never solved the problem.

It might have something to do with the way I accidentally trained myself to ejaculate from reading erotic soft-porn when I started masturbating. I'd read this stuff and then then when the text said something like "then her hot centre welcomed his throbbing pillar" I'd time it so that I would cum right then into a wad of toilet paper. So from then on whenever my throbbing manhood thrust into her hot welcoming channel I'd cum dambusters of semen.

Oh well, my first long term gf didn't leave me because of it and fucked me morning and night for three years; just what a guy 18-21 needs.

 

[Ramone45]

have you tried to do something about it? See a doctor? Do PC exercise? Work on your stamina / weight / blood pressure?

I went through at least two rounds of therapy which were unsuccessful. Therapy consisted mostly on edging exercises. It is one thing to exercise control as part of an exercise, and entirely another thing to do it in a passionate setting with a big level of arousal.

 

[Ramone45]

I wonder if you'd think the same way if living with such a guy prevented you from EVER fully enjoying sex with him?

I mean, yeah, you can make your SO orgasm in many great ways. But I would not want to live a life where I can't enjoy vaginal penetration with my SO ever, just because it ends so quickly.

That would be incredibly frustrating.

My wife became INCREDIBLY frustrated. I was able to penetrate, but I came in about 30 seconds. She needed more. It was difficult, but I had no choice but to understand. There is significantly more to our relationship apart from sex.

 

[Privates1stClass]

Anyone else in a relationship affected by premature ejaculation and how do you deal with it?

First off, you need to get your female partner to understand your problem so she doesn't make it worse. Most women are considerate, so they can help your situation a lot.

Second, when you cum the first time, it may be only after a stroke or two. It generally takes longer to cum the second, third, and fourth time. So ask her to give you a hand job/blowjob the first time, and you should last longer to satisfy her on the second, third, or fourth time you ejaculate.

Third, instead of thrusting, after you've penetrated her vagina, just rest and enjoy her warmth and wetness. Thrusting will only increase your desire to ejaculate. Take it slow.

Fourth, try to keep you mind occupied with something else, like doing multiplication tables from 12x12 to 20x20 in your head, or try to recite the Periodic Table from Hydrogen to Iodine.

Fifth, there are some creams/lotions which reduce the sensations, so your brain doesn't receive the nerve signals which cause you to ejaculate.

Lastly, the medical community may have some other ideas/therapies which will help you.

Good luck.

 

[bimori]

My wife became INCREDIBLY frustrated. I was able to penetrate, but I came in about 30 seconds. She needed more. It was difficult, but I had no choice but to understand. There is significantly more to our relationship apart from sex.

I say just clean up your mess that you made with your tongue while using a toy on her. I bet she will just love the orgasm she has on your tongue. I bet she will want you to cum quick all the time.

 

[Klinkster]

I say just clean up your mess that you made with your tongue while using a toy on her. I bet she will just love the orgasm she has on your tongue. I bet she will want you to cum quick all the time.

Yup! She cums better after I cum in her first and then eat her anyway!
Plus, her crazy orgasm makes me hard again, so we fuck again, and I always last longer the second or third time around!

 

[bimori]

Yup! She cums better after I cum in her first and then eat her anyway!
Plus, her crazy orgasm makes me hard again, so we fuck again, and I always last longer the second or third time around!

2nd 3rd time what does it matter. Plus she is happy and so are you. You get to cum and eat cum. She get the best o that can be amagined. Win win.

 

[coati]

My wife became INCREDIBLY frustrated. I was able to penetrate, but I came in about 30 seconds. She needed more. It was difficult, but I had no choice but to understand. There is significantly more to our relationship apart from sex.

If you find no cure for your hair trigger, here are a few options to give her a break for a change:

1) If you can really get into it and your wife is receptive, slowly work your face down her body in the most seductive manner possible during foreplay. When your lips finally reach the promised land, start out slow and gradually get into it. Lick and stimulate her with everything your tongue and face has to offer, while caressing her body all over with your hands. Communicate to her in every way possible that you want to get her off! When she finally cums with your face covered with her juices, slide up her body, kiss her deeply on the mouth, and slide your cock in. It will not likely matter how quickly you cum, at that point.

2) Get a plastic penis sleeve. Get one that is not particularly comfortable on the inside, but is realistic on the outside. Once again, make sure you gradually get her lubed up to the max with oral sex, and then slide up and start the with sleeve earlier than you would in the above scenario. Chances are when she gets off, your excitement will overcum the lack of comfort inside that sleeve.

 

[Nezhul]

I went through at least two rounds of therapy which were unsuccessful. Therapy consisted mostly on edging exercises. It is one thing to exercise control as part of an exercise, and entirely another thing to do it in a passionate setting with a big level of arousal.

That doesn't sound like what you are supposed to do to treat premature ejaculation. Edging has nothing to do with sexual stamina. The ability to control yourself and stop - has nothing to do either. If you HAVE to stop - that's already a problem.

Edging therapy, in fact, may only harm in your case.

where did you even get those exercises? A wise advice on the internet? Have you seen an actual doctor - an urologist or a sexologist?

Have you tried PC muscle training? Like, every day without fail doing them?

Have you researched real "lasting longer" tips? Not the kind that tell you to think about baseball, but the kind that tell you
- how to breathe during sex
- how to train your stamina before sex (and believe me, Edging is THE LAST thin you want to do)
- when to stop, switch positions, and what to do when you do to reduce your excitement faster during these short breaks?
- What mindset you should have during sex (baseball doesn't help)

There is A LOT of things that help with premature ejaculation, and things that help with sexual stamina. And it seems to me that your approach to it is entirely wrong.

 

[Ramone45]

That doesn't sound like what you are supposed to do to treat premature ejaculation. Edging has nothing to do with sexual stamina. The ability to control yourself and stop - has nothing to do either. If you HAVE to stop - that's already a problem.

Edging therapy, in fact, may only harm in your case.

where did you even get those exercises? A wise advice on the internet? Have you seen an actual doctor - an urologist or a sexologist?

Have you tried PC muscle training? Like, every day without fail doing them?

Have you researched real "lasting longer" tips? Not the kind that tell you to think about baseball, but the kind that tell you
- how to breathe during sex
- how to train your stamina before sex (and believe me, Edging is THE LAST thin you want to do)
- when to stop, switch positions, and what to do when you do to reduce your excitement faster during these short breaks?
- What mindset you should have during sex (baseball doesn't help)

There is A LOT of things that help with premature ejaculation, and things that help with sexual stamina. And it seems to me that your approach to it is entirely wrong.

Perhaps "edging" wasn't the correct term? The therapy, both times, consisted of masturbating to the point of orgasm, and then backing off a little. I was told to repeat this multiple times until I was able to recognize the feeling and control it by not going over the top.

 

[Nezhul]

Perhaps "edging" wasn't the correct term? The therapy, both times, consisted of masturbating to the point of orgasm, and then backing off a little. I was told to repeat this multiple times until I was able to recognize the feeling and control it by not going over the top.

No, it is exactly what edging is.

The problem here, that this method does not contribute to your stamina in the least. If you have reached the point of almost cumming, and have to stop - then it doesn't matter if you recognize the feeling or not. The sex for your wife is stopped right there and then.

To actually, truly last longer your aim should be to delay the moment of edging itself, while having unrestrained sex with your wife. Not going slow. Not pulling back - but fucking, and not reaching that state of near orgasm for some period of time.

It is nigh impossible to have sex and NEVER reach the edge. But it is possible to know things that let you reach it SLOWER, and give both you and your wife enough time to enjoy sex. And this is what you need to aim for, not the skill of recognizing when you are close.

Think of your sexual feelings as a scale from 1-10. One being the state when you are hard, but have received no stimulation at all. Five is when you feel good, but nowhere near the state of edging or closeness to orgasm. Nine being the Edge itself, just a few strokes away from orgasm, and Ten is orgasm.

Your aim is not to reach nine and then back away. It's to be in the sweet spot of about 4-7 for as long as possible. In fact, when you reach the edge your body is already ready to cum, and your tolerance for further stimulation is decreased, making you to reach the next edge faster, even if you stop.

Well then, how do you do that? How do you stay at that sweet spot?
I'll share a few of the most basic advice with you, should you find yourself wanting for them.

1) Maintain a calm clear mind.
The thoughts that will make you cum faster are things like:
- OMG, her pussy is so wet, she's moaning so good! Try not to concentrate on the sexy thoughs as much as you can. Do not focus on them.
- I'm going to cum, I have to last longer! Similarly, such thought only contribute to anxiety and faster ejaculation. Anxiety is your enemy, because your body is hard-wired to cum faster when you feel threatened - to ensure your procreation as fast as possible, before the crisis that you are afraid of arrives.
- Baseball baseball baseball! Avoid these distractions also. They only serve to ruin your sexual experience, and they do not help.
What you should do, is aim for a clear, relaxed state of mind. One guy described it as not having thoughts at all in his head - just giving in to sex and his mind going "Mmm... MMmm." and not much else.

2) Breathe deeply and slowly.
Simply put - fast breaths, shallow breaths tell your brain that you are on edge, excited, aroused, or afraid. When you experience those emotions, your breathing hastens. During sex, your breathing picks up the closer you are to orgasm.
But our brain is stupid, because it actually works in reverse. Deep steady slow breaths means you are calm, not aroused and not excited. Maintain slower breathing, and your brain is tricked into assuming it's not yet time to orgasm.
This is not a magic pill, of course. But you may be surprised how much this makes a difference.

3) PC muscle training
Google it. Do them every day, without slacking. They do help.
Additionally, they give you a neat trick that you may use during sex. You see, every man who wants to last long WILL need breathers. To stay in that sweet spot of 4-7 you will need to have short (10-20 seconds) periods of rest. You will find that your arousal falls down much more rapidly in this range, than it does if you edge. A mere 10 seconds after edging - you are still quite close to cumming. However, if you reach 7 and have the same 10 seconds - you may find you've recovered quite a bit more time.
You take these short breaks by switching positions - it's a great excuse. You can also just stop the fucking and kiss for a bit. And when you do, here's what you can do to bring your arousal down even further:
You know how when you cum your cock twitches repeatedly? Do this consciously. Twitch your cock 5-10 times rhythmically (a basic PC muscle exercise). This simple trick decreases arousal A LOT.

4) Get yourself in order.
Being overweight, high blood pressure, bad sleep cycle and bad eating habits all contribute to faster ejaculation. Fix this, if any of that applies to you. Go to the gym. Larger muscle mass WILL increase your stamina as well, so working out every week does help by quite a bit.

5) Go for round #2.
Simple. Second round is ALWAYS longer. So what if you cum in a minute? Go down on your wife, eat her pussy, use a dildo. After 2-3 minutes, get hard again and have more sex.

__________
Now, with these advices what you need is practice. Watch porn every day, the hottest one you can find. Masturbate - but do not edge! Do good, hard, full strokes, just the type of stimulation that you'll have during sex - or even buy a masturbator toy. Do not try to slow down. Pay attention to your breath. Pay attention to your thoughts. Do not focus on your progress - you'll learn in time. Enjoy it, but pace yourself.
When you reach your 7 - back away. Flex your cock a few times. Take a couple very slow, deep breaths, and then resume your training.

Be warned that tricking your mind in such a way may actually have a reverse effect - after going to 7 and back a couple times you may find yourself actually unable to cum. That effect that sometimes (not always) happens, when your brain realizes it's being tricked. But I guess such side effect would be the least of your concerns.

Seems like a lot of work? Well, if you love your wife that shouldn't matter.

 

[Klinkster]

5) Go for round #2.
Simple. Second round is ALWAYS longer. So what if you cum in a minute? Go down on your wife, eat her pussy, use a dildo. After 2-3 minutes, get hard again and have more sex.

After trying all sorts of things, this is what actually works for us.
Agreed, a second round, and third, and more, I always last longer than the first.
Big bonus. Seems my wife has a thing for me slurping my cum out of her pussy, and she cums harder longer, and better when I do.
Don’t always use a dildo....maybe a finger or two, but the dildo does add to the pleasure and fun.

 

[Ramone45]

After trying all sorts of things, this is what actually works for us.
Agreed, a second round, and third, and more, I always last longer than the first.
Big bonus. Seems my wife has a thing for me slurping my cum out of her pussy, and she cums harder longer, and better when I do.
Don’t always use a dildo....maybe a finger or two, but the dildo does add to the pleasure and fun.

I have a hard time getting an erection for round two. And By the way, I finally got up the "nerve" to eat out my wife after I cum in her, but it doesn't seem to turn her on. She just lays there. She probably thinks it's gay.

 

[Klinkster]

I have a hard time getting an erection for round two. And By the way, I finally got up the "nerve" to eat out my wife after I cum in her, but it doesn't seem to turn her on. She just lays there. She probably thinks it's gay.

Well....we are all built different, no doubt. I can still charge right up again.
And, all wired different too. My wife gets her best orgasms if I cum in her and then eat her.

So....what works for us, may not for others.
Or as they say “you’re results may vary.”

 

[jehoram]

Have you tried using a condom? That may deaden the sensation enough to let you get in a few strokes before you cum. I think that the thicker "novelty" condoms with ribbing might work better than the thin ones you usually find at the store.

 

[Ramone45]

I remember the exact incident where my premature ejaculation caused a serious change in our relationship. I'll never forget her reaction. She was visiting me in college, which was a recipe for disaster. We were making love and she knew I was about to cum and she started actually yelling, "No! NO!". and then she slammed her arms on the bed in frustration. She never acted out like that before. She started seeing a guy on the side shortly after that.

 

[Nezhul]

Look, now you begin to sound like you are here just for fap fodder.

 

[Smallchange4]

My ex-wife always told me she was ok with the fact I usually had little stamina when we fucked. She said that she was easily satisfied and actually preferred it if the guy didn't keep banging on too long. In retrospect I can't believe I didn't suspect she may not have been honest about this. It turned out that I never managed to give her much pleasure during actual intercourse so she wasn't disappointed if I came quickly. She confessed this when a few years into our marriage I found out she had fucked another guy. Turns out she was a bit of a size queen and my penis is way smaller than any she had experienced before we were together. The fact was she didn't marry me because of the sex. Amazingly we did stay together for a few more years. We found new avenues to broaden our sex life which buoyed things up for a time. Eventually our whole relationship got a bit stale and we parted but remained friends.

 

[Ramone45]

Look, now you begin to sound like you are here just for fap fodder.

The fact that I have premature ejaculation had an impact on my relationship with my wife. I felt it would be disingenous to ignore that reality.

 

[bluemoves01]

Hi

I went to my premature ejaculation clinic this morning. Its tomorrow.

 

[Privates1stClass]

I went to my premature ejaculation clinic this morning. Its tomorrow.

As they say, "It's better to be a day early rather than an hour late."