Powerplay, frequency... a question.

[modest mouse]

For those who have embraced some form of BDSM as their sexual preference; a question...

Since the time you have considered yourself part of the scene/lifestyle/fetish, how often do you have sex that does not involve BDSM roles/play?

Its an open question, feel free to answer however you wish. Curious.

 

[Sandia]

Tough question mouse.

I know there's some others here who will look at this quite differently. (If they ever come back to this forum again - cym? where are you?)

But a) either I've never considered myself part of the "scene"
or b) I've always considered myself part of the "scene."

Depending on how you define it. I'm not aware of any initiation process, or formal membership application, so it's kinda a hard question to answer.

Truth is, I don't think practicing BDSM is like being gay (actually, I don't even think being gay is like being gay - but that's another question) I don't think you wake up one day and go "I'm a dom/me," or "I'm a sub!" and then everything is different. Ok, well I'm sure it's that way with some folks. But not for everyone.

I don't think you have to go through life feeling like a persecuted minority, just because of something you like to do in bed. Or out of bed, or anywhere else. And frankly I think there's very little persecution left. You'd have to look pretty hard to find it. (Flame on! flame warriors!)

Now, in response to your actual question... Well, I'm afraid my answer would bore you to tears...

Sandia.

 

[WillowPuss]

Difficult question to answer.

We were a BDSM couple before we [/b]knew[/b] we were BDSM, so to speak - and so how to date our BDSM relationship is kind of hard.

Sex without stepping out of role ... years.
Sex without specific BDSM play - this week probably when I wasn't feeling 100%.

All depends on exactly what you mean by "Since the time you have considered yourself part of the scene/lifestyle/fetish, how often do you have sex that does not involve BDSM roles/play?

Sorry - bit of a wishy-washy answer there.



Pssssssst, Sandia ... maybe that holiday thingy-do you Americans had yesterday has something to do with some not posting? Possibly off visiting family or having other fun or something???

 

[WriterDom]

I'm not sure what you are asking either. With a bdsm partner, there is always the subtle hint of roles even in early morning sex. For me anyway.

As far as seeing nilla women, there has only been 2 in the last 4 years. And I didn't pursue them, it just kinda happened.

 

[cymbidia]

For those who have embraced some form of BDSM as their sexual preference; a question...

Since the time you have considered yourself part of the scene/lifestyle/fetish, how often do you have sex that does not involve BDSM roles/play?

Hello mouse. Welcome to the BDSM Forum.

Good question.

We all embrace BDSM sexuality in a different way. The answers you'll get to your question will, therefore, fall into many different realms.

My self-identification as a BDSM submissive was forged at the beginning of my first sexual relationship. I've had only one relationship of any real value in my life that was not a power-exchange, BDSM, or way kinky kinda relationship.

These days, and for the rest of my life - by conscious choice - i'll have no sex that doesn't include at least an awareness of the power relationship that lies between me and my partner.

I don't get what i need from casual sex, and for me, sex is totally caught up in my emotional response to a sexual partner. For me, sex is BDSM/power relationships. Power exchange relationships are sex. They are irrevocably entwined in my psyche.

That doesn't mean i don't have missionary position sex on occasion. That doesn't mean there's a singletail whip out every time i have sex. What i said has nothing at all to do with the absence or presence of props/toys/sexual accoutrements while my partner and i are sharing intimate time.

All it means is that there's never a time i'm not aware of and responding to the power relationship between us, especially during sex. Was that, mouse, the essence of your question?




edited for spelling.
Man. I *must* be tired. Can't even spell BDSM.

 

[Cirrus]

Good question. I myself have always known that I'm mostly submissive. At one time I thought I was a switch...and who knows...maybe with the right person I can be dominant, but my preference has always been to submit.

Until recently, though, I've never been with a guy who I would trust and/or would agree to be my Dom. BDSM play is something we enjoy, not something we require to enjoy sex. We have "regular" sex about as much as we have sex involving elements of BDSM. So about 50/50 on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less. We'll go for a week at a time only having 'nilla sex, and we're both happy. Then sometimes we'll go a week straight incorporating BDSM play, and again, we're both happy. Just depends on the mood we're in at the time. There's been times he's wanted to play rough that I don't want to, and vice versa. But it all works out.

 

[Sandia]

Pssssssst, Sandia ... maybe that holiday thingy-do you Americans had yesterday has something to do with some not posting? Possibly off visiting family or having other fun or something???

Dammit. I knew there was something about that date I was missing... 'Course, round here, the only date we celebrate is TEXAS independence day. The South shall rise again!

cym? 3.9%
Kehehe.
Sandia.

 

[cymbidia]

cym? 3.9%
Kehehe.

Keep going, poster boy.
Sometime this summer you'll make it to double digits.
Better begin to plan out your title.

 

[cellis]

Wow Modest Mouse, welcome to the bdsm forum.

Great question... my answer, I don't remember when I just had straight sex. I would say probably more than 15 years ago.

 

[modest mouse]

Bumpity if anyone cares to contribute.

 

[MissTaken]

Hi MM!

Good bump.

I guess I didn't respond the first time around as I hadn't had any sex in a very long time. I might have had to look up the term in the dictionary, at that point!

However, for me, BDSM remains in the bedroom, more often than not. It is almost a form of foreplay and as such, sex is sex is sex.

Admittedly, some pieces of the power exchange will follow me outside the bedroom, but it is no different than the deference and respect with which I treat all people.

I like sex. Anything from good old fashioned snuggling by a fire leading to what some might consider traditional in and out fucking to BDSM power exchange and kink is good!

A more direct answer, most of my sexual activity has been without power exchange for some time.

Realistically, and I may be starting something here, but isn't fucking fucking, no matter what flavor you are leading up to it?

 

[Shadowsdream]

For those who have embraced some form of BDSM as their sexual preference; a question...

Since the time you have considered yourself part of the scene/lifestyle/fetish, how often do you have sex that does not involve BDSM roles/play?

Its an open question, feel free to answer however you wish. Curious.

Never

 

[Justina123]

I think WillowPuss said it great:

Sex without stepping out of role ... years.
Sex without specific BDSM play - this week probably when I wasn't feeling 100%.

Sometimes we may have sex very late at night or first thing in the morning that I guess you could call "vanilla" (though I have to admit it's not nearly as satisfying without at least a good twist to my nipples, or something!) but we are never out of role emotinally and verbally, that's for sure. I guess cause "role" is just "us" naturally.

- justina

 

[lark sparrow]

a ramble...

It would be limiting to us both to try to have times where we strictly stuck to 'nilla sex. Control and pain turn us on. The D/s dynamic is present always. This may sound unrealistic to some people, but it is natural and carries an expectation of respect - there is no break. Through scening, tender moments, playing a board game, arguing, joking, sex, etc.

Staying in the dynamic is in no way limiting as we are both ourselves and human within it - not a role persay, as in acting. In example: It's like being a parent, you are always a parent... no matter what you are doing, that "role" remains in your life in relation to your children. Make any sense? Obviously not sexually, but in relation to roles that are permanant of course. Uhm, or like having the role of husband or wife - better for talking about sex lol. Anything but those roles would be the exception and the fantasy... in say, pretending you were illicit lovers in a fantasy role play game in a hotel room or something. Those would be temporary roles and ones that would be dropped after the scene.

So in a relationship where the two involved consider themselves Dom/me and sub as intregal parts of themselves, their relationship and basic sexual expression it may become hard to separate and experience sex as nilla. Sex for us always includes the D/s dynamic, or BDSM roles/play, though it may not involve an extensive hardcore "scene" with whips and chains.

 

[Goddess Helena]

O/ours roles may fade into the background once in a while. However, those roles are not forgotten. Even while I am ill and being cared for by My boy, I am still the one in charge.

MissT, some people think sex is like pizza. Even when it's not great, it's still pizza.


Helena

 

[navarre]

Never.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Wow Modest Mouse, welcome to the bdsm forum.

Great question... my answer, I don't remember when I just had straight sex. I would say probably more than 15 years ago.

Cellis, you know all about me and sex.

To me the term "straight" and sex is an oxymoron.
To me vanilla only means non BDSM and/or D/s.
My sex is kinky as hell, and my SO is a vanilla, bless his furry chest!

My (male) subs may get to lick but they do not get to stick!

Dammit I have it all! Go figure.

 

[MissTaken]

AFter further thought:

I have always been submissive in my sexual relations and simply not had a word to describe it or a partner who recognized and cherished it.

I recant.

Even when making sweet love, I am submitting.

My answer?

Never.

T'is a woman's perrogative to change her mind!

 

[Lancecastor]

I've always liked my sex on the saucy side, but I think what you're asking is better answered by my saying that it's a mindset for me more than a series of acts or accessories.

Lance

 

[Shadowsdream]

I've always liked my sex on the saucy side, but I think what you're asking is better answered by my saying that it's a mindset for me more than a series of acts or accessories.

Lance

well put Lance!

 

[Lancecastor]

well put Lance!

Thanks...I see in reviewing that the thread starting question was phrased in the negative....how often do you *not* have sex that involves, etc...

So to answer more specifically, my character and mindset is one that tends towards dominance, so I tend to most always be dominant in my intimate relationships as well.

Consequently, I was what we call dominant long before I purchased my first restraints, blindfold, butt plug, paddle or nipple clamps.

Lance

 

[RisiaSkye]

I am always kinky. It's not something I put on and take off like a costume.

So, my sex life is always bent, and I prefer to only have sexual contact with people of similar inclinations. To me, that means sex is always "kinky," even when the only kinks are between my ears.

RS