Popping the question

[badbabysitter]

so we're out the other night, clebrating with friends their engagement


the vino is flowing freely and the loving couple in question regale us with the details of the proposal... it comes to light she knew he was going to propose but was getting frustrated with how long it was going to take him to do so, and was tempted to do so herself


my boyfriend makes a joke infering that I better not propose to him first ( in direct response to the couples story ) we all laugh/...drinky drinky drink

but it stuck with me in my head


we've been together for 10 years and lived together quite happily in sin for most of them... we're all but married in name anyways... we certainly have discussed it over the years and for us its not a matter on if we get married, but when we get married


what I'm wondering about is why shouldnt I pop the question... there just seems to be this unwritten societal rule that its supposed to be the guy that does it...hell, it was inferred the other night by everyone else and my boyfriend included


what is it about proposal that still makes it one of the last great refuges of old world thinking


just looking for peoples thoughts

and of course, dumbass commentary

 

[RoryN]

Marriage is an institution past its prime. It's only use is sentimental value, IMHO.

That being said, I think it's equally sweet when a man proposes to a woman vs. woman proposing to a man.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Saint Peter]

Be sure to sign a prenip.

 

[Phelia]

Marriage is an institution past its prime. It's only use is sentimental value, IMHO.

That being said, I think it's equally sweet when a man proposes to a woman vs. woman proposing to a man.

I completely agree with this (minus the incorrectly included apostrophe) (sorry Rory! I just had to!) (don't worry; typos don't count on Sundays).

BBS, if you wanna, you should go for it! Except do it with an elaborately produced youtube video so I can watch. I love those videos.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

As a rule of thumb Niggaz dont ever think of matrimony unless a white gal got assets and good credit. You muss be doing okay.

 

[RoryN]

I completely agree with this (minus the incorrectly included apostrophe) (sorry Rory! I just had to!)

No worries - you nailed it!

 

[badbabysitter]

so far your answers have been following exactly what I expected

to some i am grateful for your input

to the others, dinosaurs dont rule the earth anymore, in case you're curious

 

[blobfish]

Well, female proposal is not really my thing, but there's nothing wrong with it. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out well for you.

 

[BoyNextDoor]

Don't do it. The relationship will change and not for the better.

But - if you must - then go ahead and do the asking. It does not matter who asks. Just be prepared if he says 'maybe' or 'no'.

 

[zipman]

After 10 years, I think he's lost his right to ask you to wait for him to do it.

 

[unregistered]

 

[blobfish]

BTW, did you ever pop the question?

"So, when they finish the operation, you'll legally be a woman, right?"

You mean that question? He's popped it.

 

[zipman]

BTW, did you ever pop the question?

Actually I did, quite almost 10 years ago.

Sadly, there were some issues that came up that required ending the relationship.

Not easy to do, but it was the best decision and I've never regretted it for a second.

 

[Recidiva]

Marriage is an institution past its prime. It's only use is sentimental value, IMHO.

That being said, I think it's equally sweet when a man proposes to a woman vs. woman proposing to a man.

Nah. There are all sorts of legal reasons to marry. Children, property, taxes. That's not nostalgic, that's practical.

It also has the benefit of removing yourself from circulation, as I've heard over and over that if you're not married, that means you're not sure, and men/women keep trying the seduction thing on the basis of the unmarried being fickle and still open to outside influence.

I think either proposition is pretty awesome.

However, when done in public, I think the only polite thing to do is say yes and then find a way to break it later. Don't do it unless you're sure.

 

[Recidiva]

If it were me and I were bothered, I'd just have a discussion about it and ask him about it in private so I'd understand the context.

 

[RoryN]

Nah. There are all sorts of legal reasons to marry. Children, property, taxes. That's not nostalgic, that's practical.

I can get property without marriage, though.

Children and taxes? I could live without these.

 

[Recidiva]

I can get property without marriage, though.

Children and taxes? I could live without these.

Yes, but some people do intermingle their property, their assets and their children and want it to be known that this is the case for social reasons and practical reasons like "who gets the first call during crisis" and "who makes medical decisions."

If you're going it alone entirely, then that's cool and if you have no use for it, fine.

It's not nostalgia, it's practicality.

 

[badbabysitter]

If it were me and I were bothered, I'd just have a discussion about it and ask him about it in private so I'd understand the context.

Soory, I guess I should have explained that part a bit better...It wasnt what he said that bothered me, it was more like why is there this societal norm that reinforces the stereotype of men being that one that propose

 

[Recidiva]

Soory, I guess I should have explained that part a bit better...It wasnt what he said that bothered me, it was more like why is there this societal norm that reinforces the stereotype of men being that one that propose

Long list of historical precedent. It's not a stereotype, it's a ritual.

 

[Recidiva]

Let's see, historical reasons:

Choices used to be made by parents. A man would approach the parents of the bride and both families would come to terms. Sometimes this was done with the daughter's consent, sometimes not. Men were also compelled to offer for women that would benefit their family. If either man or woman were duty minded and followed their family's dictates, neither would be happy with the match.

Later on, instead of a dowry, a man would approach the bride's father to ask for a blessing instead of a dowry. But the dowry remained traditionally in the sense that the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the wedding.

Now even asking for a blessing is considered courtly and old fashioned.

Women popping the question are a reversal of tradition, but things are a lot less formal and a lot more generally to be considered a question of romance between two individuals rather than a merging of interests and property to benefit clans.

 

[blobfish]

Let's see, historical reasons:

Choices used to be made by parents. A man would approach the parents of the bride and both families would come to terms. Sometimes this was done with the daughter's consent, sometimes not. Men were also compelled to offer for women that would benefit their family. If either man or woman were duty minded and followed their family's dictates, neither would be happy with the match.

Later on, instead of a dowry, a man would approach the bride's father to ask for a blessing instead of a dowry. But the dowry remained traditionally in the sense that the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the wedding.

Now even asking for a blessing is considered courtly and old fashioned.

Women popping the question are a reversal of tradition, but things are a lot less formal and a lot more generally to be considered a question of romance between two individuals rather than a merging of interests and property to benefit clans.

Yeah, but there are lots of historical rituals that are no longer practiced. Proposals are unique in that they are the only unchanged societal ritual that I can think of.

 

[Angeline]

After 10 years, I think he's lost his right to ask you to wait for him to do it.

My sentiments exactly.

 

[warrior queen]

Yeah, but there are lots of historical rituals that are no longer practiced. Proposals are unique in that they are the only unchanged societal ritual that I can think of.

Except on Valentines Day - isn't that the traditional day that women can propose?

 

[BiTodd]

nothing dulls anyones sexual desire for their chosen mate like wedding cake.
And why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.