Poorly received short story

[DaddyAnal1966]

Hi all,

So as we “speak”,

Emily’s Shorts - You Spin Me Round

is my worst performing story by a country mile. It’s rating is 3.18 (albeit from only 17 reviews), whereas none of my other stories rates less than 4.0.

My thoughts:

1. It’s in Incest / Taboo, but has strong BDSM and Fetish elements - I have heard that the Incest crowd don’t like BDSM. The problem with this hypothesis is that all but one of my stories covers the same type of ground.

2. It’s meant to be a self-contained short story, but I have a continuation short story in the works. I had meant to flag this at the end, but frankly just forgot. So the ending might seem abrupt in a “cut to parrots” sort of way. I think this clumsiness on my part is probably the main issue.

3. People have finally worked out that I’m a totally crap writer with nothing much to say. I have been expecting to be found out TBH, but I’m not sure why this story as opposed to others.

I am NOT after having my bruised ego stroked and am NOT soliciting more positive ratings. I’m just genuinely confused and wanting a different perspective.

I realise that all social media is essentially random and crowdsourced ratings don’t really amount to a hill of beans. Still curious as to why however.

DA66

 

[MillieDynamite]

I realise that all social media is essentially random and crowdsourced ratings don’t really amount to a hill of beans. Still curious as to why however.

DA66

Yeah, no way of knowing. In truth, all things being equal, anything over a 2.5 would above average writing. Well, all things aren't equal. I've seen stories with red Hs that are shit writing. And stories with scores lower than 2 that are written with a beauty of language, which should have much higher scores. It all comes down to what the individual reader wants. Grammar, phraseology, sentence structure, and well crafted stories mean diddly-squat if the reader doesn't like the subject or you offend the Incels. By the way, Incels aren't after sexy stories, they are total male supremacy and a group of men lacking in any basic sexual ability or competency.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Yeah, no way of knowing. In truth, all things being equal, anything over a 2.5 would above average writing. Well, all things aren't equal. I've seen stories with red Hs that are shit writing. And stories with scores lower than 2 that are written with a beauty of language, which should have much higher scores. It all comes down to what the individual reader wants. Grammar, phraseology, sentence structure, and well crafted stories mean diddly-squat if the reader doesn't like the subject or you offend the Incels. By the way, Incels aren't after sexy stories, they are total male supremacy and a group of men lacking in any basic sexual ability or competency.

I know all about incels, inadequates with small penises who would pee their pants if a real woman ever spoke to them. Having said that, not sure what I might have done to specifically offend them (apart from what I just wrote of course - d’oh!).

TBH there is a crap author reason lurking here. I was writing a short story, it became too long, so instead of being a sensible chap and turning it into a novella, I kinda stoped in the middle of the story and started writing a second short story. If you were using my material to masturbate (heaven forfend), I guess it might feel like orgasm denial.

I think it was a naive decision on my part. We live and learn.

Yes I know I am answering my own question. Then I could be totally wrong and the first paragraph is an acrostic saying “incels are losers - by definition”.

DA66

 

[gunhilltrain]

Hi all,

So as we “speak”,

Emily’s Shorts - You Spin Me Round

is my worst performing story by a country mile. It’s rating is 3.18 (albeit from only 17 reviews), whereas none of my other stories rates less than 4.0.

My thoughts:

1. It’s in Incest / Taboo, but has strong BDSM and Fetish elements - I have heard that the Incest crowd don’t like BDSM. The problem with this hypothesis is that all but one of my stories covers the same type of ground.

2. It’s meant to be a self-contained short story, but I have a continuation short story in the works. I had meant to flag this at the end, but frankly just forgot. So the ending might seem abrupt in a “cut to parrots” sort of way. I think this clumsiness on my part is probably the main issue.

3. People have finally worked out that I’m a totally crap writer with nothing much to say. I have been expecting to be found out TBH, but I’m not sure why this story as opposed to others.

I am NOT after having my bruised ego stroked and am NOT soliciting more positive ratings. I’m just genuinely confused and wanting a different perspective.

I realise that all social media is essentially random and crowdsourced ratings don’t really amount to a hill of beans. Still curious as to why however.

DA66

That's not the worst score I've seen - I've gotten worse - by any means. Now I should actually take the time to read it (maybe later today) since you made that request. I tend to do a half-baked - negligible I should say - job as a literary critic around here.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

That's not the worst score I've seen - I've gotten worse - by any means. Now I should actually take the time to read it (maybe later today) since you made that request. I tend to do a half-baked - legible I should say - job as a literary critic around here.

That is very kind of you. Please also see my comments above about a lack of craftwork on my part.

DA66

 

[MillieDynamite]

Well, once again, I must remind you, votes aren't as important as we make them. We either are elated or deflated by them when they are just opinions. And you know what they say about opinions.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I had a quick look. I think you are probably essentially right. Maybe not so much the BDSM, but definitey having a 10-person gang-bang in the Incest category is a risky strategy. It also is all build-up and no release, as you say, an indication that more is coming might have helped.

For what its worth, I find with the controversial stories, the trolls tend to get in early and your score may rise later.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Well, once again, I must remind you, votes aren't as important as we make them. We either are elated or deflated by them when they are just opinions. And you know what they say about opinions.

I know of course you are right. Just a bit deflated. Childish really.

 

[Voboy]

I'm not going to read your story (NMK), but your reply in Post #3 brought something up... did your characters not cum in this story?

That alone is going to be enough to piss off many readers. I think that's the first rule of posting here: include an orgasm in everything you post, unless it's in Non-Erotic. And unless it's a 750-worder, sometimes.

If that's what you did, it's a mistake. I'd pull and repost with the rest appended if it's going to continue bothering you.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I had a quick look. I think you are probably essentially right. Maybe not so much the BDSM, but definitey having a 10-person gang-bang in the Incest category is a risky strategy. It also is all build-up and no release, as you say, an indication that more is coming might have helped.

For what its worth, I find with the controversial stories, the trolls tend to get in early and your score may rise later.

Thanks. Very true I think. I got a lot of 1s at the beginning (when it’s easy to do the arithmetic as to what the individual votes are).

I made the mistake of having one story that was mostly lesbian sex, but some incest at the end in the Lesbian category. Now I tend to just put everything in Incest / Taboo, though perhaps there are more obvious homes for this story elsewhere.

And we need a category of Incest / BDSM / Fetish / Poor Writing. I would own that category.

DA66

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I'm not going to read your story (NMK), but your reply in Post #3 brought something up... did your characters not cum in this story?

That alone is going to be enough to piss off many readers. I think that's the first rule of posting here: include an orgasm in everything you post, unless it's in Non-Erotic. And unless it's a 750-worder, sometimes.

If that's what you did, it's a mistake. I'd pull and repost with the rest appended if it's going to continue bothering you.

The main (female) protagonist came three times in the first part. One of her two (male) partners came twice, the other once. She and her partner both came once in the second part. There is no lack of orgasms in my work, probably the opposite problem.

The issue is I stoped the story In part three after only two of the 10 guys in the final gang bang section has fucked the protagonist.

There were some artistic choices here (pretentious? moi?), but also a desire to keep the piece as a short story and not spin off into novella territory; a rookie mistake in retrospect.

 

[MillieDynamite]

DaddyAnal1966, I like the story a great deal. I'll have to go back and vote on it. I had to take care of my baby and my cat turned off the computer while I was gone.

 

[TadOverdon]

Voting skews negative because unhappy people like to complain. The readers who really like a story smoke a cigarette after reading or just roll over and go to sleep.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

DaddyAnal1966, I like the story a great deal. I'll have to go back and vote on it. I had to take care of my baby and my cat turned off the computer while I was gone.

That’s terribly kind of you - thank you

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Voting skews negative because unhappy people like to complain. The readers who really like a story smoke a cigarette after reading or just roll over and go to sleep.

I know, but I guess my point (if I have one) is why has that happened to this story and not any of my others?

 

[Voboy]

The main (female) protagonist came three times in the first part. One of her two (male) partners came twice, the other once. She and her partner both came once in the second part. There is no lack of orgasms in my work, probably the opposite problem.

The issue is I stoped the story In part three after only two of the 10 guys in the final gang bang section has fucked the protagonist.

There were some artistic choices here (pretentious? moi?), but also a desire to keep the piece as a short story and not spin off into novella territory; a rookie mistake in retrospect.

Well, nobody likes coitus interruptus. It doesn't go over well with the spanker crowd here. But sounds like that's not what you did. Seems there's plenty of material in there.

Sorry! Usually, that's a surefire culprit.

I'm normally a fan of posting one longer story instead of several shorter ones, but ten separate fucks? That's a chore.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

I'm not going to read your story (NMK), but your reply in Post #3 brought something up... did your characters not cum in this story?

That alone is going to be enough to piss off many readers. I think that's the first rule of posting here: include an orgasm in everything you post, unless it's in Non-Erotic. And unless it's a 750-worder, sometimes.

If that's what you did, it's a mistake. I'd pull and repost with the rest appended if it's going to continue bothering you.

Make ... characters... cum... in... each... chapter

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Well, nobody likes coitus interruptus. It doesn't go over well with the spanker crowd here. But sounds like that's not what you did. Seems there's plenty of material in there.

Sorry! Usually, that's a surefire culprit.

I'm normally a fan of posting one longer story instead of several shorter ones, but ten separate fucks? That's a chore.

I’m working my way through it in the sequel, but it demands quite a lot of words!

 

[MillieDynamite]

In an analysis of your business, words are the business. Therefore, demanding quite a lot of words, means business is good!

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

In an analysis of your business, words are the business. Therefore, demanding quite a lot of words, means business is good!

I may have to quote that some time!

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Make ... characters... cum... in... each... chapter
View attachment 2170547

My main protagonist has probably cum more than any woman in history.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Okay, I voted on it. So, you have my 5 now. Not that will help a lot, but maybe it will. but maybe it'll offset a bad vote or two.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Okay, I voted on it. So, you have my 5 now. Not that will help a lot, but maybe it will. but maybe it'll offset a bad vote or two.

TBH - I’d rather have a 5 from some one like you than 10 5’s from people I know nothing about. See I’m not quite as shallow as I seem

 

[gunhilltrain]

That is very kind of you. Please also see my comments above about a lack of craftwork on my part.

DA66

I see that my lowest score with a significant number of votes was 2.60. It was a Dr. Phil parody, and readers told me I didn't rip Phil enough. He's not very popular around her, and apparently, I depicted him and his real-life wife Robin having a little too much fun.

In your case, you may be experiencing the "mid-series" slump that tends to take hold around the third or fourth chapter. If you can, I'd be wondering how this Emily became a "normal, well-adjusted" person in her twenties. It's possible, but is that true or is she partially fooling herself? (As the author, I suppose only you can make that call.) So you might want to write about how she gets out of this "airless" kind of trap she's fallen into with her dad and his buddies.

Can that be made that interesting? Would she have to meet someone her own age who - I don't want to say "rescues" her - but influences her? Or does she get herself out? Would she dare use legal action against her dad and others?

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I see that my lowest score with a significant number of votes was 2.60. It was a Dr. Phil parody, and readers told me I didn't rip Phil enough. He's not very popular around her, and apparently, I depicted him and his real-life wife Robin having a little too much fun.

In your case, you may be experiencing the "mid-series" slump that tends to take hold around the third or fourth chapter. If you can, I'd be wondering how this Emily became a "normal, well-adjusted" person in her twenties. It's possible, but is that true or is she partially fooling herself? (As the author, I suppose only you can make that call.) So you might want to write about how she gets out of this "airless" kind of trap she's fallen into with her dad and his buddies.

Can that be made that interesting? Would she have to meet someone her own age who - I don't want to say "rescues" her - but influences her? Or does she get herself out? Would she dare use legal action against her dad and others?

I appreciate your careful analysis.

In my ideas for her future, Emily has moved state to start a new job and is less dependent on her father. But this was amicable with David supporting her decision.

Emily is not always a reliable narrator and many of the things she blames on daddy’s twisted mind were actually ideas of her own.

To quote the Bardess:

“I’m not so innocent”