Polyamory & D/s and Acceptance

[unpredictablebijou]

I've been gone all weekend so I only just got caught up on this thread.

It seemed to me that the original article was written in a phase many of us go through, where we're doing two things: 1. Proselytizing: we're all excited about having discovered ourselves and feel like this is a good answer for the whole world because we're so happy at the moment, and 2. Being Defensive: we're catching a lot of flack, being called a lot of names, and being forced to deal with the inevitable, moronic argument about Mormon polygamy with 14 year old girls.

I remember that phase. It's over now, but it takes a bit for people to work through it. It's possible to argue the various points about "other species being poly" and all that, but we have to look at our own species for clues about our own behavior; applying one set of behaviors from frogs or canaries doesn't really give us any information.

For a close look at actual mating behavior in homo sapiens sapiens, I found the book The Red Queen by Matt Ridley to be astoundingly revealing. Highly recommend it.

bj

 

[DarkhairedLady]

I'm not against polygamy in theory. I'm just against marrying off underage girls. I'd rather the legal age to marry be something like 17, but there are issues with legislating that as well.

I too have nothing against polygamy. I do have something against the current standards (in the u.s.) for what constitutes as a marriage. I believe that adults (imo that is people over the age 18) should have the right to choose who they wish to be joined with, whether that means one or more persons, regardless to gender as well. It shouldn't be up to the goverment to decide who and how that should be done.

 

[intothewoods]

I too have nothing against polygamy. I do have something against the current standards (in the u.s.) for what constitutes as a marriage. I believe that adults (imo that is people over the age 18) should have the right to choose who they wish to be joined with, whether that means one or more persons, regardless to gender as well. It shouldn't be up to the goverment to decide who and how that should be done.

You'll get no argument from me. And in case anyone was thinking it, no I'm not concerned that it will inspire a mass movement to marry your dog.

 

[midwestyankee]

You'll get no argument from me. And in case anyone was thinking it, no I'm not concerned that it will inspire a mass movement to marry your dog.

I didn't realize you'd met my dog.

 

[intothewoods]

I didn't realize you'd met my dog.

He's way too needy for me.

 

[EmpressFi]

*shrug* When I see viv with a woman, I'm cool. If I see her with a man, and that man is touching her in a sexual/aggressive fashion, I get all gorilla. It's just a gut reaction, and not a fun or pretty one. Do I consider it healthy or well-adjusted? Hell no. I just recognise it as it is.

That said, I've met women for whom that would not work. Certain women would provoke the gorilla response too. This means there may be men that don't provoke it. Dunno.

Part of it is the unequal relationship. Part of it is just self-awareness, and knowing what provokes the "HOMBURG SMASH!" response.

Malin hasnt seen us having sex, but he's been here when we've had weekends together, he's seen us holding hands, kissing romantically, he's certainly heard us having sex, as I'm not quiet and vice versa, no gorilla response here.

 

[midwestyankee]

He's way too needy for me.

That could certainly be part of it, though I find that her preference for a doggie biscuit after every meal is an endearing little trait.

 

[Homburg]

Malin hasnt seen us having sex, but he's been here when we've had weekends together, he's seen us holding hands, kissing romantically, he's certainly heard us having sex, as I'm not quiet and vice versa, no gorilla response here.

Cool. Gorilla response in Malin would be scary

 

[intothewoods]

That could certainly be part of it, though I find that her preference for a doggie biscuit after every meal is an endearing little trait.

What a bitch. Get it? That joke never gets old for me.

Cool. Gorilla response in Malin would be scary

By scary do you mean scary hot? Oh sorry. Did I say that out loud? This is so awkward.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I believe in polyamory at heart, especially with relationships that wish to remain essentially casual, uncomplicated and convenient. But I also believe in the practical simplicity of monogamy. Especially since I have children, I really like to know that someone is there, someone is responsible, someone will be at the helm.

I begin every relationship as a polyamorist, saying I can and will care for others. I end up monogamous, devoting all my energy to one person. By a series of choices and steps. Usually the male's choices and steps, the male who eventually asks me to forsake others for his peace of mind.

I think polyamory and monogamy are both valid, for different reasons and for different temperaments. I think if all relationships began in terms of polyamory, all the expectations and craziness can be avoided. I think if they develop into monogamy, then cool.

In fact my current husband, I became involved with him BECAUSE he was...married to someone else, involved with so many other women - no risk of monogamy.

Somewhere along the line he dropped his interest in other women, including his wife. He just wanted to spend time with me. He got more and more focused. If he were to lose that focus, that'd be okay too. He says he'd be fine with being with other women, he isn't fine with me being with other men. He says he's a selfish asshole where I'm concerned. I don't really mind. That's part of devoted passion that I find to be paradoxical, but okay. I'm a selfish bitch where my kids are concerned, I want to be "the one" for them. I want to be at the helm, the first person to call, the first, not among equals. I want to be the one who has the right to make legal and medical decisions, to be handed the flag at the funeral. To have no questions.

If we're talking just sex, polyamory is the way to go. If we're talking family, that's different.

let me just say BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO.. I loved your view on this.. I have been in monogamous relationships all my life and they have all failed when Ive realized maybe Ive been Polyamorous all my life, at least in the sexual department but when it comes to my children I wouldnt want 4 or 5 or or anyone else raising them or devoting themselves to them..I want to be thier one and only

 

[Recidiva]

let me just say BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO.. I loved your view on this.. I have been in monogamous relationships all my life and they have all failed when Ive realized maybe Ive been Polyamorous all my life, at least in the sexual department but when it comes to my children I wouldnt want 4 or 5 or or anyone else raising them or devoting themselves to them..I want to be thier one and only

You're welcome!

I'm really not arguing the virtues or merits or whatever, it's not a moral argument. This is entirely about figuring out where you and those you love are most comfortable in all the stages of life.

Just like personal taste in food flavors or sexual flavors, one person shouldn't dictate this to another. You like what you like because you like it.