Poly & BDSM or can a sub have two Masters?

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

A female switch setting in the middle, submissive to me, but toppish over her, would be a situation that I would have no problem with. No real power or gender or logistics issues there, and lots of fantasy wank fodder

It's my fav fantasy as well, but cannot really see it as possible irl. I am possesive bitch, very.

I find it arousing, but I wouldn't like to see my Master play with someone else than me. And I cannot really see me obey a Domme either. I am bi, but I think I couldn't obey a woman. But then again, once I am dominated by my Sir theres not much I wouldn't do, so I might just do it and even thank him for it after.

I find obeying so damn arousing, so who knows?

 

[Homburg]

For you Homburg, I love you don't like to see anyone touching "v"

Well, in her case, the ladies can touch. In that case, I've never had to ask her, as she is raring to go.

Oh, wait, I did let a male touch her recently with a dressage whip. At a play party, the male slave of the hostess was letting us use a few of their toys, and was illustrating the use of a particular item. He was eminently respectful, and very quick about it, obviously taking pride in his Mistress' collection, and the skills in which she'd taught him. That was an utterly different situation, as there was no sexual intent, and no power dynamic. No challenge whatsoever, and it was done simply to illustrate his Mistress' preferred usage. He respectfully made sure it was okay by me, and then also made sure she was okay with it as well. *shrug* Another skill for me, and no challenge involved.

There you go. So females, and extremely frikken cool male slaves don't activate the gorilla.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

There you go. So females, and extremely frikken cool male slaves don't activate the gorilla.

hehe

Do you think a sub is allowed to have such a gorilla in her as well?

 

[Homburg]

hehe

Do you think a sub is allowed to have such a gorilla in her as well?

Of course. "w" did, and that was one of the major reasons why things broke up. She really could not quite stomach sharing me.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Of course. "w" did, and that was one of the major reasons why things broke up. She really could not quite stomach sharing me.

Think I am the same, but I have told my Master I dunno share right on the very begining of our realtionship so he treats me that way.

 

[rida]

thank you for contributions: serijules, BiaTcHiNFiRe, Homburg, HottieMama, Betticus, Netzach, DeservingBitch, catalina_francisco

I understand the not wanting to share control on the Dom part. However I feel as if I would not be giving anything less just because I submit to two
I am not actively looking for a Dom/Master and yet since letting the sub-rabbit that got out of the hat run more freely, I find that I attract Dominant personalities more and more. Even without a mention of BDSM, even in a totally vanilla setting, I will pick someone with Dominant trait.

The idea of a switch between me and my alfa-Dom, has been something I find myself sometime dreaming of. But I do not think it will happen anytime soon.
It all started with a story I read here on Lit about a woman in a D/s relationship with another woman and both being in a M/s relationship with a man, a sort of Uber-Master in their circle of BDSM friends. The description of the scene when he is topping both of them made me identify totally with the totally submissive of the two. Will I be able to be with a woman? No idea: I always joke I want a housewife thou

Interesting comments about the different reaction that some have in sharing with a PYL of their own sex. Does it have to do with your being straight and therefore feeling competitive with the person of the same sex as Topping them/bottoming to them is totally out of the question?

 

[Homburg]

Interesting comments about the different reaction that some have in sharing with a PYL of their own sex. Does it have to do with your being straight and therefore feeling competitive with the person of the same sex as Topping them/bottoming to them is totally out of the question?

For me, it's purely a Dominant Male Monkey thing. "v" is my mate. Mine. Other males making sexual contact with her are seen as explicit challenges to my Dominance. Yeah, it's low-brow and primitive, but it is the honest truth, and the best way I know to explain it.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

For me, it's purely a Dominant Male Monkey thing. "v" is my mate. Mine. Other males making sexual contact with her are seen as explicit challenges to my Dominance. Yeah, it's low-brow and primitive, but it is the honest truth, and the best way I know to explain it.

I think you said it very nice!

 

[Etoile]

I think it is entirely possible to have two Masters, with all the caveats that others have listed. But I think it's important to have a slave who's willing to speak up. If two orders are given in conflict, the slave needs to be willing/able to say, "Master A, you have told me to do x, but Master B has told me to do y. What should I do?" Then it is the Masters' responsibility to work it out between themselves and give the slave an answer.

As an example, perhaps one Master likes a shaved pussy, and the other prefers it natural. The two Masters can negotiate based on compromise and importance of the issue. "Well, I don't mind a little hair," or "This is very important to me that she is natural." They can decide to have the slave create a "landing strip" or just trim very closely, whatever they agree on.

It's not going to work for everyone. All this talk about whether one can be poly or not isn't the question. I assume that Homburg would not be any happier about some 'nilla guy screwing his wife than he would be about another dom whipping her. So THAT is about poly. But the question about two masters it a different one...assuming that you ARE poly, how do you handle the D/s aspect? That's what I've tried to address...

 

[Homburg]

I assume that Homburg would not be any happier about some 'nilla guy screwing his wife than he would be about another dom whipping her. So THAT is about poly. But the question about two masters it a different one...assuming that you ARE poly, how do you handle the D/s aspect? That's what I've tried to address...

Exactly, and that is why I made that post seperating gender and power as the issues I would have to address in a given situation. You are perfectly correct, Etoile. (and I find myself thinking that phrase a lot, even though this may be the first time I've posted it)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I understand the not wanting to share control on the Dom part. However I feel as if I would not be giving anything less just because I submit to two

And that is what is important to recognise and acknowledge in terms of how you serve, and what would be expected. For me, I could not have another PYL to whom I was submissive without giving less to F than I do now. For us, I am available 24/7 under the one roof, and that does mean 24/7 and for anything and everything which he does expect and utilise. If I had another I was submitting to as well, I could not possibly give F the level of commitment and service which he demands and expects simply because it would be physically, and for me, emotionally impossible, not because I just didn't feel like giving as much.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

You are perfectly correct, Etoile. (and I find myself thinking that phrase a lot, even though this may be the first time I've posted it)

Aw, thanks! *blushes, hides*

 

[rida]

Thank you Etoille for your contribution. You made a valid point distinguishing between the not wanting to share because poly is not your thing and the not wanting to share the control in a D/s or M/s setting.

What Homburg wrote makes perfect sense in an very primordial and animal way. Male do not want to take the chance to have to provide for other male's offsprings ...
And might or might not have anything to do with sharing control of a sub/slave.

Thank you catalina_francisco for your imput. I agree that if I was living with a Master that demanded 24/7 access to me and my time, I would not be able to give both the same amount of devotion.

It surely would be a situation that needs to be re-assessed over time, as needs will change, expectation will change, and we will ultimately change.

thank you again for all your comments

 

[Etoile]

That is perhaps the greatest difficulty in poly relationships - love may be infinite, but time is not!

 

[ecstaticsub]

I could not have two PYLs. I have a Dom and a husband. My husband is my primary relationship, which my Dom insists on also. Our spouses and children must always come first. However, when there is any conflict between what my husband wants and what my Dom wants it is up to me to figure out a way to make sure my Dom gets what he wants. My husband has never in 2.5 yrs spoken to my Dom. In most ways my relationship with my husband is totally separate from my relationship with my Dom. They know about each other, respect each other but it is my responsibility to meet both of their needs.

I am in Love with them both. I don't think I could ever bottom to someone, nor do I think I could be a submissive to someone who I was not in love with.

So far it has worked very well.

 

[rida]

That is perhaps the greatest difficulty in poly relationships - love may be infinite, but time is not!

LOL! that seems to be main issue in life: so much to do ... so little time!


thank you ecstaticsub for your contribution. I've been fashinated by your arrangements and I am happy to hear it is working great for you. If Hubby wasn't a Dom or if he ever decided that he doesn't wish to explore the D/s aspect of our relationship any longer, I hope I will find an arrangement like your.

I probably could bottom to somebody I do not love even in r/l, but it still would have to be somebody I know and trust and feel a connection with. But for accepting them as my Dominant or Master, I'll have to love them or know that I could love them. And if it goes from o/l to r/l, it probably would be much harder to have two separate PYLs.


again, thank you all

 

[Netzach]

I personally have no real issues with "v" playing with women, and she has, both with me and of her own accord. And I would not mind a woman Topping her in individual scenes. In that case, it is a matter of gender. The Dominant Male Monkey in me is just not challenged in the same way by a woman touching my gal.

That said, I would probably have some issues with a long-term relationship, but only from a power/logistics standpoint. As mentioned above, you get into conflicts as to who is in charge of what and where primary loyalties lie. I do not play well with others, never took part in team sports, and utterly fucking hate team-building exercises at work.

A female switch setting in the middle, submissive to me, but toppish over her, would be a situation that I would have no problem with. No real power or gender or logistics issues there, and lots of fantasy wank fodder

It's funny.

Every time I've topped some guy's girl for him she's confided in me that I'm better.

Maybe I'm being played, or maybe a lot of that relaxed-ness dudes have when there's no dick around isn't well thought out.

 

[DeservingBitch]

It's funny.

Every time I've topped some guy's girl for him she's confided in me that I'm better.

Maybe I'm being played, or maybe a lot of that relaxed-ness dudes have when there's no dick around isn't well thought out.

Haha! I go with the later.

I've always been fascinated by the following double (and contradictory) logic:

On the one hand, guys are usually much more comfortable 'sharing' their female partner with another woman than with another man. The no dick aspect is less threatening i guess.

However, there's nothing that brings out male insecurity faster than suggesting that as a woman, you're *only and exclusively* into other women. The suggestion/threat of some manly deep-dicking usually comes rather quickly.

Sorry for the tangent. Back to the thread topic.

 

[EmpressFi]

Haha! I go with the later.

I've always been fascinated by the following double (and contradictory) logic:

On the one hand, guys are usually much more comfortable 'sharing' their female partner with another woman than with another man. The no dick aspect is less threatening i guess.

However, there's nothing that brings out male insecurity faster than suggesting that as a woman, you're *only and exclusively* into other women. The suggestion/threat of some manly deep-dicking usually comes rather quickly.

Sorry for the tangent. Back to the thread topic.

you know.. I was thinking something similar to that today.. that Malin and Master share me without petty jealousies..as far as I know.. but if it were two women.. while on the surface..there would be all smiles.. but I was just picturing all the competition to make the man love you more... (personal experience ..not saying anything about anyone else)

 

[Netzach]

you know.. I was thinking something similar to that today.. that Malin and Master share me without petty jealousies..as far as I know.. but if it were two women.. while on the surface..there would be all smiles.. but I was just picturing all the competition to make the man love you more... (personal experience ..not saying anything about anyone else)

Completely understand, but then I have three male major players in my life, no major crises.

 

[Betticus]

Would it matter if the other female was a Domme and it was a D/s relationship? i guess i am curious if it is about the "power" or the gender.


As for me...no. i have no interest in more than one.

There have been times in the past when a woman rubbed my alpha spots and when that happens gender is not an issue.

It has to be a special girl for me to share and it has to be by my rules.

 

[Homburg]

It's funny.

Every time I've topped some guy's girl for him she's confided in me that I'm better.

Maybe I'm being played, or maybe a lot of that relaxed-ness dudes have when there's no dick around isn't well thought out.

I don't pretend that it is thought out. In fact, the use of words such as 'monkey', 'primitive' and 'low-brow' should be indicators that I am expressing the exact opposite.

Overall though, I'm not concerned about whether or not you (generic) are a better top than I am. Doesn't concern me. Frankly, you (specific) have more experience than I do, among other factors. I would expect that you (specific) would do a better job of it. Doesn't bother me.

It doesn't push my hypothalmic buttons the same way. We're not talking rational thought here. We're talking about ur Alpha Male seeing red and wanting to maim because some other male challenged my alpha-ness by touching my mate. These aren't exactly high-brow, "I have a degree and a mortgage" sort of thoughts. This is animalistic behaviour, nothing more.

--

However, there's nothing that brings out male insecurity faster than suggesting that as a woman, you're *only and exclusively* into other women. The suggestion/threat of some manly deep-dicking usually comes rather quickly.

I've honestly never grokked that reaction.

 

[the captians wench]

I personally have no real issues with "v" playing with women, and she has, both with me and of her own accord. And I would not mind a woman Topping her in individual scenes. In that case, it is a matter of gender. The Dominant Male Monkey in me is just not challenged in the same way by a woman touching my gal.

That said, I would probably have some issues with a long-term relationship, but only from a power/logistics standpoint. As mentioned above, you get into conflicts as to who is in charge of what and where primary loyalties lie. I do not play well with others, never took part in team sports, and utterly fucking hate team-building exercises at work.

A female switch setting in the middle, submissive to me, but toppish over her, would be a situation that I would have no problem with. No real power or gender or logistics issues there, and lots of fantasy wank fodder

It never fails to amaze me how guys will throw in the potential for hot chick on chick action any time they feel there can be the slight posibility of a tiny little snow ball's chance in hell of it happening. *giggles*

having said that, I'm not bi, but I'm friendly *giggles* and I'm no top, but I do have knowledge and ability. I must admit, I did love being "master's sadistic little helper" with the asshole. There was something in the look of pride he got while I was wailing on a girl that just made me feel complete and safe to enjoy what was going on.

 

[Etoile]

It doesn't push my hypothalmic buttons the same way. We're not talking rational thought here. We're talking about ur Alpha Male seeing red and wanting to maim because some other male challenged my alpha-ness by touching my mate. These aren't exactly high-brow, "I have a degree and a mortgage" sort of thoughts. This is animalistic behaviour, nothing more.

I have to ask, do you ever feel ashamed of these reactions? As humans, we are usually considered to be more evolved and cerebral. Does it ever bother you that you are a bit of a throwback in this way? I don't mean to insult, I have just heard over and over how you "can't help it" and I wanted to ask how that makes you feel.

 

[rida]

I have to ask, do you ever feel ashamed of these reactions? As humans, we are usually considered to be more evolved and cerebral. Does it ever bother you that you are a bit of a throwback in this way? I don't mean to insult, I have just heard over and over how you "can't help it" and I wanted to ask how that makes you feel.

The question is not directed to me, but hope you do not mind my two yens (less than 2 cents BTW )

I personally believe that is very healthy to acknowledge and be aware of the animal and primeval instinct that we have. Yes, our brain is bigger, we are capable of complicated mental constructions and we even understand relativity and quantum mechanics. But if we forget that we are afterall animals, we often end up having a hardtime dealing with part of ourselves that do not fit the image of humans as evolved cerebral beings.

IME, being aware of such basic instinct makes it easier to control them, and avoid situations that could trigger potentially ugly behaviour. Recognizing his "Gorilla ready to attack any other male that touches his female" -side as in Homburg-sama example, lead him to admit he will not share "v". Period.
Covering those instict up or talking himself into dismissing them as irrational and therefore not worth considering could have put him in a situation where his brain would have convinced him that it was ok to share "v", only to discover that it was not OK at all, with unpleasant consequences for all the people involved.

Disclaimer: I apologize to Homburg-sama for making him the example of my badly explained thought ...